Chapter Text
Baby Flower
It's my first day in Seoul. First day in Korea actually. So close, but yet, so different. China, where I'm from, is huge. I mean, like HUGE compared to Korea. You could probably put Korea into a random province and no one in china would realize.
So why did I move to Korea? Well, I want to be model. The modeling industry in china, is well... very suspect. Often in China, models represent companies or products, but are never represented themselves. I wanted to make a name for myself, and Seoul was the most obvious destination.
It was growing, surpassing greater nations in terms of beauty. From a country that was once treading in water to survive, to now a country that had an iron grip on the beauty industry. It's where I wanted to be, and where I want to belong.
But I was nervous. The competitive nature of modeling often goes unseen. All the cuts, hits, and bruises that are mandatory to survive. It was cut throat and fast, no one was waiting for you to catch up. And if this doesn't work, I have no where else to turn.
...
October 10th, 2023
I arrive at my apartment, my home for the foreseeable future. It wasn't too grand nor too small, it was just right, cozy, you can say. With just the basic needs. A bedroom, a small studio, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room. Basic, but comfortable. I place down the last of my boxes and take a look around. Their wasn't much in the living space, just a glass coffee table, a low couch, and a three connecting japanese inspired paintings above it.
I am truly alone now. No one to turn too, no one to rely on. A grown adult who makes their own decisions. Growing up, things were given to you, now they are earned. It won't be easy, god no, their may be days I just cry myself to sleep, or scream into a pillow until I physically can't no more. Hopefully, just maybe, my dreams could come true.
I look out the window. The Seoul night life beginning to emerge as the sun sets. I pull out my phone and take a photo, it was beautiful.
I heart it, preparing to document my journey later on. I continue to look out the glass pane. The memories of a being a child come flooding back. I smile. But those days were long over. Today starts a new journey, a new path, a new Xinyu.
...
It was now 8pm. I still haven't ate, and I was hungry. So wearing an oversized hoodie I take a walk and head over to the 7-Eleven nearby. I say hi to the tenant, who smiled, nodding to me on the way out.
As I opened the door to the outside, the evening breeze hit my face gently. The weather was started to get a little chillier now, making tick my hands into my hoodie pockets to keep warm. As I make my way to the gas station, I pass many couples walking by, going to and coming home from somewhere. I smile. One day.
Once inside the store I look around for something to eat. "Hmmmm... what to eat... pork? Yeah pork it is."
I grab some pork from the freezer section alongside microwaved rice and some fresh fermented kimchi,
"Well... this will have to do." I say as I make my way to the registry.
Along the way, I grab some small snacks and chocolates for tomorrow.
A woman with wolf like features, stood behind the counter, waiting, a tired smile plastered to her face,
"How are you doing tonight?" She asks as she begins checking out the items.
"Oh hi, I'm doing okay I guess."
She chuckles, "sounds about right, well... enjoy your food, and get home safely" she says, handing me the bag.
"Thank you... you too." I say accepting the bag from her.
She nods before looking away as I head out. On the way back, the sun has now completely set, leaving the nightlife in its wake. It's quieter, but more lively at the same time. I walk past the voices of happy people, chatting about what happened today and what they'll do tommorow. It's the sound of freedom, to do and go about things your own way.
After another minute of walking, I reach the apartment complex and head to my floor. The top floor. A blessing honestly. The feeling of peace and solidarity. Luckily for me, their is an elevator, so I get in and tap the top floor button with my elbow. Once on my floor I head to my apartment and get in, shutting the door behind me with a click.
Once unpacking my groceries I take out a pan and some oil and start cooking the meat. Their was something calm about cooking, a moment where I can reflect on life, while making food for myself. Leaving the meat to cook, I place the rice in the microwave and begin to steam it. I also take out the big jar of kimchi I bought, take some out on a plate, and put the rest in the fridge.
After a few short minutes my dinner is complete. Some pork, rice, and kimchi. It's not fancy but it's good enough for me. I take a bite. "Mhmmmm that's good"
I say after swallowing. The meat wasn't dry, in fact it was juicy and tender. The kimchi, cold from the store fridge added a cooling texture to the meal. Incredible.
After washing the dishes I decided it was a good time to take a shower. When I get in the bathroom, I turn the shower on, allowing it to warm up as I undress. I step in. The effect is instant, as soon as the warm water hit my skin, I feel my entire body relax. The steam from the heating water begins to cloud up the shower doors. I sigh. This quiet moment was a small retreat in a bustling city. After about a half hour, i finish up and step out the shower, wrapping a towel around my chest. After moisturizing, I get dressed and begin to apply my skincare, a toner, a few serums and finally a night cream to lock it all in.
After heading out the bathroom, I walk out into the balcony and sit down on the chair outside, propping my legs on the table in front of it. I look down, the white flowers my best friend Yizhou gave me as we said goodbye was standing there, swaying its fragile petals in the breeze. It was a promise that one day we would meet again.
A tear falls from my eyes. I look at the Seoul nightlife, the building lights brightening the city. This is your home Xinyu. This is your life now, no one can make your decisions now.
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Dear Diary,
I don't think I expected to feel this sentimental lol :) it just feels weird yk? Like, being alone. I've always had my parents watching over me and taking care of me, but now? I'm expected to make those decisions myself. It's scary, but also... I feel so just... me I guess. No one to question me or stop me from reaching my goals.
-Xinyu ♥️
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