Chapter Text
June 25th, 2025
Regulus Black had been told his entire life that he was a selfish man. So fucking selfish. He knows other people must see it too, other than his family that had drilled it into his skull. His father used to tell him he possessed the greed muggles count as sin. Not that he wanted to be like that, and he wasn’t proud of it, he wished he was more like Sirius sometimes. More selfless, as annoying as it got. At least Sirius cared about others. Regulus tried, but nobody talks about how exhausting that is. He cared about Sirius, sure, and his own friends, but he couldn't care less about anyone else. Sometimes Regulus thought he could watch an innocent person die and have no basic human emotion. Sirius had always been the better half of them.
To be fair, Regulus had his own issues going on. A lot of them, and most of them were caused by other people who didn't care that they'd done these things to him, so why should he care about other people? No, he needed to focus on stopping all of his mental bullshit. It was too distracting. He needed to focus on his plans, on getting through this godforsaken bus ride without going into a spiral about all the germs littering the entire fucking thing.
Regulus let out a sigh when he checked the time. He still had twenty minutes left. Normally, he wouldn't bother with bullshit like visiting his brother, especially not on his birthday, a day he was meant to have to himself, but Sirius was grieving his friend. Regulus didn’t remember his name. Besides, Regulus had just turned 20, and living with Barty and Evan was suffocating, but Sirius and Remus had offered to let Regulus move in. He couldn’t agree without seeing the house at least once, but he also couldn't reject without going at least once. Regulus put his headphones in. He hated public transport so much, it was dirty and annoying and loud and public.
Regulus let his thoughts wander.
He looked at the view out of the window. It was alright. Not pretty, not really. It wasn’t pretty in the same way as the ring of black around someone’s brown irises were, it wasn’t pretty in the same way as the sun hitting tanned skin was, but it was alright, and alright is better than ugly.
The half an hour stretched out for longer than it should've, it felt like hours but also seconds to Regulus. His perception of time should probably worry him, but he didn't care. He stepped out of the bus as soon as he could, deeply breathing in the fresh air. Oh to be out of that stupid bus, finally. His eyes scanned for Sirius’ car, rolling when he couldn’t spot it.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. Has Sirius forgotten? Had he been pranking Regulus?
Before he got too buried in his thoughts, he heard someone call his name. Or did he? He took his left earphone out, just to double check. Someone called out again. Regulus’ entire body turned faster than his brain in the direction of the sound.
He recognised the boy. Tan skin, brown, curly hair, baggy spiderman shirt, blue jeans. James. Sirius must've sent him to pick him up. Fuck, not James. James was loud, annoying, boisterous. Everything Regulus hated with all his guts. He took a deep breath, walking over to him. He kept his music going as he climbed into James’ car. He could hear James talking to him as they started driving, but he couldn’t force his brain to focus on music and James, so he focused on the music.
Said it sticks to your fingers and your clothes
“Sirius can't wait to see you, he's been going on and on about it since he invited you”
And you think we don't know, but we all know
“Regulus? Are you listening?”
Cause it sticks to your fingers and your clothes
“Sirius mentioned you don't talk much anymore.”
Regulus only nodded.
They said, tell me where your mind goes
“Is there a reason why?”
Regulus thought for a moment. Was there? He just didn't really like speaking. Not unless he had something important to say, or he was talking to Sirius.
Four years and you're still not over it
He shook his head.
For something that was shorter than a cigarette
The car finally fell into silence, fucking finally. Regulus could listen to his music in peace. James’ voice was no longer interrupting him
But it sticks to your fingers and your clothes
And I need you more, and more
Cause I feel you less, and less
And you're slipping through my hands
The rest of the car ride was quiet, and he realised he didn’t really mind James’ voice. Silence around a boy that was usually so loud felt.. Wrong. It felt off. Like someone had sprayed poison into the air. Regulus felt like that with Sirius sometimes, too. When Sirius was quiet, that never meant anything good. Is James the same? Was he upset that Regulus hadn’t been talking?
How fucking rude. Thinking he’s entitled to my voice just because hes doing a fucking favour? Ew.
Regulus bit down on his lip, peeling at the already cracked skin until it stung. He ignored the silence, focusing instead on his music, on the familiar sound in his ears rather than the uncomfortable quiet beside him.
Regulus only took his earphones out when they arrived at the house. Regulus couldn't believe he’d never visited before, his eyes scanning over it as he climbed out of the car. It was a two story house, not a rich person house (despite the fact James WAS rich and Sirius had a lot of money from Alphard, so it confused Regulus, but he wasn't complaining) exactly, but it was nice. It was brick and had moss and vines growing up most of the walls, the windowsills were white, and the door was a nice brown. Regulus loved old houses. He knew immediately, due to Remus’ hatred for bright lights, the inside would be just as good.
As he walked in behind James, he was greeted with just that. It opened to a living room, nice leather couches, a coffee table, a tv. There was a door to the kitchen, which was also nice. It wasn't modern, the only thing modern was the tv, fridge, and oven. He loved it.
James called up the stairs, “Pads, your brother’s here!”
There it was. James’ voice. No more silence.
Regulus let out a small breath, only then realizing he’d barely been breathing at all. His fingers loosened slightly around the strap of his bag, the tension in his shoulders easing by a fraction.
For a moment, nothing happened.
Then came footsteps. Loud, fast, the same footsteps he'd hear every morning that their parents weren't home so many years ago.
Regulus looked up just as Sirius appeared at the top of the stairs, practically throwing himself down them. Remus followed behind him, slower and quieter, one hand resting briefly against the banister as he descended.
“Reggie!”
Sirius practically jumped the last four stairs.
Before Regulus could even react, Sirius had an arm around his neck, pulling him into a hug. It was familiar. Almost painfully so.
Regulus stood there stiffly at first, arms hanging uselessly at his sides.
He hadn’t seen Sirius in months. Any normal boy would hug his brother after months. Was regulus not normal?
Neither of them said anything. The silence stretched. Regulus hated it. Silence, silence, silence. He wanted to claw the skin off his bones.
Regulus could hear James moving around somewhere behind them, the faint sound of a cupboard opening and closing. Remus had stopped a few steps above them, quietly watching without making himself part of it. Regulus liked that. He was the opposite of Sirius, who felt the need to be apart of everything. They worked well together.
Sirius finally pulled away.
He kept one hand on Regulus’ shoulder for a second, looking him over. Really looking. Regulus resisted the urge to step back. That would be rude.
“You look so much healthier than the last time I saw you.”
The words weren’t loud. Sirius had practically whispered them.
Regulus swallowed. He knew what Sirius meant.
The last time they’d seen each other, Regulus had looked like he’d barely been holding himself together. His clothes had hung strangely from his shoulders, his face had been too pale, and there had been dark circles beneath his eyes that even Sirius’ relentless teasing hadn’t managed to make him laugh about.
Now, at least, he looked better. That was what everyone kept telling him. He wasn't, he was worse, if anything. But he looked good.
Better. Healthier.
Like it was something that could be measured from the outside.
Regulus gave a small nod.
“Thanks.”
His voice came out quieter than he intended. He looked Sirius over in return.
“So do you.”
The lie left his mouth so easily that, for a second, he almost believed it. Sirius looked like absolute shit.
His hair was longer than Regulus remembered, messy in a way that didn’t look intentional anymore. There were shadows beneath his eyes, deeper than they should have been, and his face looked thinner.
There was something different about him, something worn down.
Grief did that to people, Regulus had heard. He just hadn’t expected it to be so obvious, not on Sirius at least.
Sirius offered a small smile.
“Yeah,” he murmured.
Regulus looked away.
He didn’t know what else to say. There were too many things racing through his mind. He could ask if Sirius was sleeping properly. He could ask if he was eating. He could ask if he was okay. But all three questions felt stupid. They both knew the answers, and Regulus didn't want to hear it right now. Especially not when his answers were the same.
“Come here,” Sirius said quietly.
Regulus looked back at him. Sirius stepped forward again, this time without immediately pulling him into another hug. He simply reached up and fixed a piece of Regulus’ hair that had fallen into his eyes. The gesture was so ordinary that it hurt.
“You’re taller,” Sirius said.
Regulus blinked.
“What?”
“You’re taller.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I saw you three months ago.”
“Exactly. You’ve grown.” Sirius always said that.
Regulus stared at him for a moment before a tiny smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“You’re just getting shorter.”
Sirius scoffed, dramatically, one might add. “Shut up.”
Remus finally reached the bottom of the stairs, shaking his head.
“You two have been apart for months and somehow you’ve already started arguing.”
Remus wrapped an arm around Sirius' waist, and Regulus watched his brother practically melt into the boy. Regulus never cared for Remus, particularly, but Sirius did. He really did. Regulus made a promise to himself long ago to harm anyone who gets between Remus and Sirius. So far, that's been no-one. Then Sirius looked back at him. The joking expression faded slightly.
“Are you staying for dinner?”
Regulus hesitated. He hadn’t planned on it. He’d told himself he would stay for an hour at most. Long enough to see Sirius. Long enough to make sure he was alive and breathing and still himself. Long enough to have a look at the house. Then he would leave. That had been the plan. Regulus hated changing plans. But Sirius was looking at him in that way again. The way he used to look at him when he'd ask regulus to sleep in his room when they were eleven and thirteen, after a shit day with their family.
Regulus looked toward the kitchen, then back at Sirius. His gaze flickered a couple times.
“Yeah.”
He reached out and bumped his shoulder against Regulus’.
“Come on, Reggie.” Regulus made a sour face at the nickname, but followed Sirius upstairs anyways.
###
The visit hadn’t been as bad as Regulus had expected so far. That was probably the most annoying part.
He’d spent the entire drive over preparing himself for the worst. He’d imagined awkward silences, Sirius hovering over him, Remus trying to make conversation, and James, well. James was James. Regulus hadn’t exactly expected him to make the visit pleasant.
But somehow, it had been.
Sirius had shown him around the house first, talking almost constantly as they went from room to room. Remus had occasionally added something from behind them, correcting Sirius whenever he exaggerated a detail, which happened often. Eventually, Sirius had taken him upstairs and shown him the room that would supposedly be his.
Regulus liked it. He really, really liked it. Which was a problem.
Even with the big light switched on, the room didn’t feel harsh. The lighting was soft somehow, falling across the beige walls and the wooden floor without making the space feel too bright. It was on the second floor, tucked away from most of the noise downstairs. And the vines from outside. They’d grown across half of his window. It was gorgeous. Regulus loved nature. When it didn't involve germs or anything disease causing. The window itself was in an alcove. An actual alcove. For fuck’s sake.
The bed fit perfectly inside it, leaving just enough room on either side for a small table or he could build in bookshelves. Regulus could already picture himself sitting there with a book, the window cracked open, the vines moving slightly whenever the wind came through.
He hated how easily he could imagine it.
The walls were beige at the moment, but Sirius had told him they could paint them whatever colour they wanted if Regulus decided to move in. Whatever colour. The thought had caught him off guard.
He could paint them dark blue. Or green. Something muted. Maybe something warmer.
He could put shelves along the wall. Move the bed slightly. Get a proper desk. Find curtains that actually suited the room instead of whatever was already hanging there. He could make it his. Regulus stood in the middle of the room, staring at the empty space and imagining all the things he could do with it.
He hadn’t even noticed how quiet he’d gotten until Sirius had eventually left him alone. Now, standing there by himself, Regulus let out a slow breath. He still hadn’t decided. Not because of the house. No.
The question wasn’t really, do I want to live in this house? anymore. That answer was becoming embarrassingly obvious. The question was: Do I want to live with James Potter? Regulus grimaced. No. Obviously not. Absolutely fucking not.
The answer should have been simple. It should have been enough to make him walk downstairs, tell Sirius he’d thought about it, and leave. But the house was really fucking nice. And he really liked the room. More than he wanted to admit.
He walked over to the alcove and rested one hand against the window frame. Outside, the afternoon light was beginning to fade. He could stay here. He could actually stay here. For a little while, anyway. It wouldn’t matter. Would it?
Not until December.
December. He knew what happened then.
He knew what he’d already decided. Why not enjoy a nice space while he could? Why not have a room with vines climbing across the walls? Why not have somewhere quiet to sleep? Why not have Sirius nearby? Regulus closed his eyes for a moment.
It wasn’t as though he was promising anything. He could handle James Potter for a few months. Probably. Regulus opened his eyes again and looked around the room.
“Fuck,” he muttered.
He liked it. He really liked it.
With one last glance toward the window, Regulus turned around and walked toward the door. His hand rested on the handle for a moment before he finally pulled it open. Then he walked downstairs. Back to Sirius. Back to Remus. Back to James.
The three of them were sitting in the living room when Regulus entered. Sirius looked up almost immediately. His expression changed the second he saw Regulus. He practically lit up.
“So,” Sirius said, sitting up straighter. “Have you thought about it?”
Regulus barely had time to answer before Sirius continued.
“It’s a pretty room! And you’d have the bigger bathroom upstairs, which is obviously a bonus. You’d just have to share with James, but that won’t be an issue because he’s up at ungodly times to shower, so you'll have it to yourself most the time and”
“Stop.”
Sirius paused. Regulus looked at him.
“Sirius, you’re rambling.”
His voice came out soft.He hadn’t meant for it to. It usually did with Sirius. Especially now.
Especially after everything. After all the work and therapy he'd put in to finally forgive Sirius, to fix everything with him.
Sirius blinked at him.
“Oh.”
There was a small silence. James was watching from the other side of the room, but Regulus deliberately didn’t look at him. Sirius’ expression became cautious.
“So…?”
Regulus glanced toward the staircase. He could already picture the room again.
The vines. The alcove. The bed beneath the window. The possibility of making the space his own.
Then he thought about December again.
He could have this. Just temporarily, he knew that, but he could actually have this. He needed this. His plans would be harder eventually, sure, but he could still enjoy it for a bit.
“I’ll move in.”
For a second, Sirius didn’t react.
Then his face broke into a grin. “Really?”
Regulus nodded. “Really.”
“Oh, thank Merlin.” Sirius practically collapsed back against the sofa.
“I was genuinely starting to think you were going to say no.”
Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Just a maybe, though.