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The whole gang was chilling in Olivia's apartment, drinking and having fun. The majority of them were wobbling, barely able to stand without risking a fall. Olivia was, for obvious reasons, there, along with the usual gang who always joined a night out, Fin, Rollins, Carisi, Stone. And since it was a reunion night, Huang, Warner, Alex Cabot, Stabler, Munch, Barba, Rita Calhoun and Casey Novak were there. And why Rita was there remained, to this day, a mystery. But they were too drunk to give a shit.
At least until someone pointed out the chemistry between Rafael Barba and Rita Calhoun. Which evolved into a full-blown argument: were they dating? Had they dated? And in the end, they all just decided to have a bit of night court and let a jury of their peers figure it out. Olivia insisted on being the prosecutor, despite Stone's firm protests. And Rita and Rafael were going to defend themselves against these heinous crimes they had apparently committed.
"Alright, so we need a judge. I know someone." When Rafael picked up his phone to make the call, it almost slipped from his grip. Out of instinct he brought his other hand up to stabilize it. Within seconds, his finger had swiped through his contacts and brought the phone to his ear.
"Judge Barth... we kinda need someone, you know? So I called you, cuz' we need a judge and things." His words were a mishmash of everything, just like the thoughts running through his head. Rita had had enough and snatched the phone out of his hand.
"Elana, we're very sorry to call you this late, but we are in desperate need of a judge." Rita was considerably more composed than her friend, despite having indulged in a few drinks herself. After five minutes of convincing the judge, Rita gave her Olivia's address. Twenty minutes later, Judge Barth entered what was now known as a jungle gym for adults.
The living room had been turned into something akin to a courtroom, the kitchen table now serving as a jury booth. The DIY defense table was purposely the smallest couch Liv could find, Rita and Rafael huddled together with — to everyone's surprise — little to no objection. Olivia, along with Stone, was sitting on a couch she called the prosecution table, this one significantly bigger than the defense table. In place of the bench there was an armchair in front of the counsel tables, adorned with a small tray where the Judge could bang the gavel. On the right side of the bench, a pillow had been hastily thrown, replicating the witness stand.
"What the fuck is going on here?" Elana blurted out mid-step, her eyes widened as she took in the poorly reconstructed courtroom.
Olivia rose up from her couch. Without muttering a word, she ushered Elana to the armchair. Elana sat down with reluctance. Her mind drawing the only possible conclusion — they were going to sacrifice her.
"Don't worry, Judge Barth, everything will make sense soon..." Olivia whispered in an attempt to reassure the poor judge, however it had quite the opposite effect. Elana was in fear for her life as Olivia taped a piece of paper where 'JudgE bArth' had been written in a sloppy handwriting to Elana's chest.
"ALRIGHT! LET'S GET THIS COURT IN SESSION BITCHES!" Olivia announced as she threw her arms up and skipped back to her spacious couch. Stone, who was sat at the other end of the couch — in case Liv needed someone with real knowledge about the proceedings — slapped a hand over his face. Elana's expression turned from horror to realisation at Liv's announcement. They weren't going to sacrifice her, after all. They were playing court, which should have been Elana's first thought, considering the room's appearance. She cleared her throat and straightened up, taking on her 'judge role' without a second thought.
"Right... This court is now in session," Elana said. "I would like to remind everyone that this is not, in fact, a courtroom, and yet somehow I appear to be the only person taking this seriously." She continued under her breath as she pulled out her gavel that Rita, somehow, had convinced her to bring. "The prosecution may make it's opening statement."
Liv put a hand up as Stone leaned over to whisper instructions, successfully stopping any attempt at help.
"Shut your bitch ass up, I know what I'm doing." She whined as she stood tall, albeit on unsteady feet. Elana's eyes widened in surprise as she banged her gavel to demand the order be restored in the courtroom.
"M'kay, so look, guys, we ALL know Rita and Rafael -- well maybe not everyone. But have we considered the fact that they might actually be dating?" Her voice lowered to a conspicuous whisper.
"I will tonight prove to you all that Mr. Barba and Ms. Calhoun are actually Mrs. Barba and Mrs. Calhoun!" she continued, most of them already convinced without a trial.
"Wait, what do you mean 'Mrs. Barba'? Is Barba a girl?" Stabler's eyebrows furrowed.
"Nah, it just sounded better, you know, so you know they're actually, like, hooking up and shit." Liv said as she wobbled over to her chair again and sat down. Stone immediately turned to whisper in her ear.
"Stone! I know what I'm doing, m'kay? Imma big girl, if you can't accept that, you get to be a juror instead. You know what, I don't need you, go be a juror instead." She asserted. Stone sighed but got up nonetheless. He grabbed an additional chair and sat down next to Huang.
"Well... that was.. insightful, Mr. Barba, Ms. Calhoun, the defense may make its opening statement." Elana said as she wondered what fresh hell she had gotten herself into. The regret of giving Barba her number burned in her body. Barba started getting up, but Rita quickly pulled him down again and stood up herself, muttering something about being 'more charming' before she made her way toward the jury.
"Ladies and gentlemen, today you will hear the prosecution argue that myself and Mr. Barba are romantically involved, however they will not be able to present a single piece of sufficient evidence." She said, her voice slightly slurred but still clear. Rafael muttered a 'charming my ass' behind her.
"UH OBJECTION, I WILL TOTALLY PROVE YOU AND RAFAEL HAVE FUCKED!" Olivia called out as she stood up, offended.
"Overruled, please sit down, Ms. Benson." Elana banged her gavel on the tray. "Please continue, Ms. Calhoun." Liv sat down and crossed her arms over her chest like a tantrumming toddler and Rita cleared her throat awkwardly.
"The prosecution has never once seen myself and Rafael be romantically involved. This is purely based on speculation and not the truth, therefore, this whole trial is bogus." She finished and sat down comfortably beside Rafael, their thighs pressed together.
"The prosecution may call its first witness." Judge Barth announced, making Liv stand up.
"The prosecution calls Amanda Rollins!" She practically yelled.
Amanda, who was simply excited to be part of this, stood up as well.
"Detective Rollins, please raise your right hand." After a moment of trying to figure out which hand was right and which one was left, Amanda raised her right hand and Barth continued. "Do you swear that the testimony you are about to give will be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?"
"I so do y'all" Amanda said with a nod, her southern accent stronger than usual.
"You may be seated" Barth said and Amanda sat down on the small pillow.
Olivia stood up with a determined expression, before her foot caught on nothing and she almost tripped, but she got up again just as confident.
"Detective Rollins, you once said, and I quote, 'she seems like a ray of sunshine', when describing Rita. What did Mr. Barba answer?" Olivia asked.
"Yeah, okay, so he said like... 'It was super good when she was on our side', and then went on about how this was only her first move and stuff." Amanda answered.
"And what did you take that to mean, detective Rollins?" Olivia, in an attempt to imitate Rita, put her hand on Elana's armchair and leaned into it. It helped her stay upright, but did not -- in any way -- look as elegant as Rita's movements.
"I took it to mean that they knew each other." Amanda's voice had turned deadly serious, as if she was delivering news of someone's death.
"Objection. Speculation." Rita said dryly with a roll of her eyes.
"Mhm, detective Rollins doesn't actually know what I meant, she's guessing." Rafael added smugly.
"Well I didn't ask her what you meant, I asked how she interpreted it." Liv replied, looking at Elana with puppy eyes. Elana rubbed her temples. Her gaze fell on Liv who tried to act sweet, and then to Rita, who simply looked annoyed.
"Overruled," She finally said after a moment which led to Rita grumbling and Rafael giving her a pat on the knee. Liv however, seemed overjoyed.
"Detective Rollins, moving on, can you think of any other moments where the defendant's behaviour could be considered flirting?" She asked.
"Oh, sure. Like they're always super close to each other. Remember that case with the school and they were practically up in each other's face talking about cannibals and stuff." Amanda rambled, making exaggerated hand gestures.
"Yeah I remember that, it was pretty hot." Liv agreed. Before Rita or Rafael could object, Liv withdrew it as she decided she was done with this witness.
Rafael stood up with a little resistance from Rita. After a minute of dramatic gesturing and quiet arguing, they agreed on Rafael taking this cross-examination and he walked up to Amanda.
"Detective Rollins, you said talking about cannibals is considered flirting? Isn't it better described as two old friends?"
"I guess, but y'all has crazy chemistry, so crazy everything you guys do together becomes like flirting." Amanda said, and to her it made perfect sense, just as it did to the majority of the people in the room. The only ones whose brows furrowed were Rafael, Rita and Elana. Rita quietly covered her face with one hand, knowing they would have been better off letting a piece of toast question Amanda. Barba stuttered as he tried to counter the ridiculous argument Amanda posed.
"Uh-, I- what? You've never seen us kiss?" He finally got out a question as he tried to regain his composure.
"Objection, leading!" Liv called out.
"Overruled, leading questions are allowed during cross. Witness may answer." Elana said with a glare to Liv, who had no idea how any of this actually worked.
"Nope, I've never seen you two kiss, but I'd sure like to." Amanda said with an innocent smile, southern accent strong and slurred. Rita lifted her head from her hands, looking horrified and muttering a 'Jesus fucking Christ'. Most of the jurors laughed. Someone -- not sure who -- yelled 'me too!'.
Elana banged her gavel on the tray, "Order in the courtroom! And please, for the love of God, just answer the question. Nothing else." She called out and everyone began to calm down.
"Right..." Rafael muttered and tried to gain the courage to continue his horrendous cross.
"Detective Rollins, have you ever seen Ms. Calhoun and I on a date?" He finally asked.
"Well, I did see you and Ms. Calhoun out drinking after a trial once." She said, wiggling her eyebrows. Rafael rolled his eyes and ignored her statement.
"Have you ever heard either myself or Ms. Calhoun imply we were or are in a relationship."
"Nope"
"So your entire conclusion is based on how we interacted with each other?"
"Yup" She said without shame.
"Nothing further" He said, thinking he killed it out there, but as he was returning to his seat next to Rita, Amanda spoke up again.
"But, ya know, I've seen people date for years who have less chemistry than the two of ya." Amanda said, and it was quiet for all about 3 seconds as Rafael's face went red. He turned around, looked at Amanda, and decided he didn't even want to poke the bear anymore. Afraid of the words that may come out of her mouth if he did. So he sat down next to Rita, stiff as a board. Rita let out a long, exhausted sigh and patted Rafael's arm comfortingly.
Amanda went back to the jurors, and Olivia looked as though she had been handed the best evidence known to mankind.
"I call detective Tutuola to the stand!" Olivia said, breaking the awkwardness that had formed.
"Really, do I have to?" He asked, looking far from enthusiastic about it.
"Yes." Elana said, as she began swearing him in. He sat down on the pillow that Amanda had sat on before.
"Detective, a few years ago we had a case where a woman got raped, she had gotten pregnant, and then the rapist had sought rights to the baby. Who did Rafael Barba call when we needed a good lawyer?" Olivia said with a smirk.
"He called Rita Calhoun." Fin said.
"Mhm... and who did he call when I needed representation?"
"He called Rita Calhoun."
"And who did Mr. Barba call when Amaro needed representation?"
"He called Rita Calhoun."
"Is it fair to say... that Mr. Barba thinks Ms. Calhoun is a really good lawyer?" Olivia finally asked, pointing at Barba and Calhoun.
"I think it's fair to say that Ms. Calhoun is Mr. Barba's first choice when it comes to hiring a lawyer." Fin looked tired of Liv's shit at this point.
"Then why, did he not hire her when he got in trouble!" She raised her voice, acting like this was some damning evidence.
"Objection, calls for speculation!" Rita called out, and this time, Elana did sustain her objection.
"I'll rephrase." Liv said, holding up her hands in a surrendering gesture.
"Detective Tutuola, is it possible Rafael didn't go to Rita because of a conflict of interest?" Liv almost whispered, her eye twitching.
Rafael glanced at Rita, and Rita glanced at Rafael. Their eyes met for just a second too long before their gazes returned to Fin once again. No one noticed, except for Munch, who narrowed his eyes from across the room.
"I s'pose so." Fin said with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Nothing further!" Liv said and sat down.
Rita slowly stood up, smoothing down her blazer and walking over to Fin, her hands placed on her hips.
"Detective Tutuola, how long have you worked with Mr. Barba?"
"Some time now." He answered.
"Would you say you know him well?"
"Yeah, I guess."
"And would you say he's... forthcoming about his personal life?"
Fin snorted, "Nah, he's one private man."
"So you wouldn't actually know if he was seeing someone." Her hand landed on Elana's armchair. Similar to what Liv did before, but Rita's movements -- even in her drunken state -- were composed and elegant, compared to Liv's sloppy imitation.
"Nope"
"And you wouldn't necessarily know who that person was."
"Nope."
Rita nodded. She let go of Elana's armchair and turned to face the jury.
"You said Mr. Barba called me when a victim needed legal representation."
"Yes."
"And when Ms. Benson and Mr. Amaro needed representation."
"Yeah."
"So... on several occasions, Mr. Barba trusted me to represent people he cared about." She turned to Fin, looking straight at him.
"And you consider me a competent attorney?"
Fin looked back at her, nodding. "Well yeah, you're a damn good lawyer."
Rita smiled warmly, "Thank you, detective Tutuola."
"God, why does her cross take so long." Liv muttered, probably bored because Rita wasn't getting to the point.
"That's the point of witness examinations, Liv. It's supposed to take time." Rafael defended Rita.
Of course Rita heard it, she glanced back at Rafael, letting the jury process everything before laying her last strike. She walked over to the jurors, putting her hands on the table.
"And when Mr. Barba required representation himself, you weren't present for every conversation he had regarding his choice of counsel, were you?" She asked with a small smirk.
"No." Fin said, Rita turned around to face him.
"You don't know who he considered?"
"Nope."
"You don't know why he chose the attorney he chose?"
"No.."
"So when Ms. Benson asked whether there could have been a conflict of interest, you said it was possible."
"I did."
"But you don't actually know that there was one..."
"No."
Rita looked back to the jury with a confused expression.
"You don't know whether Mr. Barba and I were involved romantically or not." Her entire demeanour turned serious and cold, a harsh contrast to her earlier warmth.
"No.."
Rita looked back at Fin. "You've never seen us romantically involved."
"Nope."
"Nothing further" Rita said and gave one glance at the jury before sitting down beside Rafael, who looked smug. Just as she'd made herself comfortable, Fin spoke up again.
"Although..."
Rita stopped, freezing as she looked up at him. "Although what?"
Fin shrugged. "You two do argue like a married couple." And the entire room erupted in laughter again. Elana banged the gavel, calling out about order in the courtroom. Rita slowly closed her eyes, leaning into Rafael just the slightest.
"What? She asked." Fin said as he saw the death glare Elana was giving him.
"I really should've cross-examined him." Rafael whispered in Rita's ear and she opened her eyes.
"You were absolutely useless with Rollins." She said dryly.
"I was not useless." He said with mock-offense, his hand over his heart.
"She wanted to watch us kiss."
"Exactly. I was compromised." Rafi said, earning him a slap on the thigh from Rita.
"Violence is hardly an appropriate response, Rita."
"And yet you remain seated." She snarked back.
"I feel like there is so much unresolved sexual tension.." Amanda murmured, and that's when Rafael and Rita realised they were being watched. Rita chose to ignore it, and Rafael just flipped Amanda off. Which Rita stopped, taking his hand and redirecting it to his lap. Alex raised her eyebrows.
"It's like she's correcting a child." Alex whispered to whoever would listen.
"Okay! Who wants to be my next witness? Munchy Munch?" Olivia suddenly called out.
Munch stood up without any resistance, Barth swore him in and he sat down in a meditation pose on the witness pillow.
"Detective Munch, what have you observed when it comes to the defendants?"
"They looked at each other." He said dryly.
"Okay.. And?.." Liv said, trying to get more out of him.
"Then they looked away."
"That's it?" Liv said with a hint of disappointment.
"No."
"They have an established pattern of anticipating each other's reaction." He continued.
"objection!" Rita called out.
"For what?" Munch said, which made Rita freeze.
"I don't know... I just.. object." She said quietly with a glance to Barba.
"Overruled." Elana said.
"Can you give us an example of what you're talking bout' Mr. Munch?" Liv asked sweetly.
"For example, when Ms. Calhoun placed Mr. Barba's hand back in his lap, Mr. Barba did not resist."
"I was being polite!" Barba exclaimed.
"You obeyed her." Munch said calmly.
"I did not obey her." Rafael said seriously, crossing his arms over his chest.
"You did." Both Rita and Munch said at the same time. Rita looked smug and Munch simply stated facts.
"Wow, that is some convincing evidence.." Liv murmured as she glanced at the jury and nodded, which conveyed the seriousness of the conversation, before turning back to Munch.
"So, we just concluded that Barba likes to obey Calhoun. Do you think he calls her mommy in bed?" Liv continued.
"OBJECTION!" Both Rita and Rafael called out and stood up, Rita, for the first time this night, turned bright red. Rafael almost fell over his own feet.
"Objection, relevance!?" Rita repeated, looking horrified.
"It is extremely relevant!" Liv exclaimed like their hypothetical nicknames were relevant.
"What Rafael may or may not call me is not relevant." Rita said.
"So... you're not denying it?.." Olivia said, wiggling her eyebrows.
Rita opened her mouth, but no words came out, thankfully, Elana saved the day, at least Rita's day, Liv was probably very disappointed.
"Sustained! And Ms. Benson, please stop asking such questions or I'll hold you in contempt of court." Elana said and banged her gavel.
"Sorry." Liv murmured, though there was no real remorse in her voice.
Rita sat back down again and stared straight ahead, still flushed.
"For the record, I think you handled that very well." Rafael leaned over and whispered.
"Not. One. Word." She hissed. Munch was completely unbothered compared to the rest who were trying to not burst out laughing.
Liv sat down again, scared of getting contempt of court, even though this wasn't court, it was her apartment.
Rafael stood up, giving Rita's shoulder a squeeze.
"Detective Munch, you don't really know myself or Ms. Calhoun that well, right?" Barba said.
"No, I don't." Munch confirmed.
"So you don't actually know what our gestures mean.. do you?"
"Well, based on your reactions, I'd say I've hit every mark."
Rafael swore under his breath and kicked himself mentally, giving an apologetic glance to Rita, who pulled her hair, all while trying to compose herself.
"Detective Munch, you've never actually seen myself and Ms. Calhoun be.. romantical, have you?"
"I can't say that I have." Munch said.
"A simple yes or no answer would have been sufficient, detective."
"A yes or no answer is, as you yourself said, simple. And nothing in your relationship with Ms. Calhoun suggests.. simple. Therefore, you don't get a simple answer."
Olivia cackled from her seat, making a suggestive wiggle of her eyebrow to Rita who in return just side-eyed her with contempt before she returned her attention to the spectacle at the front.
"In fact, your relationship is so complex no one really understands it." Munch continued.
"So you admit no one actually knows what mine and Ms. Calhoun's relationship is." Rafael said with a growing smirk.
"That's not what I said, we all know there's something there, we're just not exactly sure what."
Rafael's smirk dropped as fast as it had appeared.
"But.. we agree that no one can possibly know whether myself and Rita are an item."
"I suppose we can't know for sure, but it's like Marilyn Monroe, we all know she was murdered, we just can't... know for certain."
Rafael just stood there in silence, considering his life choices and why on earth he agreed to this shit. Until Elana asked him to either ask a question or be finished. He decided to be finished and went back to the couch, sitting down next to Rita in pure defeat.
Munch went back to the jury box -- Liv's kitchen table.
"My next witness... is..." Liv said, intentionally building up the suspense, but she accidentally overdid it.
"Who is your next witness, Ms. Benson?" Elana finally asked after a good minute, with raised eyebrows, gesturing with her hands impatiently. Olivia mouth fell as she stared down the judge, silently cursing her for destroying what in her mind was the most dramatic, awesomest suspense known to mankind. In reality, however, it just seemed like Liv had forgotten who was supposed to be her next victim, sorry -- witness.
"I was getting to it, Miss Judging lady." Liv said with a hair flip.
"Right, my next witness is... Casey!" She then announced.
Casey looked far more sober than anyone in the room -- except Elana, who was sober and regretting every second she was stuck in this apartment. Casey looked like she wanted nothing to do with this, but, alas, she stood up and got sworn in and sat down in the witness booth.
"Ms. Novak, have you met either of the defendants before today?" Liv started, glad to have a witness who -- to her knowledge -- did not know either Rita or Barba and could hammer the nail into the coffin.
"Uh.. I know of Mr. Barba, I've heard of him, and we've probably been in the same place at the same time, but I can't recollect a moment where we have spoken to each other." Casey said.
"And.. Ms. Calhoun? Have you before today met her?" Liv asked, raising one eyebrow.
"Objection. Relevance?" Rita suddenly called out and stood up from her defense couch.
"I think this is pretty relevant, I need to know if she has any former contact with the defendants to carry on my..." Liv looked to Stone who whispered to her.
"Direct examination... why is it called that? It doesn't roll off the tongue like cross-examination?" She continued, getting lost in her own world for a moment.
"Overruled, you may answer the question Ms. Novak." Elana said.
"It's called direct examination because the questions are directly from the party that called the witness." Casey said.
"Oh.. right. It still doesn't roll off the tongue but.. whatever I guess. Wait? That's not the question I wanted you to answer!" Liv said.
"Really? Because that's what you asked."
"No, I asked if you've ever met the defendants before."
"Oh, right, yeah.. Well, I know of Mr. Barba, and we've probably been in the same place at the same time, but I can't recollect a moment where we have spoken to each other." Casey said casually while Liv narrowed her eyebrows.
"I know, you said that before. Ms. Novak, are you.. a double agent?" Liv said, growing suspicious of Casey. Her eyes narrowed as she stared down Casey. The silent room filled with gasps.
"What?" Casey said, mostly confused.
"What are you talking about, Ms. Benson?" Elana added, just as confused by Liv's antics.
"Well, you don't seem to be on my side, Casey. You're supposed to answer my questions. So tell me, have you met Ms. Calhoun before."
Casey hesitated for a moment, trying to come up with a reason to get out of this. In the end she just nodded.
"Yes, I've met Ms. Calhoun before today." Casey said quietly, which led to an exaggerated gasp from Liv.
"Say whaaat, when did you two meet? Tell me everything."
"Objection, your honour! What does this have to do with anything of this?!" Rita called out.
"Well the two of you's secrecy makes me think it has a lot to do with this." Liv said, turning her attention to Rita. And unfortunately for Rita, Elana had gotten a bit caught up with this drama, and she wanted to know what was going on as well. So despite her best judgement, she said overruled, forcing Casey to answer.
"We met for the first time in 2007 on a conference." Casey finally admitted.
"How well do you actually know Ms. Calhoun?"
"We are on a first name basis." Casey said vaguely whilst shrugging. Liv's expression turned from suspicion to curious in a heartbeat
"Really? So... how would you define your relationship to Ms. Calhoun?"
"Uh.. I don't know? Acquaintances maybe. We haven't really spoken in.. 8 years." Casey's unsure tone only made Liv more interested.
"Not that we did much speaking back then either." Casey then added under her breath, but unfortunately, she wasn't as quiet as she thought, and the whole room heard it. Rita covered her face in her hands whilst Rafael's head turned at a lightning speed towards her.
"Woah!!! The hell does that mean Case?!" Elliot said whilst wobbly standing up. Casey cursed herself mentally for the slip up.
"Yeah, Ms. Novak, what does that mean? If you weren't talking, then what exactly were you doing?" Liv said smugly, leaning against Elana's armchair clumsily. Elana in turn leaning back, taken aback from Liv basically having her elbow in her lap.
"It means that we both aren't very talkable people outside of court." Casey finally said after a moment of thinking through her words very carefully.
"Mhm... or maybe.. maybe.. you were involved... romantically?"
"It wasn't romantic per se." Casey murmured, scratching the back of her head and looking. Elliot was still standing, looking like he was halfway to a heart attack.
"Ms. Novak, what exactly did you and Ms. Calhoun do!?" Liv asked, standing up straight, well, as straight as a very drunk person can. And for a moment it was just silence before Casey looked up at Olivia. At this point Rita had peeked out from her hands, and was deliberately ignoring Rafael's gaze she felt burning into the side of her head.
"We.. had an arrangement. No strings attached, just sex for a few years." The room erupted into pure, unadulterated chaos. Elliot was screaming like a girl, his hand over his chest, probably having a panic attack. Alex -- who had not reacted once -- almost spit her wine out. Rita banged her head on the table whilst Rafael was badgering her about it. Liv was grinning like a madman, like she had just won the Olympics. Carisi was giggling, Amanda had stars in her eyes, mouth wide open, slapping Carisi's arm over and over whilst yelling 'Oh mah GAD' in a very southern accent. Stone, who didn't really know anyone, was just sitting there frozen in shock. Huang swore under his breath for not catching this earlier. Melinda was just outright laughing. Fin, who had almost fallen asleep, was now wide awake and muttering to himself. Casey watched the chaos unfold from her pillow whilst Elana was desperately banging on the tray, yelling 'order in the courtroom' to no avail.
"YOU, YOU SLEPT WITH CASEY, RITA?! SHE WAS SO PURE.." Elliot screamed at Rita, pointing an accusing finger at her.
"You slept with Casey Novak?!" Rafael exclaimed, unable to process anything else happening, glaring at Casey with a gaze that could kill. Casey raised her hands in surrender, looking away from Rafael's gaze. And he in turn turned his attention back to Rita.
Rita finally lifted her head to glare at Rafael with a dry expression.
"Why? You jealous?" She said in such a dry tone it could be compared to the Sahara desert.
"I... NO!" Rafael defended himself, huffing slightly.
"You should be, I'm a catch. And I'm pretty excellent in bed, just ask Casey."
Rafael gasped, Elliot was ready to knock someone out, Melinda was still laughing like a maniac, Olivia had somehow gotten another glass of wine and some popcorn. Fin was sneakily reaching over and taking a handful of popcorn, Olivia somehow not noticing. Stone was still frozen in shock, not fully processing everything.
"You go girl!" Alex cheered on, which Amanda joined in on, which lead to Carisi joining. Then everyone had to take a second to stare at Carisi acting like a cheerleader before returning to the chaos. The only one unsurprisingly not even reacting to Carisi's cheering was Amanda.
Huang was trying to analyse everybody's expressions and reactions, which he found out the hard way was ten times harder doing while drunk, at least he was more confident. Elana had given up trying to calm everyone down and was now regretting being born. Casey was scared to even look in Rita's direction in fear of Rafael.
"You guys I should do a career change and become a prosecutor, I'm really good at this." Liv said whilst chewing on her popcorn, and within a millisecond, all the actual prosecutors and defense attorneys and judges were yelling out a clear 'NO'.
"So unsupportive, I even got Casey to admit... Hey, where the hell did all my popcorn go?" She interrupted herself as she stuck her hand down the bowl and realized there were only popcorn kernels left.
"Right..." Elana murmured, letting Olivia do her thing. "Would the defense like to cross-examine this witness?" She continued, looking to Rafa and Rita. And Rafael did not waste a single moment.
"Yes, I would your honour!" He exclaimed, standing up with determination as he marched towards Casey. The room had calmed down, and everyone was in their right place, Elliot was now sitting down, drinking a cup of ice water to calm his nerves.
"Ms. Novak, you and Ms. Calhoun were engaged in a sexual relationship, right?"
"Yes."
"How long.." His eyes narrowing.
"About three years I believe" Casey said after a moment of thinking.
"three years and you never once caught feelings for Ms. Calhoun?" He crossed his arms over his chest.
"No."
"Why not, she's brilliant, quite funny.. sometimes, beautiful?" He asked without thinking it through too much.
"Uh.. Well, we never really did talk? We had sex, then went our separate ways." Her eyebrows furrowing slightly.
He nodded and started pacing the room.
"Did you two ever cuddle after sex?"
"Mr. Barba, keep it relevant." Elana interjected, making Rafael huff and puff slightly before dropping it. He stopped pacing and looked straight at Casey.
"Would you say you match each other intellectually?"
"I'm not sure, as I said I've never really had the chance to actually.. talk with her."
"Mhmm, but you agree you two aren't the most suitable."
"I suppose."
"Yeah." He said, standing in silence before Elana reminded him to either move along or sit down again.
"So you never loved her?" He continued.
"No."
"You never wanted a relationship with her?"
"No."
"You never considered yourselves as... girlfriend.. girlfriend."
"No.
"And there was like.. nothing between you and Rita beyond sex?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Yes."
"Good... Good..." He said with a small smile, suddenly feeling a lot lighter, basically skipping back to the couch and sitting down beside Rita.
"Nothing further, your honour!" He said proudly, giving a broad smile to Rita.
"Jesus Christ, Barba." She muttered, shaking her head, but she did give his knee a subtle pat. Casey just stood up and went back to the jury box/Liv's kitchen table.
"Do we even need more witnesses, I feel like this proves more than enough, your honour." Olivia said, pointing at Rafael and Rita.
"Whilst I might agree with you on a personal level, Ms. Benson, you have not legally proved it, which is to my dismay because I would really like to go home." Elana said with a deadpan expression.
"Fine, whatevah" Liv scoffed. "Huang, you're my expert witness."
"Right, tell me, how does Ms. Calhoun act with Mr. Barba, Mr. Expert witness?" Liv asked Huang once he was seated on the pillow.
"Uh.. that's a broad question but.. I suppose we haven't actually had time to prepare so you have no idea what I'm actually about to say." Huang rambled for a moment before getting to the point. "What I have noticed is the difference in Ms. Calhoun's demeanour when she's drunk. At the start of the evening she was very much to herself, very introverted, but as she got tipsier she also got more.. affectionate."
"Objection! Am not!" Rita interrupted, looking offended.
"Overruled, witness may continue." Elana said, taking one glance at the way Rita was gripping Rafael's arm. Rita huffed and sank down in the couch, leaning a little closer to Rafael and taking a sip out of the wine he handed to her.
"As I said, Ms. Calhoun seems to get more physical. But, it's not with everybody, just Mr. Barba, who in turn doesn't seem to resist in the slightest." Huang continued, gesturing with his hands as he spoke clinically without the use of clinical words.
"I'm being polite!" Rafael called out, interrupting Huang as well. He gives a look to Rita that clearly says 'this is bullshit' and she shook her head in agreement.
"From what I've heard and observed, Ms. Calhoun uses physical touch as a way to signal she isn't a threat. For example, when she represented a friend's daughter that had been assaulted, to show that she was -- this time -- on Mr. Barba's side, she touched him frequently. But right now, it isn't particularly about being on the same side. When drunk, you're generally more vulnerable. And it would generally make a lot of sense to seek physical touch in someone you trust. A person who feels... vulnerable, will most likely not go around touching someone they don't already trust.."
"So... you're saying Ms. Calhoun is lovey dovey with Mr. Barba?" Liv asked, wiggling her eyebrows to the jury.
"Objection!" Rafael called out.
"Sustained." Elana said.
"Withdrawn." Liv put her hands up in surrender.
"But you are saying she trusts him?" Liv asked as she turned to Huang.
"That is my conclusion, yes." Huang answered.
"Would you say this is commonly in the friend zone?" Huang had to take a moment to think after Liv's words.
"It's difficult to say, Ms. Calhoun's behaviour could be considered seeking safety from a close friend, but also a romantic partner. And given Mr. Barba's lack of resistance it suggests this behaviour is common between them."
"Mhm.. hypothetically.. if they were to be romancing each other, would Mr. Barba call Ms. Calhoun mommy in bed?" Liv said innocently.
Both Rafael and Rita stood up in record winning time and screamed out objections, to which Elana obviously sustained.
Liv simply shrugged with a small smile, said 'no more' and returned to her seat. Rita, on the other hand was already taking determined strides towards the witness pillow.
"Dr. Huang, you have not once explicitly stated that myself and Mr. Barba are in a relationship, why?" She asked once she stood before him with a cold expression.
"Because I can't confirm if you are in a relationship. I can say there is chemistry between you, but it may as well be two people who just know each other very well." He answered, making Rita nod and start walking around the room slowly.
"Would you say two people who have known each other for a few decades, studied together, went to classes together, worked together, went out for drinks and lunch together could gain this close friendship." She said whilst gesturing with her hands.
"Definitely, it would surprise me if they didn't know each other well after all that time." Rita had stopped at the jury booth, one hand on the table as she nodded along with Huang's words and looked the jurors in their eyes.
"Does that mean they have to be in a romantic relationship?" She asked whilst turning around to face Huang.
"No, it doesn't."
"Nothing further." Rita said and walked back to her couch, sitting down once again.
"Oh shit." Liv murmured.
"Liv, redirect, redirect!" Stone hissed, Liv shushed at him.
"I was just thinking that, shut up. Judge, I wanna redirect!" Liv declared
"Go ahead." Elana answered.
"Dr. Huang, how would you explain the defendant's reactions to me suggesting Mr. Barba calls Ms. Calhoun 'mommy' in bed?" she asked whilst standing up.
"Embarrassed, which is understandable." He answered.
"Could that imply I hit something close to home?"
"It's an option, but on the other hand it can be explained as embarrassment considering you insinuated them being kinky in bed. It could get a bit awkward."
"Right.. but you agree they are unusually intimate with each other?"
"Yes."
"And you cannot exclude either friendship nor romance."
"No."
"Earlier you concluded Ms. Calhoun normally -- from what all of us have observed -- doesn't use physical touch often, unless it's to establish or- and manipulate a situation." Without waiting for an answer Liv continued speaking. "But today she has been close to Mr. Barba, always having a hand on him, pressing herself against him, and he in turn has not resisted."
"Is there a question or are you just rambling on about nonsense, Ms. Benson?" Rita called out without moving a muscle on her face.
"I'm getting to it, I'm just summarizing what has been said." Liv's tone rose slightly as she defended herself against what she believed was a personal attack.
"Get to the point, Ms. Benson." Elana muttered.
"Dr. Huang, would you say it's strange Mr. Barba is so comfortable with Ms. Calhoun's touch when it is highly unusual for her to display affection?" Liv finally concluded and without waiting for an answer she wrapped her redirect up. "Thank you, nothing further." She went back to her desk, smirking at Rita and Rafael.
"The prosecution goes to sleep." Liv said, sitting down.
"Rest, Liv, the prosecution rests." Stone said.
"Tomato, tomahto. Either way, I'm done, I've made my case very clear." She waved her hand dismissively.
"Alright, the court is in recess for fifteen minutes." Elana said, banging her gavel. "I need a goddamn cup of Irish coffee at this point." She muttered to herself.
Rita patted Rafael's arm to gain his attention and leaned in to whisper in his ear. He gave her a quick nod before returning his attention to Elana, who was getting up from her chair and stretching out her legs after sitting still for almost two hours.
"Your Honour, I'd like to request Ms. Calhoun and I be given some privacy during the recess to confer about our witnesses and the presentation of our defense." He declared to which Elana granted their request.
"Actually, your Honour, I object! They are in this case co-conspirators, accused of the same crime, therefore they should not be allowed to confer and line up their stories." Liv protested loudly as she stood up.
"We are acting as co-counsel, not co-conspirators, it is permissible to confer with your co-counsel during recess. Furthermore, during trial a defendant has the right to confer with counsel, as we are each other's counsel, it is allowed." Rita interjected with a deadpan, educating Olivia.
"Ms. Calhoun and Mr. Barba are well within their rights, Ms. Benson." Elana agreed before walking towards the kitchen to get her Irish coffee and dismissing any attempt at further arguing. Rita ushered Rafael into the toilet and locked the door whilst the rest of the gang stood up and refilled their drinks and got something to eat.
"Why'd they go into the toilet to talk and not like, Liv's bedroom?" Amanda asked Carisi as they were munching on peanuts, her nose scrunching up in confusion.
"I dunno, maybe one of them needed to use the potty." Carisi speculated with a shrug of his shoulders. Both of them stared at the bathroom door like it was the last puzzle piece to solving a mystery.
"Watcha guys talking 'bout?" Fin asked, plopping down beside them and grabbing a handful of nuts and popped them into his mouth. His gaze following the direction of where Amanda and Sonny were staring.
"Just wonderin' what they're doin' in there." Amanda mumbled, her entire focus on the door.
"They are most likely discussing who they're gonna put on the stand, that's what I would do." Stone suddenly interjected.
Liv who had walked in with Stone spoke up. "Right.. but you're not dating Barba or Calhoun, so, you know -- it's not the same, okay?!"
"Yeah, like, you're not -- like, you're not gay or sum', like -- and you know Rita and -- you aren't, like, like, datin' her or sum. So.. -- wait, what were we even talkin' 'bout?" Elliot stammered from the couch where he had sprawled out, staring up at the ceiling in what could only be described as an existential crisis.
"Maybe they're making out like teenagers, I'd like to see that." Amanda said with a giggle. Carisi joined in on the giggling, giving Amanda a fistbump.
"I think they're fucking." Alex stated with a deadpan expression. Raising the newly refilled wineglass to her lips and taking a sip, not caring about the glare that said 'really, Alex?' she got from Elana who had just entered the room again, sipping from a coffee mug. Amanda, on the other hand nodded enthusiastically.
"They are not having sex in the bathroom, Alex. Rita, at the very least, is too smart to have sex in a bathroom where she has no idea how well insulated it is when the room next door is a makeshift courtroom to determine if they're dating." Huang responded with his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the wall behind them. "A more believable conclusion, considering Rita's clinginess level, is that she's wrapped around Barba, discussing their presentation." For a few moments it was quiet whilst everyone processed Huang's analysis, well to the best of their abilities. Stabler was in another universe.
"Yeah, no, I prefer Alex's version." Olivia finally declared.
Suddenly the door to the bathroom burst open and Rita and Rafael stepped in again, taking their seat on the defense couch. Olivia kicked Elliot off her couch and he walked back to the juror box, sitting down next to Casey.
"All right, court is back in session. Mr. Barba, Ms. Calhoun, I hope you've had enough time to strategize because you may now call your first witness." Elana called out as everyone had settled down.
"The defense calls Dominick Carisi to the stand." Rafael declared.
Carisi flew up like a golden retriever who had been called a good boy, and he was soon sworn in and sitting on the witness pillow. Although getting comfortable was hard due to his length, he eventually managed by letting his legs lie flat against the floor.
"Detecitve Carisi, when studying to become an ADA, I was your mentor, right?" Rafael asked as he stood up.
"Yeah!"
"How much time would you say we spent together?"
"Well, a lot, I was your second chair sometimes and you know, we spent a lot of time together." His Long Island accent evident through his broad smile.
"Did I ever mention Ms. Calhoun?" Barba's word made Carisi stop and think for a moment.
"... Hm.. Yeah, I think once or twice whilst going through her methods and what to expect when meeting a defense attorney like her." Barba nodded, the corner of his mouth tugging into a little smile.
"Did I ever mention being involved with Ms. Calhoun?"
"No."
"Did you ever see a lunch or date scheduled with Ms. Calhoun?"
"No"
"Did either myself or Ms. Calhoun ever give you the impression that we were dating?"
"Well.. No, neither of you did." Carisi said thoughtfully, his brows furrowing.
"So, you worked with me for quite some time, and yet I never even mentioned going out to a friendly dinner with Ms. Calhoun"
"I suppose not.."
"Hm... you would've thought I might have actually mentioned Ms. Calhoun at least once outside of a professional context if we were dating." Barba quipped, his head turning towards the jurors and giving them a meaningful look.
"OBJECTION, LEADING!" Liv burst out. "Did I get that right?" She asked Stone in a whisper. Stone, in turn, nodding.
"Sustained." Elana said.
"Nothing further." Barba said, turning back to the defense table and sitting down beside a very pleased looking Rita.
"Detective Carisi, did Mr. Barba speak highly of Ms. Calhoun?" Olivia asked with a determined expression after seeing Rita's smug one.
"Yeah, he spoke really highly of her. He once said something along the lines of 'It's not the Buchanans you need to be afraid of in court, it's the Calhouns. The ones who know every loophole of the law, the ones who are so intelligent you almost feel dumb for even breathing the same air as them, the ones who can play juries like a game of Jenga. Those are the ones who are dangerous, because everyone can be aggressive, but not everyone can make a trial into a chess game. But.. those attorneys will also be the ones you enjoy going against the most.'"
Olivia had to take a few seconds to process his words, her mouth slightly agape as she just stared at Sonny. Then she turned her attention to Barba, her eyes glistening and bottom lip wobbling slightly.
"That was... like poetry, Barba. That was so beautiful, I don't even know if I can describe it." Olivia said with a wet smile. Barba's cheeks were a tinted red.
"I was describing opposing counsel, I was preparing him for how some defense attorneys will be." He muttered, giving a small, almost unnoticeable glance to Rita who was looking away to hide her small smile.
"I'm done with this witness, your Honour, I think I proved what I wanted to prove." Liv said to Elana, wiping a tear that had fallen and sitting back down.
"Right.. Well, Detective Carisi, you may return to the jury booth." Elana said, a little stunned herself and taking a sip of her Irish coffee. "You may call on your next witness." She murmured to Rafael and Rita.
"The defense calls Dr. Melinda Warner to the stand." Rita declared after composing herself. Melinda was quickly sworn in and was now sitting on the pillow.
"Dr. Warner, is there any physical evidence of a relationship between myself and Mr. Barba?"
"The question is too broad, please specify." Melinda replied with a grin.
"Have you collected any semen from inside me that has been matched to Mr. Barba's?"
"No, but I haven't --"
"Have you ever seen a hickey on either my neck or Mr. Barba's?" Before Melinda had finished her answer, Rita had cut her off.
"No.."
"Has Mr. Barba ever had a lipstick stain on his clothes or lips after having interacted with me?"
"No, but you don't wear --"
"Have there ever been any makeup stains or has his clothes ever been rumpled after having interacted with me?" Rita cut Melinda off again.
"No." Melinda answered, her smile now long gone after Rita's questioning.
"Do you have any physical evidence to even suggest myself and Mr. Barba are in a relationship."
"I don't."
"So, no DNA, no hickeys, no lipstick marks, no physical signs of myself and Mr. Barba ever having a sexual encounter. No physical evidence to even suggest a relationship. Everything the prosecution has is speculation and circumstantial evidence." Rita said whilst turning to the jury, checking everything off on her fingers.
"Is there a question, Ms. Calhoun?" Liv asked.
"Dr. Warner, with everything stated above, is there any way to prove myself and Mr. Barba are in a relationship physically?" Rita asked Warner.
"No, I suppose we can't prove it for sure." Warner answered in a low tone.
"Thank you, Dr. Warner." Rita said with an friendly nod to Melinda before walking back to the couch. "Your witness." She said to Liv as she sat down beside Rafael. Crossing her legs elegantly.
"Dr. Warner, how many rape cases or murders have you examined where there is no physical evidence?" Liv asked as she stood up from her couch.
"Many." Melinda said.
"Does that mean no crime was committed?"
"No, it doesn't. It just means the perp was very careful."
Liv nodded thoughtfully.
"Hypothetically, would two lawyers be inclined to covering their tracks well?" Liv asked casually.
"Objection, speculation!" Rita called out dryly.
"Rephrase!" Liv said, holding her hand up in a gesture of surrender.
"Dr. Warner, have you ever examined a rape case where a lawyer was the perp?"
"Yes."
"And how did that differ from the normal couch-potato who committed a rape?"
"Well, the normal couch-potato doesn't know what a medical examiner is looking for; therefore he might leave DNA. When I have examined people who have been raped by a lawyer, there is usually little to no physical evidence."
"What a coincidence, Mr. Barba and Ms. Calhoun didn't leave a single piece of physical evidence..." Olivia said with mock-surprise.
"Objection." Rita said whilst standing up, giving a pleading look to Elana.
"Sustained." Elana said, obviously on the same page as Rita.
"I was making an observation." Liv said.
"You were making an accusation wearing a cheap wig." Rita replied sarcastically, sitting down again.
"Nothing further." Liv said, sitting down herself.
"The defense calls Alexandra Cabot." Rafael declared whilst starting to stand up, to which Rita dragged him down again.
"Oh hell no, you are not taking this one. You'll end up accidentally convincing the jury that we are dating." Rita asserted, standing up herself. She wasn't risking drunk Rafi fucking up their case. Alex had always been a risky choice, but necessary to their cause.
"Ms. Cabot, how long did you work as a prosecutor?"
"I don't have the exact number off the top of my head, but for many years." Rita nodded with a slight smile.
"With your experience as an assistant district attorney, do you believe the evidence presented by the prosecution has been sufficient to prove beyond reasonable doubt that myself and Mr. Barba are involved in a romantic relationship?" Rita's eyes were locked on Alex's.
"With my experience as a Sex crimes ADA, I can tell you a lot of my cases were thrown out because of reasonable doubt, even when we all knew a crime had been committed."
"That isn't what I asked, Ms. Cabot."
"I'm aware."
"So would you please answer my question?"
"There is reasonable doubt. But I still believe you're fucking."
Rita's jaw tightened slightly because Alex wasn't going where she wanted her to go.
"And why, exactly, do you believe myself and Mr. Barba are fornicating?" She asked through gritted teeth, which was the first time anyone has seen her lose her temper unplanned in the courtroom like this.
"Because when I was the ADA for SVU, I used to look at Liv the way you two look at each other. And me and Liv were fucking."
"I-- What?" Rita stammered completely stunned, her eyes wide as though she had just seen a ghost.
"You look at Mr. Barba the same way I used to look at Ms. Benson when we were having sex." Alex said with a deadpan, slowly emphasizing every word.
"I don't even know what to say. Nothing further." Rita said, slowly backing away and sitting down next to Rafael. Closer than she had been sitting before. Basically sitting in his lap this time. Rafael made space for her, whispering something in her ear which made her nod.
Liv stood up wobbly, mortified that her own sex life had been outed.
"Was that really necessary, Alex?" She muttered.
"Yes, it was relevant." Alex said with a small smile.
"I'm gonna ignore that and focus on Mr. Barba and Ms. Calhoun. What would you say about their current position?" Liv asked, pointing at Rafael and Rita.
"Well, I think Ms. Calhoun practically sitting in Mr. Barba's lap proves more than words ever could." Rita rolled her eyes but made no attempt to actually move away from him.
"I agree. Nothing further." Liv said, sitting back at her couch.
"You ready?" Rafael asked Rita, giving her arm a comforting squeeze. She gave a quick nod in return. "The defense calls Rita Calhoun."
Rita stood up, reluctantly leaving Rafael's warmth. Soon enough she was sitting on the pillow after being sworn in by a now slightly tipsy judge.
"Good evening, Ms. Calhoun." Rafael started professionally.
"You've been eye-fucking all night, stop with the formalities!" Liv called out. Elana reprimanded her slightly before telling Barba to hurry along because some of them actually had a life. Rafael rolled his eyes and waved his hand dismissively towards them both.
"How long have we known each other, Ms. Calhoun?" He finally asked.
"Way too long." Rita replied sarcastically, her arms crossed over her chest.
"And how would you describe your feelings towards me?"
"Contempt. Most days I want to strangle you. For example that time you got one of my clients to choke you with a belt in the middle of a cross examination. That day I wished I was the one choking you with that belt. I also feel extremely irritated when I'm in your vicinity." She replied with a deadpan expression. And Rafael, well, he looked a little offended.
"And the other days?" He asked.
"Some days I tolerate you."
"How generous. I gave Carisi a speech about how much I respected you. And you tolerate me at best?" His hand over his chest, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Oh for goodness sake, Rafael. Stop being so sensitive. You know I found your dramatic flair in court entertaining." She muttered.
"I know, I just wanted to hear you say it." He said, wiggling his eyebrows and smiling until he glanced to the jury and froze. Somehow he had forgotten about the crowd -- who were currently deciding if he was dating Rita -- watching him. He wasn't doing himself any favours, to say the least.
"Rafael, you're supposed to be working for the defense, not the prosecution." Rita breathed, rubbing her temples.
"Right, uh.. you never testified that you had any romantic feelings towards me, is that correct?"
"That is correct."
"You've heard earlier testimonies that have implied you feel safe around me. Dr. Huang gave a theory that you seek me out whilst intoxicated. Would you explain why it is you seek me out?"
"Well, I'm not a psychologist, but I suppose I might feel slightly vulnerable when drunk. And considering I barely know anyone here tonight, it's only logical I seek out the person I do know. Which happens to be you, Mr. Barba."
"He also testified you seem physical, is there any reason for this?"
"Not exactly. I suppose I just get more touchy whilst drunk. But once again, no one actually knows me. No one here knows how I act once outside of my professional role. Except you, who I've been to parties and gotten drunk with since my twenties." She stated calmly.
"Would you say we are good friends? Best friends even?"
"Yes, I'd say you are one of my closest friends."
"Have you ever called me daddy in bed?" Rita took a moment, a little flabbergasted at his words before answering when she realised no one would object.
"No. And I don't know why I would ever call you such a thing." She said with a glare.
"Whatever." He scoffed before continuing his questioning. "Do you trust me?"
"I wouldn't seek you out when vulnerable if I didn't."
"You trust me more than most?"
"Yes."
"Why."
"Because we've known each other for so long, because I know you, because you're not one of those men whose only interest is getting into my pants." She said casually. "Or my wallet." She added quietly with an eyeroll. He nodded, giving the jury a few moments to process everything that had been said before continuing. This time walking around the room slowly.
"Have we ever spent time together outside of work?"
"Yes."
"Have we ever travelled?"
"Yes."
"Have we attended social events together"
"Yes."
"Have we ever fallen asleep in the same room?"
"Yeah."
"The same bed?"
"Yes."
"And in those instances where we have fallen asleep in the same bed, how do we usually fall asleep?"
"On either side of the bed."
"Would you say it's necessarily romantic to sleep in the same bed?"
"No, why would it? I'd bet my bottom dollar that every single person in this room has slept in the same bed as a friend."
"Does loving someone necessarily mean being romantically involved with them?"
"No."
"Ms. Novak earlier testified about being involved with you, is that true?"
"Yes." There was a miniscule, almost not noticeable to the untrained eye, grimace on Rafael's face as she answered. But it disappeared as soon as it appeared.
"Are you attracted to women?"
"Yes."
"Nothing further."
Olivia had been observing the interaction carefully, and it seemed Rita had an answer for everything. Of course she did, she was a experienced lawyer. But Liv was locked in, she was going to get Rita to admit to being in love with Rafael. She just didn't really know how, she wasn't a prosecutor. She was just little old Olivia Benson, captain of Manhattan SVU.
"Ms. Calhoun. Are you dating Rafael?"
"If you're referring to going on dates? Yes, Mr. Barba and I frequently grab a coffee to discuss a case, or go on a friendly date."
"No, like, are you in a relationship." She clarified, gesturing with her hands impatiently.
"That depends on how you define relationship. We have a relationship that resembles one of two close friends who've known each other since forever."
"Are you girlfriend-boyfriend?" Olivia was growing more irritated by the minute as Rita dodged her questions.
"Yes, Mr. Barba is my male friend, and I would be his female friend."
"Have you had sex?"
"I'm not answering any questions about my sex life."
"Has he ever called you mommy in bed?"
"Objection!" Rafael called out dryly.
"Rephrase!" Liv countered.
"What on earth could you possibly rephrase about that question to make it acceptable?" Elana asked.
"Just give me a chance!" Liv whined, to which Elana, who had given up hope on mankind, reluctantly agreed to.
"Has anyone ever called you mommy in bed?" Liv asked with a small smile, and before Elana or Rafael could interfere, Rita had answered.
"Yes."
"Okay, wow. Did not expect that." Liv said, not actually thinking Rita would answer her. "When was the last time someone called you that in bed?"
"Three days ago."
"What time?"
Rita shrugged "I don't know, around eight, nine PM."
"Where was Mr. Barba around that time." This time Rita didn't have an immediate answer.
"Most likely in his bed." She finally answered.
"And where were you?"
"In my bed."
"How could he call you mommy if you weren't in the same bed?"
"I never said any of that."
"But you implied it."
"No, I said I was called mommy in bed three days ago, whilst Rafael was most likely in his bed."
"Were you and Mr. Barba in the same bed?"
"We have been in the same bed."
"Were you and Mr. Barba in the same bed that night."
"Which night?"
"When he called you mommy?"
"Who called me mommy?"
"Mr. Barba!"
"I never said that."
"You said you were called mommy?"
"I was."
"YOUR HONOUR!" Liv complained, pointing at Rita accusingly.
"She is answering your questions, Ms. Benson." Elana said, making Liv huff and take a moment before trying again.
"Did Mr. Barba call you mommy in bed three days ago."
"Rafael's father did not call me mommy in bed. At least not three days ago."
"Rita!" Rafael gasped.
"Ms. Calhoun, I was not asking about his father. I was asking about Rafael Barba."
"What are you asking about Rafael?"
"Did he call you mommy?"
"When?"
"Did Rafael Barba call you mommy three days ago in bed."
"That depends, which Rafael Barba. I'm certain there isn't only one Rafael Barba."
"THE DEFENDANT, RITA!"
"What about him?"
"DID THE DEFENDANT RAFAEL BARBA CALL YOU MOMMY IN BED THREE DAYS AGO!" Liv was yelling at this point, red in the face. All whilst Rita was sitting on the pillow, cool and collected. Her expression barely moving an inch.
"I am not going to discuss my sex life. It is not relevant when the question is whether I'm dating him or not. Even if we were dating, it is not automatically given that we're having sex."
"Can she do that, judge? She can't do that right?"
"She can, whether Mr. Barba has ever called her mommy is not relevant." Elana answered.
"Fine.. Ms. Calhoun, have you and Mr. Barba ever shared a kiss."
"Yes."
"Did you... Like it?"
"Well, he was a little sloppy that one time back in college when we were dared to kiss each other" She replied in a tone that suggested she was reminiscing.
"Like you were much better at that time." Rafael muttered.
"I was phenomenal, still am." she countered without sparing a glance in his direction. Keeping her eyes locked onto Liv's.
"There's nothing wrong with sharing an innocent little kiss when you're young, dumb and playing a game. Is there?" Rita challenged.
"You're not the one who is supposed to ask the questions, I am."
"Of course, Ms. Benson. Please do continue."
"You said Mr. Barba is your best friend."
"I said he was one of my closest friends."
"Would you say you know him better than most people?
"I would agree."
"So you know when someone is lying?"
"I'm good at seeing when a lot of people are lying, a part of my job description is to analyse the jurors' body language and read people."
"Would you say he has been evasive tonight."
"I think everyone has been evasive tonight for the purpose of proving their own agenda. I also think you haven't seen Mr. Barba be truly evasive."
"Have you been evasive, tonight, Ms. Calhoun?"
"Especially me."
"You guys, this is, like, just 50% of her evasive capacity!" Rafael called out from the couch where he was now slumped down. Rita just smirked and raised an eyebrows.
"Ms. Calhoun, are you upset Mr. Barba didn't call you when he needed a lawyer?"
"Upset and upset, I suppose it was a little strange considering I would have been able to get the case dismissed before it even started."
"Maybe it was because he wouldn't be able to pay your fees?"
"Oh please, I represented both you and detective Amaro free of charge. Why would I charge one of my closest friends, I take pro-bono cases all the time."
"Maybe it could have been a conflict of interest."
Rita hummed softly before she answered. "Yes, being best friends with the defendant you're representing is probably a conflict of interest."
"Did you think what he did was wrong?"
"Not necessarily."
"Say he did something you believed was wrong, would you defend him either way?"
"Absolutely."
"Why?"
"Ms. Benson, I'm a defense attorney. I defend people who are accused of things I do not believe is right. That's my job." She answered dryly with raised eyebrows.
"Even if it cost you your career?"
"I don't think he would ever do anything that bad it would risk my career simply because I representing him. And even if he did, I don't think he would ask me if it would risk my career."
"But say he did, and say he did ask you. Would you?"
"If he needed me to."
"Why?" Rita didn't have a immediate answer, instead falling silent for a moment. Her eyes fell on Rafael for a moment too long before returning to Liv.
"Because someone needs to defend him."
"Why you?"
"Because I'm the best, and he's my friend. Honestly, he's the reason I am this good. We pushed each other at law school, without each other we wouldn't be as good as we are."
This time it was Liv's time to fall silent as she processed Rita's words. She never knew their relationship went that deep. She thought they were dating, or just fucking.
"Wow.. You two should really consider a career change into writing poetry about one another." Liv said, her hand over her heart. Rita just rolled her eyes.
"Just.. tell me one last thing, Ms. Calhoun. What does Mr. Barba do when stressed?" Liv asked, sitting down in her couch. Her intention being to find out how well Rita would explain Rafael's reasonings and motives, how well she actually knew him.
"What does he do when he's angry? What does he do when he's nervous? What does he do when he's in love?" Rita knew exactly what Liv wanted, her explaining Rafael's moods in detail. And she wouldn't give Liv that satisfaction, however, she did accidentally give something else up. "I wouldn't exactly know." She blurted out after an awkward pause of silence with everyone staring at her. Hands in the air, feigning innocence.
"Really? Because you've just spent the whole day arguing you know him." Before Rita had a chance to answer Olivia was three steps ahead. "Nothing further." She said.
Rita got up and sat down next to Rafael, him patting her knee before standing up.
"The defense rests." Rafael said with a nod.
"The defense may give its closing argument." Elana says, a hint of relief on her face knowing this shitshow was nearing it's end.
Rafael took a few steps forwards until he was faced with the jury.
"Today you have heard eight people discuss the probabilities of a romantic relationship between myself and Ms. Calhoun. What has a single one of them failed to do? Prove without reasonable doubt that there is a relationship. The prosecution has spent the entire evening proving that Rita Calhoun and I are close. They even asked Ms. Calhoun, on the stand, if she and I were dating. She did not once, despite the prosecution's multiple attempts at twisting her words, admit to such a thing. Every so called piece of evidence the prosecution has presented could easily be written of as two close friends. Therefore it would be a misuse of the justice system to find us guilty. So do the right thing, the only option, find us not-guilty." Rafael said before walking back to his couch. Sitting down next to Rita who gave him a small appreciative smile before returning her attention to Olivia who was getting up.
"Ladies and Gentlemen. Three of you have gone up on that witness stand and told me you believe they are dating. Two detectives. One former assistant district attorney. Shouldn't that mean something? Yeah, plot twist, two exceptionally great lawyers can evade questions, argue their way out of anything and hide their tracks. They could be making out on this very couch and still find a way to explain it in a way where reasonable doubt is present. I'm not even a prosecutor, I'm just a detective, I have no idea how the law works. But still... still I could make at least three of you believe they are dating. How? Because we've all seen how they have interacted during the night. This isn't about having enough evidence, or no reasonable doubt. It's about what we know. And what do we know? These two are definitely in a relationship. Therefore, you need to find them guilty." She closed her argument with a dramatic flip of her hair as she sat down at her couch again.
"Thank you, Ms. Benson. The closing arguments are concluded" Elana said dryly before turning to the jury.
"You have heard the testimony of the witnesses and the arguments of both sides. It is now your responsibility to determine whether the prosecution has established, beyond a reasonable doubt, that the defendants are in a romantic relationship. You are to base this decision solely on evidence presented in this courtroom. Not on assumptions. Not on speculation. And most certainly not on whether you personally believe two people are annoyingly obvious about their feelings for one another." Elana instructed the jury. Sending a quick little glance towards Rafael and Rita before continuing her instructions.
"You may consider circumstantial evidence, as well as direct testimony. You may consider the credibility of each witness and the weight you give to their testimony. However, you can not find the defendants guilty simply because three witnesses believe they are dating. If you find that the prosecution failed to prove beyond a reasonable doubt, your verdict must be not guilty. If you are unanimous in your decision, you will return here and announce your verdict. You may now retire to deliberate." Elana concluded, taking a long breath after.
The jurors began to stand up, at first confused as to where they should deliberate, but someone suggested the toilet, because Rita and Rafael had used it to discuss the trial. So they all crammed into the bathroom whilst Liv, Rafael, Rita and Elana stayed.
Rafael's hand was now securely placed on Rita's thigh. She was mindlessly drawing patterns on his hand with her fingertips. Her gaze locked onto nothing in particular. Simply staring off into the abyss. Rafael, Elana and Liv were catching up about work.
After five minutes they were still locked in the toilet. And the officers of the court could hear the jury giggling. Rita's head was, at this point, leaning against Rafael's shoulder. Eyes closed and hand intertwined with his on her thigh.
Another five minutes later the doorknob finally turned. Rita's eyes opened as she straightened up. She let go of his hand, but let it stay on her thigh. Her shoulder still pressed against his, due to the couch being so small.
The jurors filed out of the bathroom like an army. Peter Stone taking the lead, followed by George Huang, Casey Novak, Alexandra Cabot, Dominick Carisi, Amanda Rollins, Melinda Warner, John Munch, Fin Tutuola and last, but not shortest, Elliot Stabler. Or maybe he was the shortest. He was at least the one with the greatest butt.
"You know, I never really noticed how great Stabler's butt was.." Rafael whispered to Rita, who was not as interested in butts. She glared at Rafael.
"If you're talking about anyone's bottom, it should be mine." She muttered.
"Has the jury reached a verdict?" Elana said.
"Sí, we say guilty on all counts." Elliot slurred confidently before falling asleep on the table. The poor man had been forcing himself to stay awake for the past hour.
"YES, YES, YES! I DID IT! I DID IT! I KNEW IT, I KNEW IT!" Liv exclaimed, jumping up and down.
"I... There was only one count?" Elana said confused, which was surprising. Who would have thought ten drunk people who were deliberating inside a bathroom about whether two people were dating would have taken her instructions to heart.
"Yeah, we think they're guilty." Fin said.
"I'm sorry. But, no." Elana said.
"What?!" Liv froze, her smile dropping.
"That verdict cannot stand. Based on the evidence presented tonight, there remains immense reasonable doubt. Therefore I am dropping all the charges against Mr. Barba and Ms. Calhoun." She banged her gavel on the tray.
Rita grinned, looked at Rafael and pressed a quick but sweet peck right on his mouth. Olivia's mouth fell open and she pointed at them.
"I-- Hello?! She just kissed him!" She screeched.
"Double jeopardy! We were simply sharing a celebratory kiss as friends." Rafi exclaimed, a broad smile on his lips, his arm sliding around Rita's waist.
"Should we go home to our shared apartment because we are roommates and have celebratory friendship-sex where you call me mommy?" Rita jokingly asked Rafael with a massive grin. Or maybe it wasn't a joke. I suppose we'll never know. What we do know is that by legal standards, they are not dating.
"Yes, absolutely." He answered. They both got up and thanked Elana, gathering their things and bolted out of there.
Elana wanted to kill everyone in the room. She was still sitting on the armchair, with her black robe on and gavel in hand.
"I just spent two hours watching people argue over two people dating. In someone's apartment. At 2 AM. Only for them to kiss and go home and have sex. What the fuck am I doing with my life." Elana was now the one with the existential crisis.
"Is this what people do with friends? Should we be doing this?" Carisi asked Rollins.
"I don't know, maybe we should try. I mean they have been friends since, like.. forever. Maybe that's the secret to a lasting friendship?" Rollins answered.
"So.. does this mean we won? Or.. Because they are definitely dating." Liv asked with furrowed eyebrows. Elana didn't even answer. She just grabbed her things and went her merry way.
"Well, they're definitely fucking. They even confessed to that. So I guess.. I was the one in the right all along." Alex stated, sipping her wine like this was a normal Friday. Which in some ways, it was.
Dun, dun...
Roll credits