Chapter Text
Inside of Piper’s garage, Piper is repairing her truck Steeltusk with a wrench under the hood. Burnice is sitting on the couch playing Super Mario 64 on a game console and a 90’s TV set. She does a triple jump off a cliff in the game and says “It’s a-me!”, doing an impression of the famous Italian plumber. Piper gets up from under the hood, wrench still in hand, and goes around to the driver’s side of the truck. She opens the door, climbs up into the truck, and turns the key to start the ignition to start the truck. The sound of the diesel-powered engine fills the garage, although the garage door is open so some of the sound goes outside. Piper gets back down and goes around to the front of the truck where the hood is and listens to the engine while watching its machinations.
After a few seconds of observing things, Piper goes back around, climbs back into Steeltusk, and turns the key back to shut the engine off. When she gets back out of the vehicle, she sets her wrench down on the work bench on the left side of the truck. Piper then turns towards Burnice, who’s still playing Super Mario 64 on the couch. “Hey Burnice, do you think Steeltusk is making a weird noise?” Piper asked.
“Huh? I thought that was in the game.” said Burnice as she kept playing the game. “Stupid Goombas!” yelled Burnice playfully at the TV.
“I reckon Steeltusk needs some oil. Do you want to come with to the gas station, Burnice?” asked Piper.
“Boy would I?” said Burnice as she paused the game and got up from the couch. She inhaled excitedly. “Can we get snacks too?”
“Yeah we can get snacks.” agreed Piper. “Little old me only has money for oil for Steeltusk though. Besides, Lucy might want something at the gas station too since she usually comes with us.”
With that, Lucy entered the scene in the garage, pig sidekicks Woody, Grassy, and Bricky by her side. “You called?” Lucy said in her elegant voice, without any trace of bitterness or resentment.
“You seem in a good mood!” said Burnice.
“Hmph. Since Caesar and Lighter aren’t here and they’re off fighting in a tournament, I’m as happy as a clam in high water.” said Lucy. “So what are you two up to, Piper and Burnice? Have you been staying out of trouble?”
“We were just about to go to the gas station to get a few things. I reckon Steeltusk needs some oil. Wanna join us?” asked Piper as she put the hood down on Steeltusk.
“Yeah, and a day without trouble is no fun at all!” said Burnice as she waved her flamethrowers around the room.
Lucy chuckled. “I’ll join you, but please try not to set anyone on fire, Burnice.” Burnice put her flamethrowers away. “Aye aye, Lucy!”
“I reckon we should skedaddle then.” said Piper. The three girls, along with Lucy’s hogs Woody, Grassy, and Bricky climbed up into Steeltusk, which is actually pretty roomy in the cab. Piper took the wheel, started the truck back up, put it in gear, and backed the truck out of the garage as it made a beeping sound like large vehicles usually do when they go in reverse.
She pulled out in the hot desert plains of the Outer Ring, with the sun beating down on the land. Thankfully the ventilation in Steeltusk is good for these kinds of conditions, and Piper drove out of the Sons of Calydon camp and onto the road, turning left towards the gas station. The road had some cracks in it from weathering over time, and there’s two yellow lines down the middle and the occasional tumbleweed going across the road. Cacti scattered to the side of the road, and the earth is orange like an American desert, giving the Outer Ring a neo-western feel to it.
They soon get to the gas station which looks old like it was built in the 1970’s, and even had gas pumps that look like they’re from that time too. Above the gas pumps is a ceiling to protect folks from the hot sun and give them shade. Piper pulled in next to the gas pumps, which the ceiling was tall enough to fit Piper since it’s also like a truck stop. “Well, here we are.” said Piper after she parked.
“Great! Now we can get lottery tickets, some snacks, and who knows what else!” said Burnice.
“Let’s just see if they have anything to my liking.” said Lucy as she and Burnice and Piper looked at the gas station and reckoned what was inside. The place looked like it had some maintenance overtime even if the overall building hadn’t, and the inside of the gas station looked nicer than the outside. The three girls and the three hogs got out of Steeltusk and went down the steps and shut the truck doors behind them. They walked across the paved lot and into the gas station and went in through doors that you push to enter and pull on the other side to exit.
When they got inside the gas station, Piper got oil and the like for giving Steeltusk an oil change. Burnice got snacks and a lottery ticket, and Lucy got some makeup, a bottle of soda to quench her thirst, and a treat for her three hogs Woody, Grassy, and Bricky. After they paid for their things at the check out counter, Lucy and her three pigs brought the stuff back to the truck. “Grassy, Woody, Bricky, carry these.” said Lucy.
“Well I’ll be, Lucy, thanks for the gesture.” said Piper, a little surprised that Lucy offered to help like that.
“Yeah thanks! Now I can’t wait to see how much we’ll win on that lottery ticket!” said Burnice. As they exited the gas station, Lucy and her three little pigs went ahead a little ways to Steeltusk to put the stuff behind the seats in the cab. Meanwhile, as Burnice and Piper were walking out, there was a man slouching outside the gas station behind the vending machine with his head down and a cigarette in his mouth, which he was smoking. “Hey.” he called out to Burnice and Piper and stood up from where he was slouching on the wall and became more visible from behind the vending machine. “You want some free moonshine?” The man sounded like he was from the country, like some kind of cowboy. Burnice and Piper both turned around and looked at him. The man wore a cowboy hat, black sunglasses, and a trench coat.
“Huh?” asked Piper.
“I’m giving away some free moonshine, but don’t tell no one, you hear?” said the man.
“I don’t know…” said Piper.
“We’ll take it! I always love trying some new drinks for my mixes!” exclaimed Burnice excitedly.
“Uh, Burnice, honey, I ain’t so sure about this.” said Piper.
“Oh relax, little old you! When something is free in this life, you take it!” Burnice reassured Piper.
“Well, I s’pose you’re right.” yielded Piper.
“Well, come along then. The stash is just right this way.” said the man as he led Burnice and Piper in the direction of his shack where he kept his moonshine stash. After taking a few steps, Piper turned around to look at Lucy, who was finishing up getting their things in order in the cab of Piper’s truck Steeltusk. Piper waved at Lucy and gestured for her to come with them. Lucy saw Piper and shut the door of the truck and ran over to Piper and Burnice. “What’s happening here?” asked Lucy when she caught up to them with her three pigs behind.
“Hey, who’s that?” the man said as he turned around and looked at Lucy. “This is just our friend here. She’s the one who calls the shots.” explained Piper. “You ain’t a cop are you?” asked the man.
“No I am not. The rule of the streets is don’t snitch.” said Lucy gravely. “Can you two explain to me what’s going on here?”
“We’re gonna be getting moonshine! Let’s go!” exclaimed Burnice. The group started walking again to the moonshine shack.
“This man here was just telling us he has some free moonshine, and Burnice made me realize that when life hands you something free, that it must be good karma. Does this moonshine sound good to you, Lucy?” explained Piper to Lucy as they walked.
“We should still be careful, but I’m always down for a little danger and a good drink.” said Lucy.
“You’re calling the shots while we’ll all be taking shots!” said Burnice. Once they got to the moonshine shack, which was a little walk down a path away from the gas station, the man walked up to the door, took a key out of his pocket, and unlocked the door of the moonshine shack. He opened the door to the shack which was dark but became more illumined from the sunlight.
“Well, here it is. Take as much as you want, but remember, don’t tell no one.” said the moonshine smuggler as he stepped aside and let the three girls enter the moonshine shack.
“Sure thing,” said Lucy as the girls entered the shack. There was a moonshine still and several crates of moonshine around the room.
“Wow, look at this place!” said Burnice with child-like wonder.
“Let’s not count our chickens, Burnice.” said Piper.
“I’m not counting chickens. I’m counting bottles of—moonshine! One, two, three…” said Burnice as she counted the bottles of moonshine in the room. “Burnice, Piper’s right. Let’s load up Steeltusk with the shine, and get the hell out of here.” commanded Lucy.
“You got it, Lucy!” complied Burnice. They grabbed the moonshine crates and filled up the back of Steeltusk with them. Once they got as much as they could in the back of Piper’s truck, Piper said “Phew, I reckon that’s all of it,” as she wiped sweat from her brow. Just as she was about to pull down the door to close up Steeltusk, she stopped for a moment to notice there was a jug of moonshine missing from one of the crates, then she continued with closing the big door on Steeltusk.
When Piper got into the driver’s side of the cab and closed the door beside her, Burnice was already in the cab with a jug of moonshine in her hands and Lucy was next to her talking to her about it. “Wow.” Burnice said and giggled in wide-eyed amazement as she beheld the bottle of liquor.
“Oh, I see you already got some for yourself. Are you gonna save some moonshine for the rest of us?” asked Lucy as Piper started up Steeltusk and did a U-turn to drive back to the Sons of Calydon camp..
Burnice eagerly took a sip of the moonshine, then after she swallowed she said, “Don’t you worry boss,” Burnice said with a giggle. “Matter of fact, I’ll bet you’ll be thanking me later.” Burnice winked at Lucy.
“What the-” Lucy blushed. “Do I even wanna know what that means?” Piper yawned. “Whatever it means, hopefully little ol’ me will get some shut eye when all this is said and done,” she said with her southern drawl.
Once they got back to camp, Piper parked Steeltusk and everyone got out and did their thing. Piper went and slouched on a couch nearby Steeltusk, and she took a nap. Some time later, however, when the sun began to go down for the evening, her
beauty rest was interrupted by PubSec officers Zhu Yuan and Qingyi approaching her. “Wake up, citizen. This is Officer Zhu Yuan and Officer Qingyi of New Eridu Public Security,” said Zhu Yuan, the taller and more bodacious of the two. “We need to ask you some questions about some illegal moonshine here in the Outer Ring.”
Piper woke up, rubbed her eyes and got to her feet. “What do you want to know, officers?” she said sleepily with a yawn, although what she was really thinking was What’s the law doing out here in the Outer Ring?
Zhu Yuan had a police notebook and a pencil in her hands as she interrogated Piper. “You wouldn’t happen to know where the moonshine would be at, would you?” Zhu Yuan asked. “We have reason to believe the illegal moonshine is in this area.”
Realization suddenly hit Piper. Steeltusk! She thought. If they check the back of my truck then we’re all going to jail! “No, ma’am, no I wouldn’t,” Piper said nervously. “Ma’am, we’re gonna check the back of your truck,” Zhu Yuan said as she walked towards the back of Steeltusk.
“Y-you can try, but I reckon you won’t find nothin’ useful back there,” said Piper, nervous and shaking. Zhu Yuan opened up the back of Steeltusk, and it was completely empty. No moonshine or nothing. Zhu Yuan climbed up into Steeltusk to take a look around.
Suddenly, a little ways down the dirt road at the Sons of Calydon camp, Burnice stumbled across the road, drunk and struggling to stay standing. She burped and said “Haha, moonshine,” with a drunken smile on her face.
Lucy ran out from the other side of the road on the right hand side from Piper’s perspective, and said “Burnice! What the hell are you doing?!” and Lucy pulled Burnice by the arms back to the right side of the road where Lucy was, behind a building.
“Huh, there’s nothing in here,” Zhu Yuan said as she jumped down from the back of Steeltusk. She shut up Steeltusk, then said to Piper, “Thank you for your cooperation, citizen. Have a nice evening.” Piper was speechless and trying to process what just happened. When Zhu Yuan and Qingyi walked down the dirt path back to their squad car, Lucy and Burnice were dancing against a wall behind the building. Zhu Yuan heard the commotion, and turned around and looked at them and thought for a moment, then said “Lucy…”
Lucy paused what she was doing with Burnice and looked at Zhu Yuan. “Huh?” “I inspected the license plate on your motorcycle. You need to get it registered and to put on a sticker that’s up-to-date.”
“Oh, uh, yeah understood, ma’am.” said Lucy, surprised that that’s what Zhu Yuan wanted, but also relieved that they don’t have to go to jail. Zhu Yuan and Qingyi turned back around and continued walking to the squad car.
End of Ep. 1