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The tribulations which occurred in the last few weeks of the year had certainly tainted the souls of all involved; in particular, the soul of Fanny Price, who could not begin to fathom its rich implications. Her worries remained with Tom and his health, for she wished him a fast recovery.
She was relieved to be freed from the shackles of the Crawfords, whom she believed to be a great manifestation of unchecked pride and unbridled seduction. It was no matter of regret in the topic of rejecting the man, no matter how strongly opposed her family was to the potentially advantageous match. Fanny did not believe herself to be acting out of fear, but hopefully a stable foundation of morality that if it could not be seen by others, at least understood.
In truth, the last weeks had been harsh on her mind. Mansfield Park had endured the coming and going of the Crawfords in full effect. Although it was pleasing to see Mansfield slowly recover from the ordeal, the effects of the Crawfords lingered within the walls and rooms. As of late, she heard nothing from the Crawfords, not even a whisper shared amongst the servants. It was good for her. What she did not admit to anyone, not even to herself much, was the overwhelming effect which others’ blame held over her. Mary’s indignant opinion on the effect of the situation resting on Fanny’s refusal had devastated her; it was a rude awakening to the woman’s calculating nature. Fanny held no pride, but it hurt to listen to the opinion of an angered woman who once was close to her. She figured Mary was never close to them at all, and despite her efforts to truly extricate herself from her and Henry, she found she had been close to complete seduction by the two. She had been affected after all. They had found their way into the fabric of her being and left a stain within the stitches, which would be nigh-impossible to remove.
As the sun rose, Fanny looked up to see the sky fade into light shades. When her gaze lowered, she was alarmed by a particular sight. A man was approaching her. It was far too early for a man to be out, let alone anyone. Fanny met the man in front of the door and nearly succumbed to a spell when she recognized the man to be Henry Crawford.
“Miss Price,” he formally bowed. “I hope I come not at a wrong time.”
“Mr. Crawford,” she responded in kind. “Why have you come here? Your actions have affected Mansfield for sometime now.”
“I must apologize for the impulsiveness of my actions. They were ill-placed and spurred on by the lust of a married woman.”
“How could you say that?” Fanny released in a firm hiss. “It was your own ardor that inflamed her attentions.”
“Miss Price, have charity. Do not be so cruel.”
“It is not cruelty, but rather a firm consternation that has been overdue for your character.”
Henry retreated a little, surprised by her new-found energy. “I have been far too long, against my own good. You have changed, Miss Price.”
“I have not.”
“You have and I have come to say that I have altered in some way as well.”
“Mr. Crawford, you have done no such thing.”
“I have!” cried he, impressively. “I know you have witnessed my attentions to Maria. I have given you an air of inauthenticity but I am here to tell you that I have changed.”
“You came all this way to tell me?”
“I could not write; you must hear it from my lips.”
“I am afraid you have wasted your trip.”
She turned but was halted by his hand on her arm.
“No journey would be a waste if you were in its destination. Allow me to clear myself of these crimes of which you have accused me.”
“The entire family has been nearly ruined by your actions.”
“Miss Price,” he repeated again in his soft tone, “give me time to explain myself.”
“A fit explanation would be for you to leave.”
“Then that would expose my guilt.”
“Such an act then would be a worthy act of retribution for your conduct.”
Henry could nearly laugh, but held his tongue. Fanny noted his eyes, light but piercing, searching within her. His hand had not dropped from its position, nor had Fanny made an effort to remove it. His lips formed a slight frown as he next spoke.
“Let us say that I did not engage further after my last meeting with Mrs. Rushworth.”
“Then we might say her place in society is restored; but it is not, and you have played a great cause in it.”
“Miss Price has mastered the art of accusation!” said Henry in an amazed voice. “Without malice, she holds me firm to her claim of a crime.”
“I have no malice. I never could for anyone. Yet, Mr. Crawford, you are skirting your place in all of this. You and Maria had run off together.”
“I was provoked by her, and admittedly, was searching for respite.”
“Respite from what?”
“The shame of losing a good woman in you.”
This made her halt. She noticed his hand on her arm and was slow to drop it, not out of desire to keep it there, but a willingness to show that she would not engage in anything with him—even the small act of touching him.
“Miss Price, weak I was, inconstant I was, but never inconstant. Despite my actions, I have maintained a steady presence of love in my heart for you. It was circumstance that charged itself at me. Had Mrs. Rushworth and I not met, it would have been different for all involved. I am but a man, one who is subjected to temptation as any other.”
“But, Mr. Crawford, this was not the first time. I have witnessed your flirtations with Maria and Julia.”
“I admit I was using them for entertainment, which is harsh, but a truth.”
“You are a cruel man.”
“And you are cruel for holding it against me! I tell you the truth and you thrust back in my face. Miss Price, you have given others the gift of listening and observation. Whatever you know about me, use it to guide your knowledge but also allow it to compare the man you met from the man who stands before you now.”
Fanny fell into silence, which presented him the opportunity to plead.
“I have come to understand my effect on those made vulnerable by my attention. I have been far too giving of my affections to those women and that has always been a flaw; however, you have seen the capacity for change. Your brother has a better position because of my efforts. I did not do the latter out of boredom, but a genuine desire to increase the value of a sailor and his estimable sister. Your character was the cause of my deeds. Your spirit and gentle beauty haunted my sleep and would have convinced me to thrust away all else just for an hour of intimacy with you.”
“No man has ever been haunted by beauty, Mr. Crawford.”
“Until now.”
“If I believed you, I would have squandered it away.”
“I would have stopped you,” he quickly replied. “I beg you to hear that I have changed and I will wait for you.”
“Your changefulness frightens me.”
“How could I make it more palatable for you?”
“You cannot.”
“I can.”
“You cannot,” she said firmly.
“I can.”
“You have always possessed the talent of making a woman feel she is the only creature whose affection you long to have. I should have known sooner, that such a practice could not be the product of an honest heart.”
Henry looked away from her for the first time, scanning the horizon for an answer. Then, he said:
“Do not mistake my faults for lack of feeling.”
“What should I mistake them for?”
“Vanity, perhaps. I possessed a foolish conviction that the world would forgive me for what I did, so long as I smiled prettily afterwards.”
“Did it?”
“The world, yes. You?” His words fell but the meaning was clear enough.
“I think not.”
“I have been insincere, Miss Price. I was selfish when I should have been forthright.”
“When have you discovered this great revelation?”
“The morning after I left with Maria—Mrs. Rushworth. I realized at that moment I could not be the man she hoped to have; however, I could transform into a being that Fanny Price could have.”
It was the first time she had heard her name from his lips and she chided her chest for responding in kind. He spoke with an impassioned air, the wind gathering about his face and wafting his hair above him, an ironic depiction of her own thoughts sprinting in her mind.
“What has happened to the man of old?”
“He is still here. I despise him more than I can say.”
“I see.”
His brows came together in confusion. “You are determined to make no allowance for me.”
“How could you expect me to? If I had been the only recipient of your behavior, events would have been different. Yet, I wasn’t and many others had felt the effect of your behavior. I was blamed by your sister because of my rejection of you.”
“She was wrong to say that; yet what I can say in her defense is that she was a wounded sister attempting to protect her brother.”
“My uncle and aunt also blamed me. What say you to that?”
“They have no right to judge your character. Although you would have had a comfortable life with me, I could not change your stance, no matter how much it pained me to leave without the knowledge of you taking my name.”
“You answer by the book.”
“I answer truthfully.”
The wind had calmed, but the chill lingered. The sun had long since risen. Fanny hoped her family was still asleep, for she did not want to risk being seen with Henry.
“I cannot ask you to trust me,” he cut into her thoughts. “Nor love me. But I shall ask you to let me try to deserve you again.”
“I cannot expect for you to transform into a paradigm of constancy, Mr. Crawford.”
“No. I will have you believe that a gentleman who has failed may learn to keep his promises.”
“You make it sound so simple.“
He exhaled. “Nothing has been simple in regards to you.”
“Perhaps you should have thought of that before committing Maria to a state of embarrassment.”
He flinched, and for the first time, he was silent.
“Yes,” he eventually said.
The softness of his answer unsettled Fanny more than any outburst could have done.
“You should have known she would fall in love with you.”
“I had no knowledge of it.”
“A well traveled man should know that women are different in every place he visits.”
“I know that now because of you,” he answered, fighting the urge to smile.
“Mr. Crawford!”
“You have shown me that you possess a rare quality in your sex, one I long to be worthy of.”
“Mr. Crawford…”
“I wish for you to call me Henry.”
“I cannot be subjected to such intimacy.”
“I was cruel to her,” he admitted. “She came to a vulnerable man when she was in a position of fragility herself. An advantage was taken. But,” he stepped closer as he noticed a shiver pass through her, “after separating from her, I realized the deep error of my judgment. I should have returned to Mansfield sooner and threw myself into the pursuit for your forgiveness. My sister once told me I required a judge of character,” he added with a smile. “And I have found it in you. Fanny, a positive change in me is inevitable with you by my side. You have become the foundation to all my desires, Miss Price. I think of you, in every hour. My heart has grown accustomed to your being and hopes that one day I may hear the single word from your lips that can bring me complete happiness.”
Fanny listened to his speech, trying and finding difficulty blocking out the words. She did not look at him during, but felt the weight of his gaze on her. She knew he wanted her to look at him. With a tentative shift of her gaze, she met his eye.
“Do not teach your lips to curl so scornfully. Let me live in hope that you will accept me in time. I will be patient, as long as you are so with me.”
He abruptly looked up and hearing the sounds of the household, looked back down at Fanny with eyes of entreaty.
“I pray you think of me and that your mind may become lax in its judgment.”
“Mr. Crawford…”
“I hope in time, I can teach you that my effect upon you can be a rewarding one.”
He left without another word. Fanny stood in wonder of it all. His sudden appearance, his fervid debate on his change, and swift leave all left her perplexed. Her hand found the place where he held her and pressed into it, wondering if she could detect the imprint left upon her.