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“What do you mean we’re celebrating Zane’s fiftieth birthday? That guy can’t be older than twenty!” Kai said.
“I thought he was twenty five…” Lloyd said.
“No way. He’s our age. Right?” Jay said.
“But didn’t he spend sixty years in the Never Realm? Wouldn’t that make him one hundred and forty? Well, assuming he is fifty to begin with.” Cole said.
The group was stunned into silence.
“There’s no way…” Nya said.
“Maybe those years don’t count,” Jay offered. “He was possessed by the evil ice emperor slash scroll thingy…”
“Yeah, maybe…” Lloyd said, not sounding convinced
The ninja were no strangers to unusual aging. Jay did not know his original birth date: his adoptive parents had always celebrated it on the day he was left on their doorstep. Kai and Nya didn’t know for years because their parents had been kidnapped by a demented elemental master. And Lloyd was magically aged by a mysterious tea and thus skipped an unknowable amount of childhood years.
But Zane…Zane was different.
Instead of not knowing a relative age of birth or skipping a couple of years, he had spent long decades before and after he met the ninja either living with his father in the Birchwood Forest, or ruling over a conquered kingdom in the Never Realm. Both icy places seemed to exist in a realm outside of the concept of time for Zane never seemed to age from either one (though Zane suffered a significant bout of depression after the Never Realm that one could describe as “aging him”).
Naturally, the question of Zane’s age led the ninja to speculate on the age of the other nindroid in their residence.
“Wait, does anyone know how old Pixal is?” Cole asked. “I can’t remember celebrating her birthday. Like ever.”
“Hmm…” Lloyd hummed to himself. “Oh yeah, she doesn’t really like to celebrate it. I don’t know why. But she was built just before the Nindroid Invasion. A few months before it, I think.”
“Wait woah woah woah.” Kai raised a hand. “That means that Pix is like…seven years old?!”
“And if Pix is seven that means…” Cole’s mouth opened. “She’s a minor.”
“Yeah, so?” Kai asked. “Sure it’s kinda freaky that she is younger than everyone and annoyingly smart but she’s not the only one like that around here.” He ruffled Lloyd’s hair playfully and the green ninja slapped the hand away with a grin.
“Well…” Cole said. “Well…”
“Oh my gosh!!!” Jay exclaimed. “If Pix is seven…there’s like a hundred year age gap between her and Zane! Over a hundred years!” Jay’s voice broke into a squeal. “ZANE’S A COUGAR!”
“No, you dumbass!” Kai was about to kick Jay in the shins when Master Wu barged into the room, brandishing his staff.
“Where’s the cougar?!”
“There’s no cougar, Master Wu.” Nya rolled her eyes. Jay swallowed and cowered behind his yang, his cheeks flaming red. “We have just realized that Zane and Pix have…a significant age gap.”
“Oh,” Master Wu’s wrinkles softened. “Is that it?”
“‘Is that it?’!” Kai said.
“Well,” Master Wu smiled fondly. His eyes became misty. “Age does not always matter in the affairs of love. Misako and I…”
“EW, UNCLE, NOOO!” Lloyd screeched and grabbed the nearest object—a pillow—to throw at Master Wu.
“DON’T YOU DARE!” Kai yelled. “If I hear ONE more word about that love triangle—or ANY love triangle—!”
“Oh boy,” Cole murmured. He decided it was best to vacate the room. Nya and Jay gazed after him enviously. Unfortunately, they were trapped by the red and green ninjas who were advancing on Master Wu.
On his way out the door, Cole nearly ran face first into Zane and Pixal who charged into the room with wide eyes.
“What in the name of the First Master is going on?” Zane demanded. Pixal stood behind him, silent and blinking.
“Oh…uh…” Lloyd stammered.
“Jay called you a cougar,” Kai blurted.
“Hey!” Jay leapt on top of the fire ninja and began slapping him. The others rushed forward to separate them. When they were restrained, Zane asked,
“He called me a what?”
“A cougar. Though it’s technically not the right term…” Nya said. “It refers to a female who…who…”
“Robs the cradle.” Lloyd said. Pixal and Zane frowned at each other.
“But I am not female and I have never stolen any babies…”
“Zane!” Kai exclaimed. “That’s not the point, it just means that you’re dating, well…” He stammered when his eyes landed on Pixal. “Someone much younger than you…” Zane turned to Pixal who mirrored his quizzical look. All of a sudden, she let out a sharp breath.
“Nindroids do not age, not in the traditional human sense. We are mature at creation, though I must admit it took me a while to grow acclimated to your customs…”
“But you weren’t you technically a baby when you met us?” Kai asked.
“No. I am a nindroid, therefore I cannot experience physical maturation.”
“But you didn’t have many conscious moments before you met us…”
“Correct.”
“So you were a baby.”
“Incorrect. Though admittedly I was emotionally immature when we met, Zane and I did not being courting until years later.”
“Kai,” Zane butted in, sensing a spiral entrapping Pixal and Kai in an argument. “What do you mean by this?”
“I mean,” Kai let out a huff. “That you two are technically…”
“Stop it,” Nya demanded, roping her brother and all non-nindroids to a corner of the room.
“Why?” Kai asked. “They have to know.”
“Do they though? Nindroids clearly have different rules for things like this.”
“But it’s weird, Nya!”
“Who cares? Both parties, though admittedly very very different in human age, are both incredibly mature and have consented to a relationship.”
“But Pixal—"
“Is an adult,” Nya said. “She is far more mature than you will ever be and you are an actual human adult."
"HEY!" Kai exclaimed.
"And she is not human so that does not apply to her," Nya continued. “And if either of them were in trouble or something really weird was going on, then we would intervene.”
“I think I agree with Nya on this one…” Lloyd said. “The nindroids are smart and they’re happy together…and they actually don’t have human ages…if they were human, yeah, that would be a little weird…” Lloyd flinched at Master Wu’s sheepish glance to the ceiling. “Or…maybe not.”
“So they are adults in the nindroid sense…so they’re chill?”
“They’re chill, Kai.”
“I’m okay with it. As long as Zane’s not a cougar,” Jay said.
“You dumbass.” Kai shook his head. “That’s not what that means. We just explained it to you—-”
The remaining ninja turned to the nindroids with sheepish smiles.
“Well, guys…great talk…” Lloyd said. He approached the nindroids. “You are free to go now.”
“Really?” Zane said. “Then what…?”
“Just a small disagreement.”
“Alright, see you later…” Kai said and all the others stumbled out of the room, avoiding the nindroids’ gazes. Zane glanced at Pixal.
“Do you have any idea on what that is about?”
“I do, and if it is what I believe it to be, it is quite ridiculous.”
“And not worth my time?” Zane guessed. Pixal tapped her fingers against her palm as she thought.
“It is not, unless it is likely to reemerge in another conversation…”
“Alright,” Zane sighed. He looked at the floor. “Sometimes I wish I understood what they were saying…I don’t always know…” Pixal reached for his hand and squeezed it with a smile.
“I don’t understand everything either, but most of what I comprehend and you don’t is absurd. Trust me, you are not missing anything.” Pixal rolled her eyes and Zane chuckled, squeezing her fingers in return.
"I am grateful for you."
"And I am grateful for you." They smiled at each other until Cole tiptoed back into the room, grabbed his phone, and tiptoed out. "Oh boy," Pixal groaned. "This is going to be a long day."
"Agreed."