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Sleep never seemed restful for Agott. Not that Coco was one to speak. That precious state of unconsciousness grew more elusive every night. She was just too conscious. There were too many thoughts and worries crashing about in her head like rocks in a tumbler. Even when she managed to succumb to that gentle bidding her dreams were just as often nightmares. So, she stayed up late into the night, seeking rest more in stillness than sleep itself. It was always worse when they were traveling away from the atelier, far from familiar comforts and careful refuge. The time did allow Coco to observe her friends and fellow apprentices as they slept. No longer separated out to their individual rooms.
Tetia was a deep sleeper. Sleep settled around her like a heavy weight. She would often collapse under that weight at awkward angles or odd positions, but sleep settled so deeply in her muscles she never found any discomfort in it, even when she woke the next morning. She would occasionally flop about with wide, careless motions. This always seemed to come from her boundless energy more than any kind of disturbance to her sleep. Coco envied the way she could wrangle so much comfort out of the nightly activity.
Richeh was truly a still sleeper. Once she settled down, she wouldn't move a muscle until she woke. Even when she woke from a difficult dream there were no external signs of distress. Maybe there was a slight pinching of her brow or tightening around the corners of her mouth. Her micro-expressions were always so subtle, in the dark of the night they could hardly be discerned. Perhaps, Coco was projecting onto her. Her own worries twisting and deepening the shadows of the night. It was unfair to think she was haunted just the same. She did manage to sleep through the whole night after all. Coco should have hoped her friend had nothing but pleasant, peaceful dreams filled with tasty meat treats and sparkling crystals.
Now, Agott. Coco always let her eyes settle upon her last. Even when she slept next to her, less than an arm's length away. Agott never settled into sleep as quickly as the other two. If Coco looked to her first, it would be awkward to watch so openly when she was aware enough to look up and meet her gaze. It certainly wasn't because once Coco's eyes started tracing the angles and curves of her face it was difficult to find the desire to look at anything else. Coco had been right all that time ago when they had first met. Agott was just as lovely as the seals she drew. Inside and out. It was such a shame then that she never seemed to know what to do with sleep.
It was like sleep was some kind of reluctant adversary to Agott. She was both diligent in its maintenance and habitually shirking its hold. As long as she kept moving it was like sleep could not catch her. Then at the slightest lull she would rub at heavy eyelids or lose a sigh to a yawn, and she would drag herself to her pillows shortly after. There were times when she was more proactive, dutifully sending herself to bed before anyone could make a comment on her wakefulness. Sometimes this backfired for her. She would turn this way and that, sleep just out of reach. When this would happen she would quickly find herself out of bed. She would sit at her desk, expending her energy on drawing until her mind forgot why it protested sleep in the first place. Falling asleep always seemed the most difficult part for Agott. However, it was not this struggle that creased Coco's expression as she watched her.
Coco's eyes slipped from the point of Agott's chin to the fist holding the pillow tucked just below it. Aside from a few rotations as she was falling asleep, Agott was usually quite still in her sleep. Unlike Tetia, Coco did not think this was due to some profound comfort overcoming her. Agott would always settle on her side and curl up. She was so tightly coiled in on herself it was like her body was too locked up to unwind. Nothing about it seemed restful. It was almost like she was bracing against sleep itself. Coco dreaded to know what kept her dear friend so perpetually on guard that she could not let go even in her sleep. What haunted the dreams of her brilliant mind?
Agott always gave information about herself in startling and frustrating ways. It always came suddenly. Usually in aggressive outbursts following a stubborn reluctance to engage at all. It was like the information could only make it off the tip of her tongue if it exploded out faster than she could catch it. Having her gently offer a piece of herself was rare and just as startling in its own way. Coco still hadn't figured out what brought about this part of Agott with any consistency, although she longed to discover it. This is what made it all so frustrating. Coco felt like she knew more about Agott than anyone, understood her in a foundational way. Yet, there was still so much she didn't know about the other girl. It was much like learning magic; for everything she knew and learned, there was still so much beyond her. Maybe this was one reason she felt pulled to watch Agott as closely as she did. None of that helped her now though.
Agott's hand gripped her pillow so tightly Coco feared she would wake with a cramp. How Agott would loathe to find her drawing hand unready for the task in the morning. Coco stretched out her arm before she was even conscious of the movement. Her knuckles lazily bumped into the back of Agott's tightly coiled fist. There was no reaction in her face or her hand. Her hand moved to cover Agott's, thumb gently rubbing against the tense muscles. Coco had seen Agott soothe herself in a similar fashion many times before. She hoped it would bring some comfort. She wanted to see all that tension melt away. There was something so tenderly pure about Agott when she let herself relax, in those intermediate moments when the world seemed to stop and fade away. It caught Coco's heart every time. Agott's reprieve was solace to Coco. Maybe if she could ease her sleep, Coco would be able to fall asleep herself.
"Is something wrong?" a groggy voice murmured into the quiet.
Coco's thumb froze immediately. She blinked up to see Agott's violet eyes open and looking back at her. Heat rose up in her cheeks. Bless the dark of the night. Her heart quickened in pace. How was she supposed to explain this? She could hardly voice the reason behind her impulsive action to herself.
"I don't know," she answered. It was as much truth as she could manage.
Agott made a soft sound of acknowledgement in the back of her throat. She shifted her hand to take ahold of Coco's fingers. Her eyes dropped to their interlocked hands as she gently rocked them back and forth. Her face held the same expression it did when she was trying to solve some puzzle, though its hard edges were softened by the lingering effects of sleep.
"What's this then?"
"I thought it might help with sleep," Coco whispered. She intentionally left it vague on whose sleep she meant. She didn't want Agott to get suddenly defensive when she had just taken her hand.
Agott lapsed into silence once more. Coco was unsure if it was due to her sleepy state or if there was something else that held her back. She usually woke quickly. Sleep dragging on her was uncommon. When Coco thought maybe she had drifted off, she whispered, "Okay. Try to get some sleep then."
She shifted her position and brought their bodies closer together. She adjusted the angle of their held hands with the new position, ensuring neither of their shoulders would be in an uncomfortable position. Then she closed her eyes to sleep once more. No question, no defense, no objection. Just simple acceptance and gentle comfort.
"Goodnight, Agott," Coco whispered in a bid to expel the restlessness that stirred in her chest. She let out a long, slow, steadying breath. She could feel her pulse pounding in her wrist and hoped it didn't extend to her hand where Agott could feel it.
"Goodnight, Coco," Agott whispered back, merely a breath.
Agott was still curled up as she fell back asleep, but the tension was no longer there. The hand that held Coco's was strong and firm, but it was not clenched around her fingers. Coco still did not know what caused Agott to cling to her pillow. Although in this moment that hardly seemed to matter for it did not seem to be tormenting her now. Agott was still, and peaceful, and so ever close. A warmth so gentle it rivaled that of a snugstone stemmed from the point of their interlocked hands. It slowly grew until it wrapped around Coco like a blanket. At that point sleep was impossible to stave off.