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Fleeing from Blackwater into the mountains was like escaping from one Hell to another.
Sure, you lost the law somewhere behind you, but you stepped right into a freezing blizzard with no sense of where you were going, just that you had to keep going.
You were sent out with Micah to scout ahead. You didn’t have much of a choice, really. Your horse had been lost in Blackwater, and the wagons were too full, so you joined Micah on Baylock during the trip through the snowy mountains.
The rest of the gang long behind you, and John going off somewhere on his own for his own scouting mission, it was just you and Micah in snowy darkness.
You pressed against his back to try and keep the wind out of your face, your scarf pulled up to cover your nose and ears, but your eyebrows still stung in the cold. Much of your belongings were lost when you lost your horse, since her saddle contained most of your gear. You would just have to make do for a while.
“You freezing to death back there?” Micah called behind him, holding up an old lantern to light the way through the blizzard as Baylock marched on.
“‘M fine,” you mumbled, pressing against his back tighter. You wanted to be anywhere but out scouting right now, but at least you were with Micah.
“Not much help scouting if you’re keeping your head down,” he added, having to raise his voice to be heard over the wind.
“I’m helping!” You pulled your head up, immediately regretting it when wind hit your cheek. You quickly adjusted your scarf from where it had slipped down to keep you warm. “I’m looking, I’m looking…”
“This would be easier if you had your own horse.”
You caught the grumble Micah let out as he said that under his breath, and a pang hit you right in the chest. You missed your horse. You wanted her back. You didn’t want to ride Baylock with Micah, as much as you loved them both. You wanted your horse back.
“I don’t have my own horse right now,” you said bitterly, trying to hold yourself together. It was a good thing he couldn’t see your face with you behind him.
“Should have left you behind, then.”
That was it.
Unceremoniously (and maybe a little stupidly), you pushed yourself off Baylock while the horse was still moving and landed right into a snowbank. You got to your feet and found that the snow was so deep, it went to your knees, but you didn’t care. You ignored Micah’s calls as you started to march off in a random direction, determined to put distance between you two so you could cool down and not explode at him.
Micah could be a dickhead sometimes, and you tried not to explode on him too often, but he made it hard. He loved riling you up, but this was just too far, too soon after the death of your horse to be messing with you.
You heard Micah shouting your name behind you, and you thought he was much further away than he really was- a trick of the wind. He caught up to you and grabbed your arm, pulling you back and stopping you from storming off any further.
“What the hell are you doing? You’ll fucking freeze to death out there!”
“I thought you didn’t want me with you anyway!” you shot back, smacking at his hand and trying to wiggle free. He had a hard grip on you, though.
“That was just a joke!”
“You’re such a dickhead,” you voiced your thoughts, smacking him in the chest. “Do you really think now is the time to be screwing with my head, you ass? Jenny’s dead, Mac and Sean are gone, Davey’s dying, my horse-”
Your voice broke off with a hiccup as you looked away, bringing your hand to your mouth to cover it and muffle your pathetic sobs. He couldn’t see you cry. He would bully you to hell for it.
“What about your horse?”
You whipped your head back around to face him, glaring harshly in disbelief at his words. Was he serious?
“The fuck you mean, what about my horse?”
“She’s back with the caravan, right?”
Your heart sank into your stomach and you looked away, taking a deep, shaky breath.
“No, Micah. She’s lying dead on some road on the way out of Blackwater.”
“She’s not- She’s what?” Micah’s eyebrows furrowed together and he looked back the way you came, like he would see something that would explain it all to him. “I thought you were riding with me because she was being used to pull a wagon.”
You shook your head.
“Fuck,” he whispered, turning back to you.
The look in his eyes was no longer cruel amusement as he stepped forward. You were prepared to fight him anyway, but instead he drew you into his arms and pressed you against his chest. You were stiff at first, but slowly warmed up and let yourself hang loose in his embrace.
“I- I didn’t know,” he muttered against the top of your head, squeezing you close. “I wouldn’t have- I’m an idiot, but not that much of an idiot.”
In the warmth of Micah’s embrace, you finally let go. You finally let your emotions hit you and choked on a sob. He hushed you, patting your back and pulling you close to him, ghosting his lips over your forehead. Tender moments like these were rare in your life, but cherished.
“I, um… know I would be broken up about it if the same happened to Baylock,” he muttered awkwardly, trying to console you in his own way.
You sniffled, and Micah bent down, grabbing the end of your scarf and messily wiping at your face with it to clean you up. You snorted and he smiled a little at the noise.
Micah bent his head down to kiss a tear from the corner of your eye, and the brush of his mustache against your eye made you giggle. You hiccupped a little until your sobs cleared up, feeling a little better now with Micah making you laugh.
“There’s my pretty partner,” he murmured, smiling down at you as he fixed your scarf around you.
You looked up at him, shooting him a small smile that was covered by your scarf, but you hoped your eyes showed how grateful you were either way.
“Here,” he muttered, holding his hand out to you. “Let’s get back to it, alright? Get your mind off of it.”
You nodded, taking his hand. Micah helped you back up onto Baylock, although this time he placed you in front of him. He held onto the reins with one hand and handed you the lantern, letting you light the way as he kept you steady with his other arm around your middle.
Micah leaned forward, resting his chin on your shoulder.
“Do you want to take the reins?” he whispered in your ear, petting your side gently.
“Really?” you whispered back, surprised he would ever hand Baylock over to you.
“Mhm. Go on,” he offered, holding out the reins in front of you.
You looked down at them, debating it. On one hand, you might never get a chance to take control of Baylock again. Micah was fiercely protective of him. On the other hand… It felt wrong steering another horse so soon.
“I’m okay,” you answered softly. “I think I just need to be a passenger for a while longer.”
“Okay.”
Micah didn’t push you and urged Baylock forward through the snow again, with you holding the lantern up to light the way as you both continued your scouting.
You would get through this.
You always do.