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Lillian wanted to cry.
She had it all: fame, wealth, the platform to sing to her heart's content for all her lovely fans, and amazingly enough, a loving family of her own. She met the man of her dreams, was now his wife until death do them part, and because she couldn’t be any luckier, marrying her beloved also brought an amazing gift in the form of a son. His godson, Byakuya had said, orphaned as an infant and with no living relatives left. Her producers and friends told her to think about it longer, that motherhood wasn’t as easy as it seemed, but she never backed down from a challenge, not in her less than happy childhood, not in her music career, and most definitely not in this new chapter of her life. She wanted to be with Byakuya, and just as much, if not more, she wanted to be a mother to his son. There was no world where she would ever regret her choices.
Except she was doing just that now.
She thought she could handle it, could see Byakuya off on his important trip with a promise that she could care for Senku just fine by herself, she was now his mother after all, but she underestimated just how hard it was to care for a toddler, especially when she had no prior experience.
No matter what she did he wouldn’t settle, had turned his face to all the meals she prepared for him - even when she followed Byakuya’s list of “Senku’s favorite meals” to a T. He didn’t nap even though she was sure toddlers his age needed to nap, and when she did tuck him into bed, she’d come check on him and find him reading a book under the blanket with a flashlight like she couldn’t see him.
It probably wasn't even that bad, there were definitely toddlers out there that were a lot worse than Senku, but even this much was overwhelming. She felt useless, inept in ways she never thought she would. She had told Byakuya she could handle this, and she lied to him, she lied to everyone, including herself. How could someone like her ever be someone’s mother when she didn’t know the first thing of what it meant to be someone’s family?
Even now, she knew she had to get up, had to make breakfast for Senku, even though he would probably shake his head and walk away to play with his little science kit, but she couldn’t get out of bed. Couldn’t even bring herself to lift her head from the pillow when the door creaked open; it was probably Byakuya, back early from his trip and shocked speechless at the sight of his wife’s ineptitude. She bit her lip hard, holding back the sobs as she waited for him to turn the light on and yell at her, call her out for the bad parent she was, the lame excuse of a mom.
Except angry words and accusations never came. She blinked when she heard small little creaks on the floorboard, blinked again, slower this time, when she heard rustling next to her bed, like something was struggling to get up on her bed before a small little hmph of pride came out as the person succeeded. She still didn’t move even at the sound of shuffling until the person settled next to her. She didn’t even breathe, until she felt a tiny hand pat her head, weaving even tinier fingers through the blond waves. For a while that’s all that happened, just her staring at the wall, as her hair was sweetly patted.
She turned, weary sapphire meeting doe like ruby. “Senku, wha….” She swallowed, taking a second before finding her words. “What are you doing here baby? How did you get here?”
“Mama no come,” he whispered, twirling her hair in his tiny hands. “I help?”
The sob she was holding back finally did come out, an ugly wretched thing as she sat up. “Mama? I’m your mama?”
Senku pouted as her movement stopped him from continuing to touch her hair, nodding softly as he turned to grab something and deposit it on her lap. It was his toy rocket, the one Byakuya said was his favorite. He never parted from it. “So mama feels better.” Succinct and clear, like he always was in everything he did even for his age, those four words leaving no room for argument as he stared up at her.
Lillian choked as she reached over for him, pulling him and his toy into her arms as she held him tightly. Senku made a little surprised noise, but he didn’t pull away, moving his hands up instead to go back to playing with her hair, soft humming leaving him. Recognition made her eyes widen even more, her chest growing heavy as he continued. The song he was humming was that chant she’d heard Byakuya stage whisper to Senku whenever he was hurt: “pain, pain fly away.” She buried a sob into his hair, kissing the crown of his head over and over again as she held him even closer until his sweet hums drowned out the ache in her soul.
She wasn’t perfect, didn’t know the first thing about proper families, but he didn’t need her to be perfect or proper. This little guy saw her as his mother regardless of all her flaws. In his eyes, she was his mother, as simple as that. She was his beloved mother and he was her beloved son.
And she wouldn’t change that for the world.