Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When the door to his office hissed open, Alistair looked up gratefully from the datapad he’d been staring at. If he’d realized just how much of this job involved reading and writing reports, he might have been less inclined to take it. Not that Eamon had given him much choice.

The woman providing the welcome interruption made him feel like he was back on the Nairobi and had never left the Alliance for this diplomatic posting. She wore a standard duty uniform, and her dark brown hair was cut just above the collar according to regulations. Her flash patches indicated she was posted on the Citadel rather than attached to a specific ship.

His relief at the sight of her was short-lived once he saw the collection of datapads and OSDs she pulled out of her satchel. Eamon had mentioned something about Alliance financial records that he needed Alistair to summarize in preparation for Eamon’s current set of negotiations with the turians. Apparently she was here to drop off the files.

“Alliance expense reports?” At her nod, he waved her in with a sigh, gesturing around his office. “Just put them, well, somewhere.”

“Anywhere in particular, sir?”

“Preferably under something heavy,” he muttered. “And you really don’t need to call me ‘sir’. I’m out of uniform. I don’t even have a uniform.” He glanced up at her rank insignia. “And if I did, you’d still outrank me, Corporal. So no ‘sir’; it’s just Alistair.”

“If you say so, si – um, Alistair.” She set the pile on the corner of his desk, neatly squaring up the datapads and laying the OSDs on top of them.

Expecting her to leave now that she had dropped off the files, Alistair flicked back on the datapad he’d been reading; given how much information she’d just brought him to comb through, he really needed to get this other report wrapped up before lunch. This was definitely shaping up into one of those days where he wished he was still on the Nairobi.

A rustling sound alerted him to the Alliance courier’s continued presence in his office, and he looked back up at her. “Sorry, did I forget to sign something?”

“What?” Her brow furrowed. “Oh, no. I was just wondering… Scuttlebutt says you were shipboard before this job?” Her inflection made it a question rather than an observation.

He nodded. “SSV Nairobi. And if you’re wondering why I’m not still there, believe me I am too.” A memory of Alexia’s smile flickered through his head, proving that wasn’t completely true. He knew why he’d left the Nairobi, and she was definitely worth it, but there were certainly days he wished he’d found a different way to make things work.

“The Nairobi?” She seized on the ship name. “Do you know Lieutenant Cousland?”

Alistair startled so abruptly that he knocked a stack of datapads off his desk. Oh, good, very subtle. But at least the time he spent bent over to retrieve them shielded his face behind the desk until he got his blush under control.

It was stupid to react like this; he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Alexia wasn’t in his chain of command anymore, so there was no reason he shouldn’t be dating her, even if it might look sort of suspicious because she had been. But nothing had happened until after he left the Alliance… well, there was that one time, but they pretended it hadn’t happened, so that was kind of the same.

He couldn’t hide behind his desk forever without looking even more suspicious. The corporal was still waiting for an answer. He just needed to play it off and sound casual.

Sitting back up and fiddling with the datapads to avoid meeting her eyes, he answered. “Um, yes, I served under… I mean, with… um…” So much for not sounding suspicious. He sighed, giving up. “Yes, I know Alexia.”

The woman was staring at him in complete bewilderment, and he couldn’t really blame her. Alistair ran his hand through his hair and looked for a way to explain as the awkward silence stretched on. “Um, look…”

“Sorry.” She started speaking at the same time, and he deferred in the hope that she actually had something intelligible to say. “I should have explained why I’m asking. Maybe if I introduce myself properly.” She squared her shoulders into a slightly more regulation stance but thankfully stopped short of saluting. “Corporal Meriana Cousland. She’s a distant cousin, and I don’t know much about her except that my family’s incredibly proud of what she’s accomplished.”

Oh, family, that was different. Any lingering awkwardness was completely pushed aside as Alistair thought about how happy Alexia would be to find out she had a cousin, however distant. It couldn’t replace her brother or parents, but at least she wouldn’t be the only Cousland in the galaxy any longer.

“Give me your contact info.”

“What?” It was Meriana’s turn to look startled, but her shock was quickly replaced by professionalism. “I mean, what for, sir?”

“You really need to stop ‘sir’-ing me. I’m a discharged PFC. There’s probably a reg against it and you’re going to get a mark on your record if you keep it up.”

“Noted.” For the first time since walking into his office, Meriana had relaxed enough to smile. “So you want my contact details to report me for it?”

“Who’s going to take the word of a discharged PFC?” He smirked before turning earnest. “Alexia would love to meet you. I need to know how she can get ahold of you to meet up next time the Nairobi’s in port.”

Meriana looked stunned. “Really? I mean, of course!” She pulled up her omnitool and sent him her message details.

Alistair confirmed receipt on his terminal, finding her message alongside one from Eamon, which reminded him of how many reports he still needed to go through. Sighing he looked back up at Meriana. “Unfortunately, I really should get back to work.”

She jumped guiltily at the reminder. “Me, too. I was supposed to drop off order confirmations for some privates on the docks, and with my luck they’ll have decided they can slack off until they get them.” Frowning, she headed for the door, pausing to give him a brief wave and smile. “It was nice meeting you, Alistair.”

“Likewise, corporal.” He grinned at the wry expression she tossed him as the door slid shut. Alexia would definitely enjoy having a cousin.

Chapter Text

It was a little awkward at first. As thrilled as she was to have a cousin, Alexia discovered she wasn’t really sure how to talk to her. What did you say to someone who was both family and a stranger?

Fortunately, Meriana had suggested meeting for drinks. They made small talk about Alliance life and current events until the alcohol kicked in enough for them to both relax. And then things got more comfortable as they stopped worrying about exactly what to say and how to say it and making a good impression, focusing instead on just getting to know one another.

At one point, Meriana shook her head with a slightly too broad smile. “Mother is going to be so thrilled when I tell her about this.”

Alexia perked up. “You have a mother?” Then she laughed at herself. “Sorry, silly question.”

Meriana giggled. “Of course. Just about everyone does, right? Even if some days I wish I didn’t.” She suddenly seemed to remember who she was talking to, clapping a hand over her mouth and looking horrified. “Oh, Alexia, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean…”

Alexia waved off her apology, trying to ignore the hollow pain in her chest and the tears prickling at her eyes as she thought about the family she’d lost. “It’s not your fault. I’d rather lay the blame on the people responsible. And I intend to.”

Meriana perked up. “You know who was behind the attack?”

“Classified.” Rendon was going to pay, and she couldn’t risk any word getting out that might tip him off before the charges were finalized. Instead Alexia gave her cousin a fierce grin that should be as good as an answer. Then she returned to the original topic. “And about your mom… I’m still adjusting to having a cousin, and now to think about more family, too.” She shrugged, not sure how to explain the tentative hope she got from the thought of knowing people in the galaxy shared blood ties with her. “So your mom’s going to be happy we’re getting tipsy together?”

Meriana laughed. “I’ll probably leave the extent of the drinking out of the story. But she’ll be thrilled I’ve met you. I don’t think she’s stopped talking about you since she saw your name in the news reports from Ostagar. ‘We’ve got a real Alliance hero in the family. Look what you could aspire to.’” Her voice took on a lilting tone at the end that Alexia suspected was intended as an imitation of her mother.

Alexia rolled her eyes. “I hate to disillusion her, but Ostagar was not about heroics. It was about being stationed on the wrong ship at the wrong time and surviving.” She downed the rest of her drink to stop thinking about the casualties; this wasn’t the time. “But I could tell her in person if you want.” Alexia swirled the remnants of the drink around her glass, contemplating the way the slightly viscous liquid clung to the sides. “I’m betting she’s worked out the whole family tree thing, right? So your dad and mine were what, cousins?”

Meriana nodded. “Something like that. Maybe second cousins. I could forward you on the details Mom put together.”

“That would be great.” Alexia beamed. It was probably silly how good it felt to think she had a place in some sort of family tree instead of dangling on a thread all by herself out in space. That was a terrible metaphor that was starting to verge into self-pity, so she brushed it aside and signaled for another drink.

Later, when the collection of glasses had increased and they were both flushed pink and talking a little too loudly, Meriana looked at Alexia with a conspiratorial grin. “So who is he?”

Alexia spluttered, nearly choking on her drink at the sudden question. “Who’s who?”

Meriana giggled. “You were checking your omnitool like every five minutes until you got a message that made you smile, and then you stopped checking, so who is he?”

“Oh…” Alexia gave her a bashful smile. “That obvious, huh?”

Meriana nodded with a wide grin and a giggle. “So spill.”

“Can I call classified on that one, too?”

Meriana considered the request, tapping a finger on her cheek as she thought. “Okay.” She pointed the finger at Alexia in mock-seriousness. “For now.”

Alexia grinned, tilting her head to the side. “So what about you? Are you seeing anyone?”

Meriana huffed an exaggerated sigh. “Not any more. I mean, I was, but it didn’t work out. And I knew it wasn’t going to. It never does, really. I think it’s some sort of Alliance curse.”

Alexia nodded sympathetically. “If you date a civilian, they don’t understand the responsibilities of the job. And if you date within the ranks, then there are all of the issues with coordinating shore leave and worrying about chain of command and being on the same posting or not.” She chuckled. “I figured it might be easier on a static posting instead of shipboard.”

“Not that I’ve noticed.” Meriana’s lips twisted wryly.

“Better luck next time?” Alexia held out her glass, and Meriana clinked her own against it.

They both drank and lapsed into thoughtful silence for a while until Meriana, apparently having found a happier thought, giggled and pointed at Alexia. “I know who it wants to be.”

Following the finger’s path, Alexia blinked owlishly. “My omnitool wants to be somebody?”

Meriana only giggled harder at that. “Not the ‘tool. The guy on it.”

“Oh, so we’re not letting that drop?”

“Nope!” Meriana smirked widely. “I think it should be that cute blond guy from the diplomatic offices, the one who gave me your contact info.”

Alexia blinked. How had she worked that out already? “Alis—PFC Theirin? Except he isn’t anymore.” Alexia frowned. “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to call him now that he’s a civilian.”

Meriana grinned. “I think he probably has some suggestions.”

“Meri!” Alexia squeaked, feeling her cheeks flush further. She glared at her drink suspiciously. She had no idea what it was, but it was bright colored and sticky sweet, and she’d been thinking about having another. But maybe that wasn’t the best idea after all. Not if she was squeaking.

Her cousin giggled again, continuing in an exaggerated whisper. “I’m just saying I think he likes you. He turned about five shades of red when I asked if he knew you.” She peered at Alexia for a second. “Oh, how cute! You turn red, too. It was him messaging you.”

Alexia sighed and gave up, nodding and blushing. “But can you keep it quiet? I mean, we’re not doing anything wrong, but since we were stationed together so recently…” She shrugged.

Meriana nodded, pulling a finger across her lips and then giggling again.

Alexia smiled at her enthusiasm. “He was working late, so he let me know he’d finally finished and was going to grab dinner before heading home.”

“Oh, should I let you go to meet him?”

Alexia waved her hand, fortunately not the one holding the drink. “No, no. I’m getting to know you tonight. He can wait.”

“Are you sure?” Meriana checked her chronometer. “It’s getting pretty late.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m staying with him, so he’s got me keyed onto his door. I can just let myself in if he’s already asleep.” Alexia realized what she’d just admitted and ducked her head, letting her loose hair fall forward to cover her flaming cheeks. “Oh, God… Don’t ask me about anything actually classified tonight, okay? I seem to have lost the ability to filter.”

Meriana nodded, giggling so hard she couldn’t form words. Alexia decided that maybe another drink was a good idea after all.

Chapter Text

Meriana winced at the waves of light and sound that assaulted her when she walked into the club. Alistair had once described the place as “too loud to think”, and she had to admit that was a fairly accurate assessment. She suspected it was also the reason this was the only place she’d seen him outside of work since Earth was attacked.

Scanning the bar, she located Alistair’s familiar blond head bent over a drink and went to join him, ordering a soft drink for herself. Alcohol was not going to help with the decision she was facing.

After exchanging perfunctory greetings and determining that Alistair was probably sober enough to be coherent and give useful advice, Meriana shared the news that had led to her pinging him for a chat in the first place. “I was told informally that I’m going to be offered promotion and a shipboard posting.”

“Congratulations.” Alistair tried to summon a smile that faded into a look of confusion. “Except you don’t sound happy. Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting?”

Meriana grimaced. “It is, but… maybe not like this.”

“What’s the problem?”

“The posting. It’s on the Nairobi.”

His response was immediate and definite. “Take it.”

She blinked, startled by his vehemence. “I shouldn’t even think about it?”

“Dryden’s a good captain, and she hand picks her crew. If you’re being offered a place on the Nairobi, someone gave her your name and wants you there.”

Maybe he’d had more to drink than she thought if he was missing the point quite so badly. “What happened to not ending up on the same posting as someone I’m seeing?”

“Meri…” Alistair sighed, continuing in a softer voice. “Who do you think gave Dryden your name? This is Teagan’s way of trying to keep you safe. Let him.”

“You don’t think the Citadel’s safe?” She recoiled.

Alistair laughed mirthlessly. “You might remember something about the diplomatic offices being shot up. Dead councilor. Civilian casualties. Any of that ring a bell?”

Meriana frowned. “They’ve tightened security. That couldn’t possibly happen again. The Citadel should be safe.”

“Arcturus should have been safe. Alliance HQ should have been safe. Who knows anymore?” He shrugged. “Maybe Teagan just wants you with him, where he knows he can keep an eye on you. Is that so wrong?”

Meriana took a long sip of her drink, weighing whether she should touch the forbidden topic, since he’d raised it, however obliquely. The guilt and pain on his face decided it for her.

She gently set a hand on his arm, feeling him tense at the contact. “You couldn’t have stopped her from going.”

His eyes stayed firmly locked on the sticky bar surface. “I should have at least tried.”

“There was no way to know. You just said: Vancouver should have been safe. And it was the best career move she could have gotten at this point. She had to go.” Meriana sighed, trying to stay optimistic. “We don’t know anything for certain. Maybe she wasn’t there. Maybe she got out. Maybe –“

“Stop it, Meri.” He shrugged off her hand and finally looked up at her, face twisted in anguish. “I’ve gone through more than enough maybes of my own. And I just… I can’t talk about it, okay?” He finished his drink and pushed off from the bar, rising unsteadily to his feet. “Take the posting on the Nairobi. She’s a good ship under a good captain. And the marine commander’s the best man I ever served with. If there’s anywhere in the galaxy you should be right now, it’s with him.”