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Darksday afternoons in Old Sharlayan were oft filled with a soft breeze and a healthy dose of sunshine. The windows could be opened to air out the entire estate, leaving it feeling revitalized and ready for anything that came its way.
For the Levellieur Estate, things had been quiet. Fourchenault had a rare break from his busy schedule, and Ameliance was in the kitchen, helping make a lovely treat for her husband and, for one, Isaria Sinclairii.
Isaria was with Fourchenault in the study. He had been settling better into his role as a third partner to their relationship, but still had days when he doubted himself. His mind was too loud, and his innate need to impress or offer his very body as bread for their kindness made it almost impossible for him to function. But for now, he was sitting on a chaise lounge with the elezen who had a notebook with him and glasses perched upon his curved nose.
"Now, I have read over some of the medical documents that you brought with you, regarding your heart." Fourchenault began as he scribbled in his book. "I must say, it's quite the feat they managed to implant the Soul Vessel- as you call it- into your chest to substitute for your heart… But I do wonder what effects that could have, or anything else from your past that has left a lasting effect that you are yet unaware of."
Nodding, Isa owlishly looked up at Fourchenault, his hands grasping his trousers tightly. "I-I am not too sure of everything… myself." As he spoke, he felt unsure of himself, worrying his lip and trying to keep his breathing steady. "I'm sorry… B-But I will report anything… unusual?"
Fourchenault turned to him and gave the Garlean a soft smile. "No need to apologize, My Song. You have circumstances that make knowing what your normal is virtually impossible. Just you communicating with us is enough."
It isn't, Isa thought as he tried to return the smile and nod. It never will be enough…
"Now, let's begin. I will start with a few boilerplate things, and then we can get into more in-depth questions." He flipped the page, and Isa couldn't help but look down, finding more interest in the patterned carpet. "You don't have to answer anything you don't want to, and if you want to stop at any time, we can, and we can do something else."
Isaria nodded, but Fourchenault leaned down to catch his gaze. "Can you use your words for me, please, My Song?"
Blushing, Isaria responded. "Yes, Ser…"
Leaning back, the elezen began. "Let's start with your hair. Was it always white?"
Isa hummed. "No… it was black, like how it is on the ends." He pulled forth the long braid. While his hair was a bit of a trigger point, he liked the way it felt in his hands. "I had two parts on the front that were white after I made my pact with Andr- my former Voidsent." Taking a breath, he continued. "It is now fully white after my… corruption from the Light in the First."
The scratch of pen against parchment made Isa relax, a soothing white noise until Fourchenault asked his next question. "Can the same be said of your skin?"
"The scarring is mainly from my… training, as well as punishments and general life in the world." Isaria continued to play with his hair to further self-soothe. "I used to have black and red sigils on my skin, but they disappeared when my contract broke. The uh… w-white ombre to the fingertips is from Light Corruption… and so are the gold details." He snuck a glance at Fourchenault. "Does that make sense?"
It took Fourchenault a moment to respond, long enough that Isaria briefly panicked.
"It does make sense, thank you, My Song." He flipped a few other pages before writing a bit longer. Isaria's knee started to bounce as he did, his guts twisting inside him anxiously as he wondered what other information he could be missing.
When he saw his knee bouncing, he immediately tried to still it, feeling the phantom touch of Varis gripping his thigh.
"Stop your infernal wiggling, Brat." He would hiss into his ear. "Didn't Solus train you to be a good pet?"
Nausea rolled over him, and he sank in on himself, biting back a whine. He didn't like thinking about one of his former masters…
How the tables have turned…
"Isa?" Fourchenault had stopped writing and was there, keeping his distance from touching him, but close enough if Isa wanted to initiate the contact. " Do you want to take a moment?"
Shaking his head, Isa's knuckles went taut as they continued to bundle his trousers. "I-It's fine… I can go on."
This is the least I can do… I owe this to them both… I owe this to them.
I can do this.
Fourchenault hummed before he turned back. "Alright… the next is to do with the powers you used to use with your voidsent bond."
Oh.
"Mainly to hear about them, if they altered you or caused a strain to your body."
Isa nodded and was able to slowly explain some of the powers he had used the most. He hadn't tried using them again; Krile had been strict in telling him not to attempt anything, especially while he was further recovering and getting used to his new heart. But as he discussed each one (whilst avoiding talking about Andraste too deeply), he found himself wondering if he could still harness the principles and simply use his newfound aether to do so.
"There is one set of skills I learned to use that I utilized the most…" He continued to Fourchenault. "Aside from letting… the voidsent take over my form in cases to fight… it was… called Egress and Ingress."
"I'm assuming it's a portal of sorts?" Fourchenault prodded.
"Y-Yes, it was only for short-ilm dashing… a teleport to get me out of harm's way, and if I wish… to go back to that spot after… but… it would utilize portals of voidsent darkness." He stood up and turned to Fourchenault. "I may still be able to do it; I haven't tried in a while… but… we can see?"
The elezen stood with him. "You shouldn't strain yourself, My Song."
Isaria shook his head. "I can try… this is the city of scholars… we might as well try and see what comes of it… I've been meaning to see what powers I do or don't have now… so…"
Fourchenault's brow furrowed, and he relented. "I only agree because I am here. You have to promise to only try such things when I am around…. I have the training to heal and can make sure you are safe. Is that alright, My Song?"
His insides felt warm all of a sudden, Isaria looking down before catching Fourchenault's sapphire gaze. "Y-Yes…Ser." Isa saw his blue eyes widen at being called Ser again, before the emotion was wiped away with care and kindness.
He keeps telling me not to call him Ser, but until he tells me something else, it feels wrong to use his full name…
With the idea of attempting an Egress, the couch was moved, and Isa had a very clean path to move freely without damaging anything. His mind had a slight buzz of excitement with a rather large dose of anxiety. He wondered if, by proving he was still, in part, a weapon, he would be utilized by the Leveilleur name or would they decide he was too monstrous.
They know bits and pieces… from what I hear, the Twins explained everything to them in letters… but they still…
They don't know everything.
That I am a creature of darkness… A monster…
Trying to still his breathing, he attempted to reach into what used to be his voidsent power- looking around, he thought he felt something. It didn't feel like Andraste… He knew Andraste was either dead or deep in the void, recovering from being purged from Isaria's body, but it was… still something. Maybe leftover Light? Possibly just aether…
He tried to hold onto it and got into a stance that he used to teleport. As he made the full motion, he felt his body try to do what it had done for decades.
But it didn't work.
His body felt like it had been slammed against a wall, and he fell to the ground with a choked gasp. Knees hitting the hardwood floor as his head began to ring. For a moment, he thought that Andraste was trying to worm his way back into his body, that he would go back to being a ruthless killer. The world around him was spinning, and it felt like he was underwater.
I can't breathe.
He is going to get me again.
He will take me back to Garlemald…
He felt something hot dribbling from his nose before the cold splash of healing aether washed over him.
"Isa… Breathe!"
He looked up to see Fourchenault swimming in and out of focus. Isa realised he'd messed up.
He couldn't use Egress.
His voidsent powers were probably fully gone, which should be good.
But now they had to try and unpack more with what was going on with his body… The Sin Eater corruption had really done a number on his body… He was lucky Meteor was even able to carry him through (and that he was willing despite everything Isaria had done).
A loud sob was torn from him as he hit the ground. "I'm sorry." He gasped, keeping his gaze on the small splotches of blood that had come from his nose and landed on the dark flooring. "I-I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to… I didn't mean to."
Fourchenault gently put a hand on his shoulder, and despite the flinch, Isa didn't pull away. "You need to breathe for me, My Song." His voice was soft, gentle, and filled with concern.
Not angry. He isn't angry.
He isn't angry yet.
Isaria tried to breathe in before he struggled around another sob. "I j-just wanted to do it… and for us to know what's wrong with me…" He felt the frustration bubbling in his stomach. Since returning from the First, Isaria could no longer understand his body. When he got too emotional, wings would spring forth from his back and tailbone, his markings from the corruption would flash, and he could light up a room in the worst way.
His body had aether, but also something denser. It was too familiar, like the darkness that used to reside there, but he knew Andraste had no stake in his body.
It was all just so confusing, and he wanted to see if there was some part of his past that was still usable. Something from his past was familiar and not as scary as trying to figure it all out with his new…
Guardians?
Owners?
Masters?
"I'm sorry…" He choked out again, not wanting to accidentally hurt Fourchenault. He could feel his wings flapping rapidly around him before he heard the door to the study burst open.
"I heard a clatter, what- Oh, Dove!" Ameliance's voice floated over him before he felt her presence next to him. His other shoulder was touched by her, and he felt his body go limp. "My Fourche, what happened?"
Isaria blinked slowly, his hearing turning into ringing as the voices of the two elezen mixed into a blurry mess. He felt foolish and angry at himself.
To Egress… it was one of the first skills he had been able to master with Andraste… the one he had used the most in his time under the voidsent's watch. It should have been easy.
It should have been cool.
Isaria wanted to do it and give Fourchenault more to work with.
But now he was trembling on the floor in a mess of feathers and blood as he messed up.
He felt himself being moved into something soft and warm. Looking up, he saw Ameliance's face wobbling in and out of focus. She had a handkerchief to wipe his bloody nose before rubbing his cheek.
"It's alright, my Dove. Please… you can come back to us. No one is mad; you're not in the Palace… you're home with us."
Not there…
His body did feel warm…
He was clothed.
Blinking a few times, he looked around nervously, spotting Fourchenault, his glasses almost slipping off his nose entirely.
"Hello there, My Song." His voice was gentle, and he grabbed one of Isa's hands to squeeze it gently. "I should've taken more into consideration before you tried using your old powers again. I am so sorry."
His brow furrowed. Isaria felt confused. Why was Fourchenault apologizing, and to him no less?
I said I could do it.
I can't, and it caused my body to strain itself. But HE is saying sorry?
"My fault…" He managed to get out. "'M the sorry… one."
His wings flexed against his back, and his stomach rolled. He wasn't sure how he felt about them.
Ameliance shook her head. "While we can plan to be more careful with these things, no one is bad or at fault. It was an unhappy accident, but as long as you're not hurt, that's what matters most."
Isa tried to focus. "I think… it just shocked my body… to try and d-do something that was second nature and realising it can't." He hid his face in his hands. "I was scared that if I couldn't… it would mean Ser Fourchenault would be mad… I wanted to give him everything he wanted regarding me because it's the least I owe this house."
"You don't owe us." Fourchenault insisted. "Ameliance asked me to look for you when I went to Gridania… you asked to come with us, but we welcomed you…"
"We didn't take you in for you to hurt yourself trying to please us, my Little Isa." Ameliance pulled him close and kissed the top of his head. "I just wanted to keep you safe… and make you happy. From what you have revealed to us… what my kids had explained in letters… you… have been hurt all your life, twisted by men who only wish to see you suffer or for their own twisted ends." She kissed him again, this time on his nose. "We want you here to take care of you, spoil you, and to see you happy is the best gift you could ever give us."
Fourchenault scooted closer and pressed a kiss to Isa's knuckle. "I will talk to a friend of mine to help you safely figure out what may be going on with your body. The Light's influence, while greatly minimized by my Daughter's ability to channel porxies into anti-tempering agents, there still seem to be leftover… parts that can be triggered or could feed into other avenues."
Isa nodded. "A-As long as it's helpful and will… make taking care of my ailing body a bit easier… take what you need." His mind felt hazy, his mind trying to shut down in the panic and inability to deal with such understanding people near him. "Promise I won't try… to Egress again, or use any other skills from my past…"
"Good boy." Fourchenault praised before leaning in to kiss his lips. "I know a part of you wants to try now, but how about we go have cake with Ameliance in the Parlor? You can sleep against us if you are tired too."
"Yeah…" Isaria let himself be sat up by the two and rubbed at his eyes. "C-Can… you read the stories you were reading yesterday?"
Fourchenault blushed slightly. "You mean my travel journals from when Ameliance and I were freshly married?"
Ameliance giggled brightly and squeezed Isa. "Oh, what a wonderful idea! He was such a rascal in his youth, and an expert Sage. I love hearing about them; you must, my Dear!"
Coughing and standing, he helped Ameliance get Isaria standing and relented. "Fine… I shall, but I get to pet your hair as I do, Isa."
Isaria found his own face growing hot. "W-Wha-"
"It's especially soft today… I wish to run my hands through it while I read…I find it most relaxing."
"Then I will preen your wings while they are out; they are long overdue for some care, aren't they?" Ameliance cooed as she and Fourchenault began to guide their little dove towards the exit of the study.
The garlean felt dizzy and happy as he was being led away.
He was too used to being left on the floor in pain. To be unable to pick up the pieces of himself.
But now… with Ameliance and Fourchenault.
Isaria felt like he might be able to feel like a human again.
To be him…
Even if he wasn't fully sure of who that was yet.
It will be okay…
We will be okay.