Work Text:
Ever since I was an orphan girl, my life has changed so much at the age of 19, and now that I’m 21. I’ve lost my best friend at the age of 19. My best friend found me on the streets when I was only 14 due to being an orphan kid.
Then we became best friends. When I was 19 after I lost my best friend, there were days where I questioned myself like, “why am I here?’ or “do I not have anyone around me?”. These types of questions always fear asking myself.
Because honestly I don’t see myself happy, I see myself empty, lost, and with so much grief I’m experiencing. Now I see myself at peace now. I don’t mean a person is finally at peace, but also the peace of letting go of everything behind me, with everything I’ve gone through, and with everything I’ve lost.
Sometimes, seeing a swing set like the one we used to mess around on hits me, like it’s silently aching on my chest all the time. I’m not very good at expressing my emotions and feelings to people.
Anytime I’m somewhere, I could instantly feel his shadow around me, and his voice, but the strange part was I can’t see his face anymore. It happens whenever I try to draw him in my journal and I can't remember his face anymore.
I can’t draw my best friend anymore. The world can be cruel, because for a long time, my number one biggest fear is ending up being alone or losing someone that I love. Now my biggest fear came true, I ended up being alone at the age of 21, now I had to move on, I had to let everything go. I fear it’s the right thing to do for my mental health and for my peace that I needed to do.