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The new town smelled like brine and coal smoke, Gray hated it a little for that reason alone.
They'd made port an hour ago at some sprawling harbor settlement on the edge of Guiltina and the others had scattered the second their boots hit solid ground. Everyone was naturally a little tired and irritated of being cramped together and only have each other to spend time with.
So, they were all taking a breather before they journeyed on.
It took him three streets and a fish market to admit it to himself, that he was scanning every woman with blue hair, every stranger's face for something that would make his chest do that stupid, familiar lurch. It had happened before at Rain Hill Station, where he'd run into Juvina and got to spend the day with the closest thing to Juvia that he had at the time.
Which then led him to getting to spend the day with actual Juvia after the first few initial weeks apart. Even if it was because she was being somewhat mind controlled.
This town gave him nothing. No doppelgänger to trick his stupid heart with, or the real thing showing up out of nowhere. Just strangers who all looked like exactly what they were to him, nobody.
He ended up sitting on an overturned crate at the end of a quiet pier, the sun dipping low enough to turn the water orange, and he thought about her properly for the first time all day. Not the flash-image kind of thinking he did to make it to the end of a fight, the usually stunning blink of her laugh that motivated him to want to see her again.
But the kind of thinking where he let himself feel exactly how much he missed her.
Fuck it.
He pulled out his lacrima. The time difference always ran backwards on this side of the world, which meant it'd be late at night for her, later than he probably should call. He thought about it for exactly as long as it took to remember he didn't really care because he wanted to see her, and pressed his thumb to her name.
It rang twice before her face swam up out of the light and his aching heart eased on contact.
"Gray-sama!" Her voice cracked up an octave with delight and she scrambled, the picture tilted, blurred, then resettled closer. "Juvia didn't expect you to call! Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine," he laughed as her beaming face came into view. "We just landed somewhere new so we have some free time. I figured I'd call to see how you're doing."
She lit up at his words and he tried not to blush too hard at the sight.
"Isn't it late there?" he asked, only then actually looking at her appearance. Her hair was down, pushed messily off one shoulder, and she was in her favorite pajamas with something folded in her lap and a needle glinting between two fingers.
"It's a little passed her usual bedtime," she admitted sheepishly. "Juvia was sewing because she couldn't sleep."
"Sewing what?"
"A button fell off one of her Gray-dolls eyes and then she got an idea for a new one," she stopped herself, ears going faintly pink and busied her hands with tucking the fabric out of frame.
"What's the idea?" He prompted her, maybe a little too eager to hear about it considering they were talking about a doll she was making of him. He wanted her to go on about it mostly because he wanted an excuse to keep looking at her.
Green pajamas, hair loose, that same smile that brought him all the comfort in the world.
God, what he wouldn't give to be at her side in that moment. All cute and cozy in her dorm room, probably with a bunch of those soft blankets she loved to surround herself with so much.
"Well," he saw her take a deep breath. "She wanted to try her hand with different fabrics so she made this one." She held up a little doll with his usual white coat, instead of the shirtless ones she always made.
"Looks good, you made the jacket yourself?" He asked with a small smile as she flushed and nodded.
"Yes, she's never been the best with clothing but…" She then smiled at the little guy in her hand. "She's quite proud of it."
"You should be," he replied warmly. "Maybe you should start making Juvia-dolls to match all those Gray-dolls now that you have the skill."
She giggled in response and he was happy to see she looked less nervous about it now. "Maybe she should."
They talked like they always did. She told him about a job Gajeel had dragged her into that ended with both of them soaked in fish guts the week before. He told her about a town two stops back where Natsu had eaten something he shouldn't have and spent a full day running to the bathroom to deal with the consequences.
She laughed and he found himself grinning at his lacrima screen like an idiot, all while alone on a pier in a town he didn't even remember the name of anymore.
"And how are all of you now?" She asked fondly. "She knows you can't tell her much about the job, but she hopes you're all doing alright and aren't putting yourselves in too much danger."
"Everyone's good. Not much danger the past two weeks honestly, the hardest thing now is all of us being cramped together most of the time. Difficult to get some alone time like this so I guess we've all been a bit more irritable with each other recently," he said explained and he did his best to memorize the way her hair looked all fanned out as she lay on her back. "We haven't killed each other yet anyway."
"Yet," Juvia echoed with a giggle. "Juvia understands that, too many missions with Gajeel and Lily recently has made her a little stir crazy and she misses her alone time too. Nothing like what you all are doing though," She smiled kindly down the lacrima screen. "You consider talking to Juvia your alone time?"
He could see her teasing smile through the screen and rolled his eyes playfully, "do you ever let me be alone?"
"Do you ever let Juvia be alone?" He snorted as she gave him a sassy look to match her words.
He couldn't stop smiling. "Haven't I left you alone for a few months now?" Gray watched as her face switched to a playful pout at the screen.
"Juvia is choosing not to think about that," she huffed out and Gray let himself chuckle at her. "Are you missing home?"
He opened his mouth to give her the usual deflection or joke about missing a homemade meal or wanting to sleep in his own bed and instead what came to his mind was her.
The weight of her jumping into his arms every single time he came home from a job, her arms thrown around his neck tightly and rubbing her cheek against his as she giggled to herself that he'd returned.
Sitting there on a crate at the other side of the world from her, he suddenly understood with total certainty that when he pictured home, it wasn't a place anymore.
It had probably been that way for longer than he wanted to admit to himself too.
He didn't say any of that. Couldn't yet and certainly not down a lacrima line, not before he'd said it to her face the way she deserved to hear it.
"Like you wouldn't believe," he said instead, and his voice came out rougher than he meant it to. Because he missed her so much his whole body ached to get on the next boat back to Fiore, abandon the entire 100 Years Quest, just to lay on that couch beside her and watch her sew stupid little Gray-dolls all night long.
She didn't seem to notice, or was kind enough not to say so if she did. On the screen, she covered a small yawn with the back of her hand, and the sight of it made his heart ache worse than anything had all day.
She was the cutest thing he'd ever seen.
"You should get some sleep," he said gently.
"Juvia knows." She didn't argue to try to spend more time together, which told him how tired she really was. "It was so wonderful to hear your voice."
"Yeah," he nodded slowly, taking in the memory of her face before the call ended. "Back at ya." He took a deep breath in, preparing himself for the goodbyes to come. "It was really good to see your face again."
Juvia hummed and had a sleepy little grin on her face as he saw her fading. "Good night, Gray-sama." She yawned loudly now and rolled her shoulders until they clicked. "Hurry back home, please."
"I'll try my best." He huffed something that was almost a laugh, throat feeling suddenly tight. "Good night, Juvia. Hope you get some sleep now."
"Juvia loves you," she said it so easily, the way she always did and then the connection cut, her image folding into static and then she was gone.
He kept the lacrima to his hand a second longer than he needed to.
"I love you too," he said to the dead line and squeezed his eyes shut for a minute to let the moment pass over him.
Then he pocketed the lacrima, stood up off the crate, and walked back toward the town to find the others.
He eased his heart ache by reminding himself that this feeling was the very reason he agreed to go on the quest in the first place.
When he was finally home she would jump into his arms and that time he would wrap his around her in return. She'd fall asleep against his chest every night and she'd be the first thing he would see every morning. And Gray tried his very hardest not to think of Greige making an appearance in that future too, because then he really would abandon the whole quest to get back to her.
It was getting harder and harder to remind himself that he was on this quest to be good enough for her. The further apart they were the harder it was for him to just say fuck all of this, run right back to her side and never leave again.