Chapter Text
'The moon looks so beautiful up here.'
I stood in the astronomy tower.
'Maybe they wish I would just shut up.'
I looked down. My eyes were blurry with tears.
'Maybe their lives would be easier.'
'Maybe I’ll finally join that moon someday, up in the clouds.'
'Maybe I should.'
I stepped closer to the edge. My heart pounded in my chest.
I didn’t know if I would regret it. In the afterlife. Maybe I’d finally feel okay again. I couldn’t remember the last time it hadn’t been false joy.
'Someone stop me. Don’t. I don’t want to die. Yes, yes I do. I’m scared. I’m free. I-'
“Step away from there.”
'Huh?'
I spun around. My vision was still broken. Someone stood a little ways away from me.
“You're alright.”
All of a sudden I just broke into tears. I slid to the floor.
“Hey, hey, hey. It’s alright.”
He slid next to me and wrapped an arm around me. “Shhh. It’s alright. You’re okay. You’re safe.”
“I- I don’t wanna die.” I whispered. “You’re not going to. I’ll protect you.”
“Why do they like me? I’m just- just a person. And they’re so cool.”
“Because you probably make them happy. And they love you. I know I wouldn't stay with some of my friends if I didn't love them.”
“But.. but why?”
“Well, I couldn’t tell you.” The slow up-and-down of his chest was calming to me. I snuggled in closer- it felt nice. His sweater was so soft, and warm, and he was being so kind. “That’s a question for your friends.”
“Mm.”
“Do your friends know about this?”
“This- my- my attempt? No…”
He sighed quietly, and I guess I froze up. “It’s alright… But, can I ask why not?”
“You probably wouldn’t want to hear it.” I countered.
“Says who?”
I rolled my eyes and began toying with my worn shoelace. “Well.. um… uh, I guess my friends think I’m like, the sun. And I used to be like that, but, uh, I grew up, and I also have a ‘dark side’ now. But to ask them to realize that might wreck the system of our friend group, and really, it would probably seem like I'm begging for attention, because you know, I don’t have anything to be sad about.. Or scared.”
“And getting rid of yourself would’ve done what?”
“...”
“Hey, I’m not mad at you. I promise. I just need you to realize there’s nothing more stupid than killing yourself. Especially soemone like you.”
“Right.”
“Do you want to keep talking, or do you want to sit in silence for a bit?”
“Uh.. Is- it alright if you talk at me? And not to me?”
“Sure.” He began to talk about Halloween. I loved Halloween- it was my favorite holiday, I think. I like Christmas too, but Halloween was so much more fun. He seemed to agree.
He kept talking and I kept close to him, never wanting this moment to end. The tracks of my tears were still perfectly visible, but new ones did not dare try to form. Fact, I think I've stopped crying altogether.
He’d been talking for what felt like an hour when he finally paused. He stared at me with those light eyes of his.
“Are you feeling better now?”
I nodded, and yawned. After a beat, he yawned too, and we both giggled.
“Copycat,” I accused him of being.
He stuck out his tongue and rolled his eyes. I laughed again, and it ended in a little hum.
I looked around at the little tower, realizing the little glass orbs hanging from the ceiling were already turning a shade of orange. I looked back, and, indeed, the sun was starting to rise.
“Oh my gosh,” I whispered.
He had looked too, and was already starting to tie his shoes. “We’d oughtta go,” he said hastily.
“Yeah. Could we go to the bathroom before anything, though? I want to wash my face of the.. Um…”
“Of course. But let’s go now. It’s probably five, at least.”
I tied my red converse up and we made our way down the stairs, trying to be as quiet as possible. The Ravenclaws were probably asleep right now.
We went into the bathroom and I wiped my face clean. I looked normal, I think.
He leaned against the door of one of the bathroom stalls and looked at my reflection.
“You’re staring.”
He didn’t respond.
“You look really pretty.”
“Oh!”
“What?”
“Nothing, I’ve just.. never been told that before.”
“Well, some people must be blind. You’re gorgeous.”
We were in silence walking out.
“Hey, um, about.. you know, uh- you should tell your friends.”
“What!?”
“Shhh. I know you don’t want to, but they should probably know. I’m just saying this because of what you told me.”
“My friends are amazing.” I defended.
“Yes, yes, I get that. Look, you do’t have to tell them everything if you’re not comfortable. But please just talk to them about it. Tell them something.”
I didn’t want to respond. I loved my friends, and I told him why I hadn’t told them beforehand.
“Promise me you will?” His eyes were desperately pleading. I couldn’t say no to such beautiful eyes…
“Fine.”
“Say you promise.”
“I promise, I will.. tell my friends.”
“Thank you.”
“Mhm.”
Finally, we found the Griffindor dorm.
I whispered the secret word and slipped inside.
Morning light was already sitting on the couches, warm and inviting.
I walked up to the boys dorm room and quietly got into bed. I decided to pretend I was up early and pulled out my homework I had, sadly, never finished last night.
It hit me that I never asked for the light-eyed boy’s name- and he was being so kind to me too.
Maybe I’ll see him around campus one of these days.
Pete stirred awake, and my day started.