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The first time Jaehwan saw Hakyeon cry was back when they were promoting their debut track superhero. The vocalist had barged into their leader’s shared room trying to find where Sanghyuk and Hongbin had hid his entire draw of pants when he noticed Hakyeon sitting next to his bed with his back against the wall and his knees pulled up to his chest.
As soon as the door opened Hakyeon looked up in a panic and quickly tried to wipe away the tears running down his face but Jaehwan quickly realised what he was trying to do.
“Hyung?” Jaehwan asked timidly like he was approaching a cornered animal that was seconds from running away.
“Jaehwan-ie,” Hakyeon started with a forced smile, “What are yo- Where are your pants?”
“Uh, the maknaes took all my pants and I’m trying to find them. Why were you crying?”
“Oh. Well, I’ll help you find them,” The elder stated before standing up and walking out of the room, leaving a very confused Jaehwan behind.
Now they were promoting Fantasy and Jaehwan was feeling a heavy sense of déjà vu, except this time he was wearing pants. The members had gone for a walk to get snacks from the late night convenience store which left only himself and Hakyeon in the dorm. They had been promoting and performing all day which always left them tired but tonight something seemed off.
Hakyeon walked into the kitchen looking utterly defeated and Jaehwan knew better than to disturb him when he was tired. Instead he sat down on their living room couch and was about to play a game on his phone when he heard a loud crash come from the kitchen.
In an instant he had gotten up and rushed to the source of the offending sound. The sight he was met with was somewhat familiar. Hakyeon was sitting with his back to the wall the same way he was four years ago only this time he was surrounded by broken glass.
“Hyung?” Jaehwan asked quietly from his spot where he was frozen in the doorway.
“Please go away Jaehwan.” The dancer spoke in between sobs but Jaehwan wasn’t leaving. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake he made four years ago by letting Hakyeon walk away.
Since that night he had seen the leader cry countless times but he had only seen him breakdown like this maybe two or three times. Taekwoon was usually the one who stepped in and calmed the older down so this was something Jaehwan didn’t really know how to handle but what he did know is that the problem wouldn’t be fixed by just going away.
“No.” Jaehwan started as he began to walk towards Hakyeon.
“Please.” Hakyeon looked up at him with pleading eyes.
“I’m not leaving you and you know why?” He said as he knelt down in front of Hakyeon and put his hands on both sides of his face. Hakyeon avoided his eyes but Jaehwan kept going.
“I’m not leaving because you don’t have to do this on your own Hakyeon. I want to help you; just because you’re the leader it does not mean that you have to carry all the weight. I’m here for you; you can tell me what’s wrong.”
Jaehwan could feel the heaviness in the back of his throat and the tears were threatening to spill but he needed to stay strong for Hakyeon. The dancer was quiet for some time, silent tears fell down his cheeks as he stared at the floor. Eventually he spoke up.
“I-I’m sorry, I just couldn’t stop it. Everything just seems to have built-up and when I accidently knocked that glass off the bench something inside me just broke. It’s pathetic I know. I’m so sorry Jaehwan,” Hakyeon barely managed to get out before he broke down into more tears.
Jaehwan was quick to pull the leader into a hug. Hakyeon gripped onto Jaehwan’s shirt, his knuckles turning white.
“Shhh, no you’re not pathetic. Remember that time when Hongbinnie got drunk and cried for hours because his fish got wet? That was pathetic.”
The younger vocalist kissed the top of Hakyeon’s head and rubbed his back in an attempt to calm him down. It seemed to work because in seconds the violent sobs that had previously wracked Hakyeon’s body died down to quiet sniffles and then Jaehwan heard it, Hakyeon’s laugh. Sure it was small and slightly broken but it was something and Jaehwan could work with that.
Jaehwan smiled down at Hakyeon who was now looking at him with puffy eyes and the smallest smile on his face.
Jaehwan kissed his forehead wiped away the tears on his cheeks with the pad of his thumb before continuing, “From now on I don’t want you to keep things from us we’re a team and we carry the weight evenly whether you like it or not.”
“Look at you making the rules. It scares me how much you’ve all grown up, you don’t need me anymore.” Hakyeon joked and laughed sadly. Jaehwan just looked at him, speechless.
Eventually he found his words again, “Don’t ever think that Hakyeon. We will always need you. Actually no, we don’t need you here, we want you here. We want you here because without you VIXX would be nothing, I would be nothing. You’re the glue that holds us all together and I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Jaehwan observed the expression on Hakyeon’s face. The elder obviously dealing with some form of conflict in his head because of Jaehwan’s words.
“Promise me that you won’t think like this anymore. Promise you won’t keep everything to yourself and that you’ll let us help you.” Jaehwan said, pulling away from Hakyeon and holding out his pinkie finger.
“Ah, just when I think you’re all grown up you go and do this.” He laughed.
Jaehwan didn’t reply instead his just wiggled his hand obnoxiously in Hakyeon’s face.
“Ok, ok. I promise.” Hakyeon agreed, linking their fingers together.
Jaehwan was smiling until he looked down at the glass on the floor and his expression turned into one of worry.
“There’s blood on the floor. Hyung you’re bleeding.” He said looking at Hakyeon.
“What?” Hakyeon looked at his hand that wasn’t still linked to Jaehwan’s, “Oh.”
Jaehwan stood Hakyeon up and examined his hand before dragging him through the dorm to the bathroom. He made Hakyeon sit on the counter while he looked for something to clean the cuts with.
Once his hand was cleaned the Jaehwan stood in between Hakyeon’s legs and pressed their foreheads together.
“Do you want to have a shower?” Jaehwan asked quietly.
“I honestly don’t think I could stay awake if I did.”
“Well then I’ll just have to shower with you.” Jaehwan said with a smile as he helped Hakyeon down.
“But-” Hakyeon started but Jaehwan had already turned the water on and taken his own shirt off.
Jaehwan turned back around to face Hakyeon. The elder looked slightly worried and Jaehwan knew that he felt uncomfortable. He knew Hakyeon was insecure about his body but it was something that the younger wants to help him overcome because Hakyeon is beautiful. Jaehwan thinks so, the rest of the members think so but Hakyeon doesn’t.
Jaehwan stepped closer to the dancer and played with the end of his shirt, “Lift your arms up.”
“Do I have too?” Hakyeon said shyly.
“I’ve seen you naked plenty of times before.”
“This is different.” He argued.
“I don’t see how,” Jaehwan countered, “I know you’re insecure, we all have our doubts but it’s something I want to help you overcome, ok? You’re beautiful Cha Hakyeon, don’t ever think otherwise. I love you, we all love you.”
Jaehwan leant into kiss Hakyeon and as soon as their lips touched reality seemed to slip away, out of Hakyeon’s reached. The dull pain in his hand disappeared, all his doubts forgotten; it was just him and Jaehwan.
It wasn’t like the kisses they usually share. Instead of being full of want and passion all Hakyeon could feel was love and trust. When Jaehwan pulled away Hakyeon let him pull his shirt off, he let him take off the rest of their clothes, he let him pull the two into the shower and he let him kiss him more.
Once they were out of the shower and were both dressed Hakyeon felt and overwhelming sense of tiredness rush over him. Jaehwan noticed so he took the shorter males hand and lead him towards his bedroom that he shares with Hongbin. Just as the two walked past the entry door to the dorm Jaehwan heard the lock click and in came Sanghyuk followed by the rest of the members who were carrying bags of groceries.
Sanghyuk looked like he was about to make a loud comment on some idiotic thing that Wonshik did at the store but thought against it when he saw Hakyeon standing sleepily in the hallway and the warning expression on Jaehwan’s face.
Instead he went up to Hakyeon and gently wrapped an arm around the leaders shoulders who, Jaehwan thought, looked so small compared to Sanghyuk.
“We brought you some banana milk for tomorrow. Get some sleep, ok hyung?” The maknae kissed the top of Hakyeon’s head before retreating into the kitchen without another word.
The rest of the members who were obviously baffled by the younger’s odd behaviour and had not caught on yet decided to follow suit with mumbles of goodnights as they passed.
“Go get into my bed while I get you some food. Don’t fall asleep because I will wake you up.” Jaehwan said when the rest of the group were in the kitchen. Hakyeon looked like he was in a daze.
“I’m not hungry. Why was Sanghyuk acting like that?” he asked softly.
“I don’t know maybe he isn’t emotionally stunted as we all thought he was.” Jaehwan smiled at Hakyeon who genuinely laughed before padding off into Jaehwan’s room.
As soon as Jaehwan walked into the kitchen he noticed the three youngest sitting at the table sorting their food and Taekwoon sweeping up the remains of broken glass off the floor. He walked over to Taekwoon and leaned in to kiss him before hugging him.
“Thank you for cleaning that up hyung.” Jaehwan said gratefully although it was slightly muffled due to the fact that he had buried his face into the older vocalist’s neck.
Taekwoon had wrapped his arms around Jaehwan’s small frame making the younger feel secure and even sleepier than what he thought he was.
“It’s okay. What about Hakyeon? Is he okay?” Taekwoon asked his voice full of concern.
Jaehwan sighed but before he could answer Wonshik spoke up, “Why was there broken glass and blood on the floor?”
Jaehwan lifted his head at the sound of their rappers voice. He couldn’t help but notice the sadness in it. They all knew that Wonshik was especially sensitive when one of the members was hurting and seeing Hakyeon in that state would have really upset him which explains why he had currently glued himself to Hongbin’s side.
“The glass was an accident, he’s okay now though. He had a bit of a breakdown but I think he’ll be fine,” He explained as he made his way over to Wonshik to run his fingers through his hair briefly before turning back to Taekwoon, “Did you buy anything instant that he can eat now? Also Binnie can you please sleep in Taekwoonie’s room tonight or with Shikkie, would that be okay?”
Hongbin just nodded and in response Jaehwan kissed the top of his head which earnt him a smile.
“We only have some bananas and leftover rice from last night.” Sanghyuk stated from where he was sitting going through the food.
“That’ll be great! Thank you my baby.” Jaehwan exclaimed cutely, ruffling Sanghyuk’s hair.
“Hyunnng,” Sanghyuk whined, “I’m not a baby.”
“You keep telling yourself that baby.” Jaehwan laughed as Taekwoon handed him the food.
“Goodnight my loves,” Jaehwan smiled at the group as he was about to leave. He didn’t get a reply back which concerned him.
Wonshik had tears in his eyes, Hongbin wasn’t smiling, Taekwoon was leaning against the bench with his head down and Sanghyuk was staring blankly at the instructions on the back of an instant noodle cup with a frown on his face. Jaehwan had never seen them this upset.
“Hey, he will be okay,” Jaehwan said softly, “He’s just tired; we all are so get some sleep. I love you all.” At least this time he got some replies.
When Jaehwan got back to his room to his surprise Hakyeon was still awake, sitting with his legs crossed on the bed. The vocalist handed him the rice and sat next to him.
“I said I wasn’t hungry Jaehwanie.”
“I don’t care you need to eat.” He stated, Hakyeon observed him for a while before deciding that Jaehwan wasn’t going to give up and that he really in the mood to argue.
“Are they okay?” Hakyeon asked so quietly that Jaehwan almost didn’t hear him.
“They’re just worried. I think the mess had Wonshik a bit shaken up but he’ll be okay. I’m sure Binnie will look after him.”
“I didn’t mea-”
“I know hyung, it’s okay. We’ll work through this we always do.” Jaehwan said with a small smile.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me. You’d do the same for the rest of us. Just remember that you don’t have to be okay all the time. You don’t have to stay strong for us, you can talk to us. That’s what we are here for.”
Hakyeon had tears in his eyes but this time they weren’t tears of frustration or sadness. They were tears of overwhelming love and affection for the boy sitting next to him and the rest of his group.
Jaehwan was wiping the tears from his cheeks when Hakyeon started to laughed and judging by the expression on Jaehwan’s face he was confused.
“It’s weird seeing you all serious, its different.”
“Well, I’m just full of surprises then aren’t I?” Jaehwan smiled.
After they finished their food Jaehwan pulled Hakyeon down onto the bed and under the covers. The dancer curled into the youngers chest and sighed contently.
“Jaehwan?”
“Yes hyung?”
“I love you too.”
Jaehwan kissed Hakyeon’s forehead, he didn’t need to reply. Hakyeon couldn’t help the warm feeling that spread through him as he listened to the steady beat of Jaehwan’s heart. It didn’t take long for him to give in to the comfort of sleep because being in Jaehwan’s arms made him feel more at home than he had in a long time.