Work Text:
When Inara had been a Companion-in-training back on Sihnon in the teak hallways of House Madrassa, she'd paid attention to every lesson with single-minded focus. She'd taken notes by hand, knowing she'd have an easier time absorbing the lessons as she copied down every word in her stacks of notebooks rather than typing anything up (and the leather-bound notebooks sure looked lovely on her dormitory shelf). She could practically repeat the pages of mantras and goals of the guild by heart, but more than that, they meant something to her. The ideals of remaining cool and collected in the face of clients who could be hotly emotional, of staying detached and in-control while meeting the needs of others, all of it spoke to her. Inara had always reveled in playing the role of the perfect high caliber Companion who never felt abandoned when a client switched to another Companion or got married or moved off planet.
Which is why her own behavior in this new thing with Kaylee is scaring her so badly.
Kaylee is hers now and it feels so all encompassing, so sharp. Inara loathes to see Simon play cards with Kaylee or even pull out her chair. She wants to smack his hands away as he reaches for the salt when Kaylee asks for it or tell him to get lost when she finds them laughing on the couch together.
"'Nara, Simon knows about you and me. He'd never try to get between us," Kaylee tells her when she cottons on to Inara's icy stares at Simon being friendly.
And Inara knows that. The rational part of her knows that Simon Tam is not a threat to her relationship, that if anything, he's loosened up and become their biggest supporter, even going to bat for them against Jayne at the dinner table and that as a Companion, Inara brings more threats to the table than Kaylee ever could. None of it makes sense.
"A girlfriend is not a client," Inara's old friend Lanfen says over wave call from House Madrassa. "Being in love in a space ungoverned by the pillars of thought that the Guild lays out for client interactions is new for you. Of course it would be scary."
Inara nods and thanks her and decides against confessing that sometimes Simon taking half of a load of scraps out of Kaylee's arms to help his friend with her planetside tasks has Inara fighting the urge to sweep Kaylee into her arms and kiss her senseless, letting the synchronizers and heat exchangers go crashing to the ground while she shows Simon that there was no way he'd ever be able to handle a woman like this. Or that once she very nearly floated the idea to Kaylee of fucking in the passenger dorms, in the cabin right above Simon's and the only thing that stopped her was the fact that Book would also definitely hear everything.
It isn't that she wants Simon gone or dead or anything (she's gotten over that!). She just wants him to know.
And of course he knows. But sometimes it just isn't enough.