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“Hey Hiruko, could you turn the light off for me?” Takumi asked through a yawn.
I wasn’t through with my chapter yet, but truth be told, I was getting tired as well, so I decided to do as he asked.
But as I was reaching to turn off the lamp next to our bed, I realized something.
“I didn’t do anything today.”
“Hmm? What do you mean?” He asked, rolling over to face me.
“I didn’t do anything. I didn’t work, I didn’t train, I didn’t even leave the house!”
It was an unfamiliar but uncomfortable feeling. I’m not the type of person who wastes time by slacking off, so why didn’t I do something productive today?
I gave a frustrated sigh.
“I just wasted an entire day; I’m never going to get this time back.”
Takumi was silent for a moment, and then he surprised me with a soft hug. I didn’t push him off, but I didn’t hug him back either.
“Isn’t this normal though? We’re basically retired now.”
“Maybe it’s normal for you, but I’m not that kind of person. I never have been.”
Takumi rested his head on my shoulder as he held me. I felt his soft breath against my skin, which made me feel warm despite the chill in our room.
“Not every day has to be productive, and I think we deserve a break after everything we’ve gone through.”
“The mindset of every slacker, not like I expected any different from you.” I scoffed.
“Can’t you take this a bit more seriously? Or maybe less seriously?”
“What?”
“I guess what I’m trying to say is you need to get serious about being less serious. You’ll run yourself ragged if you keep overworking yourself all the time.”
I understood what he was saying, but it was hard to conceptualize it.
I’ve been ‘working’ for as long as I can remember, from elementary school, to middle school, to the battlefront, to now.
I rarely received breaks and I rarely wanted breaks. Letting myself take a break meant stagnation and boredom; even tedious work is preferable to letting myself waste away.
I only exist now thanks to my industriousness and ambition. Am I expected now to just toss all of that away in the name of ‘comfort?’
But just as I began thinking of what I could do tomorrow to make up for all this lost time, I felt an annoying slacker kiss my cheek.
“I enjoyed our day together; just getting to spend time with you like this meant a lot to me.” He gave me a warm smile as I met his eyes.
“…I didn’t mind that part of it. Just don’t get used to it, alright?”
He flashed me a smug smile as he tightened his arms around me.
“Too late, I already am.”
I groaned, but again, I didn’t push him away. I turned off the light and began to hug him back slightly. (Just slightly.)
He hummed happily as we cuddled together in the dark. Soon enough the only other sound I could recognize was the slow, steady beating of his heart.
I thought back to his words just now, and to his silly little ‘slacker ideology.’ Was it a waste of time? Did I really regret it? What would I have done differently if I could do it all over again?
But as I heard my warm, silly partner fall asleep in my arms. As I felt his touch, his breath, as I heard his snores and sleepy little mumbles and thought of the dumb little smile that was no doubt stuck on his face right now…
I realized that I already knew what my answer was. I leaned in close to his ear, and with a soft whisper I said…
“I’m glad I wasted my time with you today.”