Chapter Text
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...So beautiful, the space between
A painful reminder and a terrible dream
I've been here before and I've got time
I'll give you the tour, show you why I
Walk the layout, routines in the night...
-Routines in the Night, Twenty-One Pilots
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Trost University was almost exactly how Jean had expected it. Old enough to seem elegant and somehow wise, at if the walls themselves held knowledge; but not so old that it strayed into the realm of antiquity. Brick buildings, manicured lawns, and the occasional wrought-iron fence lined smooth asphalt pathways, guiding students between classes. The groundskeepers seemed to prioritize upkeep and regular maintenance, rather than the sort of 'ignore it until you have to demolish it' mindset Jean was used to. It was a nice change of pace after 18 years of living in places where 'historic' was just another word for 'soon to be condemned'.
Jean slung a backpack over the messenger bag he was already carrying, then grabbed a rolling suitcase in one hand while balancing a small cardboard box on the other. He was determined to make as few trips as possible, but since he was on his own, that probably meant at least two or three more loads. He slammed his car door with his foot, perhaps a little harder than necessary. His mom had tried to get the day off to help him move in, but had been called in for an emergency shift last minute. His dad had promised to come help too, but was a no-show. Not that Jean had expected any different, but still… It stung. Jean gripped the suitcase handle harder and jerked it around a corner, causing the wheels to skid. He was use to doing things on his own, and that was fine. Perfect, actually. He preferred things this way.
Thankfully, his dorm wasn't fully on the other side of the world from the parking spot he'd managed to snipe, but it was up a flight of stairs, which wasn't ideal. When he finally arrived at Dorm 3b, he found the door slightly ajar. He opted one again too use his foot to make contact with the door, though more gently this time.
"Oh, here's your roommate now, Dear!"
An older woman paused her work hanging a lamp over one of the desks long enough to give a cheerful wave. She was on the taller, with rosy freckled cheeks and wavy brown hair that was graying at the roots. Beside her stood a guy who Jean assumed to be both her son and his roommate. He flashed Jean with the same open smile as his mother before turning to pass her a light bulb.
"Hurry up and finish, Mom." He says to her in a teasing tone. "Or you'll scare him off, standing on the furniture like a crazy-woman!"
The 'crazy woman' finishes screwing in the bulb, then takes her son's hand as he helps her step off the desk. Roommate is taller than her by a good few inches, probably taller than Jean, but not by a whole lot. "Sorry about that," She says apologetically. "All of the step ladders were taken!"
"No worries," Jean responded dryly as he dumped his cargo onto his own desk. "I'm immune to crazy women."
Mother and son both laugh.
Jean's phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out to find a text from his dad, apologizing that he'd forgotten is was registration day and had been pulled into an extra meeting, yada yada. Classic Dad.
Jean sighed and turned off his phone. "I gotta grab the rest of my stuff, I'll be right back."
"Hold on," Roommate says, "I can give you a hand! If you want help, that is…?"
"Oh, yeah? That'd be really great, thanks Man!"
"No problem!" He holds out a hand.
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"I'm Marco, by the way. Marco Bodt"
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"Nice to meet you, Marco. I'm Jean Kirstien." Jean shook the taller boy's hand, noting the freckles spreading up under his rolled sleeves, matching the ones splashed across his face. Despite his big eyes and warm smile, Marco's grip was strong. His wide shoulders and toned forearms suggested the rest of him was too. Good. Only the strongest would make it through what was to come.
"So, are you still set on making it to the Military Police," Marco asked as he unrolled his bedding, "Or did that hit from Shadis change your mind?"
Jean crossed his arms and leaned back against one of the bunks. "Changed my mind? You're kidding. Damned right I'm going to the MPs. I don't intend on being Titan chow. What about you?"
"Oh, I'm right there with you. I want to go to the interior and serve the king!"
"Right, yeah, I remember you telling Shadis that now. I was sort of doubled over in pain at the time, so I guess I didn't get a good look at you then.
Marco nodded. "Understandable. Hey, at least you aren't as bad-off as Potato Girl."
Jean grimaced. "Yeah… I almost feel bad for her, but she totally had it coming. I'm not sure if what she did was brave, or just plain stupid.
"Definitely gutsy if nothing else."
"Sure, that's a good word. Though I guess anyone showing up here qualifies as that."
"Yeah… " Marco winced, running a hand through his short, dark hair. "Shadis sure knows how to make an introduction. When he started yelling at me, I seriously considered giving up and going back to the fields."
"Aw, don't tell me my new bunk-mate is a suck-up and a coward."
"Hey! I am not a suck-up!"
"Oh really? What was it you said to Shadis? Something like: 'I wanna join the MPs in the hopes that I can eventually suck-up to His Majesty himself! That, or die trying like a good little soldier!'"
Marco crossed his arms and tried to look severe, which he was pretty bad at doing. "That is not what I sound like. Also, like you were any better. You basically admitted that all you want to do is slack-off in the safety of the Wall Sina. Way to nail a first impression with the former Commander of the Scout Regiment."
"No point in pretending. Smart guy like Shadis could see through all of that. I'm sure he knew exactly what I was here for before I even opened my mouth. Let's face it, everyone here would give anything to be stationed in the interior, rather than left to rot on Garrison; or worse, join the Scouts."
"Everyone except Eren." Marco noted.
Jean snorted. "Jeager is a suicidal maniac as far as I'm concerned. Any sane person would do anything to join the MPs, and I intend to do exactly that."
"Yeah, same. Like you said, make it to the top, or die trying. Anything to get edible rations again."
"Ugh, yeah. Let's hope breakfast has more appeal than the sludge we got for dinner. I bet the MPs get reasonable living spaces, too. I mean, why in hell did they crowd these bunks so close together? Haven't they heard of personal space?"
"It's for warmth, dummy!" Connie popped his head over the side of his bunk to look down on the two of them, rolling his eyes at their apparent clueless-ness. "It's going to be winter soon, and in case you didn't notice, you're not in the big city anymore. It gets cold out here without the walls protecting you from the wind. We'll have to deal with blizzards and huge drifts and all kinds of other fun stuff by the time New Years rolls around. Anyways, sleeping close together is an easy was to ward off frostbite. Back in Ragako, sometimes whole families have to cosy up puppy-dog style just to stay warm."
Jean shivered, thinking of the coldest nights in Trost and wondering what new horrors were in store for him out here come winter. "Man, you country bumpkins really do live like animals."
Connie whacked him with a pillow. "Yeah? Well we'll see how you 'refined' city kids are doing after a few weeks of living in the real world. Maybe getting beat up by Eren a few more times will teach you some respect."
"Excuse me? I beat Eren up, and if you think-"
"Guys!" Marco stepped between them, stopping Jean's arm as he wound up to return Connie's pillow with a side of excessive force. "Calm down, okay? It's almost lights-out, and we've all had a really long day. Let's not go to bed more riled up than we already are."
"Fine, fine." Jean said, relinquishing the pillow to Marco, who handed it back up to Connie. Even that small elevation in heart rate had caused his dull headache to flare up again. Between the hit from Shadis and his brawl with Jaeger, it was no surprise he wasn't feeling too feisty. Connie apparently wasn't either, since he took the pillow from Marco and retreated back into his bunk.
Jean knelt down and finished stowing his uniform under his bunk, then crawled into his bunk. Marco's bunk was beside his, with Connie above Jean and a cadet he hadn't caught the name of above Marco. Marco was already in bed, on his side facing away from Jean, relaxed and already starting to breathe more shallowly. Jean lay flat on his back, staring up at Connie's bunk until the lights went out and listening as the whispered chatter faded into quiet breathing, broken up by the occasional rustle of bedding or yawn from the other cadets.
Jean and sleep had never gotten along very well. He always had too any dreams. They weren't all bad, just so vivid that they were a little unsettling. Like he was watching memories that he could only access for the few minutes right after sleep, where dreams haven't retreated to whatever corner of the mind they inhabit during waking hours. But the sound of Marco's rhythmic breathing beside him seemed to be lulling him down into the dark beyond. Like an anchor in the ocean, dragging him down… down… down…
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WAIT! WHY? WHYYYY!!!
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Jean gasped awake. What the hell was that?
A chill ran through his entire body, even though he was sweating. The scream was already fading. Had that really been in his dream? Fuck. In the chaos of moving in, he'd forgotten to take his meds. He'd taken them the night before though… right? He was drawing a blank, so he'd probably missed that day too. Maybe a few days at this point.
"Jean? You good?" Marco asked, his voice quiet and a good half octave deeper than it had been earlier.
"Yeah." Jean replied, trying to play it cool, but his voice cracked half way though the word, making it sound very unconvincing.
Marco flicked on his bedside lamp and sat up. "You don't sound like it…"
"Just… Give me a sec." Jean focused on steadying his breaths and heart rate. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Hold. In. Hold. Out. Hold.
"Can I do anything for you?"
"No, I'm fine, thanks though. Sorry for waking you." Jean had to admit, this was a much more positive response than he was used to getting after waking someone up in the wee hours of the morning. Cussed out, sure. Offered aid? Practically unheard of.
"No, it's all good. I was actually already awake."
"Sure you were."
"No, really! My mom owns a bakery. I've been getting up at 5 AM every day since I was, like, 9 years old."
"Gods, really? That's awful. I can't imagine being a morning person. Is it really 5 AM?"
"Quarter after. You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. My biggest issue now is deciding whether I should go back to sleep, or call it here." The memory of the scream suddenly resurfaced, and another involuntary shiver ran through his bones. "On second thought, I'm not sure going back to sleep in such a good idea. Guess I'm a morning person today."
The right side of Marco's mouth quirked up in a smile, though Jean could tell he was still a bit concerned. The guy seemed to be a little too amiable for his own good. "Alright then, I wasn't planing to grab coffee until around 6, since I didn't want to wake you, but I guess this means I can go a bit earlier! Do you want to come with?"
Jean yawned. "Guess I'd better. I was really counting on that last hour."
"You're sure you don't want to go back to sleep?"
"Very." Jean stood up and grabbed his water bottle, then rummaged around his backpack until he found his pill sorter. Sure enough, the last three days worth of pills were still in their slots. He sighed and downed that day's regiment. He really shouldn't be taking all of them on an empty stomach, but he was too rattled to care. He needed to make sure his already weak sleep schedule wasn't disrupted further. Too little sleep for to long did not make him a nice person to be around. His high school classmates could attest to that. When he was finished, he put his water and pills on top of a pile of books on his desk, making sure they were in plain sight so he wouldn't forget again.
"I'm going to shower before we go, if that's good with you." Jean said, grabbing a towel and a set of clothes and dumping them into the backpack that held his toiletries.
"Yeah, go right ahead." Marco said absently as he searched through a bag of his own.
"Cool. See you in a minute."
Even under the warm water of the shower, Jean couldn't shake the chill he'd felt waking up from that scream. Who was it? What happened to them? And why was the taste of ashes stuck to the back of his tongue?