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"Really, my dear, it's absurd."
Lady Cluckingham leans back in her chair. She's heard this rant before. "Yes, yes. The territory is outrageous. But Chirptilda is a perfectly lovely young chick. And I know the Peckersbys have already spoken with your husband."
Lady Beakington leans forward, wing wrapped firmly around her cup of tea, and says earnestly, "It's not just the territory, my dear. It's that he's been eligible for so long and done nothing with it! Not to mention the mounds of birdseed left to rot in the desert. It's wasteful is what it is. A mismanagement of communal resources. And, even worse, it's rude."
Lady Cluckingham snorts into her birdseed biscuit. "Yes, but if he did approach an eligible someone with a mating display, I'm sure he'd be dreadfully out of practice."
"Not that out of practice."
Lady Beakington jumps. "Lady Foghorn! I didn't hear you come in."
Lady Foghorn grins and leans down. "Relax, I'm not here to get you into rough waters. I'm here with gossip."
Lady Cluckingham laughs. "Sit down, Featheria. And Beaky, don't look so appalled. I told you we were old friends!"
Lady Beakington forces a laugh and raises her cup of tea. Her wing is shaking.
Lady Foghorn leans in conspiratorially. "Have you ever thought about who he shares his territory with?"
"That coyote, of course." They all shudder at the mention of the word. Lady Cluckingham inclines her head in apology. "But they're not holding it."
Lady Foghorn says, "Of course they are, my dear. Why do you think that coyote -" a polite gasp - "was trying to eat that rabbit? Or those sheep? Territory infringements all. And he just allows the coyote to do this? No, he practically encourages it. Runs from spot to spot, dragging the coyote to where he wants the territory defenses strengthened."
Lady Beakington says weakly, "That... could just be normal chasing dynamics."
Lady Foghorn laughs, deep and boisterous. "Oh? And the birdseed he constantly offers is just for show? I heard the coyote even made him an egg. A mechanical one that blew up in his face!"
Lady Cluckingham gasps delightedly. "Oh, what a scandal!" She turns to Lady Beakington. "The most eligible bachelor in town may not be a bachelor at all."
Lady Beakington hangs her head and Lady Foghorn says thoughtfully, "Maybe that's why he's so fast. So he can run away from the chicks who want to mate with him."
Lady Cluckingham cackles. "Featheria, you're too much!" Swats her on the wing playfully. "And it being mating season too."
Lady Foghorn says meaningfully, "I don't think either of them need help with their mating display. I've seen the coyote doing excellent dances for him. Admittedly, the coyote seemed to be doing so in the middle of hot coals, but his moves were superb."
Lady Beakington says weakly, "Will you excuse me? I need to go speak with Chirptilda."
As she goes, Lady Cluckingham says, "That wasn't very nice, dear."
Lady Foghorn laughs, loud and long, and says, "No, my dear, but it needed to be said. Chirptilda will be wed to Wingothy and that's that."
Lady Cluckingham grins and puts her hand up in surrender. "Well played, old friend. Well played." As Lady Foghorn smiles and walks away, Lady Cluckingham calls after her, "Did you believe what you said, Featheria?"
And Lady Foghorn calls back, "Absolutely, my dear. I got it straight from the bunny's mouth."