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It’s been years since he picked up a guitar. But it only ever happened when he was down. Ayden sighed running his fingers over the strings on the instrument. He remembered clearly the last time he played had been the day after his college graduation. The only thing he had ever wished for were his parents to be there. Thanks to his father’s stubbornness and unable to deal with the fact that he was gay, they didn’t come. Thankfully he wasn’t alone. And his brother Devin had come.
The panther sat down on the low chair, pulling the guitar from its padded case. He plucked at the strings and twisted the knobs to make sure it was in tune. Sighing once again, he listened to make sure he was alone in the house. The last thing he needed was Rapture worrying.
His father flashed in his mind and it made him wince. They had been so close when he was younger. But once he came out the closet his father shunned him. He moved out the house at the age of 16 and been like that ever since. Ayden wiped his eyes and took a deep breath playing the first few cords softly.
There’s a low rock wall
By the cliffs of Mohàr
Runs from down on the ground
Right up through the sea air
As a child I would climb
To the top of those stairs
And wish on the fog
I was anywhere else
Ayden started singing softly. Keeping his tone low and soft just like the notes he played. Holding a picture in his mind of when he and Devin were younger and they were with their father out in the fields playing together. The scene shifted in years over the few seconds until it was just Ayden alone in the vast green field. Staring up at the stars, wishing things would go back to normal.
The farms and the valleys
Are ringed with the stones
Of the men who built walls
So’s to be more alone
All that’s left of them now
Are their fears and their bones
But the rocks they pulled up
Were all I’ve ever known
That’s exactly how their house and farm looked like. The grass was green all year round. With a rock wall surrounding their vast property, including the trees all the way at the end of the fields. He remembered his mother telling them that their father built it for them. So they could never get lost. As long as they followed the wall all the way back to the house. But it was filled with the fear that they would get lost and never find their way home.
The Rock fought my spirit
The Rock fed my anger
The Rock broke my heart
Like the waves of the sea
I tried hard to fight
But it still grew inside me
This island
My Ireland
The Rock is in me
And like that the bitter feeling of seeing the disappointment in his father’s eyes. It pissed him off to no end. He tried to prove to his father that he was still the same little boy he raised. But it never worked. His father turned his back on him. And his mother hadn’t stopped it one bit. Ayden felt a tear roll down his cheek but kept singing. It was the only way he vented his feelings. Without getting mad or else everything would go to hell in a hand basket. One of the cons to being psychic.
Hard was the ground
In which this child grew
Unforgiving and cold
Was the home that I knew
But knowing the soil
Holds no harbor for you
Makes pulling up roots
That much easier to do
Set sail!
Young pilgrims
Set sail to a new land
Set sail!
Our future
Is out there to find
It was hard ever since then. His father no longer cared. And he turned cold to his youngest son. So it was surprisingly easy to leave with Devin when he went to America. Then to serve in the army. This left Ayden alone again. But it was easier this time, because he was older. Instead of staying in America he moved to Japan. Japan seemed to be the place to be. He had the best feeling that this was where he needed to be. Where he would find the one person that would help him move past all this.
Now it’s been years
Since I’ve been in that place
And the winds of my life
Have all weathered my face
But it’s only with distance
And the coming of grace
That I see in you beauty
I could never replace
For the past 10 years his dreams haunted him. Since he left he cut off any contact with his parents. Either he couldn’t talk to them or he was just too lost in his own goals. His parents missed so much. And there was no way that he could show them, not that they’d believe half of it. More tears fell down Ayden’s cheeks. Remembering the first time he met Rapture. His parents would have loved to meet him. He was everything they could ask for and then some. Ayden also knew that his mother would love the kids. They were all pieces of them. He wished his father would give them the chance and get to know them. But he couldn’t risk it. Risk that he might lash out at them find them an abomination to everything.
The Rock forged my spirit
The Rock was my anchor
The Rock held me fast
Through the storms of my youth
Now you’ll never die
‘Cause you live on inside me
An oileán seo (This island)
Mo h-Éireann féin (My Ireland)
Li-li-li...
Ayden would always thank his father for this. He showed him how to be a good father to his kids. The only difference was that he accepted them no matter what. A piece of the man will always be in him. That is the only other reason why he could never let go. There was always that chance that he might come around. Might want to see that it wasn’t the wrong choice. But Ayden highly doubted that.
The panther choked out the ending of the song. Realizing he was shaking and crying. Somehow he was able to put the guitar back before it fell to the ground and cradled his head in his hands. He hated feeling this vulnerable and weak. But it always happened after this. He could only hope that...one day....his wish could come true.
~~fin~~