Work Text:
They were just stepping on the escalator to head back to their makeshift hideout when Steve spoke for the first time since the incident on the bridge without Natasha having to coax him.
“I’m not sure I can do this, Nat.”
It was quiet, barely audible over the general noise around them, but Natasha was certain she’d heard it. She stilled, turning slowly to gaze at the super soldier standing behind her. Finding clothes that hid them had been easy enough, but there was still a long road ahead of them. She was only so grateful they the hoodie and jeans she’d stuffed Steve into seemed to tone down the (currently slumped) musculature underneath, and that she’d found a hood to cover her own crown of fiery red hair. They couldn’t afford to get caught now that they were officially wanted fugitives. One wrong move and it would be back in handcuffs for both of them, and chances of restoring S.H.I.E.L.D. to the right powers was slim to none. Plus now they had to worry about where the arrest officers had taken Sam, and about the Winter Soldier on the loose, looking for them -
“Fury’s in custody, all of our communications are down, and we have no idea where they took Sam. We’re sitting ducks as agents, especially now that we’ve been compromised. If there was any time to start questioning your loyalties, this is it, Steve.”
The troubled look on Steve’s face didn’t ease, but his shoulders sagged in understanding defeat. Natasha could sympathize, but there was little she could do.
“I know,” he conceded, “It just doesn’t feel right to be hiding like we are while that mad - while Bucky is out there and there’s something wrong with him but I don’t know how to help.”
She could empathize with the feeling; who was she kidding, she was feeling the same way about the man they had identified as the Winter Soldier - her ex trainer and she dare not think beyond that - and eventually as Steve’s late best friend. Neither she nor Steve knew quite what to do with the information yet, especially since the entire encounter had consisted of Bucky’s attempts to kill one or both of them. Natasha didn’t know what that meant beyond somebody hiring the Winter Soldier to do, but even then she needed to find out who, and why.
“Right now we just need to lay low so that we can find Sam and get him free before trying to do anything with S.H.I.E.L.D. Fury’s being held by the U.S. government under their orders, so until we can weed out the rat that actually betrayed us there’s nothing we can do. You know as soon as we have what we need, we’ll be able to act again. Against them and against whoever is controlling the Winter Soldier.”
And that killed Steve more than she knew. He wasn’t trained or built for undercover work like she was. Even his usual uniform, the vivid red and blue kevlar with the bullseye shield, screamed for attention, if the blond’s own commanding presence didn’t do that on its own. That he was having to hide all of what made Steve Captain America, and especially from his own best friend, was a demand Natasha knew she could never make again.
“I know,” he said again, and she knew that he did. She was having to repeat the same things to herself over and over in her head, so she didn’t mind so much having to say them out loud for the man standing in front of her, suffering just as much as she was. “But it doesn’t make me feel good about hiding. Or surrendering. Captain America can’t protect people while he’s too busy protecting his own skin.”
Nat let out a breath and placed her hands gently against Steve’s face. She studied him carefully, taking in each flinch he made as she stroked her thumbs against his cheeks, and each time his eyes avoided hers. That this man still itched to do good for other, still craved protecting civilians when his own life was in such grave danger, swelled all the warm and protective instinct in her own body and she allowed herself a brief moment of grief and pride. It was no wonder the Howling Commandos had followed him so easily, no wonder the Avengers had come together so cleanly under his striving leadership. He was an admirable man, and over the period they had worked together he had become one of her best friends. Natasha swore to herself then that she would do everything in her power to help the man get his best friend back, and that she would stand with him as they rescued S.H.I.E.L.D. and saved the world from its corruption. It was the least she could do to ease his pain, and it eased hers a little to know that she was confident they could do so.
Gently, she pulled him forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, followed by a kiss to each cheek, and finally, the slightest of pressure to his lips. He accepted all of them, relaxing in her grasp and placing his hands on her hips as she pulled away. “You’re still a good person, Steve Rogers. Don’t let anybody convince you otherwise,” she told him. “We’re going to get Bucky back. We’re going to get — “ and she hiccuped, because it had been so long since she’d said his name, since they had shared close whispers in the cold and dark, “We’re going to get Barnes back and fix all of this.”
Steve wasn’t convinced, the tenseness in his shoulders told her, but he nodded anyway and looked a little better. He relaxed his forehead on her own, hiding both of their faces in the shadow of his cap and her hood, and they remained that way in silence until the they reached the bottom of the escalator.
