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“ACME is suing Beep Beep?!”
After a couple months of the ‘hugest lawsuit ever’, things had gotten back to moderately normal. Wiley popped into town to see them, with Beep Beep at his heels, clearly still thinking the coyote would up and disappear on him again, and they would get treated to a nice lunch and Kevin and Paige would give them some interesting stories of how their days were going. At first, it was still a bit odd, but they grew to look forward to their visits, even including some of their favorites in the morning donut run just in case.
Today they had appeared with Beep Beep looking amused while Wiley had tears in his eyes, wheezing as he nearly fell to the ground, holding up the paper as he cackled through breathless laughter. Kevin thought he was having, you know, like an episode or something but when he took the paper as Beep Beep made himself comfortable in a chair, staring down at it as it started to spin slowly, he saw what made the coyote laugh so hard.
“No fucking way,” Paige whispered as she peered over his shoulder. They were in the meeting room, Wiley hiding his face in his arms as his shoulders shook uncontrollably, with Beep Beep smiling at them every time the chair spun him around. “What-I mean...what??”
“It says destruction of property, assault-Beep Beep what the hell did you do, man??” Kevin looked over the paper at the bird with raised eyebrows, and the bird smiled brightly.
“Meep Meep!”
“No, that doesn’t answer it, but thanks.” While he had gotten used to Wiley’s movements, Beep Beep’s...speech was still harder to understand. Wiley was, at the moment, the only one to understand the bird.
Besides Tweety, who, upon seeing said roadrunner again, screeched and begged Granny to take him home amidst tears.
...was that...part of it???
“Destruction of a chopper, $5000 worth of birdseed, no answer to a lawful order-oh Beep Beep, I’m already in your corner,” Paige laughed, reaching out to bump her fist to his wing, and he chirped happily as Wiley started wheezing harder.
Kevin sighed, putting the paper down and rubbing his face. “Okay so...I mean, do you have anything to maybe defend yourself or...?”
“Meep!!”
And in the weirdest sequence of events, he witnessed a roadrunner...pull a phone...from under his wing...with his foot.
Yeah. He’s not even gonna start trying to figure that one out.
Beep Beep slid it on the table as Wiley held up a sign. ‘One of ACME’s phones, they recorded it.’
“Oh hell yeah,” Kevin snatched it up, grimacing at the shattered screen. But it still turned on, and he quickly went to the file folder, only a bit disappointed there was only the one video in it. He kind of wanted to see they had all saved, but que sera.
He tapped the video, Paige crowding his side again.
The video showed a giant mountain of birdseed and glue(?), and Beep Beep speeding close to it. He got stuck, frowning at his feet, then his head whipped around, staring right at the person holding the phone.
“Sir, the target is staring at us. Why is the target staring at us?”
Beep Beep stuck his tongue out, and with a happy ‘Beep Beep!’ he practically flew out of the glue and-
“Oh my God.”
“Oh my God,” Paige laughed, watching something in the distance explode as someone screamed.
“Oh my God,” Sal said from the other side, making Kevin and Paige screech and jump back, Paige holding her heart as Kevin stared at him incredulously.
“Dude! Where’d you come from?!”
“Dottie and I got bored.”
“I brought coffee,” Dottie held the pot, already having poured Wiley and Beep Beep a cup as she shook the pot a bit. “Do we need to go to D.C. again?”
“No, no, I uh,” Kevin cleared his throat, all of them watching as the guy who had accompanied Buddy to the trial started screaming on the video, clutching at his head.
“It burns! It burrrrrrns!!”
“I bet it does you devil-“ Paige muttered as Kevin quickly turned the phone to sleep, shaking his head.
“They don’t have a leg to stand on. Even by human law, it’s pretty clear they went in with unclear intentions and Beep Beep was well within his rights to defend himself,” he said, tapping the phone. “By Toon law, I uh...I’d have to read a few things but I think Beepster was a little soft on ‘em.”
Beep Beep chirped, fluffing his wings almost proudly as Sal whistled. “Damn, man. That just raises a ton of questions but alright.”
“Can I keep this?” Kevin asked, wiggling the phone and Beep Beep pouted, chirping a little as Dottie snatched up the donut box, pushing some their way to grab as Wiley held up a new sign, still coughing through a laugh.
‘He wants to keep it as a trophy :)’
“Fair enough. Can I make a copy of the video?” Beep Beep gave an enthusiastic nod, quickly pecking at a poppyseed donut, gulping it down in moments as Sal went after Kevin out the door. “Hey, lemme see it again, I didn’t get to relish it enough.”
The all heard the beginning of ‘Sir, why is-‘ before the door shut, and Paige stole Kevin’s seat, leaning in with her fingers entwined, cradling her head with a grin.
“Alright, man. Tell me how good it was to fuck them over. Was it like eating warm chocolate chip pancakes?”
Beep Beep’s grin returned, wide enough to burst his beak if he wasn’t careful as Dottie hid a snicker. “Beep, chirp chirp!”
Paige shut her eyes, sucking in a breath. “Like homemade apple cider, oh Beep Beep you fiend.” She laughed, tapping her hands on the table giddily. “So like, are we gonna entertain this or just kick their ass to the curb?”
Beep Beep looked contemplative even as Wiley finally lifted his head, a stern look on his face as he brought out a new sign. ‘NO. Once was highly enough! NO’ he tapped furiously at Beep Beep who rubbed his beak with a foot.
“Aw, man. I wanted to see that lawyer get gooped with glue. Oh well.”
...now it was Wiley’s turn to look thoughtful before quickly shaking his head, shaking a ‘NOOOOO!!!’ sign at them both as Dottie laughed, easily chewing on an apple fritter.
It was never a dull day at the office, that was for sure.
Written by a human in Ellipsus.