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“Wow, you must be so happy to be getting married to Flowery! He’s the perfect man!”
You sighed, nodding sullenly to your best friend’s words as you preened yourself in the mirror. “I just… can’t help but feel like I’m making a big mistake, you know? Flowery is the goat, but… is this really love? Could I ever love Flowery the way I loved… him?”
Your bestie sighed. “Don’t get yourself down! You made the biggest mistake of your life but it’s all over now! You’re getting married to that flower twink and that’s final!”
—
You stood before Flowery at the altar, his perpetual smile looking… not any different from how it normally looked. W. D. Priester looked down at the script. “✋︎☞︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎ ☟︎✌︎✞︎☜︎ ✌︎☠︎✡︎ ⚐︎👌︎☺︎☜︎👍︎❄︎✋︎⚐︎☠︎💧︎ 💧︎🏱︎☜︎✌︎😐︎ ☠︎⚐︎🕈︎ ⚐︎☼︎ ☞︎⚐︎☼︎☜︎✞︎☜︎☼︎ ☟︎⚐︎☹︎👎︎ ✡︎⚐︎🕆︎☼︎ 🏱︎☜︎✌︎👍︎☜︎,” he said.
For a moment, all was silent. In your mind’s eye, you could see your future with Flowery: a lavender marriage. With extra lavender in both the floral and queer sense. You would probably make out with Pink or Seth or someone on the side. Idk. Genuinely just shoot your shot.
Until you heard the voice you never thought you would hear again.
“I OBJECTETH!!!!”
Through the door on a pirate ship came your ex-boyfriend, Rouxls Kaard, in a beautiful bejeweled wedding gown and a very stylish appearance in general.
You threw your hands in the air, smiling in glee. “Finally! You’re here! I thought I’d be stuck with him for the rest of my life!!!”
Rouxls stepped down from his ship elegantly, inspecting his well-done nails. “Darlinge, I wouldst never forgiveth myself if you marriede that… that clowne.”
“Actually, I’m a flower!” Flowery said, completely unbothered.
“Yes yes same thing. Anyhowe,” Rouxls continued, “we shouldeth obviously be the ones getting married instead. I can be the better boytoy between the two of us.”
You nodded without a second thought. “I do!”
You turned back. “Sorry not sorry, Flowery! I never loved you! You were just a rebound to make Rouxls jealous, I never meant to let it get this far!”
Flowery smiled. As usual. “Alright! I’m gay as fuck!” He slapped his best man Asgore’s ass. Asgore blushed cutely.
Rouxls turned to you. “See! We can be the bettere couple! With me as your second in commandeth you’ll be able to accomplish anythinge!”
Although that wasn’t really how marriage worked and it held some implications that you should have been mildly concerned about, you didn’t say anything. That could be a conversation for later, this was your wedding goddammit!
Rouxls pulled Lancer out of his pocket. Lancer opened his mouth, and on his tongue sat a ring. Your soon-to-be-husband looked at you flirtatiously, holding out his hand. “Care to doeth the honors, honeye?”
You nodded, tears in your eyes. You picked the ring off of Lancers tongue (while trying to make as little contact with it as possible) and slid the still slobbery ring onto Rouxls’ finger.
He grinned, jumping into your arms bridal style as he held up a bouquet that you could have sworn wasn’t there before. “Let’s goeth, deare! Our new life awaits!”
You carried Rouxls Kaard into the sunset and lived happily ever after.
BONUS
“Whateth do you meane I’m not your second-in-command now?”
“Yeah.”
“Am I the prieste’s second-in-command?”
“No.”
“…Am I ANYONETH’S second-in-command?!”
“Still no.”
“Then whateth is the POINTE of marriage?!”
“It’s like… a partnership. Of love.”
“…does it HAVETH to be?”
“It—… you know what, sure. If you want to be my submissive househusband who am I to say no.”
“Huzzah!”
Ten years later you have five kids that Rouxls birthed the end