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Eddie is ninety percent- no, one hundred percent sure he is gay. It might've taken him a few months of whining to Hen, going through millions of quizzes (just to be sure), and going through every gay subreddit he could find, but he is one hundred percent sure he is a full-blown homosexual.
And that he is also deeply and hopelessly in love with his best friend.
But that's an issue he’ll have to deal with later; being gay was already hard enough. He didn’t have the energy to deal with his ‘gross boy crush,’ as Hen put it, which he thought was rude; he thought Buck was beautiful. She had said that was gross too, though.
For now, he’ll deal with being gay, and he decided to start addressing that by coming out to the rest of the 118, starting with Buck. He figured that with Buck being bi, it would be the easiest; they're in the same community now or something. And Buck’s his best friend; they’ve had harder and more uncomfortable conversations before, and they prevailed. Coming out will be a piece of cake.
Yet despite knowing this, Eddie was still anxious as he came up the loft stairs of the firehouse in search of Buck. He spots him standing by the sink, leaning on the counter, on his phone, by himself, thankfully. The warm and sweet aroma of chocolate chip cookies makes its way to Eddie's nose; he must’ve just gotten done baking.
“Hey, Buck,” Eddie announces himself, watching Buck look up and smile, and God, if that didn’t make his heart flip. “You got a moment?”
“Hi Eddie! Yeah, I just got finished with cleaning up. What's up?” He prompts, pocketing his phone as he folds his hands in front of him, giving his attention to Eddie as he sits on one of the stools across from him.
“I just- I need to tell you something,” Eddie starts, swallowing thickly as Buck nods slowly, confusion and curiosity dancing in his eyes. “I don’t like women.” He blurts out in one quick breath, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
He felt a weight lift off his chest as soon as he said it; he had been mulling it over all morning. He looked up to gauge Buck's reaction, expecting a grin or a proud look, but what greeted him was an almost disappointed look, like he was offended. The weight immediately dropped back onto Eddie's chest, tenfold this time.
“Eddie..You- You can’t say that...” Buck says, almost hushed, looking around nervously. It makes Eddie even more anxious. Was Buck…ashamed of him?
“W-What? Why not?” Eddie snaps, unmeaningly; he’s stressed out. His bisexual friend is somehow against the idea of him being gay.
“Dude, you know how many women we’re friends with? How can you say that?”
Eddie gives him an incredulous look, searching his face for any sign this is a joke- a sick joke at that.
“Huh? So? I don’t- I don’t like them like that,” Eddie counters, sitting up as Buck straightens up, feeling intimidated. He can see Buck’s expression become even more upset, which only makes him more anxious.
“Jesus- Eddie, this- I know you never had the best of luck with women-” Eddie makes an offended noise at that. “But this seems a bit extreme, no?”
“I-” Eddie starts, but he gets cut off as the oven alarm rings, startling them both. He watches Buck scramble for the oven mitts and decides this is the perfect time to flee. He slides off the chair the moment Buck turns his back and bolts for the loft stairs, ignoring the yell of his name as he locks himself into a bathroom stall, tears stinging his eyes.
That was not at all how Eddie imagined this going. He figured Buck would beam at him with that beautiful smile of his, eyes bright and proud as he rounded the table, bringing Eddie into a hug, saying something sappy or corny, and they’d go on their merry way. He hadn’t expected disappointment.
He couldn’t wrap his head around it at all. Could you be bisexual and homophobic? But Buck knows Hen is a lesbian, and he’s completely okay with it. Hen herself assured him that he shouldn’t worry about anything, that of course Buck would be accepting. So what the hell was so wrong with him being gay? Was there something he was missing??
He doesn’t know how long he spends weighing the hypotheticals and logistics of why Buck reacted the way he did before the alarms go off and he has to drag himself into his turnouts and into the engine. He pretends not to notice Buck staring him down, trying to get his attention; Eddie pointedly stares out the window the whole way there.
For the rest of their shift, Eddie avoids Buck, which was hard considering the fact that Buck kept trying to talk to him and get his attention, only to get ignored by Eddie, either ‘remembering’ he forgot to do something or plain out ignoring him, and pretending he hadn’t heard him. He just couldn’t face him, not yet at least, maybe after he debriefs and rants with Hen for about an hour or two. Or maybe he can just pretend this never happened and tell Buck it was a joke.
He practically rushes to his truck the minute their shift ends; he doesn’t even bother changing out, just grabbing his stuff and bolting out and pulling the hell out of there.
He can hear his phone going off from where it's buried under his bag in the passenger seat; first it was a bunch of buzzes- text messages, probably from Buck. And then his phone started ringing- definitely Buck; he had set a specific ringtone for the man. He ignored all of it.
He ignored it when he got home, ignored it as he checked on Chris in his room and told him good night, ignored it as he washed dishes and cleaned up, and ignored it as he swiped past all the missed calls and texts to instead click on Hen's contact.
“Eddie-?”
“I think Buck is homophobic,” Eddie blurts the moment the line connects. There's silence, shuffling on Hen's end before she speaks again.
“What?”
“I think. Buck is homophobic, a-against me at least.”
“Buck? As in Evan “Buck” Buckley? As in our bisexual friend, Buck? As in your best friend who would die for you, Buck?”
“Yes.”
“...Does this have something to do with the fact Buck asked me if I thought you were misogynistic?”
Eddie blinks in surprise. “What? Why would he ask that?”
“I don’t know- listen, what the hell happened between you two? You guys were weird all day, and what makes you think he’s homophobic all of a sudden?” Hen asks before she gasps, “Didn’t you say you were going to come out to him today?”
“Yes! And he was- he was weird about it!” Eddie cries out before lowering his voice, remembering his son was sleeping just down the hall. “He said I shouldn’t say that and then brought up the fact we were friends with a bunch of women?” He adds in a more hushed tone.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“That’s what I said!”
“Okay, well, how did you come out to him specifically? What did you say?”
“I told him I didn’t like women.”
“... That's it?”
“Yes?”
Eddie hears Hen let out a long sigh, muttering something under her breath that sounded strangely like “idiots”, but before Eddie can ask what she was saying or who she was calling idiots, there was a knock at his door.
“Hold on, there's someone at the door,” Eddie tells her, getting up from the couch to look through the peephole; his heart drops. “Oh fuck.”
“What? Who is it?”
“It’s Buck!”
“Oh, good. You guys can clear up your idiotic issues,” She says before hanging up, much to Eddie's disbelief. He quietly curses Hen as he pockets his phone, peeking through the peephole again, hoping he was just imagining things. He’s not. Buck is still standing there, hands in his pockets as he rocks back and forth on his feet, an anxious look on his face.
Eddie steps back, maybe if he doesn’t answer, Buck will think he’s asleep.
“Eddie, I know you’re there; I just heard you,” Buck says dejectedly through the door. “I’m not leaving until you open this door either.”
Well, there goes Eddie's plan.
As much as he really doesn’t want to face the man right now, he can’t just leave him in the cold all night. He knows Buck would stay all night, like an unnervingly loyal dog, which, unfortunately, Eddie loves about him as much as he hates it sometimes.
He takes a steadying breath, wiping his palms on his sweats before opening the door, coming face to face with Buck’s surprised expression, like he hadn’t expected Eddie to actually open the door.
It's the first time they've looked at each other since Eddie tried to come out to him.
“Sorry, I know it’s late. I just- you weren’t answering your phone, and- I got worried, and I just- I couldn’t wait till next shift because what if you dodge me all shift again-”
“Buck.”
“And then the shift after that and every shift after that until we stop being best friends-”
“Buck.”
“And then we never talk again, and you’ll probably hate me or forget me and-”
“Buck!” Eddie exclaims this time, effectively shutting him up, thankfully. He was worried he was gonna have to slap Buck silly if he didn’t listen that time. “None of that’s gonna happen, just- come in, before my neighbors get nosy.”
Buck swallows down his rant and nods, stepping inside. Eddie closes the door behind him, pressing his forehead against the wood as he mentally prepares himself. He barely manages to stop himself from bashing his head into the door before he looks over at Buck, who was just standing there awkwardly, like he was a stranger. Eddie hated it; he considered his home his own as much as it was Buck’s.
“You can sit down, yknow” He tells him, watching him come back to life and take a seat on the couch. He follows, sitting beside him, silence settling between them- which felt so unnatural for them that Eddie was almost convinced Buck really wasn’t here and he was hallucinating. He clears his throat, “Uhm, so-”
“Can I ask why?” Buck interrupts, “Sorry, it’s just- I don’t know, you never struck me as the… misogynistic type.”
Eddie visibly looks taken aback, face scrunching up in confusion. “What? What the hell? Why would I be misogynistic?” Eddie exclaims.
“You literally said you didn’t like women!”
“Yeah? And?”
It's Buck's turn now to look confused. “Is that not the definition of misogyny?”
Eddie stares at him, really stares at him, as it finally clicks: why Buck reacted the way he did, why Hen called them idiotic, why they’ve been clashing this entire time over something mostly simple.
“No- Buck, I meant that I’m gay.”
“Oh. OH.” Buck’s eyes widen as realization dawns on him, as it finally clicks for him too. “Oh my god, you meant that- that you didn't like women because- because you like men, romantically, not- not generally-”
Eddie physically facepalms, rubbing his temples as he laughs in disbelief, all this stress over the most stupid misunderstanding of his life. “Buck, I’m going to kill you, Jesus- why would you think I hated women?”
“I don’t know, man! You just told me you didn’t like women, and that was it! And then you fled before I could ask,” Buck flushes, waving his hands dramatically. “Oh my god, did you leave because you thought I was homophobic?”
“What else was I supposed to think? To me, you basically said, ‘you just haven’t found the right girl yet’”
“Oh god, I did, didn’t I?” Buck groans as he drags his hands down his face, letting his own disbelieving laugh leave him before he suddenly sits up straight. “Wait, holy shit- You’re gay.”
Eddie nods slowly. “Yup.”
“That's great! No- I-I’m happy for you!” Buck exclaimed. Eddie grins at the words, joyous that he was finally getting the reaction he had been waiting for this entire time. “Does anyone else know?”
“No, just you and Hen. I want to tell Chris next, and then the rest of the 118, eventually,” Eddie admits. “I just came to terms with it, yknow? Still trying to settle in.”
Buck nods understandingly. “Yeah, no, that’s completely understandable. It took me a moment too before it really, like, settled in that I was bi,” He huffs. “Maddie practically made fun of me when I admitted that I’ve been checking out dudes' asses and thought that was a normal straight man thing.”
Eddie couldn’t help but let out a surprised laugh at the absurdity, caught off guard, which is why he blames Buck for the next words that leave his mouth: “Yeah, well, I only really came to terms with being gay because I realized wanting to spend the rest of my life with my guy best friend wasn’t exactly platonic or straight.”
“...I’m your best friend, though.”
“Well, yeah, obviously-” Eddie snaps his mouth shut as he realizes what he’s said; the day just keeps getting better and better for him. “I mean-” He doesn’t get a chance to finish before Buck interrupts.
“Do you mean it?” He asks, shy all of a sudden, “You’d-you’d really wanna spend the rest of your life with me?”
Eddie hesitates, but hearing the hope in Buck's voice, the way he seems almost excited, makes him relax a margin, thinking maybe Buck wanted what he wants too. “Yeah, I do. Do you-”
He doesn’t get to finish before Buck's leaning into him and pressing their lips together; he lets out a noise of surprise at the contact but melts into it nonetheless. He feels Buck smile against his mouth, his hand coming up to cup the side of Eddie's face tenderly before they part.
“Does this mean I was your gay awakening?” Buck asks with a shit-eating grin. Eddie rolls his eyes in response, resisting the urge to kiss it off him before realizing he can do that. So he does.
“Hm, maybe, maybe not,” He teases with a hum, pulling away before getting up with a stretch.
“What? What do you mean, maybe? Who else would it be?” Buck exclaims, leaning over the couch as he watches Eddie walk away. “Hey! Where are you going?”
“Bed, y’know how late it is?” Eddie yawns, looking at Buck expectantly, who was still waiting on the couch. “Are you coming?” He adds.
Buck perks up at that, like the personification of a dog he is, and scrambles off the couch to follow Eddie. “Yes! But we’re not dropping this! Who is it, c’mon!” He whined.
Eddie just laughs at him, entertained; of course Buck was his gay awakening; Buck was practically his everything. But he didn’t need the ego boost. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“You’re not being a nice boyfriend right now,” Buck mumbles as he kicks off his jeans and joins Eddie in bed.
“Boyfriend?” Eddie raises an eyebrow at him, watching as Buck freezes.
“Well, yeah- oh no, did I misunderstand again-”
Eddie groans, covering Buck's mouth with his hand. “I’m playing with you, Buck. I literally kissed you.” He feels Buck grumble under his palm before he's laying his entire weight on top of Eddie like a human blanket, winding his arms around Eddie’s torso.
“You’re such an idiot,” Eddie murmurs.
“Mm, you’re the idiot.”
“Who’s not being a nice boyfriend now?”
“Shut up…”