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Michelle tapped her foot anxiously, eyes staring ahead at the television screen but not fully grasping the moving images in front of her. Her head was aching from the bright light, the only thing providing illumination in the dark room. Kate was on the other side of the couch, laying on her side and gaze fixed on her phone despite the entertainment already playing ahead of them.
Her friend looked up, sensing Michelle’s unease. “Is it about Bryan?” Kate asked. Her tone held something hostile, that vague sense of distaste that would always make itself audible when Michelle’s boyfriend was brought up. She couldn’t help but bristle at Kate’s tone.
She knew what her friend thought of her boyfriend. Of Bryan. He was an asshole who was too busy either playing video games or running deliveries for hospitals. He would rarely have time to do anything with her these days, and the moment she thought he was finally done and coming home, he’d take on another package. He always dodged decisions when it came to the important things, which was clearly evident when she called about her pregnancy. Michelle knew this and more, but couldn’t help but feel like she had to defend him when someone else saw through his bullshit.
Because despite it all, she knew he loved her. It was just hard to believe it sometimes.
“No,” she lied. Her eyes burned into the screen. The tv was too quiet to drown herself in, but the movie at least provided her something else to look at. She didn’t want to see Kate’s annoyed expression. She always got pissed when she avoided confrontation about her relationship.
She felt Kate shuffle next to her, pulling her knees in and putting an ankle beneath her so the other leg could rest on the floor. Her phone was lightly grasped in her limp hand that was now lying still on the couch, and her other arm was on the back cushion. “Quit thinking about him. I hate it when you waste time feeling bad about him every time he acts like an ass. If anything, he should be the one feeling awful.”
Michelle hummed. She was right, but she knew Kate was stereotyping Bryan a bit too much. She didn’t doubt he was feeling at least a little bit bad about their previous conversation. Even then, that whole call was buried in the back of her mind. Concern quickly clouded her anger when she got that call from an unknown number. Bryan tended to bullshit his way through a lot of conversations, but the fear and alarm in his voice wasn’t something he could fake.
She heard how the phone shook in his hands. How his tone was shaky and hesitant, like he still wasn’t completely to terms with his situation.
The situation she still knew nothing about. All she knew was that it was fucked up and that that might have been the last she would ever hear from him. Normally she wouldn’t even bother calling back after a voicemail, but her worry encouraged her to call back anyway. A lot of good that did. The phone had rang out until she was sent to voicemail.
She felt angry about it at first before the fear settled in. Michelle wasn’t sure why she didn’t call someone after that, but she didn’t. She didn’t and so she payed the price by stressing about the unknowns for days.
Days of being left in the dark. No updates, no calls, nothing. No hint of any news at all.
She refused to believe he was gone for good. He wasn’t the kind to run away from fatherhood and she would die before she ever believed he was already dead. He was an asshole but he still managed to be just kind enough to make her stay. Because despite everything, she knew he tried. She just wished he’d get his shit together a bit sooner.
“Michelle?” Kate’s voice brought her back to the present.
Michelle stilled immediately. Kate never sounded like that. Her tone was hesitant and genuinely concerned, something rarely associated with her friend.
“Where did you say Bryan went for his delivery again? Raccoon City?” She asked. Michelle’s heart stopped immediately. Nothing about this felt good. Dread seeped into her bones and made her heart feel like a stone in her chest.
“Yeah,” she confirmed hesitantly. Her voice was raspy. “Why?”
Kate paused before showing her something on her phone. It took a second for Michelle’s eyes to adjust to the brightness brought up to her face, but when she saw it, she wished she didn’t.
The city was in ruins.
A bomb, it read.
A fucking missile was dropped onto the city. The city where Bryan was last heard to be.
She opened her mouth to speak, closed it, opened it, and then gave up. Her mind was blank. Surely he wasn’t…
“He’s not…”
Kate shuffled uncomfortably, putting the phone down. “Michelle…”
“He wasn’t there,” she whispered. He wasn’t. Bryan was somewhere else. She didn’t know where, but anywhere was better than there. Because he couldn’t be dead. She couldn’t raise a kid on her own and she couldn’t let their last conversation be an argument and she couldn’t let her last words to him be mocking whatever the fucked up situation he was in was. He didn’t stick around because he never did that, it was in and out.
Kate clearly didn’t buy it. Michelle hated the sympathetic look she was giving her. Sympathy wouldn’t reverse that bomb and it wouldn’t bring Bryan back.
Bryan was dead.
He was dead. He was dead and he was never coming back. The thought hit her like a truck, and the truth was clearer than anything she would ever know for the rest of her life. He was dead. Their last conversation was an argument.
He wasn’t coming back.
A sob ripped out of her. She could feel Kate’s eyes on her and she wanted her to leave. She wanted to run away and tell herself that it didn’t happen and it wasn’t real because there was just no way he died so soon. So suddenly. She still wanted to do so much. What about their kid? Was that the last piece of Bryan she would ever have? They never even got to get married. Call her silly but she always wanted a cliche wedding full of layered cakes and dancing and so much alcohol they’d wake up on the shore of the beach for some stupid reason they would never remember. Maybe they’d find a silly pair of matching tattoos they’d gotten on a whim and laugh about years later.
She wanted them to be happy. She wanted that family and she wanted those memories and now she would never have them. Bryan would never have them. Bryan would never even get to imagine such a scenario because Bryan was dead.
Tears rolled down her cheeks, falling faster than the others made it to her chin. They raced down her face and made her eyes red and puffy. Her cries turned ugly, but she couldn’t find it in herself to care. She forgot Kate was even there for a good while. It didn’t exactly matter though.
Because Bryan, her boyfriend, the person she was going to marry, the father of a child never born, someones son, was dead.
And he was never coming back.