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Hiori had always been docile, ever since he was a child and had to constantly be compliant to every single one of his parents' demands. He has always been the type of boy to plaster a smile on his soft face, learning how to fake the best expressions to keep those around him happy. Whether it was smiling wide enough to act like he enjoyed the grueling hours of practice he’s forced to endure, or having to maintain a calm and collected expression as he spends his nights playing peacemaker between his perpetually-arguing parents, or even forcing himself to have any sort of expression on his face besides his pure apathy and numbness in public to prevent his peers from becoming concerned. He had slowly become an expert at lying to everyone’s faces.
He had his small quirks when he was upset; his nails would dig into his palm inside his pockets and his eyebrows furrow in such a small way that it’s nearly impossible to notice. His eyes gain that glassy, not-all-there look once nobody's watching, like he becomes a body without a soul to power it, until he’s forced back to life by needing to pretend to be the peaceful, kind, submissive Hiori Yo.
Nobody in his life has ever seen him for him and not just his abilities. He's never had anyone to notice or care for these little habits.
Truthfully, he hates it.
He hates how easy it has become for him to lie like this, how effortlessly he can contort his face into a tender smile in front of others. It feels exhausting having to repress all of his worst emotions. His only escape from this life is to detach; staying up much past his scheduled, perfect bedtime to play video games until his eyes hurt, locking himself in the washroom to mutilate his arms until the tiles are stained red, pretending he isn’t the one stuck playing on the field, that he’s a normal highschooler from a normal family with normal hobbies he genuinely enjoys, all to ignore the ache he feels deep in his bones under all of the apathy.
Some days, he wishes someone would notice and see past what he puts on, someone to give him the care he wants to have for once.
Rin notices.
He notices the way Hiori’s smile falters ever so slightly once people leave. He notices the marks his long nails leave in his palm, the irritation on his skin after it is scratched raw underneath the sleeves of his uniform throughout the day, the slight hints of fatigue on his calm, gentle face.
Although he has always considered himself to be perceptive and aware on the field, truthfully, he had no idea how to approach people emotionally. His aloof, closed off nature practically prevents him from doing so. But no matter how much he struggles to show it, he cares. He cares so deeply for Hiori, for his boyfriend, he feels it deeply in his bones. He feels his body ache every time he sees those telltale signs of Hiori’s exhaustion. He just wishes he knew what it was from.
It feels as though every game lately has ended with Hiori looking lost and cloudy, as if he was never fully there the whole time. His performance hasn’t changed, neither improving nor diminishing, so he doubts his weariness stems from his practices. His behavior amongst the other boys in Blue Lock hasn’t shifted either, still remaining the sweet, polite boy he has always been. But he still notices everything that nobody else does.
He wants to say something, but how can he even approach the topic when Hiori tries so hard to keep it away from him?
Rin tilts his head back as he sips from his water bottle, beads of sweat dripping from his forehead after another practice game. He sighs as he waits for the field to clear out, wanting to complete his usual additional training after everyone leaves. He pays no mind to who goes in or out, only putting his drink down so he can begin setting the field up again for his drills. He wipes the water from his mouth and stretches, before beginning to dribble the ball once more.
Before he knows it, hours pass by and the lights have long since dimmed. How long had he been out practicing? He curses under his breath, realizing he most definitely missed curfew. He had never been one to care about rules like this, but he truly was not in the mood for another earful from Ego during the next morning’s announcements. He cleans up his equipment and puts it back, stretching once more before retreating to the washrooms to shower before bed.
He opens the door quietly, not wanting to make much noise considering the time. He squints his eyes, not used to the darkness of the washroom at night after being surrounded by the lights of the field, and fumbles for the light switch. Before he flicks it on, he notices a tuft of cyan-blue hair in his vision.
He sees Hiori, crumpled over in a chair in front of a mirror. It’s difficult to make out exactly what he is doing, but the sight confuses Rin nonetheless, what was he even doing up at this time? Shouldn’t he be in bed?
He walks towards the blue-haired boy, abandoning his plans to shower quickly so he can still make it to bed at an appropriate time for himself. He’s quiet, almost as if he were approaching a scared animal instead of his own partner.
“Hiori…?”
Hiori looks up, an expression of pure terror in his big, blue eyes, before it relaxes back into his usual soft, small smile.
Rin hadn’t missed the way he looked just a second prior.
Nor is he missing the way he’s grasping onto his own wrist.
They stare at each other quietly for a moment — something that would normally be comforting between the two of them, but now feels heavy and awkward, before Rin opens his mouth, trying to figure out how to word his concerns.
“Are you… okay?” He asks, his tone uneasy and clunky, like he isn’t used to asking people things like this, which he likely wasn’t.
Hiori blinks for a moment, before speaking,
“Of course I am, Rin. Yer worrying too much about me, I’m fine. Ya know, I feel like a million bucks right now.” His smile never vanishes from his face, but it never truly reaches his eyes. His hand stays firmly grasped onto his wrist, trying to hide it from view before Rin grabs onto his arm. His touch is gentle, yet Hiori flinches nonetheless.
“No, you aren’t. Don’t say such a lukewarm lie to me…” He pauses, feeling something wet start to touch his hand. He retracts his arm, noticing his palm stained red. “What is that…?”
“Are you bleeding…?”
Truthfully, Hiori doesn’t know how he ended up in this situation. One moment, he’s blanked out during a game again, as if he were just a video game character being controlled instead of a living person, the next, he’s sitting on the counter of the Blue Lock washrooms while his boyfriend sanitizes his wounds.
He can’t exactly remember when he broke off the blade of one of the Blue Lock issued razors, or when he drew it into his flesh, or even when Rin had entered the room, but one thing he knows for sure now is that he had noticed him, his cries, his pain, and saw through everything to see the real Hiori Yo.
He winces in pain as Rin continues to clean his cuts, quiet and precise, his focus never shifting from Hiori’s scarred arms, the tanned skin littered with old cuts of varying sizes and depths. He has never felt so vulnerable in front of someone, he doesn’t know how to feel or react. His smile had long since fallen from his face as he stares at the wall ahead, not having the heart to look down at his boyfriend right now. He works diligently, making sure his injuries are cleaned and bandaged properly. He puts the first aid supplies aside and sits next to Hiori. They fall back into their awkward silence once more.
“I’m really sorry, Rin. Ya shouldn’t hafta see me lookin’ like this.” Hiori says, breaking the silence, a dull, lifeless chuckle escaping his lips. “Hope ya don’t think I’m actin’ too tepid for ya now.” He jokes.
A pale hand reaches to grab his own, caressing his knuckles. He jolts slightly, not used to Rin initiating physical affection like that.
“Don’t say things like that. It’s not tepid if it’s for you.” He mumbles, searching for the right words to say as he rubs his thumb over his joints. “But, why…?”
“Why?”
“Why are you doing this? I don’t understand. How long has this been going on for?”
Hiori pursed his lips, thinking for a moment.
“I’ve been doin’ this since I was little, maybe 9 or 10 I’d say? I guess I just want everythin’ to shut up for a while.” Rin’s frown deepens as he speaks. “It’s… Hard for me sometimes, ya know?”
Rin nods his head and squeezes his hand tighter. Hiori’s face flushes a soft red as he leans in to rest his head on the dark-haired boy's lap, his eyes half-lidded, exhaustion from the whole ordeal weighing on him.
Abruptly, Rin stands up, still holding his boyfriend’s bandaged arms, bringing him up with him. Hiori yelps slightly at the sudden action.
“You’re tired. I’m staying with you tonight.”
“What?! You’ll get in trouble, ya really don’t have to-”
“I want to, so come on.” He says, leaving no room for discussion as he (very gently for someone like Rin), drags him back to his sleeping quarters.
Hiori has never felt so seen.