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At the age of three, Doyoung learns how to read the name on his wrist. His parents tell him it’s the name of the person he’s going to marry, who he’s going to be with for the rest of his life.
Doyoung can’t be any happier in that moment as he recites the name to his parents over and over again that day, to the point where he’d never forget it no matter what.
A week later, the name is replaced by a different one. He cries to his parents, asking why the name of his soulmate is different now, and they have to break it to him that something happened to his first soulmate and that he has a new one now.
Doyoung doesn’t understand really until he’s eight and the name changes again. He tells his parents, and they give a look to Doyoung like someone just died.
He understands that they have.
Doyoung curls up in his bed later that day with a marker in hand, scribbling out the name on his wrist. He doesn’t want it there. He doesn’t want soulmate number three to get hurt. He doesn’t want to lose them too.
Doyoung does it every day for a year until his mother tells him to stop. She tells him people lose their soulmates all the time. It doesn’t really help him feel better, but he stops scribbling it out nonetheless.
The next day, the name has changed again.
Doyoung cries. He cries into his brother’s chest as he tells him it’s okay, he cries when he takes a shower that night and stares at the new name on his wrist. He cries again when it changes again the next day as well.
At the age of twelve, Doyoung ignores when people ask to see the name on his wrist. He finds the whole thing bothersome and stupid. He’s already gone through seven soulmates, and he’s waiting for the eighth one to disappear at any moment now. All the other kids don’t have to deal with this. All the other kids talks about how they’ve had the same name since they were born.
Doyoung hates how unlucky he is as he listens to his classmates go on about their soulmates. Some have even met theirs, and Doyoung buries his face into his arms.
He wonders what it would’ve been like to meet his first soulmate. He wonders how well he’d get along with his second one. He wonders if number eight is his final soulmate, will they like him?
He shouldn’t wonder, because he knows better. He knows eventually number eight will turn to number nine, and number nine will turn to ten.
Doyoung lifts his head and grabs a marker from his desk, quickly scribbling out the name on his wrist. His mom will yell at him later, but he doesn’t care.
She doesn’t understand. She’s had the same soulmate since she was born. His dad and her have been together ever since they were eleven. They didn’t understand. They weren’t ever going to understand how it felt to lose soulmate after soulmate and never knowing what happened to them.
Doyoung walks home from school with his older brother that day in a sour mood. His brother is quiet next to him, which only means he’s thinking. Doyoung hates when he’s thinking.
“Mom is going to yell at you again,” he says as they stop at a crosswalk. Doyoung looks to him and sees him pointing at his wrist. He scoffs.
“I don’t care. It’s better than looking at it.” His older brother sighs.
“Doyoung, losing a few soulmates is normal. It’s not that big of a-
“You’re lying,” Doyoung interrupts. “You’ve never lost one. Mom hasn’t, Dad hasn’t, every kid in my class hasn’t. Just tell me I’m abnormal, hyung. I already know.”
His older brother is quiet again as they walk across the street, and Doyoung knows he’s right. He knows nothing about him is normal and nothing about losing seven different soulmates is normal.
Their walk is silent the rest of the way back, but when they’re on the front porch, his older brother grabs his hand and stops him.
“Eventually the names will stop changing, Doyoung.”
Doyoung doesn’t believe him.
At the age of fifteen, Doyoung meets his eleventh soulmate. He walks into class, announces his name, and Doyoung can’t help but hold his breath as he comes to sit in the empty seat next to Doyoung’s.
Doyoung is terrified. He wants to talk to him, because he’s never talked to any of his soulmates before, but at the same time if he ends up losing him, he doesn’t want to have known him. He doesn’t want it to hurt more than it already does when he loses him.
He introduces himself anyways. He taps Doyoung’s desk, asks for a pencil, and smiles at Doyoung when he catches sight of the name on his wrist. Doyoung looks down and realizes his mistake, but his soulmate just keeps smiling at him.
Doyoung can tell he’s never lost a soulmate in his life. Doyoung is his first.
Doyoung can tell soulmate eleven won’t be his last.
They become quick friends, and even though Doyoung knows he’s going to lose him, he makes the best of it. He spends most of his free time talking with him, texting him, hanging out with him. They do homework together and join three different school clubs together. Doyoung holds his hand when they’re at his house and smiles back at him whenever his soulmate smiles at him.
It’s nice, it’s so ridiculously nice and sometimes when they’re staying up late texting each other, Doyoung choosing him over sleep, he forgets that sooner or later he’s going to lose him. He likes forgetting.
He likes forgetting because forgetting means holding hands and telling him “I like you too” and waking up to good morning texts and seeing him at school and walking home together and staring at his wrist whenever he misses his soulmate.
He hasn’t stared at his wrist in a long time, and Doyoung likes it. He likes being able to smile when he looks at his wrist.
At sixteen, Doyoung experiences his first kiss. Doyoung is nervous and it only lasts three seconds, but it’s still the best feeling in the world. Kissing his soulmate is nothing but magical, absolutely magical and with every kiss Doyoung believes that this is his final soulmate.
At seventeen, Doyoung wakes up one day to a different name on his wrist. Doyoung thinks he’s dreaming. He pinches himself, closes his eyes, and repeats over and over again that he needs to wake up. He needs to wake up from this nightmare because he can’t lose another one, especially not this one.
Doyoung is crying when his mom tells him the news. He’s crying when he talks to his eleventh soulmate’s parents, about what happened, about how sorry they were. Doyoung cries all day as he stays in bed, hating himself for not going to school, hating himself for believing that this was his last soulmate.
He knew better, but he still got caught up in it.
He attends the funeral, cries again and again and again and he rubs his wrist. It aches, it aches terribly and Doyoung wants nothing more than to go back in time and ignore the voice next to him that asked for a pencil.
-
When he meets soulmate fourteen, he’s twenty. He’s lost two more soulmates, and he’s expecting to lose fourteen as well. When he reads the name on his wrist for the first time, he scoffs at it.
Jung Jaehyun.
He feels bad for him already, because Doyoung knows what’s going to happen.
“Woah, did the name on your wrist change?” Doyoung looks over to his roommate, sitting on the couch next to him. Doyoung looks down at his wrist and then laughs.
“It’s changed thirteen times,” Doyoung says. He’s calm. He’s used to it. He’s explained it to three other people already, all his friends he’s met in college. At this point, it’s not a big deal. He smiles sadly at his roommate, running a hand through his hair. “It happens.”
His roommate looks shocked. “It doesn’t happen thirteen times. Like, 1 in 1000 people-
Doyoung interrupts him. “1 in 100000 people. Do your research, Ten.”
Ten laughs awkwardly as his fingers instinctively grip at his wrist. “I’ve never… had to do research. That’s just what Johnny has told me, you know? Guess he should do more research.”
Doyoung visibly tenses up. He tells himself he’s not jealous of Ten and his soulmate. He tells himself it all the time, but he knows better. Because Ten and Johnny met on the first day of school. They bumped into each other on accident, Ten falling over and Johnny immediately apologizing to him as he helped him pick up his books.
Doyoung had watched the whole scene play out with his roommate. He saw them notice the names on their wrists and saw them make eye contact. He saw the smiles spread across their faces because they found each other.
Doyoung was jealous, because of course his first day of school is miserable. He watches his now best friend gain love in an instant while Doyoung was still waiting for names to finally stop changing.
“…is that why you said you hated Johnny when I told you he and I were dating?” Doyoung wants to say no, but he can’t.
“It was the hair, too. No one should be able to have such nice looking hair.” Doyoung is trying to lighten the mood for the sake of Ten, because he deserves to be happy no matter what.
“I’m sorry for… talking about him all the time,” Ten says. Doyoung feels like shit. He doesn’t want Ten to feel bad about his soulmate just because of Doyoung’s misery. He reaches a hand out and places it on his shoulder, smiling a little but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Ten, it’s okay. You can talk about him. I’ve dealt with my soulmate problem since I was three, okay? You shouldn’t have to feel like shit because I feel like shit.”
Ten smiles back at him eventually, and then proceeds to go on about Johnny.
Doyoung listens with a heavy heart and subconsciously rubs his wrist as Ten talks. He wishes he could go on about his soulmate too.
A few days later, Doyoung meets soulmate fourteen. This is the second one since eleven, and Doyoung decides right then and there he’s not going to get attached. He can’t get attached, because he refuses to have something similar happen. He refuses to have his heart broken again.
Doyoung avoids eye contact and pretends to be reading his book as soulmate number fourteen, Yoonoh, Jaehyun, sits across from him, next to his friend Taeyong. Taeyong happily chats away, but Doyoung will remain silent. He only gave a polite nod to Jaehyun when Taeyong introduced him, and no matter how many times Jaehyun looks at him, Doyoung isn’t going to give him anything more.
“Ah, hold on. Yuta is here. I’ll go get him.” Taeyong stands up and rushes off to find his boyfriend, promptly leaving Doyoung alone with Jaehyun.
Doyoung doesn’t notice until Jaehyun is touching at his wrist. He pulls it away quickly, dropping his book onto the table and gripping at the place Jaehyun had touched.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you nervous. It’s just… I feel like you should at least say hi to me.” Jaehyun is offering a small, soft smile to Doyoung and Doyoung can’t help the flutter in his heart. Jaehyun is cute, and there’s a dimple peeking through as he smiles.
Doyoung refuses to get attached. He can’t get attached.
“…hi.”
“Hi.”
Doyoung hates the smile on his face, because he can imagine waking up to that smile. He can see himself on dates and holding hands and kissing his dimple and kissing Jaehyun and Doyoung wants to cry because he can’t have it.
He’s going to lose Jaehyun just like he’s lost everyone else, and Doyoung can’t handle that. He can’t handle it anymore.
“I’m sorry.” Doyoung stands up, gathers his book and his backpack and runs back to his dorm as quickly as his feet can take him.
When Ten and Johnny see him and ask him if he’s okay, he can’t help the tears that roll down his face. Ten and Johnny settle him between them and comfort him even though he won’t tell them what’s wrong. For once, he’s actually glad for Ten’s soulmate.
-
Jaehyun messes up a large portion of Doyoung’s daily routine. He frequents the same coffee shop on campus Doyoung does, so Doyoung has to walk to the one that’s two minutes further away because he doesn’t want to see him. He has to move seats every day in one of his classes because Jaehyun had just transferred into it and took it upon himself to sit next to Doyoung every time. He has to hang out with Taeyong and Yuta at four at their dorm instead of at lunch, because Jaehyun has class at four.
He has to sleep at one in the morning instead of sleeping at eleven because he stares at Taeyong’s contact number, a draft in the message box every night waiting to be sent.
Can you give me Jaehyun’s number?
When Doyoung deletes the message for the umpteenth time, he sets his phone on his nightstand and lays on his back, looking up at his ceiling.
A part of Doyoung is telling him he’s stupid for even thinking about texting Taeyong for Jaehyun’s number.
Another part is telling him to be happy again, even if it’s just for a little while.
The next day, Jaehyun sits next to Doyoung in class. Doyoung grabs his backpack and stands up, but for once Jaehyun doesn’t let him move. He grabs his hand, keeping Doyoung from leaving.
“Doyoung, please stay.”
Doyoung stares down at him. It’s the worst mistake he’s ever made because Jaehyun looks sad and Doyoung knows he’s the cause of it. It breaks his heart.
So he sits back down.
Jaehyun is quiet next to him as they pull their things out. Doyoung is nervous all of a sudden as he sits next to Jaehyun. It’s weird. Jaehyun makes him feel weird.
Doyoung’s eyes glance over to Jaehyun’s wrist where his name is.
There’s a number next to it, almost unnoticeable unless someone was really paying attention to it.
13
Doyoung stares at it, a vague idea what the number is for. He looks away from his name and to Jaehyun’s face.
“Why is there a number next to my name?” Doyoung asks. Jaehyun stops writing in his notebook and glances at his wrist, then looks up at Doyoung.
“It’s for how many times the name has changed. I wanted to keep track.”
Doyoung doesn’t understand Jaehyun.
They’re in the same boat, and yet, all Jaehyun has done is try to be with Doyoung. He doesn’t understand at all.
Doyoung doesn’t understand what it means for both Jaehyun and Doyoung to be at fourteen, either.
A part of him is telling him that Jaehyun is his final soulmate, and sooner or later he’s going to bite the bullet.
Another part of him is telling him he’s Jaehyun’s final soulmate.
Another part of him is saying that this is it for the both of them. That after so much heartbreak and changes, they’ve finally ended up together.
For once, Doyoung listens to the better part of himself. He reaches out for a marker next to Jaehyun’s notebook before grabbing his wrist. He writes a small ‘13’ on his wrist, next to Jaehyun’s name, and then he writes ‘final’ underneath it. He grabs Jaehyun’s wrist next, writing ‘final’ underneath his own name, sets the marker down, and looks back at Jaehyun’s face. Jaehyun is looking at him in confusion.
“I’m your number fourteen, you’re mine. I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt and letting myself believe we’re each other’s last soulmates.”
A smile breaks across Jaehyun’s face, two dimples showing and Doyoung decides he really loves seeing Jaehyun smile.
“Okay. So, will you go on a date with me?”
Doyoung lets himself be happy again and smiles back at Jaehyun. “Yeah, okay. I’ll go on a date with you.”
-
After their first date, Jaehyun kisses Doyoung outside his dorm room and Doyoung feels his heart flutter ten times more than any other kiss he’s received. He promises to text Doyoung when he gets back to his own dorm, and Doyoung wishes him a goodnight before going inside. Ten is there, a grin on his face and Doyoung can’t help the blush that creeps up his neck as Ten asks him how it went.
Jaehyun texts him when he gets home, and Doyoung is happy to see his phone light up. He excuses himself from the movie he and Ten had been watching, heading to his room and sitting on his bed. Jaehyun and him text back and forth for hours, telling each other about themselves. Doyoung tells him about how he’s written down all his past soulmate’s names in a notebook. Jaehyun tells him Doyoung’s the only soulmate he’s ever met.
Doyoung understands now why Jaehyun had been so happy to meet him; why he had kept being persistent.
He tells him he feels bad for ignoring him, and promises to tell him about the only other soulmate he’s met when they’ve been together for longer than seven hours.
When Doyoung tells him about soulmate eleven, he cries again. Jaehyun holds his hand, and he kisses his face and he tells him over and over he won’t lose him.
He tells him they won’t lose each other.
Doyoung believes every word.
Three months later, Jaehyun gets into a car accident with Taeyong. Yuta and Doyoung are scared out of their minds as they head to the hospital, but luckily nothing fatal has happened. Doyoung hits Jaehyun in the arm and tells him how scared he was.
“I told you we weren’t going to lose each other.” Doyoung laughs through his tears and hits Jaehyun again.
Six months into their relationship, Doyoung celebrates Jaehyun’s birthday and Valentine’s day with him. They stay in Doyoung’s dorm and watch movies, they make food together and bake a cake. Doyoung gives him a present, a ring with the words “forever” engraved on it that matches one Doyoung got for himself. Jaehyun kisses him over and over until they’re both out of breath.
“Forever.”
During year two of their relationship, Jaehyun meets Doyoung’s family. They eat dinner together, they laugh, they talk about life, and before Doyoung goes to his bedroom for the night, his brother pulls him aside.
“I’m glad you’re happy again, Doyoung.”
Doyoung smiles and pulls his brother into a hug. “I’m glad you were right about the names.”
Doyoung curls up into bed that night with Jaehyun, mumbling ‘forever’ into his skin as he presses kisses to his neck.
During year four of their relationship, Jaehyun gets on one knee and asks Doyoung to marry him. Doyoung cries and tells him yes a million times as Jaehyun slips a ring on his finger, as Jaehyun hugs him and as they happily kiss.
On their wedding rings, the word ‘final’ is engraved.
As the ring is slipped onto his finger, as Jaehyun tells him ‘we won’t ever lose each other’ Doyoung believes that this is it.
Jaehyun is final.