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Valarr woke up to the sound of raindrops tapping on the roof. There was no rhythm or melody. It was the beats of rain hitting the clay tiles.
His eyes fluttered, still bleary and heavy from sleep. His room was dark; there was no source of light. It also felt chilly. Winter air crept in, seeping in to his bones, even if the radiator was at its highest setting. Maybe, the radiator was broken, who knows. He'll have that checked later in the morning.
He had a comforter, but he didn't like it weighing on him and making it feel like he was suffocating from it and the heat it would bring. He did wear a rayon pajama set that was comfortable, but not warm enough. I should have gone with the fleece. Valarr thought.
But, he preferred another source of warmth. A warmth that no inanimate object could replicate. A comforting and familiar warmth. That warmth occupied the room next to his.
Daeron.
Daeron was his husband.
They slept in the same home, yet Daeron insisted on sleeping in separate rooms. With him absent in Valarr's room, it was even colder without Daeron's presence.
Valarr fiddled with the wedding ring resting on his finger. The silver band felt cool on his rough skin.
“It’s the dreams.” Daeron reasoned. He would sleep next to him if he could. Nights would be warmer. And he wouldn’t feel even lonelier. Yet he wanted to spare Valarr the late-night screams and cries, which he had to endure when they lived together.
But, Valarr never felt bothered by those, yet Daeron who believed that he burdened him with his condition insisted they sleep in separate rooms. It would put Daeron at ease and feel peace knowing that Valarr will have uninterrupted sleep. Valarr protested once, but Daeron was firm with his decision. Since then, Valarr hadn't questioned Daeron's decision. He hoped that Daeron would change his mind down the line.
//
Daeron's nightmares plagued him since he was child; Valarr knew this. Whenever they had family gatherings, Baelor's and Maekar's sons would sleep in the same or separate apartments. Daeron would wake up screaming, and Valarr would wake up soon after, calling for Maekar or Dyanna. Sometimes, Valarr would sleep next to Daeron. He didn't want Daeron feeling he was alone.
The nightmares weren't a nightly occurrence, but it happened frequent enough for Daeron to believe it was burdensome. Valarr knew what he had gotten into when he started a relationship with him. After a couple of months together, logically, the next step was living together, which Daeron had reservations over.
Daeron would either wake up in a cold sweat, heaving after the nightmares or he'd scream bloody murder. He wouldn't mind sleeping next to Valarr if it was the former of the scenarios. Yet, there had been nights that Daeron had cursed Valarr with the screams.
As an adult, Valarr was more frightened of the effect of Daeron's nightmares, than the sudden screams during the night. Valarr wasn't experienced in dealing with them as they got older. Daeron would get irritated when Valarr would get touchy.
"I just need you to touch my face and chest, that's all I need." Daeron told Valarr after one nightmare episode. Valarr made a mental note in his head once he heard that.
//
Thoughts ran in Valarr's mind once more, which hindered him from falling asleep again. But those thoughts came to a stop when he heard a scream coming from the next room.
Valarr hopped off from his bed and ran towards his husband’s bedroom, following the source of the scream.
He swung the door open and as soon as Daeron gasped for breath, Valarr dashed to the bed to hold him. To hold him steady. Daeron had jolted to a seated position in the bed when he screamed and gripped on the bed sheets. Valarr knelt beside him, on the empty space on Daeron's bed.
He felt his heart race and his head throb. His breaths had become shallow and rapid. Sometimes, he felt like he was drowning after a particularly terrible nightmare. Once, he actually had a dream where he drowned and started coughing as he woke up.
Daeron's room wasn't as dark as Valarr's since he had a yellow nightlight plugged in beside his bedside table.
“I’m right here,” Valarr cupped one of his hands on Daeron’s jaw. He looked him straight in the eye. Daeron's eyes looked frantic, and he was breathing shallowly. Valarr noticed the quick rise and fall of Daeron's chest, as he tried to catch his breath after a nightmare. He placed one of his hands on Daeron's chest to stroke it.
"Daeron, look at me." Valarr said as he looked at Daeron. "I'm right here."
Valarr wanted Daeron to look at him, to focus on him. He repeated those words until Daeron would look into his eyes. He stroked Daeron’s cheek to soothe him. Then, when Daeron had recognized Valarr, Valarr pressed his forehead on Daeron’s. He felt the stickiness from the sweat trickling on Daeron’s head. Valarr didn't mind that one bit.
Daeron grasped on Valarr's wrist, as if to anchor him in reality. It was his way of knowing that it's the present and that his brain didn't trick him to thinking it was a dream.
As soon as Daeron had calmed down, he closed his eyes and took deep breaths. Valarr knew that Daeron was finally regaining his composure and lifted his forehead off Daeron. But Valarr never took his hands off of Daeron's jaw. He stroked it with his thumb, hoping that the relaxing movement, helped with calming him down. He knew Daeron needed to feel his touch.
Valarr noticed that Daeron's shirt was soaked from sweat. A little later, he peeled his hands off of Daeron's face and hopped off the bed to grab a fresh new shirt for Daeron to wear for the rest of his sleep. Once Valarr handed him the new shirt, Daeron changed his shirt with the new one. Then, he lay down on his side right after. He lay on his left side, facing Valarr who was about to take his place beside him.
Valarr had a habit of watching Daeron as he slept. Whenever he had a nightmare, Daeron would have trouble sleeping again. Sometimes, he would stay up late to watch Valarr sleep sometimes, watching Valarr's chest rise and fall. At times, Daeron noticed that Valarr would talk or laugh in his sleep, making Daeron snicker. He'd tell him as soon as he woke up and tease him about it. Most times, Valarr didn't remember what he dreamt.
Daeron held Valarr's hand and squeezed it, and Valarr would stroke Daeron's fingers. It was a form of reassurance that he wasn't going anywhere.
“Stay.” Daeron pleaded with a faint voice.
Valarr had no intention of leaving anyway. He had already made himself comfortable lying down on his side, with Daeron resting his head on his chest. Valarr gently pulled his and Daeron's hands by his lips, and he kissed the back of Daeron's hand as his way of saying that he was staying.
//
The rain continued to pour, but Valarr can hear only Daeron’s breaths. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. A cycle he was relieved to hear. Daeron was by his side. Alive.
He feared that one day Daeron would never wake up from a nightmare, and Daeron wouldn't make it in time to rouse him. It was an argument that he brought to Daeron, yet Daeron assured him that it's better for them to sleep separately. Valarr would have another conversation with Daeron about this in the near future. He would really love to sleep in one bed with Daeron and make the other bedroom vacant. They could repurpose it, but it's a conversation for later. For now, Valarr was more than relieved that he can sleep next to his husband for the night.
Valarr combed Daeron’s wavy mid-length hair with his fingers. He brushed it to soothe Daeron further. And Daeron purred from the relaxing sensation, grateful that Valarr was there beside him. Valarr wrapped an arm around Daeron, securing his place by his side even more.
Daeron felt the beat of Valarr’s heart on his ears. At the start of the relationship, Daeron placed a hand on Valarr's chest noticed that Valarr's heartbeats were fast; his breaths, too. It sped as if he ran a mile without stopping. He'd asked Valarr if he was okay. He half-expected that Valarr's chest might feel constricted from his drumming heart. Yet, there was no indication from Valarr that anything was wrong. It was merely Valarr experiencing the rush of being with Daeron. Perhaps, nervousness. Perhaps, love. Or both.
As the relationship grew deeper, Valarr's heartbeats have slowed. Not because he no longer loved Daeron. No, it's because Daeron was a constant in his life. Someone whose presence he'd grown accustomed to. And someone his heart could trust.
As Valarr's eyes grew heavy with sleep, Daeron slept to Valarr's heartbeats as if it was his lullaby. Perhaps, he could rethink his decision of their sleeping arrangements. But for now, in Valarr’s arms, he felt safe. He felt at home. He felt peace.