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The Alchemy Universe Book 1: Royal Alchemy

Summary:

England 1913, on an alternative earth.
King Rudolph sits on the throne, and sprawling British Empire is the largest on this Earth.
Britain is a superpower and only The Austrian Hungarian Empire, with its spread over much of Europe, Africa and parts of Asia, rivals in trade and military force.
In this parallel world, alchemy – the power to transmute flesh - is a skill used by the alchemists who occupy privileged positions in the royal courts.
Royal Alchemy follows Lord Oscar Hawthorne who, with a case of mistaken identity is subject to gender change!
The complete novel will be posted here.
Royal Alchemy was first published in 2006 under a pseudonym.

I’ve collected all books into The Alchemy Universe which consists of the following novels:
Royal Alchemy (Published 2006)
Alchemy Discovered (Published 2007)
Alchemy Abroad (Published 2008)
Alchemy Return (Published 2012)
Alchemy Politics (Unpublished to date and unfinished)

I appreciate your interest. Thanks for reading. And, as always, I enjoy your comments.

Chapter 1: The New Lord

Chapter Text

 

Godwin, my loyal manservant fastened my bow tie with a discrete flourish. Smoothly, he helped me with my jacket. ‘Simpson has the car ready, my lord, as you instructed.’

‘Thank you, Godwin,’ I said, inspecting myself in the mirror.

Godwin brushed my jacket, removing pieces of lint and the occasional dog hair, with a clothes brush with an ivory handle.

‘Renaldo has been inside your suite again, sir,’ Godwin said disapprovingly, showing me a length of red dog hair he had removed from the jacket.

‘He’s just a dog, Godwin,’ I said, shooting my cuffs from my jacket. I liked the cufflinks to show. ‘I enjoy his companionship.’

Renaldo was, I felt like saying, the only one I could really count as a friend. Godwin was, of course, important but one could not divulge personal concerns to a servant, even a lifelong one like Godwin.

‘Your late father forbade animals in the house…I’m sorry, sir,’ Godwin immediately added when he realised what he had said.

Perhaps my face had shown my feelings of loss. ‘It’s all right, Godwin,’ I said, trying hard to smile but it was difficult. ‘My father is dead. It is a fact that we all have to absorb. We cannot go on pretending it has not happened.’

The truth was, although my father had been dead for three months, I still found it difficult to come to terms with the heartbreaking loss.

My father and I had been very close, as my mother died when I was young. His sudden death had been a terrible blow. Suddenly, I was deeply aware of my own mortality and my own loneliness.

With his death I inherited the title with all the responsibility of being Lord Hawthorne. Therefore, I had to emerge from my self-imposed obscurity and step into the spotlight.

King Rudolph had amended the Royal Inheritance and Aristocracy Act a few years previously so I had, immediately after the death of my father, became the twelfth Earl of Maidenshire, much to the chagrin of my half-brothers Julian and Nigel.

The alterations to legislation gave clarity, so it was said, to the line of succession to the throne as well as allowing some choice in titles. For example, I could be known as Lord Maidenshire or Lord Hawthorne.

It was terribly confusing and most people brushed it off as a poor attempt of modernisation by King Rudolph. Of course, no one said that loudly in case their comments reached the ears of the King.

My father had married my stepmother five years after my mother’s death and Lady Barbara had produced two heirs in rapid succession.

Although only young when my mother died, I had been close to her as most young children are to their mothers. Children are, I believe, excellent judges of character and my relationship with Barbara had always been uneasy.

My half-brothers, Julian and Nigel were tall, broad, strapping youths who enjoyed polo, cricket and, occasionally, golf. Julian, the older of the two, had just commenced his first year at Oxford. There was no doubt he would enjoy the undergraduate life tremendously.

My time at Oxford had not been that enjoyable. I had been shyer than Julian is. He seemed to have inherited his mother's hard edge and exaggerated confidence.

Still, I had done rather well at Oxford. My father had been proud when I had graduated with First Class Honours. Laughing, he had made the point I had done better than Prince Albert who had attended Oxford with me.

Although not really friends, (how does one be a close friend with royalty), Albert and I were very well acquainted and enjoyed each other’s company when the need arose. He was King Rudolph’s only child and heir to the throne. The gossips said that Queen Antoinette had difficulties and could only provide one child.

Of course, some wags said, if the only child had been a girl, King Rudolph would have probably changed the Royal Inheritance and Aristocracy Act again so females could inherit!

Most people laughed at that as everyone knew the King had some outlandish ideas in his quest for modernisation but surely, King Rudolph would not be that insane!

Still, the succession line to the throne was elaborate and confusing. Apparently, thanks to my fathers’ family, I was sixth or seventh on the succession list, perhaps even higher. It depended on who traced the elaborate bloodlines.

However, it was accepted I was in the first ten! How I wished I were in the last ten!

Unfortunately, it was now expected I would appear at countless functions and be patron to the occasional charity. My main occupation was, in reality, to hang around in the wings in case something happened to the others who were ahead of me on the list. It was, I felt, vaguely ridiculous and rather useless.

 ‘You look very well presented, my lord,’ Godwin said.

The door opened and Lady Barbara, my stepmother swept in, followed by her maid who was vainly trying to fix a cameo to Lady Barbara’s chest.

My stepmother waved her away. ‘No, Eliza, I don’t want the broach!’

Eliza, who had flaming red hair, half curtseyed and I wondered if she had the temerity to roll her eyes. ‘Very good, mum, I’ll put it back in the jewellery box.’

‘And make sure it is locked! Bring the key to me immediately!’

The maid opened her mouth and then shut it when she caught my glance. She hurried from the room with a toss of her fiery red hair.

Lady Barbara always dressed well and followed the rules of fashion religiously. For example, she never bared her arms during daylight hours. Bare arms were acceptable only in the evening. She always ensured head-to-ankle coverage during daylight but I noticed, she was featuring the newer lowered neckline.

‘That girl is useless,’ Lady Barbra sighed. ‘I just knew that awful red hair indicated a complete lack of discipline. She has the temerity to talk back! Unforgivable! So much for your recommendation, Godwin!’

Godwin said nothing but his eyes narrowed slightly.

‘Oscar ...,’ my stepmother said, placing a fast kiss on my cheek, ‘... you look simply marvellous. An excellent choice for your first appearance as Lord Hawthorne. I suppose Godwin chose the suit for you?’

It was a veiled insult but I let it fly by. There was no point in taking anything my stepmother said to heart. She was constantly rebuking or politely insulting people. I pitied the servants, as I was sure she was constantly at them as well.

Of course, I had no interest in the domestic arrangements of the houses and had no real idea how Barbara treated the servants. That was, simply, not my domain and, therefore, little interest to me.

Godwin was expressionless with no indication he had even heard Lady Barbara's comment. Instead, he calmly said, ‘The car is waiting, Lord Hawthorne.’

I almost smiled at his pointed use of my title. It was a reminder to Barbara that I now controlled the estates, houses and incomes associated with the Earl of Maidenshire.

‘Thank you, Godwin.’

Barbara brushed something from my shoulder. I suspected there had been nothing there and it was a gesture to simply that point out that Godwin had failed in dressing me properly.

‘When you’ve finished at the Palace, Oscar,’ Barbara said, ‘Make sure you go straight to the Hanover residence.’

‘I will.’

‘Don’t forget.’

‘How could I when you remind me all the time,’ I said with a forced smile. ‘I’ll be there.’

Just as I walked towards the doors, Julian and Nigel stepped in.

‘Good luck, Oscar,’ Nigel said, his round face wide with a smile. ‘It’s not often the King hosts a reception in your honour.’

‘Thank you, Nigel.’

‘Yes,’ Julian grunted. ‘Good luck.’

‘No luck required,’ I said, ‘I just have to stand around and sip champers while the King talks. Nothing special.’

‘Yes, quite,’ Julian said dryly. There was envy in his eyes but, as usual, I did not comment.

 

 

The Rolls Royce was waiting outside the London townhouse. It was a Silver Ghost and had been my father’s pride and joy. He loved that car and had immediately paid one thousand pounds for it in 1909.

I remembered how excited he had been. He had been so willing to describe the attributes of the vehicle.

‘Oscar, it’s smooth as silk and can go up to sixty-five miles per hour!’

‘Why on earth would you want to travel that fast?’

‘Because you can, my boy, because you bloody can!’

I had shared his enthusiasm somewhat and when the Rolls Royce team had swept the board at the Austrian Alpine Trials, I had immediately ordered the Alpine Eagle, which was to be delivered next year.

‘Good morning, Lord Hawthorne,’ Simpson said as he opened the door.

‘Good morning, Simpson,’ I acknowledged and slipped into the back of the motor.

It was a short journey to Buckingham Palace and I nervously watched the world go about its business as the Rolls slid past.

A few people on the street stopped to look at the car as we passed. Idly, I wondered what the common folk thought of the state of the world as they hurried home from their daily toil.

Although I did not have an extreme interest in the rather common reality of politics, I did know that relations with Austrian Hungarian Empire had diminished. There had been a skirmish on the border of New Guinea with Imperial Australian Forces. Luckily, it had been resolved but tensions were still high.

There were unsubstantiated rumours that the Austrian Emperor had ordered his Royal Alchemist to transmute the wine of our ambassador at an Embassy function in Vienna.

The wine had turned into poison but, luckily, an Alchemy Sensor accompanying the ambassador sensed the vibrations of the transmutation and warned the ambassador.

Nothing could be proven, of course, and the ambassador just declined the wine, claiming an irritated stomach.

Thankfully, our own Royal Alchemist, Lord Bizet was powerful and had trained many Alchemists and Alchemy Sensors.

Alchemy Sensors were extraordinary young men selected from the finest universities, who had been trained by the Royal Alchemist to sense the first waves of transmutation. They were unable to transmute themselves but they were gifted in sensing and in this day and age of political turmoil and intrigue, that was a very handy gift indeed.

My stepmother Barbara had been rather insistent recently that I needed to hire a Sensor as I was at risk because I was now directly linked to the throne. I had waved the suggestion away because of expense plus Alchemy Sensors were devilishly rare and hard to get hold of. I also did not think I was that important or, at least, hoped I was not.

The Rolls turned into the gates and the guards peered through the window, inspecting me. Simpson announced me to the guards and handed over the invitation. The guard saluted and waved us through.

Simpson parked the car and opened the car door. I walked up the steps and through the entrance to where the reception was being held.

I could not help but wonder how I would be accepted. I was now the youngest member of the House of Lords, the most powerful house of parliament.

King Rudolph consulted the House of Lords regularly before deciding on matters. I had even heard, the King discussed lesser items with the Lower House of Parliament on occasion

There was gossip the new Prime Minister had impressed the King. It was also said, the Prime Minister was making suggestions for further changes. That gossip created wariness amongst the aristocracy.

The footman nodded to me and I adjusted my tie as he opened the double doors.

‘Lord Hawthorne,’ he announced to the waiting men. I walked through to polite applause.

Lord Bentley, my father’s trusted friend, and adviser must have been waiting near the doors as he immediately greeted me. He shook my hand and took me around to introduce me to the assembled Lords.

 ‘Lord Windermere, Leader of the House,’ Lord Bentley said, introducing me to an elderly man with grey mutton-chop whiskers and moustache.

‘Oscar, my boy,’ Lord Windermere said. ‘I was a great admirer of your late father. My deepest commiserations. A sad and untimely passing.’

‘Thank you, Milord,’ I said politely.

Windermere nodded and turned to speak to another guest, his duty to me and my late father done!

 And so it went on. I moved around the room, untasted glass of champagne in my hand with Bentley introducing me to the Lords.

Only men in attendance, of course. Women were not present at the reception as this was no place for the fair sex.

I had heard there were a few women advocating the vote for females but, of course, was just a lunatic fringe element.

No traditional woman would want to be involved in politics! Why would they? They would desire to concentrate on children and their husbands! That was far more important to women and suited to the feminine mind.

I responded politely to all the greetings and was extremely courteous and deferential. I was wondering when I could have a minute to myself when the noise of the footman’s ornate bejewelled staff pounded on the floor, immediately silencing us.

‘His Royal Majesty…,’ he called, ‘… King Rudolph the second. Accompanied by the Prince of Ireland, Prince Albert!’

We all bowed and applauded as King Rudolph, dressed in a smart black suit, shook hands, and greeted the lords who were close to the door. He looked pale and a little drawn but still carried himself regally as he formally greeted the Lords of the land.

Albert stood shyly by, nodding and smiling but, I could tell by his eyes, Prince Albert wished he were a million miles away.

‘Go ahead, my boy,’ Bentley murmured. 'He’s here to welcome you, you know.’

His hand propelled me forward, the crowd parted and King Rudolph spied me immediately.

His pallid face broke into a broad smile and walked towards me. ‘Lord Hawthorne!’

‘Your Majesty,’ I said, bowing as I had been taught by Bentley, Godwin, and my father.

‘Oscar…,’ King Rudolph said immediately, taking my hand, ‘…I’m so sorry about George, it was a surprise.’

His hand was soft and clammy and I immediately wondered if the rumours about the King’s illness were true.

‘Thank you, Sir, your words are appreciated.’

The King said some more nice words and warmly welcomed me to the House of Lords, his trusted advisory council, and legislators.

Protocol precluded me from replying, something for which I was rather grateful. I just smiled and accepted the applause and warm wishes.

King Rudolph circulated, talking immediately to Lord Windermere and I saw a younger man in black suit join them.

‘That’s Prime Minister Feldberg,’ Bentley supplied before I could even ask. ‘He is a special guest of the House. Not a bad chap, for one of those new socialists but well brought up, knows his place. Some say he is a Jew but the King likes him so no one mentions the money lenders!'

‘And who is that?’ I asked, nodding to a small man dressed in a black three-quarter length coat and suit. His hair was steely grey and his eyes seemed to be everywhere and yet relaxed.

‘That’s Lord Bizet, the Royal Alchemist,’ Bentley said. I detected some awe in his voice.

Bizet had two young men in black with him and I assumed they were Alchemy Sensors. After the King, there was no doubt that the Royal Alchemist was the most powerful person in the land.

Prince Albert walked over to me and shook my hand after I gave him a formal half-bow. ‘A big day for you, Oscar.'

‘It appears to be, Sir,’ I said formally.

He grinned, taking my arm to lead me away from Bentley. ‘It is all a bit stuffy, isn’t it? Look, Oscar…,’ he said seriously, ‘…I am terribly sorry about your father.’

‘Thanks, Albert,’ I said, now we were out of earshot.

‘You are going to that do at the Hanover house? Of course you are,’ Albert said ruefully. ‘You’re meeting your beloved there, aren’t you.’

‘This is only the second time I’ve met her, Albert,’ I said evenly. ‘Regina is hardly my beloved.’

‘Don’t say that too loud, old boy,’ Albert teased. ‘The court gossips would have a jolly field day.’

The last thing my father had done was to open negotiations with the Mounthaven family for me to marry their daughter Regina. Arranged marriages were the norm in upper society and the alliance between the English Maidenshire family and the Canadian Mounthaven family would be formidable.

‘What’s she like?’ Albert pressed.

‘Presentable,’ I replied dryly.

Truth was that I thought she was a little cold and standoffish. I did not blame her as she probably did not want to marry me anymore than I wanted to marry her.

‘Come with me to the Hanover house in my car, Oscar,’ Albert said.

 I thought I saw awkwardness in his eyes. I knew Prince Albert suffered incredible shyness and was under the pressure of fulfilling the expectations of his mother and father.

‘Why, Albert?’ I asked, taking him a little further away from the watching Lords.

‘I’m just tired of having everyone watching me,’ he said eyes darting around the room. ‘I never get a minutes peace.’

‘You’re the Crown Prince,’ I jollied. ‘It will be much worse when you’re King.’

‘I know,’ he said morosely. ‘Look, come with me in my car. Your driver can go ahead, can’t he? I really hate walking in by myself.’

‘Of course,’ I said automatically. ‘That would be delightful.’

‘Wonderful,’ Albert said, seeing his father, the King gesturing to him. ‘I’ll be back here in twenty minutes.’

Once Albert walked away, Bentley quickly appeared at my elbow. ‘It’s good you’re friends with the Prince,’ he said.

‘I’m not really a friend,’ I said. ‘Just…’

‘You should make him your friend, Oscar, he will be King someday.’

‘I can’t pretend…’

‘Quiet! Here comes Bizet! Good morning, Lord Bizet,’ Bentley said with a forced smile. ‘Do you know Lord Hawthorne?’

‘Not formally,’ Bizet said, offering his hand. ‘I knew George, your father. He was a great man.’

‘Thank you, Lord Bizet.’

He smiled, nodded, and moved away to stand beside King Rudolph who was saying goodbye.

Immediately the King left, the Lords formed into small groups, cliques even, and I rather felt on the outer. Bentley introduced me to a few more Lords and I managed to slip away after about fifteen minutes.

Standing next to the Lords entrance, I waited for Prince Albert’s car to pull in as arranged.

‘Waiting for the Prince?’

Startled, I turned to find Lord Bizet standing in the shadows.

‘Yes, Lord Bizet,’ I said, somewhat taken aback. ‘He asked that I accompany him to…’

‘The Hanover dinner party. Yes, I know,’ Lord Bizet said, and showed me his lit cigar. ‘The King cannot abide smoke so I am exiled when I wish to enjoy a cigar. Do you smoke, Oscar?’

‘No, Lord Bizet.’

‘That is wise, I suppose. Your father enjoyed his pipe, did he not?’

‘He did.’

‘The Prince is a shy young man, Oscar. It is good that he is friends with you…’

‘I wouldn’t say we were close friends, Lord Bizet, we simply attended university together…’

‘Albert does not have many friends. Shyness can be a curse when you wonder if everyone is trying to take advantage of you.’

I said nothing as I had seen the hangers-on fluttering around Albert at University and at every gala occasion. It would be terrible not to be able to trust anyone.

Then, I wondered who I trusted! Godwin? My dog? Sadly, the list was rather short!

We both turned as the royal car, followed by another that contained bodyguards and Alchemy Sensors, pulled alongside.

‘I must go. Good evening, Lord Bizet.'

‘And to you, Lord Hawthorne.’ He said it with a light smile.

I walked down the steps. A manservant opened the car door and I slipped in the back and sat next to Prince Albert. A solitary Alchemy Sensor sat in the passenger front seat, dressed in the customary black and staring at the world with the usual blank expression.

‘Another dinner party,’ Albert said morosely as the car drove away.

‘It will not be that bad. Eloise always puts on a spiffing turn!’

Eloise Hanover was a good friend. In fact, we had been friends since childhood and enjoyed an easy and honest relationship. I had once fantasised about marrying her but Eloise was always full of common sense.

‘It wouldn’t happen, Oscar,’ she said calmly. ‘The Hanovers and the Hawthornes are perfect material for diplomatic marriages. The King would not allow us to marry each other!’

The King approved all marriages within the aristocracy and Eloise was right. Marriages were not made in heaven. They were made in politics and diplomacy!

‘Yes, Eloise does host a spiffing do, Oscar,’ Albert said, ‘But I will still have frightfully shallow people swarming around, laughing at all my pathetic jokes, and nodding wisely! I hate that!'

I did not reply. When Albert was in one of his dark moods, no one could get him out of it so I held my tongue.

We drove silently through the streets and Albert forced a plain smile to his face as he graciously waved to the few commoners who were still on the streets. Some waved back while other stared sullenly at the car. I wondered, fleetingly, what the common folk were thinking tonight.

Albert was becoming increasingly agitated and grumbled, ‘I feel so dashed awkward at these things, having to smile all the time...’

‘It won’t be so bad, old chap,’ I said, trying to jolly him out of his bad mood. ‘Eloise is fun and there’s sure to be bags of funny and intelligent people ...’

‘Like that woman you have been fixed up with? Regina someone?’

‘Mounthaven,’ I mumbled. ‘Well, I assume she’s funny...and intelligent...’

‘Assume! Jeepers, Oscar, you are going to spend the rest of your life with her!’ Prince Albert said, staring out the window.

‘’We will have our own interests and come together for the children and matters of state...’

‘God, listen to yourself! That is not a real marriage! Not love!'

I shook my head as the car ground to a halt outside the Hanover townhouse.

‘Here we are,’ I said, rather diplomatically as I did not want to debate the Prince’s fanciful ideas of marriage. We had discussed marriage and love once at Oxford and that was better forgotten.

‘I’ve changed my mind, I’m not going,’ Albert grumbled.

‘Not going! But...Sir,’ I began.

 Albert just shook his head. ‘Tell them I have a cold or something,’ he said stubbornly.

‘A cold!’

I glanced at the driver who was staring straight ahead and even the Alchemy Sensor looked away.

What hope did I have of convincing the Crown Prince that he should change his mind?

‘Jolly good, then,’ I snapped, furiously fumbling with the door and, finally getting it open, stepped outside. It was chilly and I thought angrily that I could have gone in my own car after all!

I hoped Albert might change his mind but the car sped off just as I took a step towards the house. With no alternative, I walked briskly to the gates, through them and up the steps where the butler magically opened the door as I arrived at it.

‘Lord Hawthorne,’ I snapped.

He nodded diplomatically. ‘Of course, Milord, please enter.’

Eloise swept to the door in a magnificent dress and looked at me quizzically after pecking my cheek. ‘You’re alone?’

‘Unfortunately,’ I said in a loud voice so the eavesdroppers could safely hear. ‘Prince Albert is unwell. He sends his apologies.’

‘Unwell?’ Eloise rolled her eyes and then took my hand. ‘Oh well, we’ll just have to make do with the newest Lord.’

‘Don’t tease,’ I said ruefully, smiling at the other dinner guests as servants scurried around with trays. ‘Is Regina here?’

My voice had dropped to a whisper and Eloise took my arm, smiling at guests as she guided me through the room.

‘Yes,’ Eloise answered through her still lips. ‘She is and in a foul mood!’

‘Oh bother,’ I cursed softly.

‘Don’t worry, Oscar,’ Eloise soothed as we approached Regina. ‘It’s always difficult in the first few months of a relationship.’

‘You and Tony seem happy.’

‘We are,’ Eloise said brightly. ‘I was very lucky. We hit it off the first time we were introduced. Although it is a bit strange chatting to someone for the first time and yet, knowing you are going to marry them.’

‘I’m rather experiencing that myself,’ I grumbled as we approached Regina.

Regina's eyes were cold. As usual. ‘So… ' Regina said haughtily in her Canadian accent, as I smiled faintly at her, ‘...you’re here at last!’

‘Hello, Regina,’ I said brightly and grinned inanely like an idiot. What does one say to the total stranger you are going to marry?

A crash and the sound of broken glass rang through the room and we all turned to look at some hapless servant girl who had obviously dropped a tray of glasses.

The butler swooped and quickly reprimanded the girl who stared sullenly at the floor while he went on.

‘Pick it up! Quickly, girl, before someone steps on it!’

I turned back to Regina who was looking at the servant girl with scorn. ‘Your servants aren’t very efficient, Eloise,’ she said icily.

 Eloise just smiled. ‘We all have bad days, Regina,’ Eloise said calmly.

‘They need to be given firm direction, I fear.’

‘Perhaps,’ Eloise smiled. ‘Excuse me, I see the Prime Minister has arrived.’

Regina smiled bleakly and then turned to me, looking me up and down.

‘When we are married…,’ she said coldly, ‘…I wish to spend half the year in Montreal.’

‘I’m sure that could be arranged, Regina,’ I said lightly, not really caring, thinking I may have several months by myself. It was an attractive notion.

However, Regina was one step ahead.

‘And we will travel as husband and wife. If you think I would go off for six months and leave you to the harlots of London, you have another thing coming!’

God, do I really want to spend the rest of my life with this!

‘Regina...,’ I began but she would have none of anything I was about to say.

‘I don’t want your protests. I know men! You were staring at that servant girl! All of you were.’

Yes, I thought angrily because she dropped the bloody tray! Is Regina this madly jealous? ‘It was the accident...’

‘If you say so!’ Regina looked around the room. ‘Now...,’ Regina said, slipping her arm through mine, ‘...smile and be happy. Your mother and Lord Bentley are coming.’

‘My dear Regina...,’ my stepmother said, kissing Regina’s cheeks, ‘...so lovely to see you again.’

‘And you,’ Regina replied gaily. ‘Such a quaint dinner party.’

‘The do at the palace went well, my boy,’ Lord Bentley said to me with a broad smile. ‘Good to get your feet wet. It is important that the House of Lords be seen as a meaningful force with all this talk about democracy. You know the commoners want more people elected to the parliament!’

He said it as if it was the most absurd thing he had ever heard and, I suppose, I had to agree with him. What would the common folk know about the intricacies of diplomacy and politics?

‘The Prime Minister and his cabinet are elected,’ I pointed out.

‘Yes but approved by the House of Lords. The People’s House is there to give appearance to a peoples voice. God, could you imagine the mess if we allowed the lower classes to actually run the Empire? Pure bloody chaos!’

‘Enough politics, you two. They want us to go through for dinner,’ Barbara said. ‘I have already looked at the place cards. You and Regina are sitting together, of course.’

‘How lovely,’ Regina said woodenly.

‘Super,’ I echoed dismally and we walked through to the dining room