Archive of Our Own

Myung Jaehyun wakes up in his room on a Tuesday with a sense of unease wrapped tightly around his throat.

A bad premonition, maybe.

He hears the loud whirring of the heater in his room, warm air rolling off his skin. He finds himself sticky with sweat, perspiration slowly rolls down his nape, where the end of his hair curls up from the humidity. Scratching his neck absentmindedly, he vaguely notes that despite the heat, his skin is cool to the touch. Maybe it's not that surprising though, with how cold it has become lately. November has just started, yet the weather was already harsh.

He shivers. Goosebumps start to rise on his skin.

He throws a quick glance at his window. The view outside is completely dark, so it must still be night - but there’s a sense of discomfort in the idea of going back to sleep, despite completely forgetting what his dream was even about. Like a dread quietly settling in, trickling down his esophagus, and spreading through his veins. 

His fingertips are cold, he notices.

But Jaehyun has school in a few hours, (give or take - he’s not sure what time it is right now, since his phone is charging downstairs, and his alarm clock has stopped working a few fateful weeks ago), so he sighs, and lays his head back unto his pillow. He needs these hours of sleep anyways, he’s been studying like crazy ever since school had entered that period of final preparations for the CSAT. He closes his eyes again.

The heater whirs loudly. His skin is cold. He’s sweating.

He’s not falling asleep.

Well, isn’t that unfortunate. He groans in annoyance as he shuffles around, trying to nestle into a spot that would be comfortable enough. He hides his arms under his blanket, then brings them out when it gets too hot. Then tucks them back in when it gets too cold. 

Nothing is working.

Thud.

His eyes open instantly, and his head whips to stare outside, where the noise seems to come from. Did a moth hit his window? In November? Was that his imagination?

Thud.

He sees it this time, but only barely. A round, dark shape came into view, blurry, then disappeared just as quickly. What the hell. Are November moths supposed to act like this?

Thud.

Whatever the thing is, it sure is persistent. Jaehyun finally decides to get up, legs swinging to the side of his bed. He takes a few big strides before he peers through his window, eyes squinting at the darkness outside.

From below, a light suddenly flashes. A ray of it catches his eyes, and he immediately squints them shut. Once it moves away, he cautions another glance down at his driveway. His heart rate immediately starts rising when he notices the presence of a person. 

A robber? No, that’s stupid, why would a robber be trying to catch his attention? Besides, there’s nothing to rob anyway. Apart from his calculus notes, maybe.

He scrutinizes outside as discreetly as he can and tries to make out the other’s features.

Short blond hair, smaller figure, sharp eyes staring right back at him.

Oh. Jaehyun quickly opens his window. Cold air bites him.

“Sanghyeok?” he whispers. The other gives a small smile and waves.

“Hey,” he says casually, as if he hadn’t almost given Jaehyun the biggest heart attack of his life.

“You almost gave me the biggest heart attack of my life!” he whisper-shouts, and Sangheok cracks an apologetic grin at that. 

“Sorry,” he replies, but he doesn’t sound that sorry. Asshole. “Can you come out for a sec, though? It’s a bit hard to talk like this. I’m not sure how Romeo and Juliet did it.”

“That’s because they- Ugh, never mind. Give me a minute.” He slips out through his bedroom door and makes his way downstairs, socked feet slapping on the wood. The stairs creak with each step he takes, but his parents are heavy sleepers, so he isn’t worried.

He quickly removes the battery from the door lock with a practiced hand, grabs his coat, then opens the front door. Sangheok’s there, hair tousled a bit from the wind outside.

“Okay,” Jaehyun crosses his arm, “What are you doing here? Do you know what time it is?”

The other quirks an eyebrow at that. “Yeah. Do you?”

Well, he’s got him there. All of his friends know that he doesn’t bring his phone with him to his room at night. “No, but what I do know is that it’s still dark right now. So why are you here?”

“Woonhak’s bringing everyone to the noraebang tonight. Something about ‘enjoying the last moments of our youth’,” he shrugs. 

“What?” Jaehyun’s forehead wrinkles. “He’s not even graduating this year. Or even next year.”

“Yeah, but we are,” Sangheok points out. 

“What does it matter, though? We’re all staying here, aren’t we? The local college is like, twenty minutes away,” he says. 

The other hesitates a bit at that as if he wanted to say something, chewing on his lips absentmindedly. 

Jaehyun can tell there’s something on his mind. It’s hard not to, after knowing the other for almost the entirety of their lives. He knows when Sangheok has something to say, something that he’s nervous about because he’s not sure how others will react. He knows how to coax it out of him, knows how to give the proper response to reassure him. 

He doesn’t do anything this time. 

Jaehyun can also tell when Sangheok gives up on it.

“I guess it’ll still be different, though,” he responds instead, tucking his hands into his jeans. His lips are raw and red, shiny with spit. Jaehyun tries not to stare.

“This town is tiny, it’s not like he won’t see us anymore. We’re all stuck here together.” he tries joking, but it falls flat. He doesn’t laugh. Sangheok doesn’t, either.

“Maybe the kid just wants - needs to experience a few things,” the other admits quietly. “Everyone’s got their own ways of coping.” An awkward bout of silence is exchanged between them. 

Jaehyun thinks back to his bed. To his damp bedsheets. To his loud heater. To his restless sleep.

He sighs. “Let me go change and get my keys.”

There’s only one noraebang in their town, and it’s owned by Dongmin’s parents.

Everyone knows of it, just like how everyone living here knows of the only two schools (the local high school and the local college). The three supermarkets. The seven rice fields. The eight families that own a dog (Woonhak’s one of them, and Jaehyun has always been jealous of that).

The point is, everyone knows of everything that goes on around here. That’s what happens in a small town with an even smaller population. Everyone knows each other and gets in everyone’s business.

“Aren’t we going to get caught for doing this?” he complains to Sangheok. They’re walking side by side, shoes shuffling on the asphalt. “The entire school’s gonna know about this by tomorrow.”

Sangheok shrugs. “It doesn’t matter anyways.”

Jaehyun gasps. “Who are you and what have you done with my -” he winces but catches himself, “- with the Lee Sangheok that I know?” Great save. 

If the other noticed his blunder, he doesn’t show it. He rolls his eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“Mister I-stick-to-my-own-rules is acting rebellious right now? Color me shocked.”

“I don’t have any rules against hanging out with friends,” he defends himself, but he does. Jaehyun knows he has a certain social limit, and this is crossing the boundaries of it.

“And,” the other adds forcefully, as if he knew what Jaehyun was thinking, “some rules can be broken sometimes.”

Well, there’s not much more he can add to that. He nods and hums, looking up at the sky. Maybe he can change the subject smoothly by talking about a constellation, or something. The stars are always brighter when you're not in the city, and there’s a sense of comfort when you're looking at them - bright lights that make you feel less alone in the dark.

But there are no stars out tonight - something pretty rare in the countryside. You know, being far away from light pollution and all that. It seems like the sky is cloudy, dark shadows blurring out the light. Bummer. November sucks.

He doesn’t remember when was the last time he actually observed them, though. Not since-

Jaehyun-ah, I like you.

I’m sorry.

“There are no stars tonight again, huh?” Sangheok’s voice cuts his thoughts. “It’s a shame, since you always try to talk about a new constellation that you found.”

“Yeah, it’s a shame…” Jaehyun echoes, voice drifting away before he catches the other looking at him worriedly. He snaps out of it. 

“Anyways, uh. I forgot to ask, but who’s going to be there?”

“Everyone. Dongmin, Donghyun, Sungho, and of course, Woonhak.”

Huh. It really is their entire friend group.

“Why’s everyone even awake at this time?”

“Woonhak called us and woke us up an hour ago,” the other explains, “Dongmin jumped on his plan immediately, and they should all be in the middle of a song right now. They wanted to all come get you, but I didn’t want you to get a heart attack, so I told them I’d do it.”

Jaehyun recalls his horror from earlier and shivers. 

“Yeah, I don’t know how I would’ve reacted to an entire mob under my window.” And if they started making a fuss to get his attention? 

He shivers again. “Thanks for that, actually.”

Sanghyeok smiles back, fangs poking his lower lip. The corner of his eyes crinkle. “Of course, Jaehyun-ah.”

Jaehyun-ah.

Jaehyun-ah, I like you.

“Oh, we’re here!”, he says, as the establishment comes into view. It’s a dingy little thing, the exterior starting to look quite shabby, with a few bricks missing. The light-up sign flickers a few times, ‘KOZ’ in neon colors flashing as they get closer.

“Jaehyun?”

I’m sorry.

“Sorry, I was distracted,” his voice sounds a bit choked, so he clears his throat. 

He opens the door. “Let’s go in.”

It’s okay.

“Okay.”

They go in.

If the exterior can be described as ‘shabby’, then the interior would be closer to the word ‘musty’. 

There’s always a strange odor that’s settled in, one similar to the fragrance of old carpet, dust and sourness. There’s a few fake plants here and there, used solely for decoration with how obviously cheap and plastic they look. The wallpapers are tacky and slightly peeling off, the bottom edges adorning a yellow tint from years of use. 

Either that, or it’s piss.

“It’s not fucking piss, I told you guys already.” Dongmin greets them with a scowl, feet kicked up in the air from his seat at the front desk. When thrown a questioning look, he answers, “I saw both of you looking at the wallpaper again.”

“I just think you’re being awfully defensive about this,” Jaehyun replies, but it’s more similar to a mumble because he’s a bit scared of the other. Dongmin quirks an eyebrow at him anyways.

“Why’re you here at the front, Dongmin? Thought you’d be with the others,” Sangheok asks, pointing his thumb towards, well. For a lack of better words, the sound of a cat yowling. Followed by maniacal cackling. With loud bass booming in the background.

“Had to wait for you guys, so that I can bring you to the right room,” he gets up and stretches languidly, like a big cat. “C’mon, we’re over there.”

Another laugh loudly echoes, bouncing off the walls as they walk through the hallway. It seems to originate from the room all the way in the back, on the left.

“I don’t think we would’ve had any trouble finding you guys,” Jaehyun winces. “Dude, the whole neighborhood’s gonna hear us. Your parents are gonna hear us. And I’ve literally seen them sleep through an earthquake!”

“Woonhak’s singing is way louder than an earthquake. It’s like, magnitude six, minimum.” Sangheok mutters.

“Oh that’s not Woonhak singing. It’s Sungho.”

“What?” he and Sanghyeok exclaim in sync.

Dongmin shrugs, but he looks smug. “Yeah, I showed him a few songs from my playlist. I think I’m getting him into MCR. Poor guy’s gotta release that pent-up stress somewhere, you know? His parents have been on his ass lately, because of the CSAT.”

“Aw, fuck. That sucks.” Sungho’s parents are both professors, one of them at their local college, and the other at their high-school. In their physics class (and all the other physics classes too. There’s not a lot of other teachers, so they have to take on more classes. There’s not a lot of other classes either, though.)

It’s so weird to have someone you know as your teacher, so Jaehyun can’t imagine how it feels for that person to be your parent. Both of Sungho’s parents are pretty strict on him too. You would’ve thought having your mom as your teacher would help cut you some slack, but no. She seems to be even harsher on him because of that. 

Dongmin finally opens the door, revealing the other three talking loudly over each other. 

Well, Sungho and Woonhak look like they’re arguing, while Donghyun is nearly in tears, clutching his stomach in the corner. Figures that he was the one laughing like that.

Dongmin slides into the seat next to Woonhak and loops his arm around the other’s neck. “What’s going on, Unagi? You guys having a cat fight? Want me to defend you against the big bad Sungho?”

“Ah hyung, let go of me!” Woonhak complains as the other ruffles his hair. He lights up when he sees them. “Oh, Jaehyun and Sangheok hyung, you guys are finally here!”

“Hi Woonhakie!” Jaehyun sits across from him and Sangheok follows him, sidling his body closer to his. He feels the warmth buzzing from where they’re touching, and he glances and the shorter, who’s already giving a polite nod to everyone. He looks good, even in the obnoxiously purple lighting that paint his cheeks.

He tears his eyes away to look back at the others, who are now exchanging different stories of recent events from their personal lives. Despite being a close friend group at school, it was pretty rare for them to hang out outside of it, just like this. 

Laughter spreads around when they take turns singing at the machine. Sungho starts off by singing a song from Nirvana, to which only Sanghyeok and Jaehyun stare in disbelief. Woonhak and Donghyun look like they’re used to it by now, while Dongmin whistles under his breath, impressed.

“He was already on a roll before you guys arrived,” Donghyun explains, shaking his head. “Nothing but emo songs.”

“They’re not emo,” Dongmin glares at him. The other looks at him amusedly.

“Oh yeah? What do you call the devil screaming in your ears, then?”

He huffs. “A masterpiece.”

“I don’t think it’s that bad,” Woonhak adds, before Sungho’s voice cracks on a particularly loud and high note. He winces. “I don’t think it’s that good either, though.”

They tease Sungho good-naturedly once he finishes, and he flushes a bit, scowling at them. 

“No, it was good,” Jaehyun insists. “I didn’t know you had that in you!”

Sungho sighs.

They try to force Dongmin to perform the opening of a magical girl song, but he vehemently refuses and threatens to kick them all out, so they make Woonhak do it instead. He fights back too - complains and kicks up a fuss, but eventually relents. He then proceeds to do a perfect rendition of the song, leaving everyone shocked, and a few extremely pleased.

“How’d you do that so well?” Sungho gapes at him.

Now it’s Woonhak’s turn to feel embarrassed. 

“Guys, I have a little sister, remember?” He laments but there’s fondness in his voice at the mention of his sibling. “They’re always playing this show at the kindergarten.”

They continue off with Dongmin, who surprisingly goes with a soft and sad ballad, though he didn’t look that sad himself. Then, Donghyun requests a duet with Jaehyun to sing a hip-hop version of the Phantom of the Opera. Jaehyun doesn’t even know how he found that. Or why the noraebang machine had that version registered too.

It ended up being a fan-favorite though, leading everyone to holler and hoot once they finish. Jaehyun does a little dramatic bow before sitting back down, grinning at everyone.

“How’d you guys even sneak out?” Jaehyun questions everyone at some point, curious.

They all answer, one by one.

“We don’t have an alarm system in my house, but the hardest part was to get Woonbaby to be quiet,” Woonhak pouts. Woonbaby is his dog, a cute but huge samoyed breed. “I had to give up my school snack to bribe her.”

“Asked my parents for the night shift. They let me because I said I’d take half the usual pay.” Dongmin leans back on the sofa. 

“At three am?” Sungho inquires in disbelief. “They’re okay with you staying up at this time? Won’t they get worried about your productivity at school?”

Dongmin shakes his head. “Nah it’s fine, I’ll just skip school tomorrow. They know my grades are fine.” Sungho gapes at him.

Donghyun shrugs. “My parents don’t care anyways. I’m not even sure if they’re at home right now.”

“I left through my window,” Sungho reveals, which shocks everyone the most. Right up until the group remembers that his room is on the first floor.

“I wrote a note saying that I’d be sleeping over at a friend’s,” Sangheok scratches his cheek. “My brother said he’d help cover for me too, just in case. But, uh - can I crash at someone’s place tonight?”

Unsurprisingly, Donghyun volunteers. His house is the second biggest amongst all of them, and his parents are barely ever there. 

With the issue resolved, the conversation continues flowing.

“By the way, Woonhak-ah, I heard that the 10th-years went on a school trip a week ago,” Sangheok interjects. “How was it? I still remember when Jaehyun and Sungho fell sick during ours.”

Jaehyun remembers it as well. Sangheok had stayed by their side, taking care of both of them while missing out on the group activities himself. When he had complained and pushed the other to leave, he just rolled his eyes, and prodded the spoon of soup to his lips.

“Don’t be stupid, Jaehyun-ah. What’s the fun of this trip without you guys?”

“I had a pollen allergy!” Sungho protests. “Jaehyun was the only one that was actually sick.”

Now Jaehyun is ready to argue, until he catches the look of the youngest one. “Woonhak?” he asks.

Woonhak’s smile had dropped slightly, but it widens again when he gets caught. 

“Actually…” he grins sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, “I didn’t go on the trip. Couldn’t afford it, unfortunately.”

The air around them drops a few degrees in temperature. Woonhak seems to notice it, and he stretches his grin even wider.

“Don’t worry about it, guys!” He laughs lightheartedly, waving his hands as a way to appease them. “I had fun at home anyways! It’s peach season, so our neighbors gave us the most ripe ones while my class was away. And I hung out with Woonbaby too!” 

Woonhak’s parents weren’t the most well-off in the town, and everyone knew of that. But the youngest never seemed to let it get to him, even when he was a kid, shoes all scuffed whilst adorning a toothy smile on his face.

“Woonhak, you should’ve told us,” Jaehyun says gently, and for a moment, the youngest’s smile drops again. “We would’ve been there for you.”

“Yeah, Unagi.” Dongmin isn’t as good at comforting, but he’s visibly trying, giving him a little friendly nudge. “You could’ve just asked me for some money, you know I’m always ready to steal my parents’ savings for you.”

“No, it’s okay, hyung,” he murmurs, his head drooping a little bit. “I don’t want to be a charity case, and I don’t want money, out of everything, to be something that becomes transactional in our friendship. I think one of the reasons I feel so comfortable around you guys is because I totally forget about that.”

“But we could’ve at least hung out with you after school -” Sungho starts, before snapping his mouth shut. They all knew the reason why. It’s the reason they rarely hung out outside of school in the first place. 

Dongmin had to take shifts at his parents’ noraebang. Sungho needed to attend cram school (also supervised by his parents. Both of them.) Donghyun visited the hospital in the nearest city to take care of his ill grandmother, who was the only one that had ever taken care of him. Sangheok had his dance classes. And Jaehyun participated in the economics club and the student council, as well as working a part-time job.

Is this really what youth is supposed to look like?

“It’s fine, hyung!” Woonhak reassures Sungho, who was starting to look apologetic, “I had to go help out my family in the fields anyways. We’re all busy, so let’s just enjoy the time we have here, right now!”

His words seem to do the trick, as the atmosphere suddenly lightens up.

“Yah - since when did our youngest start acting all mature and grown-up?” Jaehyun leans in to pinch the other’s cheeks, who flails in return.

“Unagi’s right, though,” Dongmin crosses his arms and nods solemnly. “We need to let loose tonight. Bring back our youth, as the younglings say.”

“I don’t think we’re that old,” Sungho grumbles.

“Sure, ahjussi,” he grins as the oldest gasps. “You’re just saying that cuz you’re the oldest. Anyways, lucky for us, I’ve brought just the thing tonight!”

He goes to the door, opens it, and, from the side, pulls out a crate of soju bottles, all clanking together.

“Where the hell did you get those from?” Donghyun asks, but there’s already a tone of wonder and excitement leaking through his voice.

“Back of the storage room. We can’t drink all of them, obviously, but-” he smirks as he pops a cap open, “- we can definitely have a few.”

The room is slightly spinning, Jaehyun notes after thirty minutes. How strange.

He doesn’t feel fully drunk, but his head feels heavy, and his breath feels light. He might be a bit tipsy.

He stares at the reflection in his glass. His reflection stares back, but it isn’t quite right - the liquid swirling around and disfiguring his image into a wobblier version of him.

He giggles a little bit. Then dissolves into laughter when Sungho throws him a look.

Everything’s always funnier with alcohol in his system. 

The rest of the group had gone back to singing, some of them slurring their words more than the others. You could tell the level of sobriety of each by how much they were staggering.

Dongmin and Donghyun were clearly buzzed. Sungho hadn’t drunk that much, but he was blinking abnormally slowly. Nobody allowed Woonhak to touch the alcohol - to his great displeasure. But even without it, he was the most hyper amongst them all. And Sanghyeok-

Is currently picking a song to sing, not a single drop of alcohol in his body. The rest of the group had tried to feed him some, but Jaehyun knew that he wasn’t ever planning on consuming any. So instead, he distracted the others while sneakily taking a few of his shots.

He hiccups. Maybe he’s taken a few too many, though.

But it was all worth it to see the familiar thankful smile from the other. The same one that he gives to Jaehyun every time he comes to pick him up at his dance classes after his shift, stealing an energy drink off the supermarket’s shelf to give it to the other. The same one he’s sending to him now, as the music starts to play. 

It’s a sweet song with a cheerful tone, though he doesn’t recognize it. It fits Sanghyeok’s voice well, the other hitting the higher notes easily with his wide range. He sounds nice. Jaehyun closes his eyes for a bit and sways to the melody.

“Without you, late nights don’t mean a thing, 

Sunsets don’t mean a thing, 

 Shining stars don’t mean a thing too.

With you, late nights, it’s full of starlight,

Sunsets, it’s full of dreams, 

So let’s go see the stars right now.”

The song nears to an end as the group whoops and cheers for an encore despite the song being a near-ballad. But Sanghyeok simply laughs, and approaches the microphone to his mouth again.

“Um,” he speaks into the mic. “I wanted to tell all of you guys something.”

“- so if you look over there, you’ll see the brightest star called Deneb, from the Cygnus constellation, which connects with Vega and Altair to form the summer triangle constellation,” Jaehyun points at the sky.

While he heard that Chilseok wasn’t celebrated as widely amongst their generation these days, it seems like their town was still adamant on keeping the traditional festival alive. Must be because of the older generation still taking a good percentage of their population. Though he wasn’t complaining this time - clubs were canceled, and he didn’t have a shift today anyways.

It's a peaceful, but hot summer night. The type where the humidity in the air is intense, and your skin gets sticky at the slightest movement. The cicadas that were crying out loudly just a few hours ago gradually faded into the occasional chirping of nearby crickets. 

He and Sanghyeok are sitting on the edge of a bridge spanning over a small creek that has long dried-up, leaving nothing but hard mud with cracks edged in-between. The stars are shining bright overhead, speckles of light scattered across the sky. Not a single cloud in sight.

The other listens to him with rapt interest, head tilted up and scrutinizing the void above them.

“I think I see the Deneb star, but where’s Vega and Altair?” he asks, eyes searching towards where Jaehyun was pointing at.

“You’re looking a bit too low, it’s more over there. Not exactly, more like - wait-” he takes the other’s right arm and directs it towards the first star. “That’s Vega,” then lowers his arm and moves it towards the right. “And that’s Altair. Jiknyeo and Gyeonu.”

He turns back to Sangheok, but the other isn’t looking at the sky anymore. Instead, his eyes are fixed onto him, expression reflecting a wonder that should be directed towards the stars.

Jaehyun’s heart skips a beat. He lowers the other’s arm, and interlaces their fingers.

“Got distracted there for a sec, huh?” he teases as Sanghyeok flusters around. “Were you even listening to what I was saying?”

He huffs. “Who doesn’t know of that folktale? We’ve only ever been told this our entire childhood.”

“Maybe, but I still think it’s sweet, though,” Jaehyun swings their arms slowly. “The idea of being able to love someone despite being so far away and rarely seeing each other.”

He feels the other suddenly freeze up at his words. Confused, he turns around to look at him. Sanghyeok’s biting his lips, sharp canines digging into the flesh. It’s a bad habit he has for when he wants to say something, but doesn’t know how the other person will react.

“Sanghyeok?” Jaehyun asks softly. He squeezes the other’s hand. “Do you want to say anything?” A soft push.

The other hesitates before speaking.

“Do you think that’s true?” His voice is soft when he asks. “To be able to love someone in spite of distance?” 

Jaehyun considers it for a moment. “I don’t know,” he replies honestly, “but I think there can always be a way.”

He chuckles a bit after that. “I mean, it also depends on the distance, of course. Why are you asking anyway? Are you going somewhere, Lee Sanghyeok?”

Sangheok goes completely still at that, and he drops their hands. Jaehyun’s blood turns cold. There’s a silence stretching between them, and it almost feels like time freezes.

“Jaehyun,” the other says, “I have to tell you something.”

“I was offered a scholarship to K-Arts,” Sangheok announces. He doesn’t seem nervous, and his voice carries a hint of pride. Unlike that time. “I accepted it a few days ago.”

There’s a small pause in the room, but it’s long enough for the boy to start fidgeting a bit.

Then, the noise explodes.

“No way!” Woonhak jumps up and down excitedly. “I knew you’d get in, hyung! I knew it!”

“Holy shit! You actually did it, hyung!” Dongmin has a huge grin on his face as he fist-bumps the shorter, who returns it with a bashful smile.

“You’re insane, you know that?” Sungho looks stunned, before he laughs, bright and loud. “You’re actually crazy, Lee Sanghyeok.”

Donghyun’s eyes twinkle when he leans down to give a hug to the other. 

“We’re all so proud of you, hyung,” he beams. “You’ve worked really hard for this.”

And Jaehyun?

Jaehyun doesn’t move, but he musters up the most genuine smile he can give.

“Congratulations.” His eyes crinkle at the corners. His head is spinning. “You’re going to shine out there, Sanghyeok.”

He takes another shot.

“I… I was offered a scholarship to K-Arts,” Sanghyeok had admitted, eyes shifting away. “I haven’t accepted it yet, though.”

“K-Arts?” Jaehyun asks with bated breath. “You mean, the one in…?”

The other nods jerkily, as if he couldn’t control his movement well. 

“Yeah, the one in Seoul. Around five hours away from here.” A beat passes.

Jaehyun immediately smiles. “Sanghyeok, that’s amazing!” he freely lets out a laugh of surprise, “I mean, we all knew that you’d get in, but still, you’re incredible!”

He dives in for a hug, squeezing the other tightly. Sanghyeok giggles, but it sounds a bit strained. 

He looks back at him, face lighting up. “Oh my god, we need to celebrate this right now!” he exclaims breathlessly. 

“Jaehyun.”

“Forget miljeonbyeong, let’s eat something good!” He scrambles up while the other stays on the ground, looking up at him with an undecipherable expression. “You like donuts, don’t you? I can borrow my dad’s car and drive us to the bakery in the next town!”

“Jaehyun.”

“Did you tell the others yet? They’re going to be ecstatic when they hear about this!”

“Jaehyun-”

“C’mon, what are we waiting for? This night is all about you, Sanghyeok!”

“Jaehyun!”

Jaehyun shuts up. Sanghyeok still hasn’t gotten up yet. 

“Sorry -” Jaehyun’s voice croaks, and he tries to swallow, but his throat is dry. “Um. Sorry, I got a bit excited.”

The other’s face is neutral, but he looks somewhat pained, for some reason.

“Do you think that I should accept it?”

“What?” Jaehyun laughs a little in disbelief, “Of course I do. I’m more surprised you haven’t done that already.”

“But what about-” he pauses, “What about everyone here?”

“What about us?” Jaehyun asks, eyebrows pinched. “Lee Sanghyeok, you get to actually get out of this hell hole. You’re amongst the rare ones that do! And you’re meant for so much greater than being stuck here.”

“But we - we won’t -” the other stammers, his eyes desperately searching for something on his face. He doesn't seem to find it. “We won’t get to see each other as easily anymore. Are you really okay with that?”

“Riwoo,” that shuts up him immediately. It’s the stage name that the other had chosen a while ago, a promise he made to himself if he ever made it to the program. Nobody had ever called him that before. 

“You’re going to shine over there. I’ve seen you work your ass off for this, don’t let any of us hold you back,” he extends his hand to the other. “You’re going to finally be somewhere where you belong, why would you stay here?”

Sanghyeok's expression crumples. It only lasts a split-second before he schools his face again.

He grabs his hand and Jaehyun pulls him up. His fingertips are cold. 

The other offers a small smile at him. 

“How about we celebrate another day?” he suggests as he starts walking away briskly on the path they came from. His back is facing Jaehyun, and his face is hidden. “Actually, I’m a bit tired tonight, and I think I’ll tell the others about it later. So, it’s just a secret between you and me for now.”

He finally turns around as Jaehyun tries to catch up, but half of his face is hidden by shadows. 

“Walk me back home, Jaehyun-ah?” 

“Jaehyun.” A hand shakes him awake. He tries to open his eyes, but they feel heavy as lead. “Wake up.”

“What if you pour a bottle of soju on his head?” a voice that he recognizes as Dongmin suggests. 

“And make him go back to his parents smelling like an alcoholic?” another voice retorts. It’s Donghyun.

“He wouldn’t be the only one,” that one’s Sungho. “We all smell like shit right now.”

“Jaehyun-ah, you gotta get up,” it’s the same voice he heard at first, which he can now tell it’s Sanghyeok’s. “Woonhak’s about to fall asleep too, and he’s not nearly as easy to carry.”

“I’m not falling asleep,” Woonhak whines, but he cracks a yawn right after. Jaehyun hears the others titter as the youngest grumbles.

“Ugh,” he finally moans out, dragging a clammy hand across his face. He blinks a few times, and the room comes into view. Five pairs of eyes are staring at him. 

“I’m up. Don’t pour soju on me, it’s going to stick all my hair together.” Dongmin snorts.

Jaehyun rubs his eyes with the back of his palm. “What time is it?” 

“4:32 am.” Sungho checks his watch. “But I think we’re going to cut it at that and start heading back home. Most of us can get back before 5, but you and Dongmin might be slower.”

“It’s chill,” Dongmin reassures him, “I’ll just crash here, there’s a bed in the storage room.”

The other nods, then turns his head back to him. “And Jaehyun, you’ll be fine?” There’s concern written in his eyes. Jaehyun feels guilty.

It’s a bit embarrassing that he’s being seen like this. He’s usually known for having his shit together.

“I’ll help him out,” Sanghyeok pipes in. “His house is on the way to Donghyun’s anyway.”

Sungho’s gaze is now directed at the shorter. “Are you sure?” he asks, and Sanghyeok shrugs.

“No one’s more sober than me here. I can deal with both of them.”

“I’m fine, hyung,” Donghyun replies. He doesn’t look as giddy as he did earlier, and his eyes are drooping a little. “I’m a bit tired, but I feel fine otherwise. My tolerance isn’t that high, so I didn’t drink that much.”

Sungho eventually acquiesces, and everyone starts heading out. They soon separate, waving off the others going towards a different direction.

As the remaining three walk, the other two start having a conversation quietly while Jaehyun continues leaning on the shorter one. He tries to add in his own comments from time to time, but his head is still pounding. 

Jaehyun takes a deep breath. He absentmindedly notes a familiar scent - a mixture of soft sweetness and laundry detergent. It belongs to Sanghyeok. He recognizes it.

Jaehyun’s sense of smell had always been rather weak, and even now, the fragrance isn’t very strong. But he can still make out hints of it, given the short distance between them.

It’s this thought that clears his head up, makes him realize how long it’s been since they’ve been this close. Easy physical touches, affectionate hugs, and soft laughter intermingled with their breaths. 

He misses it. He misses it, as he clings on to the other under the guise of his weakness. He misses it so desperately he almost asks Sanghyeok to stay.

But missing something doesn’t make it come back. 

“We’re here, Jaehyun-ah,” the other stops, and Jaehyun backs away again. He stands up as straight as he can, thanks the two, and apologizes for the trouble. They assure him it’s okay, but it’s starting to sound distant now as he walks up to his door and opens it.

The other stands still, hand lingering on the doorknob, but he doesn’t close the door yet. He lifts up his head and meets his gaze.

“Jaehyun-ah,” he looks at him, “I like you.” 

He says the words, tone lighthearted as if he was just talking about the weather. There’s such a sense of casualty that Jaehyun almost gets whiplash from it. But despite his flippancy, there’s an underlying tone of something else - a subtle shift indicating that there’s an intention behind his words that he chose not to portray. 

Jaehyun knows what he means. He knows.

But he pretends otherwise. He tentatively offers a grin. “What kind of best friend would I be to you if you didn’t?” He jokes, but Sanghyeok simply stares at him and Jaehyun deflates.

“I’m sorry.” he answers instead. He doesn’t say what for. 

Sanghyeok gets it anyway. He smiles like he expected it, and Jaehyun’s stomach churns.

“It’s okay,” he replies.

He closes the door.

Jaehyun wakes up in his room on a Tuesday with nausea in his throat, and a pain clawing at his head.

He gets up, takes two steps, then sprints to the toilet and throws up.

His mom sees the whole ordeal and gets worried, floundering around him before putting him back to bed and ordering him to get rest. He doesn’t resist, closing his eyes as soon as his head hits his pillow again. 

The last thing he hears before drifting back to sleep is his mom calling in sick for him.

Jaehyun skips school for the first time.

Donghyun drops by during the late afternoon. 

“I brought the notes Sungho hyung copied for you,” he says at the door as Jaehyun ushers him in.

They stand in the entryway, and the other passes the notes on to him, which he accepts gratefully.

“Thank you, Donghyun-ah,” he expresses genuinely, and the other gives a warm nod. “Do you want to come in?” He then shakes his head at that.

“Sorry hyung, I’ll have to leave in a few minutes anyway,” he admits, and Jaehyun falters at that. 

“Right, how’s halmeoni these days?” he inquires. Their whole group had met his grandmother before, back when she was still full of energy. She was always kind, offering them snacks, and thanking them for being friends with my little Donghyun. 

“She’s doing fine. Her state hasn’t greatly improved, but it isn’t worsening either,” he explains calmly. 

“Honestly, she’s doing better than a few guys of our friend I saw today,” he chuckles.

Jaehyun’s eyebrows fly up. “Really? Who was there at school?”

“Everyone except for you and Dongmin. I skipped the afternoon, though,” he adjusts his backpack slightly. “I heard that Sungho and Sanghyeok kept falling asleep in class.”

“You heard of it?”

“It was a whole thing,” Donghyun continues. “Teachers usually don’t care, but they had physics this morning.” Jaehyun winces. 

“Sanghyeok hyung got off lightly, but Sungho hyung was yelled at in front of their whole class. By lunch, everyone’s heard about it.”

Jaehyun pinches his brow. “Of course. And are they - they’re okay?”

“Yeah. No one actually gives a shit, it’s just something to talk about here,” Donghyun shrugs. “Oh by the way, I almost forgot, but Sanghyeok hyung was asking about you.”

He felt a pang in his chest. “He was?”

“Mhm. Everyone knew Dongmin wasn’t going to come, but you’ve never missed school before,” he takes off his backpack and starts rummaging through it. “I mean, we just assumed you didn’t feel well, but Sanghyeok got you these.”

He hands him a pack of pills, hangover jelly sticks and a sports drink. Jaehyun takes them and stares at them, a bit touched, but not surprised.

“He got a few of the jelly sticks for me too,” Donghyun closes his bag. “Don’t try the grape ones though, they kinda suck.” 

Jaehyun laughs.“That’s Sanghyeok for you,” he says softly, and the other throws him a look. There’s a certain sense of apprehension in his gaze as he opens his mouth.

“Hyung,” he starts slowly, “I’ve been meaning to ask this, but… do you and Sanghyeok hyung like each other?”

Jaehyun lifts up his head abruptly. He blinks.

“What are you saying, Donghyun-ah?” He tries to laugh, but his voice clams up. “Of course we do. Just like how we like all of you too.”

The other fixes him with a pointed look. He doesn’t look convinced.

“You know what I mean,” he pouts. “It’s not the same. It’s never been the same. You guys are always in your own bubble, even when we’re all together. It’s like you two fit each other perfectly, like you’re reading each other’s minds. It’s the way that he stares at you too, you know? And when you stare at him, it’s like the rest of the world doesn’t-”

“Donghyun,” Jaehyun interrupts. “Stop.”

He does for a second, though he looks a bit shocked at the mood change, eyes round from surprise. 

“Hyung?” He attempts. “Don’t worry, I don’t think the others have actually noticed.” 

He continues nervously when faced with Jaehyun’s continued silence.

“Is it about Sanghyeok hyung? Have you not confessed yet? I’m sure he feels the same way, I saw him writing a letter for you the other day, and-"

“It’s not like that.”

“What?”

“Me and Sanghyeok, we don't-” he starts, then pauses. “It doesn't make a difference anyways.”

Donghyun furrows his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

He shrugs. Feigns an indifference he knows is fake. “We're graduating.” Beats around the bush. “And he's going far. We're going to be busy with our own stuff. We’re not kids anymore.”

The words feel foreign in his mouth, statements that he doesn’t even know if he believes to be true. They’re things that he’s heard different adults say, he realizes. An abandonment of things that are no longer within their reach, a finality in the indulgence of past memories to address the imminent future.

“You could always try for a long-distance relationship.” Donghyun suggests, and Jaehyun immediately shakes his head, almost petulantly.

“What will it change? He’s not going to stay here. And if he’s not going to stay here, then there shouldn’t be any strings attached.” Sanghyeok should move forward - shouldn’t get tied down by anything here.

Donghyun looks at him with confusion in his eyes. 

“I don’t understand, hyung,” he asks. “What are you so afraid of?” 

The question hit him like a freight train. He feels himself slipping, emotion dripping out from all the cracks of his defense.

Jaehyun’s always been weak. 

“He’s not going to find what he wants here. He’s-” he throws his hands up. “You don’t understand. He’s so much more than anything we can offer to him here. Anything I can offer.”

The other frowns. “You don’t actually believe that, do you?” he questions, but he sounds unsure. “That you’re not - worth it, or whatever?”

Jaehyun shakes his head in a stiff manner. “It doesn’t matter. What matters is that he’s going to find better. Better than - better than this lost ditch. And I’m stuck here forever. And that’s how things should be.”

Because that’s the truth, isn’t it? Sanghyeok isn’t only hard-working - he has talent. He has talent, and a hard drive pushing him forward towards ambitions the rest could only dream of. He was going to move ahead, somewhere where the lights of the stage shine brighter than the stars here. 

And Jaehyun was just… Jaehyun. Nothing more, and nothing less.

“He can’t stay here,” he stresses the words out. “He can’t. Not for me.”

Donghyun looks at him as if something suddenly dawned on him.

“You love him, don’t you?” He pries, gently.

Jaehyun doesn’t reply. His answer is left unsaid.

The next few days pass in a blur. Then the next few weeks.

Jaehyun fully throws himself into his activities. He goes to his clubs, participates in the student council and continues working evening shifts at his part-time job. And he studies, and studies, and studies, until his brain feels fried and thoughts are muddled. He studies until he goes to sleep, so tired that he falls immediately upon contact with his bed.

He sees Sanghyeok often, but never alone. There’s been a shift in their relationship since that day, one that’s only worsened since their karaoke night. Jaehyun doesn’t seek the other out, and neither does he - each of them blaming it on being busy, although it had never been a problem for them before.

They mainly interact when the others are around. Small moments, like eating together at lunch, or waving each other goodbye when school ends. 

The group doesn’t seem to notice anything strange, which Jaehyun is relieved about. It means that everything is fine, that everything's normal, as it should be.

The only one who seems aware of it is Donghyun, though he hasn’t mentioned anything since their last conversation. But sometimes, when Jaehyun catches himself staring a few seconds too long at Sanghyeok, he feels the younger’s eyes on him, knowing. He ignores it.

November passes. The third graders take the CSAT, and they obtain their results. Sungho and Jaehun get into their local college, as expected. It's a good school, but there's not much spark of excitement at the news. He still gets congratulated by his friends like he won a medal though, so he laughs and cheers along with them.

They celebrate Woonhak's birthday, and Sungho drives them all to the movies in the neighboring town. Everyone pays an abundance of snacks for the youngest, but they all end up sharing it anyway. Jaehyun ends up sitting next to Sanghyeok. They don’t talk, and he’s grateful for when the lights start dimming and the movie starts playing.

By mid-December, the winter break arrives, which means that he won’t be seeing Sanghyeok everyday anymore. With his suddenly liberated schedule, he throws himself into taking part-time jobs, hoping that it would keep him busy and at a distance from the other.

He just finished up his evening shift at the convenience store when he bumps into someone in the dark, a few meters away. He makes out a familiar figure.

“...Sungho?” He asks, and the older’s eyes snap up to him.

“Jaehyun? What are you doing here?”

“Coming back home from the part-time job.” He points at the convenience store a few meters away, then side-eyes the stack of notebooks in Sungho’s arms. “What about you?”

Sungho grimaces. “I was at the library all day.”

“The library?” Jaehyun contorts his expression into one of disgust. “What for? We already took the CSAT. We both passed. Even I’m not that much of a study-holic.”

“My parents are giving me assignments and readings to do so that I can prepare for college,” he mutters. “I’m mainly going there so I can escape them, though. I just chill there, usually. Donghyun drops in sometimes.”

He looks back at Jaehyun. “But it’s funny you’re saying this, cuz I’ve barely seen you around at all,” he eyes the convenience store. “You’ve been working everyday? Guess you’re still the real workaholic amongst us.”

He tries to brush it off. “Not really, I’ve just had a few things here and there, and-”

“Listen Jaehyun,” Sungho cuts him off, “I know you’re not only working here. I saw you working at the gas station too. And I heard you were asking for shifts at Dongmin’s noraebang. He told me about it.”

The words coming out of his mouth are sharp. “You’re overworking again, and this time, there isn’t even school or clubs to be busy with,” he looks at him, eyes narrowed. “You’re avoiding him, aren’t you? Sanghyeok.”

He feels like a kid that got caught stealing. “Maybe we were just busy,” he mumbles. “It’s not like he’s gone out of his way to see me either.”

Sungho crosses his arms. “Because you backed away first. We both know how cagey Sanghyeok can get at times.”

It’s true. He was the type to keep to himself, and could easily slip away if he felt the need to. 

“But you’re right,” Sungho concedes, “things are strange from his side too. I know something happened between you guys. Donghyun told me about it.”

“He told you?”

“Only after I confronted him about it. Donghyun might be more observant than the others, but who’s the one that has actually known you and Sanghyeok the longest?” 

They stare at each other for a few seconds, letting the insinuation sink in. Sungho shivers.

“Sooo…” Jaehyun points at the convenience store. “Do you want to talk about this over hot chocolate?”

The fluorescent lights of the convenience store bounce off Jaehyun’s sad cup of watery hot chocolate. He looks for his own reflection, but it just comes out murky.

“Here.” He hands the other sad cup of watery hot chocolate to Sungho, who looks just as sad receiving it.

“This is what you guys serve?” He grimaces, holding the cup like it has a disease.

“Why’re you saying that like it’s a question? You’ve been here before.”

“Yeah, and no one ever buys the hot chocolate here. I thought it was just decoration at this point.”

“It doesn’t even taste bad!” Jaehyun takes a sip and immediately makes a face. “It doesn’t even taste that bad.”

“Oh my god.” Sungho lips turn down at the corners. He pushes his cup towards him. “You can have it.”

Jaehyun pushes it back. “No, I’m fine, you can have it back.”

Sungho pushes it towards him again. He pushes it back.

Back. Forth. 

Back. 

Forth. 

Back.

Forth-

“I know you’re pushing Sanghyeok away.” Sungho blurts out. Jaehyun accidentally pushes the cup too fast, and some of its content spills. “You’re doing this because he’s leaving, aren’t you?”

He pouts. “Why are you asking if you already know?”

“I didn’t. That was just my hypothesis. I’m asking you, which is my method for the experimental procedure.” He points a finger at him. “Based on the results - your answer, I can analyze and extract data from it. And I conclude that I’m right.”

Jaehyun makes a face. “You sound just like your parents.” Then retracts his words when Sungho glares at him. “Sorry. Sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

“I was just joking anyways, it’s fine,” he mutters but his face droops. “I feel like I’m becoming a copy of them sometimes, though.”

“No way, you’re way better than them!” Jaehyun protests, but the words resonate in him too. 

“Maybe, but won’t it happen eventually?” Sungho sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. “I feel like I’m stuck with them all the time. It’s driving me crazy, but I can feel myself getting influenced.”

He pauses and stares at him meaningfully. “But you have Sanghyeok. You guys got each other, at least.”

“No, I don’t.” Jaehyun answers exasperatedly. “Sungho, you know he’s leaving.”

“You make him sound like he’s dead.” He retorts. “What does that change?”

“Everything!” He almost hits the cup again. “He’s not chained here like most of us are, he doesn’t have to - to abide by the bullshit rules and standards that are passed on generation by generation because of this stupid hierarchy that prioritizes these old people!”

He takes a deep breath. Exhales.

“I want him to have better. He deserves better, Sungho.”

Sungho looks at him with sad eyes. 

“What makes you think you’re not the better for him?” He gently pries. 

Jaehyun just shrugs defeatedly. “Because I can’t ever leave this place. You know that too.” 

The other goes quiet for a bit, before prompting.

“Did your parents…?”

“They’re already planning on getting me a starter spot on the council. Unpaid internship, rookie job - whatever you want to call it. But I’m set on this track. They’re not going to let me go.”

Jaehyun’s parents aren’t exactly the mayors of their town, but they’re a close equivalent to it. They’re part of the head council government, their influence extending to everyone living here. Their social position is reflected in their appearance as well - they own the biggest and nicest house amongst all the neighborhoods, and the couple is never seen without crisp and clean outfits. 

None of it really mattered to Jaehyun when he was a kid though. When his brother was expected to follow their parents’ path, while he was allowed to dream of his own. 

Then, his brother left. Ran off. Escaped. Whatever it was, it was never elaborated upon by his parents. All Jaehyun knew was that suddenly, his brother’s responsibilities got placed on his shoulders. With extra scrutiny so he wouldn’t disappear too.

Sungho looks pained at that. “I really hate your parents.”

“And I hate yours. No offense.”

“None taken.” 

“We’re in the same boat. You know we’re going to have to stay here. And you know people will gossip because they’ve got nothing better to do.”

“But when haven’t they?” The older tries to oppose. “Just let them talk, at this point!”

“Because that's so easy, isn't it?” Jaehyun fires back. “To have people learn that you like someone from your friend group full of guys? Don’t you have experience with that too?” He wasn’t planning on saying that, but the words slip out of his mouth with a biting edge to them.

Sungho stills immediately at that. His eyes are wide open and vulnerable. The click of the heater echoes, which means that it’s shut off for the rest of the night.

“How did you know?” He asks quietly. The coldness has already started to seep in.

“Who’s the one that’s known you the longest? It goes both ways,” he retorts, and the other winces. 

“Do you think you can do it?” Jaehyun’s voice softens. “Confess freely and choose your own path?”

The older lowers his eyes at that, shoulders sinking. 

“No,” he laughs but he sounds tired. “Not in this town.”

Their whole group meets up again during their graduation.

It’s February now, and the air is chilly, but the sun is bright outside.

Sungho, Jaehyun, and Sanghyeok meet up with the other three, who cheer and give their congratulations on graduating. Despite the cold, Jaehyun feels warm inside, and he grins at those surrounding him. His parents didn’t come, both being busy with an emergency matter with the town, but he chose to not dwell on that. He prefers the company he’s with.

“Unagi here was whining about you guys leaving,” Dongmin exposes the youngest, which triggers the whole group to tease him too. 

“Aw, Woonhak, don’t cry,” Jaehyun coos, despite the other actually being devoid of tears. “You know you can’t ever get rid of us.”

“See? See this?” He points at his comically-widened eyes. “There’re no tears! I’m not crying!”

“It’s okay Woonhak, I brought some tissues for you.” Sanghyeok pulls out a packet from his pocket and hands it to the youngest, who promptly throws it to the ground in protest.

“You pick that up right now, Woonhak-ah,” Jaehyun commands. “I won’t let your tears excuse you for acting up like this!” He grumbles, but eventually picks it up.

“Declining people’s help, and then acting rude about it.” Sanghyeok shakes his head sadly. “He’s going to grow up to be a delinquent once we’re gone.”

“What the hell are you guys even talking about!” Woonhak throws his hands in the air, and everyone laughs.

Jaehyun throws a smile at Sanghyeok, and the other returns it. They fall back into their usual banter, and for a second, it feels like nothing has changed.

Then, a girl approaches them. She looks like an underclassman, and she seems nervous, but there’s determination in her eyes when she taps on Sanghyeok’s shoulder. He turns around.

“Sanghyeok-ssi!” She bows a little, then smiles brightly at him, and something in Jaehyun’s stomach churns. “Congratulations on graduating!”

Sanghyeok thanks her, and she continues. “I’m from the dancing club at school, and I’ve always admired you during those practices where you were helping us out. Even more since we’ve heard about you going to K-Arts university.”

As she talks, more people start approaching them, some of which Jaehyun has never even seen before. They start crowding into Sanghyeok’s space, making Jaehyun eventually back up a few meters.

“Sanghyeok-ssi, congratulations on getting into K-Arts!”

“How does it feel getting accepted into the top dancing school?”

“Your parents must be so proud!”

“Make sure to not forget us when you become a big star!”

“Woah.” Dongmin siddles up to Jaehyun. He jumps a little. “Large crowd, huh?”

“Tell me about it.” He watches the whole scene unraveling in front of him. Watches everyone praise Sanghyeok, expressing their admiration over his talent. He feels like he’s seeing a scene of a future he’s not a part of. His stomach twists even more.

“They’re really sucking up to him.” Dongmin snorts, and Jaehyun feels defensive on the other’s account.

“They’re just congratulating him. He deserves it. He’s worked hard for this.” 

Dongmin raises an eyebrow. “Deserves this?” He gestures at the people. “Even though half of them have never spoken to him before? They just wanna take part in the gossip. They’re not you, Jaehyun, they’re not stupidly genuine.”

He chooses not to take offense to that. “That’s just how it is here. It’ll be different once he leaves though, he’ll be part of something better, and get actual recognition for his efforts.”

His response seems to satisfy Dongmin, because he frowns at that.

“Dude, this place sucks, but that doesn’t mean it’s all sunshine and rainbows in the city either. There’s probably just as many shitty things over there. Dumb people are a global thing.

“But it’s still better than here. We’ve got nothing here! In the city, he’ll have the chance to shine and impress everyone, and-”

“But is that what he wants? Sanghyeok hyung can make his own decisions. Maybe you’re just the one ignoring them.” He points at the person in question. “Look at him right now. He doesn’t even look comfortable.”

He’s not wrong. Sanghyeok has a strained smile painted on his face, looking like he would rather be anywhere else. Chewing on his bottom lip, his gaze roams across everyone, finally stopping on Jaehyun as the crack of an actual smile appears. 

“Stay?” He mouths, and Jaehyun immediately nods without a thought. 

Dongmin sees the movement and smirks. “Feeling better now?”

“Not until I go save him from the crowd,” he jokes, then sends a grateful look to the other. “But thanks, Dongmin-ah. Though, I still don’t get why you use honorifics with Sanghyeok only.”

“Maybe I’ll use them for you once you’re done being dumb.” He rolls his eyes, but he looks satisfied with himself. 

He nudges Jaehyun. “Anyways, just go, I think Sungho’s glaring at Donghyun, and I need to film everything if they start fighting.” Which actually sounds quite worrisome to Jaehyun, but the other promises he’s got it under control, so he leaves it at that for once.

He proceeds to push through everyone, making his way to the shorter one. Once he gets to him, he grabs hold of his hand. Sanghyeok looks at him with a look of visible surprise.

“Wanna get out of here?” He whispers to him, and the other looks relieved when he nods.

“Lead the way, Myung Jaehyun.” He whispers back, and Jaehyun grins.

“Sorry, everyone!” He yells loudly while dragging Sanghyeok by his hand, both starting to run away. “I have to steal your star for a bit!” 

Noises of confusion spread around, and Jaehyun thinks he can hear Dongmin whistling and Woonhak cheering. He doesn’t pay attention to it, heading straight-forwardedly towards a path with no destination in mind.

As they flee, the commotion dissipates, fading away as the distance grows. The only thing left that Jaehyun hears is the sound of the wind whipping, and Sanghyeok’s laughter trailing behind him. 

For a moment, he feels like they’re kids again. Like a dream of the past.

‘If this is a dream,’ Jaehyun thinks, as Sanghyeok squeezes his hand back, ‘Please let me stay here forever.’

Myung Jaehyun wakes up in his room on a Tuesday with a sense of unease wrapped tightly around his throat.

Waking up isn’t the right word though, since he didn’t manage to fall asleep in the first place.

Lee Sanghyeok is leaving tonight. 

Their friend group held a party earlier during the day, but Sanghyeok didn’t want to make a big deal out of it- so it was really more of a small gathering. Three of them had cried. One of them was Jaehyun.

Despite the tearful goodbyes and hugs, the event hadn’t lasted that long, with Sanghyeok still being busy preparing his luggages and things to pack. It’s been a few hours since then, and then a few hours since he tried to fall asleep. 

By now, he’s given up all pretense of it, staring at the ceiling of his room in the dark with a certain numbness. Maybe his body knows. Maybe his body knows that when falls asleep, Sanghyeok will leave. Maybe that’s why he can’t fall asleep.

When he wakes up, Sanghyeok will be gone. 

His phone buzzes in his hand. Jaehyun gets up immediately and unlocks his phone with lightning speed.

From Sanghyeok: 

Jaehyun-ah

Walk me to the train?

He goes. 

He asks to meet at the train station.

Jaehyun arrives in a matter of minutes, short breaths coming out as small puffs in the cold air. His hair is a mess, and he’s still in his pajamas.

He finds Sanghyeok standing a few meters away, who gives him a small smile and a wave.

“Hey,” he says casually. He has a suitcase in his hand and a backpack. He’s wearing a large puffer coat that envelops his whole body and makes him look like a dumpling. His hair has grown a bit longer, and his roots are starting to show.

Jaehyun commits all these details to his memory. He doesn't know what else to do. He doesn’t know what to say.

Stay.

“Hey,” he says instead, out of breath. “I heard Donghyun said you wrote a letter for me.”

The other seems taken aback by his words. He is too.

“No, uh-” Jaehyun flusters, “Sorry, that was really random. Well that’s just what I heard, I didn’t know if-”

“I did.” Sanghyeok acknowledges amusedly, and Jaehyun snaps his jaw shut. 

He searches in his coat’s pockets, and retrieves an envelope. His earlier amusement had died a bit by now, and he looks more shy, fidgeting and scratching his cheek.

“I wasn’t sure if I was actually going to give it to you.” He giggles nervously. “I was thinking of maybe sending it once I was in Seoul. Maybe.”

“I’ll make sure to send a gift basket to Donghyun to thank him for this, then.” Jaehyun mumbles, and the other shoots him a glare.

“Don’t. Snitches get stitches. I’m definitely going to send him a strongly-worded letter later.” He adopts a stern look, but Jaehyun starts cracking up, and he falls into a grin in return.

Then, the sound of the train arrives, and Jaehyun stops laughing. Sanghyeok’s smile falters.

“Um,” he grabs hold of his suitcase again, “I guess that’s my cue to leave.”

I miss you already.

“Yeah.” Jaehyun breathes out. Sanghyeok gives him an awkward nod, then trudges towards the train’s door. He watches him walk away.

I don’t want you to go.

He’s gone through the door when Jaehyun cups his hand around his mouth. Yells out.

“Sanghyeok-ah!”

The other turns around, surprised.

Please stay.

“Let’s go see the stars again, okay?”

Sanghyeok’s face lights up, and he beams at him. His answer is left unsaid. But Jaehyun knows what it was.

Then, the train doors close, and it leaves, taking Sanghyeok along with it.

He stares at the empty space for a few minutes. 

Then, he takes out the letter.

My Jaehyun-ah,

Truth be told, I'm not very good at writing letters. My pencil gets stuck on each word, and there's no flow to the things I say. Even now, my writing feels stiff, and my sentences awkward. We both know you were always the more poetic one.

So I can only hope to express myself properly.

Do you remember that day, during Chilseok, when you were showing me the constellations? You were so excited to tell me about them, yet shamefully, the only thing I could see was you. Did you know the whole sky reflects in your eyes when you speak? Stars don't mean a thing when the brightest in my world is you.

Then, we talked about Jiknyeo and Gyeonu. Then, I asked you if love could survive distance. Then, you told me there'd always be a way, and my heart had swelled with hope.

Then, there was nothing. I took a step forward, and you took a step backward, and suddenly, you were out of my reach. Just like how I know you think I'm out of yours.

Do you know why I like dancing?

I’m not really good at interacting with others. I’m not sociable or as likeable as you. I’m not as curious as Sungho, not as witty as Dongmin, not as eccentric as Donghyun, and definitely not as friendly as Woonhak.

I’m not really expressive, and I’m even closed-off at times.

Dancing allows me to express myself. To say what I’m feeling.

But it’s hard work sometimes. Sometimes it’s frustrating, and sometimes, I get hurt from it. Sometimes, I put all my energy and efforts into it, and it still doesn’t work out. My movements are stiff, and my posture is awkward.

Yet it’s something that I love. It’s something that I’ve grown up loving, and that I love now, and I’ll continue loving it in the future too. I don’t think I could live without it.

Loving you is like dancing, Jaehyun. 

And when I’m going to be in Seoul and I'll feel lonely, I'll think back to my hometown. Because it's all just you, isn't it?

Your Riwoo

He tucks the letter back into the envelope, and puts it into his pocket. He looks up to the sky. 

The stars are bright out again tonight, he notices.