Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The only thing that Ahn Keonho remembered from his first day as a trainee was Eom Seonghyeon. He could still recall how nervous he was to greet the older trainees, but when Seonghyeon politely returned his bow and introduced himself with a small smile to break the tension, Keonho immediately felt calmer. To him, that smile felt like the first sign of warmth in that cold, unfamiliar building.

From that day on, Keonho hadn’t stopped noticing Seonghyeon. The company didn’t make it any easier, showing them footage from previous monthly evaluations every week. Keonho’s eyes always found Seonghyeon on the tablet’s tiny screen. Sometimes he was sitting in the background waiting for his turn, sometimes he was cheering others on, and sometimes he performed.

And God, when he performed.

Seonghyeon danced like he was floating on water, as if gravity was only an afterthought. And when he sang? That was Keonho’s favorite part. His deep, raspy voice engulfed all of Keonho’s senses. The way he closed his eyes to feel every lyric seemed to put Keonho under a spell. 

But that wasn't all that Keonho noticed. He caught himself staring at the boy in the hallways, in the cafeteria, and even as he hurriedly left the practice room. He noticed Seonghyeon’s sharp eyes that somehow always sparkled mischievously, his deep dimples that showed when he found something funny, and his soft giggles while talking to Martin. Keonho sometimes wondered if this was borderline stalker behavior on his part but he reassured himself by calling it mere admiration.

It was no surprise that Seonghyeon was the first person Keonho spotted when he entered the practice room for dance evaluation. Seonghyeon was wearing a black oversized hoodie with his sleeves pulled down to his fingers which is, obviously, a very normal thing to notice about a fellow trainee. Keonho sent a quick thank-you to his sister in his head for teaching him how to dance.

‎Keonho had chosen Mic Drop by BTS because it went well with his dance style: strong and impactful. When his name was called, he danced with a new kind of hunger, like he had something to prove. The applause afterwards made the body pain worth it.

Then the results were announced, Keonho was shocked to see his name at the top. He didn’t expect to get first place on his first evaluation. He felt giddy as the other trainees patted his back, congratulating him.

As fate would have it, Seonghyeon approached him first. “Congrats, Keonho-ssi! You deserve it,” He said, raising both hands in a thumbs-up. Keonho had always been shy, but hearing Seonghyeon say his name broke every nerve impulse in his body, and he found himself frozen in place.

“Thank you, Seonghyeon-ssi. You were also amazing earlier,” Keonho quickly recovered, replying in the most normal voice he could manage at the moment. Don’t blame him, it was his first time seeing Seonghyeon up close after a month of admiring him from afar.

“Not enough to take first place, though,” Seonghyeon countered with a mischievous spark in his eyes that made Keonho’s heart skip a beat.

Was Seonghyeon teasing him?

“I’m kidding! As I said earlier, you clearly deserve it,” Seonghyeon quickly added, saving Keonho from completely losing his mind.

Keonho wanted to tell Seonghyeon that he watched his dance evaluations every single day like a ritual. Keonho wanted to tell Seonghyeon that he forgot to breathe every time he listened to his vocal evaluations. Keonho wanted to tell Seonghyeon that he looked so soft in the oversized hoodie. But much to Keonho’s dismay, their conversation was cut short by the manager.

“Ahn Keonho-ssi, congratulations!” Jeewon, exclaimed lightly. Keonho's eyes lingered on Seonghyeon's face before he hesitantly turned around to face her as she continued. "Ranking first place in today’s evaluation puts you on the same schedule as the older trainees. Go through it tonight so you don’t miss your upcoming lessons,” she instructed.

“Yes, I understand, Jeewon-nim,” Keonho replied formally and bowed as the manager left the room.

Afterwards, when Keonho finally found himself alone, he looked around for Seonghyeon, but the smaller boy was nowhere to be seen. He was disappointed, to say the least, but their short conversation still filled him with warmth.

With a small smile on his face, Keonho quietly made his way to the cafeteria, opening his phone to check tomorrow’s schedule. He realized with a jolt of happiness that he had the same schedule as Seonghyeon.

Maybe from now on, their conversations wouldn't be interrupted. Maybe they'd actually get to talk every day. Maybe, just maybe, they could end up being friends.

But I can't help but imagine
What you say when you speak with me

*~*~*

The next morning, Keonho woke up in a good mood, which was immediately ruined by the notice for his first vocal evaluation set to take place in a week. He sighed loudly as he made his way straight to the practice room, choosing to skip breakfast. He realized he was early when he saw a handful of trainees in the room, so he spent the next ten minutes trying to decide on a song.

Keonho knew that his vocals had improved tremendously in a month, but he still preferred dancing by miles. He finally settled on Best Part by Daniel Caesar after agonizing over the song choice for a while. He heard Martin's voice in the room, which made him look up, and his gaze naturally settled on Seonghyeon. He watched as Seonghyeon's sharp eyes scanned the room and landed... on him? It took Keonho a few seconds to realize they were looking at each other from opposite ends of the room. He could faintly hear the time ticking, even though there were no clocks in the room.

Keonho watched Seonghyeon flinch lightly as Martin tapped his shoulder to get his attention, and the spell broke. Keonho's inner meltdown was interrupted when their performance director entered the room. He was embarrassed to admit that he spent the whole class reliving the five second long eye contact in his head.

After class ended, Keonho watched Seonghyeon and Martin leave the room, but he stayed behind to practice the song. He spent an hour memorizing the lyrics, recording the song in his voice, and monitoring it over and over again.

Keonho still didn’t feel satisfied, so his brain naturally reached for the only thing that helped during practice: Seonghyeon’s monthly evaluation performances. He opened the company’s tablet and scrolled through Seonghyeon’s vocal evaluations until he found the one where he sang Get You by Daniel Caesar. He sang it so effortlessly that Keonho almost envied him.

Keonho watched it multiple times, trying to copy Seonghyeon’s technique. He felt motivated again until the alarm on his phone went off, indicating that it was time for his next lesson. He stood up tiredly, deciding to get kimbap and banana milk on his way, so he wouldn’t end up fainting in front of everyone.

Keonho spent the next three days practicing the song, but he still felt like something was missing. He almost regretted his song choice, but he'd already spent too long on it. He listened to the song again as he made his way to the vocal practice room.

The first thing Keonho noticed upon entering the room was, as always, Eom Seonghyeon. Black t-shirt and jeans, looking way too cool for someone who was sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, doing vocal warm-ups. And surprisingly, he was alone. No Martin in sight. Keonho would never get a better opportunity than this.

He quickly made his way to Seonghyeon, stopping right in front of him. He cleared his throat to get his attention. Seonghyeon looked up, surprise flashing in his eyes for a brief moment.

“Seonghyeon-ssi, can I ask for a favor, if you aren’t busy right now?” Keonho had already practiced this line five times on his way over. He put on his best ‘no, I’m not obsessed with you and I have no ulterior motive’ face and waited expectantly.

“Yes, of course, Keonho-ssi,” Seonghyeon replied with a smile that made his eyes shine and his dimples show. Keonho might have felt his heart skip multiple beats and his knees almost buckle, but he wasn’t going to admit it. And if that wasn’t enough for his fragile nervous system, Seonghyeon patted the empty space next to him for Keonho to sit. He must’ve hit his head on the way there and was now hallucinating.

If this was a hallucination, Keonho decided he was going to make the most out of it. He quietly sat on the floor. An awkward silence settled between them, and Keonho could feel Seonghyeon’s eyes on him. He turned his head out of curiosity and regretted it immediately. Those damn sparkling eyes would be the death of him.

“I—um... I wanted help with my song for this month’s evaluation, and I saw you did a song by the same artist in one of your evaluations, so I was wondering if you could help… maybe?” Keonho managed to find his voice amidst the minor emergency taking place in his chest.

“My evaluations? Wait, how did you get those?” Seonghyeon looked flustered, his voice rising a little in surprise.

“The company provided footage of older trainees so we’d get an idea of how monthly evaluations work,” Keonho explained quickly as he watched Seonghyeon’s expression switch from horrified to understanding.

“Wow, they didn’t show us those. That’s basically blackmail material in your hands.” Seonghyeon laughed a little as he said that. It sounded like music to Keonho’s ears. Suddenly, Daniel Caesar didn’t seem that good of a singer anymore.

“They’re educational though. Helped me a lot. I’ve watched all of them multiple times with great focus,” Keonho replied, trying his best to keep his voice as casual as possible.

“Oh? I’ll have to trust you on that. Which song were you talking about?” Seonghyeon asked, tilting his head to the side. Keonho could swear this guy had a personal vendetta against him, because why did he keep getting cuter by the minute?

“It’s Best Part by Daniel Caesar. I can’t seem to get the run at the end right,” Keonho answered as he pulled his beanie down to hide the blush that was most probably spreading to his ears.

“Oh, right! I sang Get You in my third evaluation. But wouldn’t Martin be able to help you better? He did Best Part for one of his.” Seonghyeon’s brows furrowed.

“He did?” Keonho shrieked a little, because this clearly implied that he didn’t watch every single evaluation and only went for specific ones. Seonghyeon ones.

“I thought you watched all performances multiple times with great focus?” Seonghyeon smirked as he repeated Keonho’s exact words from earlier. He was clearly enjoying this. Definitely a personal vendetta.

“Oh, I… it must’ve slipped my mind,” Keonho scrambled for a reasonable excuse but came up with none. God must have taken pity on him, because Martin showed up out of nowhere, flopping his large body on the floor.

“What y’all doing?” Martin asked in a sing-song voice, patting Keonho’s shoulder as he tried to bow to him.

“He’s singing Best Part for his vocal evaluation,” Seonghyeon said while unlocking his phone to search for the lyrics.

“Oh, I’ve done that one before. Do you need help, Keonho-ssi?” Martin asked politely. But before Keonho could answer, Seonghyeon cut in.

“No, I’ve got it. James Hyung was looking for you earlier, by the way,” Seonghyeon offered hurriedly, scrolling through the lyrics as the song played on his phone. Keonho smiled politely at Martin to ease the tension.

“Damn, okay. I’ll leave y’all alone. Good luck, Keonho-ssi!” Martin patted Keonho’s head and, right before turning around, ruffled Seonghyeon’s hair, fleeing the scene before Seonghyeon could even get a word of complaint out. Keonho watched him glare daggers at Martin’s retreating back.

Seonghyeon turned to look at Keonho while tucking his hair behind his ears. Like a princess, Keonho’s mind provided but he quickly shook the thought away.

“I think if you use your head voice with a little support from your chest, you might be able to hit that last run cleanly,” Seonghyeon said while listening to the song. And then he slowly sang the outro. Keonho’s whole world stopped. Eom Seonghyeon was singing right in front of him, for his ears only.

Seonghyeon looked at Keonho expectantly after finishing the run. “So…?” he started but Keonho had already forgotten how to breathe and was shamelessly staring at Seonghyeon with wide eyes.

“Were you a siren in your past life?” Keonho blurted out. He instantly realized what he had said and was about to apologize, until Seonghyeon’s eyes widened and the prettiest blush spread across his cheeks and ears. Keonho bit down hard on his lips.

“Give it a go, Keonho-ssi. Let’s see what you were in your past life,” Seonghyeon said after regaining his composure, the blush still lingering on his cheeks.

There was no way Keonho would be able to sing in front of Seonghyeon. He opened his mouth but couldn’t find his voice. It wasn’t just the pressure of Seonghyeon’s eyes on him, but also the fact that Keonho was supposed to sing right after him. He looked down at his hands.

“I forgot to ask how old you are, Keonho-ssi.” Seonghyeon must have noticed his hesitance so, being the angel that he was, he redirected the conversation.

“Oh, I'll turn fourteen next month,” Keonho answered, welcoming the change of topic.

“Wait, what? I just turned fourteen. 2009?” Seonghyeon asked excitedly, eyes sparkling with curious joy.

“YES! Oh my god, I can’t believe we’re the same age. Wow,” Keonho tried to keep his voice casual, but deep down he wanted to jump around in happiness. He felt a wave of gratefulness towards the universe for letting him be born in the same year as Eom Seonghyeon.

“Just when I had given up hope on finding a trainee my age… should we drop the formalities, then?” Seonghyeon smiled shyly while tilting his head in question.

Yes. Yes. I would drop everything if you asked like that. Formalities are the least of my concern.

“Of course, I don’t mind… Seonghyeon” Keonho tested the name on his tongue without the honorific. It felt good. It felt natural. Until Seonghyeon giggled. And then it felt like a sacred prayer. Keonho was too far gone.

His thoughts were interrupted by their vocal instructor entering the room. He realized with a pang of disappointment that their conversation was, once again, cut short.

“I’m not sure if I was of any help but he certainly will be,” Seonghyeon said as he pointed towards their vocal teacher. “Or, we can work on it next time… Keonho.” He offered a full smile, dimples and all, before making his way towards Martin, who had been waving him over for a minute now.

Next time? NEXT TIME?

Keonho had to clamp his mouth shut to stop himself from giggling out loud in front of twenty-something trainees. He replayed their conversation in his head and realized that the idea of befriending Seonghyeon didn’t feel as far-fetched anymore, but keeping his cool around him? Yeah, that was a lost cause.

And all the girls at this party are so cool
That's never been a thing that I could do

*~*~*

The universe had a sick sense of timing because on the day of his vocal evaluation, Keonho woke up with a sore throat. He washed up with a feeling of dread. When he practiced the song in front of the mirror, a horrifyingly unfamiliar voice came out. At this point, Keonho was simply running on the hope that his throat would miraculously feel better in the span of two hours.

He wore a navy blue turtleneck to keep his throat warm and made his way to the practice room, skipping breakfast once again. He must have used up all his luck on the dance evaluation because he came face to face with Seonghyeon, of all people, in the hallway. Looking as pretty as ever. Not the time, Keonho.

“Oh hey, Keonho! How are you? Ready for today?” Seonghyeon asked after getting over the initial surprise of running into him.

Keonho opened his mouth to answer, but stopped. His shoulders sagged as he made a slicing motion across his neck. He watched Seonghyeon’s expression go from confused to horrified.

“You lost your voice?” Seonghyeon asked, just to confirm. Keonho nodded weakly. “Okay, nevermind. Let’s go to the cafeteria,” Seonghyeon said as he tugged at Keonho’s sleeve to drag him in the right direction.

Keonho placed a hand over his forehead to check the temperature because he was quickly starting to believe that this was all a fever dream. Seonghyeon quietly made him sit at a table near the counter while he went to order. Keonho didn’t ask any questions. He was more than happy to comply with anything Seonghyeon demanded.

Seonghyeon returned with a sandwich and a cup of warm tea, placing them on the table as he sat across from Keonho. Keonho didn’t even know they served tea here.

“You can’t sing on an empty stomach. The tea will help your throat. Take two of these afterwards,” Seonghyeon instructed while handing him a pack of throat candy. Keonho stared at the packet like it was some sacred relic, then back at Seonghyeon. His eyes instantly turning soft at the sight.

“Go on, eat,” Seonghyeon repeated, avoiding Keonho’s eyes. Keonho smiled and took a bite of the sandwich. He sipped the tea and it instantly soothed his throat. After a bit of eating, Keonho decided to test his voice.

“Thank you, Seonghyeon,” Keonho said as he smiled warmly at the boy. His voice still sounded hoarse but it was a thousand times better than the jumpscare in the bathroom.

“It’s nothing. You’ll be surprised to know how many times I’ve been in the same situation,” Seonghyeon replied casually, trying to brush it off.

“How did you know I haven’t had breakfast though?” Keonho asked, brows furrowing. He watched as Seonghyeon’s eyes grew wide and there it was. The blush. Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty. Keonho would never get tired of seeing it.

Seonghyeon opened his mouth to answer, but his phone buzzed. Keonho caught Martin’s name on the screen. He listened as Seonghyeon told Martin where they were. He must have been close by because he was already walking through the entrance, phone held to his ear. 

‎Keonho watched Martin approach the table after Seonghyeon waved him over. They had talked two days ago in the practice room when the taller boy had simply patted his back and said, “Drop the formalities, dude. We're good!” Keonho liked him. He seemed like the type who didn't take life too seriously, almost like Keonho himself.

‎“Y'all having a party without me?” Martin said in a mock-hurt voice as he sat on the chair next to Seonghyeon.

‎“Yes. A very extravagant one with a single sandwich and a cup of tea,” Seonghyeon drawled, eyes set on Keonho's half-eaten sandwich. “Finish that, then eat the candy.” A crease forming on his forehead as the words left his mouth.

‎“Okay, mom,” Keonho joked, glancing at Seonghyeon, heart beating loudly in his chest.

‎“I'm not—” Seonghyeon started, but Martin cut him off.

‎“You're totally acting like one, my guy. What happened, though? You caught a cold, Keonho?” Martin asked, a flicker of worry crossing his face.

‎“Yeah. I woke up with no voice. The world is a cruel place, Martin hyung,” Keonho complained, finishing the sandwich then popping a throat candy in his mouth.

‎“That sucks, man. But your voice is just a little hoarse, you'll be fine!” Martin comforted him.

‎“All thanks to Seonghyeon-ie.” The endearment slipping out before Keonho could stop himself.

‎Keonho heard a tiny gasp from Seonghyeon's direction and turned to look at him. Judging by the pink freckled across his cheeks, he didn't seem opposed to the nickname. Pretty Seonghyeonie.

‎“Aww, Seonghyeon-ie, you've never cared for me like that. I'm hurt,” Martin said in a high-pitched voice.

‎“It's Keonho's first evaluation. Stop making everything about yourself,” Seonghyeon replied, rolling his eyes. “It's almost time, by the way. We should go,” He said as he stood up.

‎“Wait! Let me get Keonho's number. I completely forgot the other day,” Martin exclaimed as he handed his phone over to Keonho. “I'm going to make a group chat with the three of us, we'll be known as the coolest trio,” he rambled on excitedly.

‎“No trio can be cool with you in it, hyung,” Seonghyeon joked, cleaning the table. 

‎Keonho returned Martin's phone and tried to help Seonghyeon, but the other boy lightly slapped his hand away with a small, “I've got it.”

‎“Wow. Did you see how Seonghyeon insulted me, Keonho? Defend me, please,” Martin said, saving Keonho's number in his phone.

‎“He didn't insult you, hyung. He just meant you're too hot to be cool, y'know,” Keonho replied in a serious tone. He heard Seonghyeon snort beside him as the three boys headed out of the cafeteria.

‎“See, Seonghyeon-ie, it's that easy,” Martin said loudly.

‎“You're the one who's easy,” Seonghyeon countered. The three bickered and joked all the way to the evaluation room as Keonho felt the warm sense of belonging in his chest.

‎After arriving in the practice room, Keonho spent half an hour going through the song lyrics in his head, and the next three minutes being absolutely enamored by Seonghyeon's performance. His voice really had a way of entrancing the whole room. 

‎Keonho's fanboying was interrupted as his name was called. He slowly made his way to the mic, accepting his impending doom. At first, his voice sounded a little rough, but as the song progressed, his throat opened up and he started easing into the song. 

‎Then, the outro came. The part that Keonho spent a whole week trying to perfect. The part that was simply an excuse to strike up a conversation with the person who'd been his anchor during his first month of training. 

‎If you love me, won't you say something

‎Keonho found Seonghyeon's eyes in the mirror at the last line of the song, a small smile on his lips as Seonghyeon mouthed the words along with him.

‎Love me, won't you

‎Keonho watched Seonghyeon's smile widen as he joined the applause in the room. When Keonho went back to his spot, Martin patted him on the back as Seonghyeon gave him a shy smile with a thumbs-up. 

‎Keonho ranked fourth, while the first and second places were taken by Martin and Seonghyeon, respectively. Strangely enough, Keonho felt prouder than he did when he scored first place in dance evaluation.

‎That night, when Keonho closed his eyes and imagined Seonghyeon's hand sliding down the sleeve of his sweater before falling into his, as Best Part played in the background, he definitely didn't stifle his giggles into the pillow. He drifted off to sleep, wondering if this was how people felt about a friend.

And I'm too shy to say what I see
When I dream of you

*~*~*

‎Keonho woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing under his pillow. He rubbed his eyes in a weak attempt to force himself awake, pulling out his phone to see three missed calls from Martin and multiple messages in the group chat.

‎teenie hyung

‎ahn keonho

‎get your ass to the cafeteria 

‎if you skip your breakfast again

‎im personally making sure you never need breakfast or any other meal in the future

‎jjamie hyung

‎too earlu un the morninf

‎teenie hyung

‎go back to sleep hyung 

‎put us on mute

‎you had a long night in the studio

‎this is for keonho's stupid ass only

‎jjamie hyung

‎thus is a gROUP CHat????

‎teenie hyung

‎so seonghyeon knows im taking care of thr children in his absence

‎Keonho breathed out a small laugh. Months had passed since Martin made the trio group chat, then later added James when the younger two naturally became friends with him through Martin. Even though James was the oldest, he often acted like the youngest, always joking around and rarely passing up an opportunity to make fun of Martin along with the other two.

‎Keonho sighed softly as he got out of bed, Martin's text reminding him that Seonghyeon had gone home for the Chuseok holidays. No Seonghyeonie for three days, however will you survive, huh?

Keonho rolled his eyes at his dramatics and decided to head to the cafeteria after washing up. Not because he was surrendering to Martin's threats, but simply because his sleep was ruined anyway, might as well have breakfast. He felt his phone vibrate once again and was about to change his mind, until he swiped to find Seonghyeon's name in their private chat.

‎hyeonie 

‎have your breakfast, ahn keonho.

‎Keonho's chest filled with the familiar warmth that only ever appeared when Seonghyeon was involved. Being friends with Seonghyeon for almost a year had turned his intense admiration into something softer, calmer but overwhelming all the same. Keonho called it simple fondness, because anything else meant admitting the fact that he had never felt like this for any of his other friends.

‎You

‎im omw

‎happy chuseok seonghyeonie have funnnn!!!!

‎Keonho hit send as he smiled to himself, already missing Seonghyeon. When he entered the cafeteria, he immediately spotted Martin's tall figure, both hands on his hips at the sight of him.

‎“Look who finally decided to grace me with his presence,” Martin spoke, as he fixed Keonho with a sharp gaze.

‎“Shouldn't I be the one annoyed at you for interrupting my beauty sleep?” Keonho countered, raising an eyebrow.

‎“Sit and eat, you ungrateful child. I was about to leave, by the way, until I got a text straight from Daejeon that Mr. I-get-paid-to-skip-breakfast is on his way, make sure he eats,” Martin said, doing a terrible impression of Seonghyeon at the end. Mainly because no rose petals came out of his mouth, and that definitely happened when Seonghyeon talked.

‎Keonho felt that same warmth in his chest after finding out that Seonghyeon had specifically instructed Martin to take care of him in his absence. He decided to be less of a burden and sat down.

‎“You're welcome, I guess?” Martin deadpanned, sarcasm evident in his tone.

‎“Okay, yes. Thank you for waking me up for breakfast. And I'm sorry for not replying, I got distracted,” Keonho replied seriously. He really was grateful for Martin.

‎“Alright, no need to go all soft on me. If Seonghyeon-ie was here, he would've done the same,” Martin said as he started scrolling on his phone. “I'm glad he went this year, though. Dude barely ever leaves the dorm even during holidays,” he continued offhandedly.

‎“Wait, it's his first time visiting home after joining?” Keonho asked frowning. He had assumed Seonghyeon always made use of the holidays, skipping additional practice sessions because he was already too good. He realized just how stupidly biased that assumption was.

‎“Yeah, because Chuseok aligned with his sister's birthday this time,” Martin answered, attention already shifting back to whatever cat reel he was watching on his phone. Keonho, on the other hand, was experiencing a whirlwind of emotions all at once.

‎Seonghyeonie's hometown is in Daejeon. Seonghyeonie is home for the first time in almost two years. Seonghyeonie has a sister. Seonghyeonie Seonghyeonie Seonghyeonie. His Seonghyeonie.

‎Even after months of being friends, Keonho barely knew anything about Seonghyeon's personal life, while Martin was a walking encyclopedia on him. The realization that he would forever fall behind Martin when it came to Seonghyeon twisted deep in his chest. He lost his appetite as something dark and intense tangled itself around the warm feeling from before.

‎Keonho was too scared to name it, but that didn't stop his subconscious from repeating a single word over and over again.

His phone buzzed.

hyeonie

you too! and dont be too hard on martin hyung

The voice got louder. Same word.

‎Jealousy.

You should feel how I feel
When somebody says your name

*~*~*