Work Text:
Once upon a time, there was a merchant from a tiny, faraway village nicknamed "Strangetown." The merchant drew attention everywhere he went, due his peculiar bowlcut mullet, green tinted glasses, and large brown travel backpack that he carried around with him that was decorated with celestial themed keychains.
Nobody ever got the merchant's name, up until he made a stop at the Kingdom of Pleasantview in order to sell his wares, which consisted mostly of medicinal plants. Like most other places, the people of the Kingdom of Pleasantview ended up being drawn to him as well. The only difference was that he had also ended up catching the attention of Princess Cassandra, heiress to the royal throne, who had coincidentally been traveling through the market in a disguise on the same day he set up shop.
Princess Cassandra didn't know who he was. And the merchant, new to the village, has no clue who she was either. All she saw was a handsome and knowledgable man who was passionate about the topics he spoke about, and all he saw was a beautiful and open-minded woman who listened eagerly to every word he said.
It only took a couple of additional meetings (as well as Princess Cassandra revealing her true identity to the merchant) before she declared the merchant as her new groom. Everyone was shocked by this, what with her having sentenced her former fiance, Prince Don of the Lothario Kingdom, to life in the castle dungeons for attempting to commit treason, alongside lady-in-waitings Nina and Dina Caliente. But oddly, the merchant agreed.
The two of them got married on a beautiful winter day, which was only then when the rest of the public finally learned what the merchant's real name was: Vidcund Galileo Hogleg Curious.
That was where the story was supposed to end. Prince Vidcund and Princess Cassandra would live happily ever after, eventually ruling over the Kingdom of Pleasantview when King Mortimer and Queen Bella eventually decided that it was their time.
But there was still much to the merchant-turned-prince that most of the kingdom didn't know about…
And one day, they would arrive in the Kingdom of Pleasantview too.
—
Lazlo opened his eyes, feeling the texture of a soft mattress underneath him and the additional texture of a soft blanket on top of him. His head rested on a comfortably firm pillow as he squinted, unblurring his vision as he realized he was inside of a black canopy bed.
Ayo, what the fuck? Where am I?
Lazlo sat up, feeling a dull pain in his arm as he tried to recall the events of the night before. He closed his eyes, recalling the face of a pale woman with black hair, wearing a blue blazer and a black turtleneck as she sat across from him at a counter.
I was at Just Flowers and More, and I was really hitting it off with the owner, Florence, while Pascal was examining some of the flower vases on our quest to rescue Vidcund from whoever the hell kidnapped him…
Lazlo turned to the area besides him, noticing empty space.
But Florence isn't here.
Lazlo sniffed the air, noticing the scent of strawberry pancakes floating through the room. He heard a door open as he quickly laid back down, hearing several people singing in Italian before the curtains of the canopy bed flew open.
"Ah, he's awake!"
Lazlo sat up, staring at the face of a cheerful-looking white woman with wrinkles shaped like crow's feet near her eyes, her dark hair tied into a ponytail as she stared at him with gray eyes. Besides her was a gruff-looking teenage boy with blonde hair, dressed in a black chef outfit, alongside a small blonde child that looked eerily similar to a neighbor's kid that he knew back in Strangetown.
"Welcome to the Kingdom of Pleasantview, my friend," the woman said, holding her tray out towards Lazlo, "You were brought here at the insistance of Prince Vidcund Galileo Hogleg Curious Goth. For unknown reasons, he was quite distraught upon hearing of you and your brother's abduction and insisted we sent the royal army to rescue you."
Wait…Vidcund?
HE'S ALIVE?
"Can I talk to Vidcund?" Lazlo asked.
"Of course! He had plans to come by to see you once he was done with his morning ritual of challenging one of his retainers to a fencing challenge and losing."
"He always loses," the teenager added.
"Silence, Dustin. We must treat this man with the same respect that we give to Prince Vidcund. I assume he had his reasons for wanting to bring this man here."
"Oh, it's alright," Lazlo asked, "You can act chill around me. I didn't even know he was a prince until, like…right now."
I wonder how Pascal is taking this…OH WAIT! PASCAL!
"Is my brother alright?"
"He's in stable condition," the woman said, "Though, he's still asleep. The royal advisors are looking into the Delarosa Clan in the meantime, to ensure what happened to you two doesn't happen to anyone else ever again."
"To think what would've happened if they didn't save you in time," the small child said, shuddering, "That's scary! What if it happened to me?"
"Hopefully we'll never have to worry about that again, Beau," the woman said, before turning back to Lazlo, "We'll leave you be, now. If the food is not to your liking, let us know and we can make another."
"Sure, man. Thanks."
The three people all left as Lazlo turned back towards his food, grabbing the fork before taking a bite of strawberry pancakes.
YO! This is the exact same recipe I used!
Vidcund must've tried to make them replicate it! Nice!
Lazlo continued muching down on the pancakes before he noticed the door opening again, as a tall, elegant woman in a long, formal black dress strolled into the room. Her hair was tied into two neat pigtails, with gothic makeup decorating her face. Lazlo stared at her downturned eyes in surprise before noticing a familiar face entering behind her, dressed in a black vest paired with a black, long-sleeved blouse and thin black pants.
He's dressed completely differently now, but he still has that bowlcut that makes it incredibly obvious who he is.
Lazlo paused as he noticed four knights in black armor strolling in behind them as the two approached his bed, with Vidcund having a concerned look on his face while the other woman simply seemed fascinated by him.
"How are you feeling?"
"Pretty confused, man," Lazlo said, gesturing to the room, "Why the fuck didn't you tell us about…like, any of this?"
"I do apologize about that," the woman said, releasing a light laugh after she talked, "I was the only who insisted on it most. It never occurred to me that he'd have family."
"Yeah, no shit? Everyone's got family!"
"Show some respect!" one of the knights shouted, stepping forward, "That's Princess Cassandra you're talking to!"
"And also your sister-in-law now," Vidcund added.
Lazlo laid back down, letting the breakfast tray rest on his stomach.
"…Listen, I'm sorry," Vidcund said, "Cassandra and I got wrapped up in the moment, and I was under the impression you wanted nothing to do with me after our previous argument."
"Yeah, I was pissed, but that doesn't mean I want you DEAD! Or fucking kidnapped and turned into a slave!"
"Show some respect to the prince," that same knight said, "He protected you and your brother from being carted off as slaves to the Kingdom of Sixam."
Florence was going to SELL ME?
Damn.
Between her and Crystal, maybe I should just give up on the idea of romance…
"Please don't go too hard on yourself for this," Princess Cassandra said, "My mother almost fell for them too, sometime before I was born. They're horrid people."
"And also ruthless," Vidcund added, "We're not sure if they have plans to hunt you and Pascal down, so until we're able to dismantle the Delarosa Clan for good, you're going to have to stay in the palace with us. We hope that's okay."
"I'll give you two some alone time," Princess Cassandra said, leaning towards Vidcund to give him a kiss on the cheek, "Meet me at my study later?"
"Of course, my sweet."
Lazlo pressed his lips together as Vidcund kissed Princess Cassandra back in response, before she left alongside two of the knights.
"So…"
Lazlo and Vidcund remained quiet as they stared at each other, while both of the knights behind Vidcund glanced at each other.
"…How much do you remember of last night?" Vidcund asked.
"…Not much, outside of what the chef told me."
"Ah, Brandi. Strange that she'd know, considering she wasn't…ah. She probably got it from the royal painter, Darren, who got it from Cassandra. Darren and Brandi always did seem unusually close to each other…"
"Yeah, because they're seeing each other," one of the knights said, their voice deeper than the knight besides them.
"I thought Brandi was a lesbian?" the other knight asked.
"Is she? She has kids."
"Lesbians can still have kids."
"Aktu, Zoya, be quiet," Vidcund said, "Lazlo is confused enough as is. The last thing we need to to spill all of the castle's tea in front of him. That's Kaylynn's job."
"No, no," Lazlo said, "I want to hear this."
Vidcund raised a hand up to his head in frustration as the knight with the higher pitched voice removed their helmet, revealing a person with dark skin, dark eyes, a pointed nose, and a black mullet that was styled slightly similar to Vidcund's.
"We've been seeing Brandi and Darren hanging out a lot with each other during their free time," the unmasked knight, who Lazlo assumed was Zoya, said, "But Brandi used to hang out a lot with Dina, who was Cassandra's lady-in-waiting up until she and her sister were busted for conspiring with Prince Don of the Lothario Kingdom in order to seize control of the throne."
"Watcher be damned," Lazlo said.
"Dina, who has not shown any ounce of affection towards Brandi," the second knight, who Lazlo assumed was Aktu, said, "Compared to Darren, who comforted Brandi after Dina was sent to the dungeon. The two of them practically spend all of their freetime together and one time I even saw Brandi trying to teach Darren how to cook an omelette!"
"This is a truly unnecesarry conversation," Vidcund said, "Brandi also converses with John, one of the royal gardeners. Are you going to assume that they're having affairs too?"
"They could be!"
"Woah, hang on," Lazlo said, "You have gardeners? Vidcund, I thought you loved tending to plants! Why would you pay someone else to do it?"
"It's not my choice! They were there before I arrived. And in addition, the castle garden is massive. I enjoy plants, but I also value my free time and don't want to waste my entire day pulling weeds."
Lazlo took a bite of strawberry pancake as he watched Aktu remove his helmet, revealing a face with a strong resemblance to Zoya's but with the addition of facial hair and dark, curly hair that was tied into a ponytail.
Oh damn. He's kinda hot.
"Do you have any other questions?" Vidcund asked, interruptiong Lazlo's thoughts, "Or specifically questions that don't involve gossiping about the lives of other people in the palace?"
"Well…I don't fully remember what happened last night…"
"We found you and Pascal being carted off towards the borders of the Kingdom of Pleasantview with a ship from the Kingdom of Sixam near one of our docks. Everyone involved has been arrested, but Florence wasn't present at either of those, so there's a chance she could still be out there plotting to kidnap you again."
"…I…see…"
Lazlo shoved the rest of the strawberry pancakes into his face, before laying back down and staring up at the ceiling of the canopy bed.
"I need more time to process this shit," he said, "…But it's nice that you're alive, man. Do you know if you can bring Pascal here?"
"When he wakes-"
"LAZLO!"
Lazlo sat up, nearly spilling his coffee on his lap as he noticed Pascal slamming the doors open, dressed in a pair of silk pajamas as he stared at Vidcund, Aktu and Zoya in shock.
"…What in the name of the Water is this?"
"Ah, great," Vidcund said, sighing, "I'm going to have to explain all of this again…"
—
Pascal stood still, visibly stunned, as Vidcund concludes the rest of this story.
"And that's about everything I told Lazlo," Vidcund said, "Do you have any questions?"
"Yes, I do," Pascal said, nodding, "Is it alright if I slap you for making us think that you were dead or kidnapped?"
"You can try, but my retainers will block it."
Pascal raised his hand up, quickly attempting to slap Vidcund before Zoya grabbed his arm.
"Ow," Pascal complained, "That actually hurts."
Zoya let go of Pascal as he wrung his arm, before walking over towards the bed and sitting besides Lazlo.
"Well, I suppose I should leave you two be now," Vidcund said, backing away towards the door, "I've got matters to attend to."
"No!"
Vidcund paused, staring at Pascal as the latter pointed at the ground.
"You are going to stay here, and the three of us are going to spend some much needed time together catching up," Pascal said, "I'm not letting you abandon us again."
"Mmm…fair enough."
"What about horseback riding training?" Aktu asked, concerned, "You always do those in the mornings."
"I suppose it wouldn't hurt it skip a day, would it?"
"Probably not," Zoya responded, "But if you spend your entire morning here, then the two of us are also stuck here with you."
"You two can join in on the conversatino too?" Lazlo asked, "Would that be a good compromise?"
Zoya and Aktu glanced at each other, before they shrugged.
"…Sure, I suppose."
Vidcund walked over to move a chair closer to the bed, before he sat down and stared at Lazlo and Pascal while Zoya and Aktu continued to stand behind him.
"Now," he said, "Where would you like to begin?"