Work Text:
“Hey, can you send me your math homework later?”
Today, Ivan had been counting—nothing complicated, nothing ‘maths’. He wasn’t sure what he was counting, really. He didn’t have to count the chairs at the canteen tables—there were four, there had always been four. And there wasn’t an order, a set of numbers written on the back of the chair or something from one to four, but if there were—if there were—he knew where he’d stand.
He also knew that if tomorrow there were suddenly only three chairs at the table, nobody would move to pull a chair for him, nobody would wonder where he’d gone. Or they might—to feel good about themselves, maybe, to show they cared about someone they’d sat with since elementary—and move on with their day because it didn’t matter that much.
And if tomorrow there was someone who they liked better—which wouldn’t be a tall order, really—he knew his place as the fourth would be overtaken.
“Hey, can you send me your math homework later?” he silently mouthed the words to himself. It was the first thing said to him all day by those friends of his. So was he counting down the hours till school ended, or the excruciating minutes—seconds—until someone who mattered finally acknowledged his miserable existence?
“Ivan?”
He looked up to meet Till’s eyes—a mistake: he hadn’t schooled his features yet and something in his face caused Till to blanch. The smile was an instinct, and he realized how strange it must’ve looked, but that was the best he’d got right now.
“Sure, Till. Remind me later, ‘kay?”
Till’s furrowed eyebrows didn’t ease, but he then moved to face the others and continue their animated conversation. It was mostly him and Mizi talking, but Ivan wondered how he looked to outsiders. Did he look like a loser, a loner in the middle of a crowd? Should he find others to sit with—but when he looked around, everybody already had their own friends. Ivan was the only one whose friends weren’t his.
Figures. It was too late to change social circles; he was going to graduate in a few months.
When he cycled home later that day, it was with a buzzing sound in his head. He didn’t know why he was suddenly thinking about it; he’d lived like this for years, so what? Why did it matter now? Sure, it was sad, but it could be worse. He could have no friends, he could be ostracized by everyone, he could be bullied. He just needed to get through this for a few months, and he’d be busy with studies anyways, so what?
But because the world thought itself funny, it decided to show him just how bad it could’ve been. To give him a change of perspective, maybe, to make him grateful.
Because on the way home, in an alley, these three guys were cornering this one frail-looking guy. Ivan didn’t recognize them, but they were wearing his uniform. From the corner, he heard them laugh and say things like, “You like Hyuna? Seriously, someone like you?” and “Wait till we tell the others.”
And he didn’t know why he did it—it surely wasn’t the uniform—but it might be the thought that he could’ve been just like that, just like him. Maybe it was because he’d taken it for granted, that he could go home without fuss, that he could speak without being laughed at, talk and be listened to, that nobody would force him to give them his lunch money, that he wouldn’t have to deal with this every day just because what—he was luckier?
So Ivan didn’t know why, really, but he jumped down from his bike without properly braking it, uncaring of how it fell and slid down the descent behind him, and ran and punched and kicked and slapped.
But Ivan had never fought before. He didn’t know how to throw punches that could make an impact, and his kicks were wobbly and weak. It didn’t take long for the three guys to beat him, then they also beat him up, spat on his face for good measure. He was just glad they didn’t steal his bike.
Throughout it all, the blond who’d been bullied just stared at him. Ivan felt a little angry, which was stupid since he shouldn’t be expecting the guy who hadn’t fought back before Ivan got here to suddenly want to fight. When they left, he finally did get up from his corner on the ground to help Ivan up. They didn’t say a word, but the guy let Ivan lean on him while they walked, pushed Ivan’s bike for him too.
It was weird, because the guy looked just as battered as he did, and Ivan felt even worse. Like a crybaby, who’d never been bullied before and felt like shit despite that fact, who’d gotten beaten up for the first time and still needed someone else’s help to stand.
So they ended up at Ivan’s doorstep because the guy could probably get home by himself, probably was a daily occurrence for him. Looking at him under actual sunlight, damage visible and prominent beyond the alley’s shadows, Ivan belatedly wondered if he’d just made things worse for him. There must’ve been a reason he didn’t fight back, and Ivan couldn’t, wouldn’t be there to protect him every time—couldn’t even protect him this one time. What if he was just like Ivan, who’d thought ‘I can survive if it’s just this much,’ ‘just six more months and I’d be free of this,’ ‘just six more months and I’d be out of here’?
Ivan’s mouth seemed to clam up, gripping the door handle and staring at the guy who only stared back at him, when he suddenly said, “I’m Luka.”
…
“Ivan,” he replied after a pause. “I—”
“Thank you for saving me, Ivan,” said Luka.
I don’t think you needed saving, Ivan didn’t say.
Till 21:56
don’t forget the math hw
Till 23:14
ivan
Till 00:03
ivan if i have to ask sua bc of u i’m gonna kill u
Till 00:27
fuck u man
Seen at 09:08
Ivan hadn’t done his homework either. Had gotten home and gone straight to sleep, exhausted for a reason he couldn’t name.
As a straight-A student, he would be more panicked about it if he had to go to school the next day. At dinner, his parents had panicked upon seeing his face and forced him to stay at home, had made a whole deal about giving his teachers a piece of their mind. Well, he supposed it wasn’t much forcing if he wanted to stay home anyway.
He got back to school on Thrsday, three days after the incident, parts of his body covered in bandages. During those two days, he didn’t get any more messages, nobody asking him why he hadn’t gone to school.
When his friends saw him, too, it was only Mizi worriedly who asked him, “Ivan! What happened?” in that way of hers. That way that made it seem like she cared, but now only seemed to grate in his ears. Ivan wondered if the reason why she liked him enough to keep around was because she knew he couldn’t, wouldn’t like her.
And then they started talking about a plan to watch a movie in the cinema tomorrow evening, all without acknowledging him who was sitting beside them, and really, that just cemented his choice to skip lunch. After all, even if he could survive six more months of this, now that he had realized it, it seemed like every smallest thing became more prominent and painful. He wished he’d remained ignorant, unknowing of how he likely looked like through others’ eyes, unknowing of how his friends had always laughed at instead of with him.
In the library, mindlessly reading a novel that distinctly reminded him of the Christmas romcom movies his mum used to make him watch with her, someone approached him. Quietly, he asked, “Do you mind?”
Because apparently Ivan hadn’t been taught manners at home, he instead asked, gesturing at his own face, “Don’t you have bandages?”
Luka’s wounds weren’t covered. They were starkly blue, contrasted his pale skin in a very ugly manner. When he furrowed his eyebrows, the bruises moved along with them. “I do. I’m just too lazy to use them cause I’d have to change them, and they feel weird on my skin. Can I sit?”
Being beaten up felt weird. “Yeah,” replied Ivan.
Much later, he found out that Luka hadn’t brought a book and was just, what, freeloading? off of him because he asked, all offended and indignant, “Why the hell would she do that?” He was speaking right next to Ivan’s ear, which startled him enough that he accidentally kicked up the table; at least nobody else was sitting nearby.
Ivan turned to look straight at his face which was way too close and asked, “What?”
Luka didn’t move an inch, his breath warm on Ivan’s cheek. “Why would she leave her fulltime job in the city that pays well for a life in the countryside? Just because she’s in love? That’s stupid.”
Ivan would’ve barked a laugh if he wasn’t having a bad day, a bad-der week. “Why would she—because. Because that’s the whole point of the book!” he hisses, almost. Because even when he was seven, sitting next to his mum on the couch and barely understanding the slangs and the cursing and the complicated words, he had understood. “It’s to—it’s to get out of her safe zone, to find her happiness. To leave her net of safety, sacrifice it for something better.”
He was getting familiar with the way Luka’s face scrunched up when he furrowed his eyebrows. “I still think that’s stupid, I wouldn’t do that.”
Ivan was about to retort before he stopped himself. Did someone like Luka know what it was like to have a safe zone? Someone like Luka, upon acquiring a net of safety—Ivan wouldn’t fault him if he held onto it and never let go. He would deserve it; it would be enough happiness compared to the suffering of everyday.
Ivan was someone with a safe zone. Maybe he should be just as grateful. Maybe he should—
“I mean—I guess in a way, someplace or someone that makes you happy could be your new comfort zone. It doesn’t have to come in the form of a well-paying job in a big city. It’s just the uncertainty would be a turn off for me, I think,” Luka continued. “Like what if he suddenly breaks up with me? Would he kick me out of his house, you know? And a small village like that, I’d be the talk of town.”
Ivan blinked.
“I guess so, yeah. That makes sense,” he replied, tongue dry all of a sudden. “But that’s what the novel is about, though. Getting to know each other to make sure he isn’t the kinda person who’d do something like that.”
“Would you ever know someone that well, though?” Luka asked, but it seemed to be a rhetorical question because when the bell rang, he got up from his seat and walked out the library without looking back.
Luka 17:00
Hi, this is Luka. I got your LINE from the group, I hope you don’t mind.
Seen at 17:00
Luka is typing…
Ivan 17:12
I don’t mind
Luka 17:12
Did you end up borrowing that book?
Luka is typing…
Luka 17:15
I heard you had to miss school because of the injuries, I’m sorry.
Ivan 17:15
Why are you saying sorry
Luka is typing…
Luka 17:30
Nevermind.
Luka 17:30
Get well soon.
Ivan 17:31
It wasn’t your fault so don’t worry about it
Luka 17:31
Ok
It was muscle memory when Ivan tidied his table and grabbed his lunchbox; it was muscle memory when he walked to the canteen. He only seemed to jolt back into reality when he saw his friends at their usual table and suddenly couldn’t take another step. Once again, he looked around him to see that everyone already had their own circles, but he felt that if he turned around to leave at this point, people would notice. People would see and judge, and he would be making it real, the fact that he was a loser who didn’t deserve to sit there.
And then, in the periphery of his vision like a savior from the heavens, he saw a familiar shade of blond and started power walking towards it.
“I know you saved me, but you don’t have to sit with me,” Luka told him when he’d sat down, a late warning because he’d already sat down and also just very baffling. He was starting to get the idea that they were going to keep having two different conversations.
“What?”
“They don’t usually bother me at lunch—it’s too public anyway, teachers around and all—so you don’t have to sit with me, they might go for you next.”
Oh. Luka thought Ivan was saving him, shrugged like he didn’t care about the possibility that Ivan would leave, even though he obviously cared enough to warn him. A late warning, but a warning nonetheless. Ivan didn’t think he looked like such a good person.
He opened his lunchbox in lieu of an answer, then asked, “Why do they hate you so much anyway?”
“Maybe ‘cause I’m rich?” Luka said like a question. “I think that’s the main reason.”
“Stupid reason.”
Luka smiled at his meal, and Ivan found himself unable to look away. What a strange thing, to be smiling when his face was all red and black and blue.
“Hey, so you’re also in twelfth grade?” Ivan asked.
“Mhm-hm, but I’m majoring in social sciences.”
“Ah.” He wouldn’t say it explained the bullying, but those people did seem to be a rowdier bunch. A meaner bunch. ”Continuing the family business?”
“Something like that. What about you?”
“Dunno yet.”
Luka hummed.
A few minutes later, just before the bell was about to ring, he asked, “Hey, if you’re still doing this good Samaritan act, do you wanna hang out sometime?”
“I’m not doing an act, seriously,” Ivan said, suddenly annoyed even though he’d never really claimed otherwise until then.
“Then why are you here?” asked Luka, looking so genuinely confused that it made Ivan want to shake him by the shoulders.
“Whatever. Where do you wanna go?”
“Cinema? They’re playing this action movie tomorrow. We can grab dinner if you want, I can drive you after school and I can pay.”
“You drive?”
“I mean I can, but it’s the driver. I’m a minor,” he said like they weren’t the same age.
"You're telling me that you could've just gone home with a driver?"
"Well, yeah, but no one has a driver. I just want to be normal; they'd mock me more if they saw me go home like that,” said Luka, which was such a sudden show of vulnerability that Ivan couldn’t help but be surprised.
"So what? They'd never consider you normal, and they'd find any reason to mock you. Isn't it better to at least get home safe despite all that?"
Now that he replayed it in his mind, it sounded meaner than he meant it to, but Luka just nodded like it was ancient wisdom and said, "I guess you're right."
Luka 17:00
I can pick you up tomorrow.
Ivan 17:00
Well yeah I thought we already established that
Ivan 17:00
After school right
Luka is typing…
Luka 17:15
I mean to school.
Ivan 17:21
What? Why???
Luka is typing…
Luka 17:25
Well are you gonna leave your bike at school? Or do you want me to drive you back to school after?
Luka 17:25
It would be easier for me to just pick you up in the morning.
Luka 17:25
Plus you got injured because of me, riding would make it worse.
Ivan 17:27
Are you still scared
Luka 17:27
Of what?
Ivan 17:27
Of having your driver bring you to school in your expensive car in front of everyone
Luka 17:27
No, I’m not.
Ivan 17:28
Sure Luka
Seen at 17:28
👎by Luka
In the future, Luka would keep using the injuries excuse to pick Ivan up and take him home from school, long after the bruises had faded. Today, the theatre was sparse with only five other people alongside them. They shared a bucket of popcorn which mostly Ivan ate. Ivan was really enjoying the experience of watching a sequel whose first movie he didn’t know a single thing about, especially because he had a person he could bother with his questions. He was self aware enough to realize he was being annoying, but it was fun to see Luka’s face scrunch up.
"Why're they so angry at each other?" whispered Ivan.
"Killed his daughter in the last movie."
"Wait, which one?" Both of them were male.
Maybe just to mess with him, Luka replied, "The shorter one." Both of them looked to be the same height.
Overall, it was real fun. It was also really bizarre to see Luka so animated, so expressive. Usually, he would say the weirdest things while keeping on a blank face. This was probably the only setting where Ivan could see him shed a tear, though it was wiped away in record time.
They stopped by a fast food place in the same mall to grab dinner, during which Luka saw fit to go on a tirade about why this movie was so bad and completely ruined the original’s legacy. “They seriously don’t know what they’re doing, did they forget the whole message?”
Ivan mostly watched him talk, his chin rested on his hand while occasionally eating the french fries like it was popcorn. “Then why’d you cry at the end there?”
Luka shot him a dirty look, along with a french fry to the face, which Ivan flinched at before rolling his eyes. “Drama queen,” he said, grabbing the fry from the table and eating it anyway.
“That can’t be hygienic,” said Luka with his judgy voice.
Again, Ivan rolled his eyes. “Five-second rule, man. Anyway, if you live too healthily, you’re gonna get sick easier, you know?”
“What? That doesn’t even make sense.”
“I’m the science major.”
“You can’t be very smart if you came to that conclusion,” replied Luka, to which he got a french fry to the face. To his credit, he caught it before it fell to the table and ate it in one bite.
That was when Ivan realized his friends were passing by the restaurant, the pink of Mizi’s hair stark against the minimalist environment of the mall. All three of them. Ivan couldn’t help but look only to find Till looking back at him with a raised eyebrow. When he looked away, it was to Luka looking at him with the same expression.
“You wanna say hi to them?”
“No, not really,” Ivan replied honestly. He really didn’t. He didn’t even remember that they would be here, but it was fine. Only Till noticed him, and he didn’t matter to Till.
“Don’t want them to see you with me? But I think one of them saw already.”
Ivan rolled his eyes, which was becoming a routine. “I don’t want to say hi to them because I don’t want to see them.”
“Oooh, trouble in paradise?”
“I didn’t realize you were this much of a gossip. Isn’t that what they say for couples, anyway?”
“I’m definitely a gossip, I just don’t have many people to talk to,” Luka said. Another one of those random bouts of vulnerability which Ivan was steadily getting used to, and this one reminded him of when Luka’d messaged him that one time, about finding out that Ivan had been missing classes. Who’d told him about that? “But I thought you guys were dating, just not sure if you’re with the pink girl or the guy.”
Ivan laughed, shaking his head. “I don’t like any of them like that,” he said. “Actually, I think I don’t even like them at all, anymore. Who’s Hyuna?”
Thankfully, Luka was kind enough to humor him. “Girl’s basketball club captain? She’s in my class, talks to me sometimes.” Ivan realized there was no way Hyuna had told him about Ivan missing classes, because Ivan didn’t care one bit about basketball. Or school clubs in general.
“You like her?”
“Kinda? A little bit, but she’s like way out of my league so it’s whatever. She’s just nice,” he said with a shrug.
“You don’t look like you like her that much.”
“I think I’m incapable of showing feelings.”
Ivan barked a laugh. “Wow, okay, man.”
The corners of Luka’s lips turned up like he couldn’t help it, which really just proved his own statement wrong, but maybe only Ivan could see it, and he shrugged again. “I don’t know her that well.”
“Not well enough to like her,” Ivan stated.
“Not well enough to like her,” Luka agreed.
Till 23:43
hey are u okay
Till 23:47
why arent u sitting with us at lunch
Till 23:52
if me asking for ur hw bothered u so much u couldve just said so
Ivan 23:52
I’ve been wondering
Ivan 23:52
Do you guys have a group chat without me?
Till 00:09
what
Seen 00:09
👎 by Ivan
Ivan had been chatting with Luka daily, amongst other things. ‘Other things’ included being driven to and from school, lunch and library hangouts, out-of-school hangouts. It was fun, heartwarming even, to have someone to hang out with, someone who at least seemed to want his company. To be seen and listened to, perceived without any fear of judgment—or at least, not of the painful kind, the kind where they look at you and raise an eyebrow in confusion because they just don’t or can’t or simply won’t understand you and internally think you’re weird, or make you worry that they think you’re weird. The kind that wasn’t mean.
Anyway, all this to say that this meant Ivan had picked up on Luka’s chatting habits, mainly his reacting to anything he disliked with a thumbs down emoji, which—who does that? In their generation at least, who did that?
But he was starting to understand the fun in it, seriously, Because Till’s deflection was definitely a yes, because it wasn’t a no, but he wouldn’t admit it because it’d make him look bad, but Ivan didn’t really care anymore. He didn’t want to discuss this, didn’t want to fight for a place in a circle that didn’t care, so why should he? Leaving Till on seen reeked of heartbreak and disappointment, while reacting with a thumbs down made Ivan look odd and strange, so obviously he chose the latter. It was a no-brainer.
He was starting to understand the freeing feeling that leaving a well-paying job in the city might give. Sure, the anxiety might catch him off guard later, but that was a future problem. For now, he was being whisked away to Luka’s house. Luka’s house, which was a literal mansion—Ivan should’ve expected nothing less.
They didn’t have any plans other than sit down and do their own studies, which he was hoping would become a routine because again, Luka’s house was a damn mansion. Maybe he’d let Ivan dip his toes in the pool if Ivan asked nicely—or the jacuzzi, he wasn’t picky. Honestly, people who bullied him because they were jealous of his wealth should’ve tried befriending him instead. But maybe not, because then Ivan wouldn’t have met him, gotten to know him, become friends with him.
“You have a fridge in your room?” Ivan asked, appalled because he’d mistakenly been under the impression that he’d seen it all. Ivan’s fridge at home sometimes stopped being cold; it was bursting at the seams, too tiny to hold everything but it wasn’t that big of a problem yet that they must buy a new one ASAP. Instead, they’d been squeezing everything in like barbarians playing with puzzle pieces, and he bet they’d keep it for the next five years until it really broke down or exploded and caused a massive fire and killed his whole family and his neighbors five houses over.
Luka shrugged. “I just use it for drinks and to make ice cubes. I like eating ‘em.”
“Because you’re anemic?”
“How’d you know?”
“I’m the science—”
“Okay, shut it. You can use that desk.”
They ended up lying on the bed sometime after the two-hour mark, yawning and not at all focusing on the words written in the book. At least Ivan wasn’t; he didn’t know about Luka and didn’t care to look. His head was too heavy and the pillow too soft and the blanket too warm. What did Luka have a king-sized bed for anyway?
When he next opened his eyes, the sky had turned a pink orange hue and Luka was staring at him blankly from the side. His waking up seemed to be enough prompting for Luka to share with him the fact that, “You drool,” so Ivan kept eye contact and made a show of wiping his mouth on the blanket.
Luka didn’t react even with the smallest grimace; only, it might’ve been a trick of the light but it looked like his eyes darkened, following the movement. Then, he said, “Let’s eat. My driver can drive you home later,” and all was forgotten.
Luka 23:07
[Reel]
🖤 by Ivan
Luka 00:13
[Reel]
🖤 by Ivan
Luka 00:15
[Reel]
🖤 by Ivan
Luka 02:35
[Reel]
🖤 by Ivan
Ivan 06:45
Lol that’s literally you
Luka 06:45
No? It’s you.
Ivan 06:45
You’re the one who’s always cuddling up to me
Luka 06:46
Yeah but that’s because you’re warm.
Ivan 06:46
Because you’re cuddling up to me
Luka 06:46
Because I get cold.
Ivan 06:47
Okay yeah so you’re the one who’s cuddling up to me like in the video ??
Luka 06:48
No, Ivan, the caption says “Send this to someone who’s always sweating”.
Luka 06:48
You’re always sweating.
Ivan 06:48
Because you cuddle up to me
Luka 06:48
God that is not the point
Ivan 06:49
LOL sorry yeah I didn’t read the caption earlier, just saw them hugging so
Luka 06:49
Besides, I don’t intentionally do that.
Ivan 06:50
Sure you don’t
Ivan 06:50
Says the one who’s always bothering me so I stop studying and go sleep with them
Luka 06:50
Can you not word it like that.
Ivan 06:50
Hence you’re intentionally doing it
Ivan 06:50
So that you can cuddle up to me
🖕by Luka
Ivan 06:51
Hey that’s new
Seen at 06:51
Till cornered him one afternoon while he was packing his bag, looking angry before anything was even said. "Are you seriously ditching us because you're not in the group chat? It was from elementary, before you even hung out with us. I can add you, okay? It's seriously not that exciting, I'm just third-wheeling their conversations."
Ivan had always known that Mizi and Sua were in love. Now, standing in front of Till, he wondered if he was a bad person for thinking that Till wanted him to come back (for lack of a better word) just because he didn't want to be the third wheel. Because Till had always known that from the outside looking in, Ivan was the third wheel, and Till didn't want to be in that position, happy to let Ivan be the clown.
It was bad maybe, definitely, to think that of a friend, but would you ever know someone that well, though?
But he didn't say any of this. Instead, he said, "Till, if you feel guilty, there must be a reason. If you want to convince me otherwise, you should try convincing yourself first, because right now you don't even look like you believe what you're saying."
Till gritted his teeth, always the one to dive headfirst into fights. Ivan wished he could react with a thumbs down in real life and just exit the conversation. "I don't feel guilty," he claimed.
Ivan laughed, patted his shoulder. "Then maybe you should do some introspection about how you treat your friends, man, 'cause it really hasn't been good. Being your friend." I don't know why I spent so long convincing myself otherwise.
"The fuck are you—?"
"I don't want to fight, Till, seriously. But props to you for at least talking to me about it." Like Till, Mizi would add him in if he asked, but this was a case of not doing what they should’ve done, instead of doing what they shouldn’t have. She was the difference between looking good and being good; Ivan, like everybody else, had seen only the illusion until he was face to face with the truth. As for Sua, she hated him. Props to her for being honest and consistent. He really should've gotten the memo sooner; his fault, really.
He stepped out of the classroom and found that Luka was waiting right outside the door. Knowing how big of a gossip he was, Ivan asked, “Heard all that?”
Luka raised an eyebrow at him. “Playing hard to get with the boyfriend?”
Right. Despite everything they’d been through—which wasn’t that much, actually—Luka was intent on believing that Ivan wasn’t in it for the long run, whatever the long run might be. He often teased Ivan about his ‘trouble in paradise’ situation, inferring that once he made up with his friend group, he would leave Luka in the dust. Ivan could only roll his eyes at this point; it wasn’t very effective as an insult, mainly because it wasn’t true, but if Luka genuinely believed that, he must be more of a masochist than Ivan’d thought.
“You wish. Let’s go,” he said, and promptly started walking away.
“Where are we going?”
Ivan looked at him, confused. “You were the one who came up to me.”
“I mean, yeah, I wanna go with you. I just don’t have any ideas today,” he replied, which didn’t make sense because they usually didn’t need any ‘ideas’. If there was nothing to do, they’d just go to Luka’s house and hang out until the sun set, then have dinner and the driver would drive Ivan home.
“Home not good enough for you today?”
“My dad’s home early,” Luka said quietly, looking away.
Ivan didn’t even want to know. Instead, he asked, “Hm… Wanna go over to mine then?” They’d never gone there before, on the account of it being so lame compared to Luka’s.
“For a sleepover?”
Well, that wasn’t exactly what Ivan had been offering, but, “Sure. But my bed is way smaller than yours.”
“I guess it’s fine if you drool on my shoulder,” Luka said as though it was a big sacrifice. Knowing him, it really wasn’t.
“Considering our usual position, I think I’d be drooling on your hair.”
It might be his imagination, but he swore he heard Luka mutter, “That’s fine too.”
Since it was Luka’s first time coming over, it was inevitable for him to browse every inch of Ivan’s room like he was making a mental note of everything. Ivan didn’t have anything to hide when it came to him, and he’d never been that messy of a person, so he just sat down and started browsing for food to buy since they didn’t have the grace of Luka’s many award-winning chefs today.
“You have that book at home,” he commented.
Ivan looked up to find him flipping through a book with a couple in Christmas outfits in the cover. “It’s a different book. My mum likes that stuff.”
“You like them too?”
Luka eyed him with an expression Ivan didn’t care enough to name; he just shrugged and replied, “I don’t dislike them.”
Ivan wondered if he should order something for delivery or just go get takeout by foot. The restaurant he was eyeing was pretty near, but he was feeling kind of lazy. He was sure Luka wouldn’t mind paying for the delivery, but that seemed like a bit too much. Ivan was the host here; he couldn’t make the guest pay, could he? Plus, he’d been mooching off of Luka for how long now? It seemed like the six-month countdown no longer mattered, didn’t seem that scary when time passed like flowing water.
“They end up living happily ever after here, too,” Luka stated somewhat mockingly.
“Yeah, that’s how romance novels usually end. Even if all hell breaks loose, the couple usually ends up together,” Ivan replied, adding all their orders. Luka didn’t eat much, but he was a picky eater who couldn’t make up his mind. Ivan found himself grimacing a little when he saw the total price.
“I think I kinda get it now.”
“Huh?” Ivan asked absentmindedly.
“I guess you could know a person that well. Or well enough to take the risk to leave your job and move into a small village, anyway. If you have savings for the next decade or something.”
It took a while for Ivan to understand what he was talking about. When he did, he looked up and raised a brow at the guy who wouldn’t return his gaze, asking, “Well enough to take the risk of breaking up and becoming the talk of said village for the next decade?”
Luka’s grip tightened just a little bit before he closed the book and placed it back where it belonged. “Well, maybe not to that point. I would probably run away.”
“That’s fine. The important part is taking that risk, then you’ll get your happy ending,” Ivan concluded before standing up and grabbing his jacket off the chair.
“What are you doing?”
“Let’s go out. The delivery price is way too high.”
Luka furrowed his eyes in confusion. “What? Let me order then—”
“Too shy to be seen in a small village?” Ivan asked, throwing the jacket at his head before walking out. Luka’s scurried footsteps followed behind him as he hurriedly wore the jacket.
Till 00:27
im sry ab the group chat okay?
Till 00:28
i barely use it
Till 00:28
u know im not that close w the girls
Ivan 06:45
Alright
Till 07:11
are we cool now
Ivan 07:12
Sure
Till 07:12
are you still coming to the cafe
Till 07:15
its on friday evening
Ivan 16:53
No.
Till 16:53
???
Till 16:53
why
🖕 by Ivan
Ivan was woken up rather roughly that day. Someone had shaken him by the shoulders, but seeing that that didn’t manage to wake him up, they decided to exert all their strength into kicking him on the back. He groaned, hand immediately moving to soothe his injured back, before slowly twisting and turning in bed to look behind him at the culprit. Luka had on his usual unimpressed expression, but after getting to know him so well, Ivan could hear the undercurrent of anger in his voice.
“So you’re getting back together. So much for not playing hard to get,” was the first thing Luka said to him upon his waking up, waving his phone at him carelessly.
Annoyed that his sleep had been interrupted, Ivan snatched his phone, looking at the screen where Luka left off. It was Till’s LINE, the message he’d left unreplied from the morning had been answered by the blond with a single, “No.”
He looked up at the blond. “Some people would say that peeking at someone’s phone is a very rude thing to do. Answering their messages even more so.”
Luka tried to kick him away again, but Ivan caught his ankle. Struggling out of his grip, Luka said with gritted teeth, “Get out of my house.”
Ivan had yet to sort out his feelings about all this. There was a reason he hadn’t replied to Till, but now he had to push that aside, along with the fact that Luka unlocked his phone and replied to someone without his permission. Who knew how long he’d been doing that—every time Ivan came over and took a nap in his bed? Ah, whatever. Right now, he only had the mind to focus on restraining Luka, pushing him back onto the bed and landing them in an awkward position with him on top.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, man? I’ve been telling you, there’s nothing between me and him. Hell, I don’t even care about any of them, why are you so angry?”
“Then why didn’t you say no?” Luka shouted, accidentally getting some spit on Ivan’s face. Ivan didn’t dodge an inch.
“Why the hell would I say no?”
Luka’s face morphed into something worse, something obviously angry. His eyebrows furrowed, nose scrunched, jaw clenched. His struggle to get out of Ivan’s grip gained new fervor, but Ivan wasn’t about to let him go.
“Stay put, you troublesome little thing,” he said, gritting his teeth as he strengthened his hold. “I keep telling you, I don’t give a fuck about them. Going, not going, it wouldn’t change anything. Now what’s the matter with you, huh? Haven’t you always said you didn’t care if I went back to them, always said you were just waiting for the shoe to drop? Is this what you call waiting? What are you so angry for, I thought you didn’t care!”
He shouted until his ears were ringing in his anger, but Luka didn’t reply. He just stared up at Ivan, chest heaving. Ivan couldn’t get a read on him; was he speechless, was he angry? He had no idea, so he shook Luka and added, “Say something, fucker.”
Finally, Luka looked away, his voice small. “I don’t care, so just go already.”
Ivan paused, this time being the one unable to reply. Finally, he sighed and said, “You are so fucking stupid,” and then he let go of Luka’s hands. Perhaps because Luka was genuinely expecting Ivan to leave, he closed his eyes in resignation. He really was that stupid.
Ivan held his chin to force Luka to look at him, and once he made sure Luka had his eyes open, he made a show of wiping Luka’s spit on his face with his thumb, before putting it in his mouth and licking it. Luka’s expression didn’t change, but somehow the bewilderment was visible in his eyes. Without wiping his thumb dry, he used both hands to hold the sides of Luka’s face and leaned down to kiss him.
In any other circumstance, it would be softer than this. A bit less rough, perhaps even playful, but right now Ivan was all in on this bruising kiss that had Luka gripping his shoulders tight, as if unsure whether to pull or push him away. Clumsily, Luka kissed back by pushing up at him, and they went on like that for a while, both inexperienced and confused.
“What was that for?” Luka asked once they let go, going for angry but he was looking up at Ivan with such a stupefied expression that didn’t quite help.
“For my boyfriend who doesn’t understand that he’s the only person I like because he’s fucking blind,” he said, then he pushed himself up and lay next to Luka again, pulling up the blanket and getting ready to go back to sleep.
“What are you doing?” Luka asked, sounding indignant.
“Oh my god, why are you so chatty today,” he groaned, before pulling the blond into his arms, making sure to tuck him into the blanket as well because he always got cold.
Always having to make up excuses just to cuddle up to him, so noisy. Ivan was sleepy, damn it.
Anon 00:00
Stop texting my boyfriend, you freak.
Till 03:13
???
Till 03:13
who tf is this
🖕 by Anon
Of course, Ivan knew well that his newly-proclaimed boyfriend had issues—loads of them, really—so he was ready for something explosive to happen before the live show on Friday. Only, the person who cornered him wasn’t Luka himself, but his class’ representative. Once he saw the girl scurrying to reach his desk, he was already sighing internally.
“Are you Ivan?”
Ivan didn’t know what was with the small talk when they already knew each other. It wasn’t once or twice that he stopped by Luka’s class, but he was still polite enough to reply, “Yeah, is there something I can help you with?”
“Luka’s in the infirmary. He’s asking for you.”
With furrowed eyebrows, Ivan immediately stood up. “What happened?” he asked as they walked together in the direction of the infirmary.
She looked uneasy as she quietly replied, “He got into a fight in the bathroom.”
Ivan glared at her, and she flinched and looked away. “He was bullied, you mean,” he forcefully corrected her before leaving her behind. She wasn’t worth talking to.
Unfortunately, he really did her dirty this time. One day, he would find out that it was Luka who had instigated the fight to further his own agenda, but that day was not today. Today, he barged into the infirmary and power walked to Luka’s bed once he caught sight of that blond hair. “What are you up to this time?” he asked, sitting next to him and wiping his forehead, the only spot on his face that wasn’t colored in bruises.
“Nothing. Why would I be up to something?” Luka looked up at him innocently, which only cemented the fact that he was definitely up to something. Ivan ignored it in favor of counting the bruises on his face, pulling his mouth open to check if he’d lost any teeth. Thankfully it wasn’t too bad.
“Ivan, Luka says you’d be able to bring him home this evening. Is it fine with you?” the school nurse asked, approaching them.
Ivan raised an eyebrow at the blond whose innocent expression naturally looked anything but. Luka had a driver for god’s sake, why would he need—
Oh. So that was what this was about.
The wounds had been cleaned up before he got here, but they hadn’t been bandaged up yet, with Luka being the difficult patient that he was, flailing like a kid to stop the nurse from doing her job. So, Ivan was the one who ended up having to apply the bandages at home. That didn’t mean Luka’d stopped being a difficult patient; he kept grumbling, “I told you I don’t like bandages, just leave them be.”
“Well, the nurse entrusted you to me, so too bad.”
In response, Luka pouted. He was sulking.
“I’ll change them for you,” Ivan thoughtfully added, since that was the reason Luka disliked bandages. Too lazy to change them when the bruises kept appearing. These days, Luka hadn’t gotten physically bullied at all though. What happened?
“...Fine.”
These days, Luka was surprisingly easy to coax. If the coaxing didn’t work, kissing him usually did.
Then, Ivan continued working in silence. As much as Luka grumbled, he didn’t do anything to obstruct Ivan’s work, so it went smoothly this time. Finally, as he was plastering the bandages in place, he asked, “You know I wasn’t going, right?”
“Huh?” Luka asked back, sleepy. His eyes were already closed, so it was kind of unfair for Ivan to start this conversation now. He didn’t care though.
“You already said no to him.”
Luka blinked his eyes open in surprise, hand almost reflexively coming up to rub them if Ivan hadn’t caught it in time. He literally just finished bandaging him up; Luka better not ruin his work. “You didn’t tell him it was me who sent it?”
“Why would I?”
“Didn’t you want to go?”
“I was thinking of going with you, like on a date or something. But now I know your jealous ass can’t handle it, so whatever,” Ivan said, shrugging.
“A date? With your ex?”
Ivan sighed. So they were back to this. “First of all, he’s not my ex. Second of all, it’s a live show, you dolt. Till’s gonna be playing with his band, we would be sitting at the table like a normal couple on a date. Next time you go through my phone, maybe read up for the context instead of jumping into your own conclusions.”
Luka’s eyes seemed to glimmer at this newfound knowledge, totally not minding the scolding. He didn’t even care that Ivan mentioned Till by name even though he’d made up the rule that Ivan was forbidden to say his name. “Wait, then I wanna go.”
Ivan looked at him, unimpressed. Who knew what was going on in that pretty head of his; maybe he wanted to show off their relationship in front of people who couldn’t even care less. “Well, too bad. Maybe you shouldn’t have done all this, then. I’m not taking you when you’re all black and blue. You need to rest, man.”
“But—”
“I’ll take you if he has another live show.”
“...Fine.”
Still so easy to coax. Or maybe Ivan was getting better at this. Either way, after Ivan put away the first aid kit, they both settled down in bed. It hadn’t been a tiring day and he still had some homework to do, but Luka was sleepy, so he thought he might as well sleep too.
However, he found himself being woken up with a kick to the side, and his boyfriend excitedly saying as though he just got the most brilliant idea, “We need to invite him to our wedding.”