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It had been noon on a Friday, if Alhaitham remembered correctly.
He had been eating by himself in a quiet corner of Razan Garden, his schoolbag resting where Kaveh usually sat. The lunch spot was a years-long habit they'd long grown used to, but Kaveh wasn't there that day. He had preferred to eat with another one of his dates.
Alhaitham was chewing with a little more force than necessary. He didn't mind having a meal by himself — he was long used to that, too, anyway — but these particular circumstances always got in the way of his mood and his appetite.
Unexpectedly, however, Kaveh had come towards him in dragged steps barely twenty minutes into their lunch break. He was wiping his nose with the sleeves on his robe, eyes blinking too quickly, and then he lay on the grass next to where Alhaitham was seated.
"Breakup?" Alhaitham asked unceremoniously.
Back then, Kaveh hadn't yet made a habit of taking his clipped words as rude. He had simply sighed and put on a sad smile. "Yeah. Apparently, he doesn't want to hear me ramble about my projects all the time, and me constantly 'seeking atttention' is pretty tiring."
Alhaitham remembered feeling vaguely irritated at such an assessment of Kaveh's personality. It wasn't surprising in the slightest that an Akademiya student couldn't admire real genius (really, it was quite in line with the average student's intellect), but it still felt ridiculous to hear such a thing being said about Kaveh of all people.
"Good riddance," Alhaitham replied, putting his pita pocket aside to lie his head next to Kaveh's.
"He obviously didn't say it in those words, he's not rude," Kaveh continued, fiddling with his braid. "But that was what he meant."
Alhaitham nodded. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to act in moments like these, especially considering that Kaveh was rarely ever genuinely vulnerable around him, but he assumed that just paying attention to Kaveh was an appropriate start. It wasn't that different to how he usually acted around Kaveh, anyway.
"But it's whatever," Kaveh muttered after a moment of silence, fiercely wiping a budding tear from his eye. "I have better things to worry about than some guy who doesn't like talking to me. I don't need distractions from my studies."
"I agree," Alhaitham said. "If you want to talk about your projects, you have me."
He distinctly remembered how Kaveh had fully turned his face towards him, smiling with crinkled eyes that caught the sunlight above. "You're right, Haithoomi. You're much more interesting conversation, anyway."
Alhaitham's gut always felt warm when Kaveh said things of the like. His ears, too, often heated up at such praise, but his headphones thankfully covered up the evidence.
"Who needs a boyfriend when I have a best friend like you?" Kaveh murmured, tapping Alhaitham's hand with his fingers.
A confession peeked out of Alhaitham's mouth, analysing the circumstances to decide whether it should come out from where it hated desperately waiting for an appropriate moment. He pursed his lips, reminding himself that Kaveh's type was muscular seniors who knew how to loudly gush about art, and not quiet kids whose idea of romance was peaceful companionship.
"I just…" Kaveh looked away. "I know it's stupid to feel this way when I'm so young, but I just feel like no one is going to want me. I want love, you know? Everyone says it's so much easier to find your spouse at the Akademiya."
Alhaitham parted his lips, but Kaveh interrupted him with a chuckle.
"I know what you're going to say, tell me how silly this is. I just… I don't know. I want to get married one day."
"You are too young to be worried about this," Alhaitham replied carefully, unsure of how to reassure Kaveh without giving away the adoration pulsing within his chest. "And you'll definitely manage to get married."
Kaveh sighed wistfully. "Yeah."
They spent a few minutes just listening to the birds chirping in the trees, Alhaitham's eyes still latched onto Kaveh while Kaveh's were closed. His face was still tanned from his most recent desert trip, and his golden bangs were swaying softly with the breeze. Alhaitham couldn't imagine how anyone would give up the opportunity of a date with someone like Kaveh.
'Someone like Kaveh' was a nonsensical term. No one else was like Kaveh.
"Well, if we're both still single at thirty, we can just get married," Kaveh suggested, breaking the silence with a laugh. "I bet living with you would be fun."
That warmth from before returned, but this time it was a burst of heat so dizzying it might have weakened Alhaitham's knees if he had been standing.
"Okay," he had replied, as calmly as possible. "Let's put it in writing."
He remembered Kaveh's laughter at that — how fuzzy it had made his gut feel — and how there had been no more sign of tears on his face as they signed the ripped-out page of Alhaitham's Sumeran Literature notebook. In the end, Kaveh had eaten the rest of his pita pocket. Alhaitham's tummy was fluttering with too much giddiness to be able to digest anything.
Anyway, that was many years ago.
When he had a relatively small number of commissions waiting in an eerie pile on his desk, Kaveh usually went to sleep at about midnight. He would relax with a few pages of a book while lying in bed, drinking some freshly-brewed tea, until his eyes started to feel heavy. With a stretch, he would then brush his teeth and turn off the lights.
Tonight was one such night. He was undoing his braids while getting onto the mattress, snuggling against the fluffy pillow with a sigh of content — how lovely it was to be able to rest these days, even if just until the sun rose. After a sip of water, he turned off his bedside lamp and covered himself with his red-and-golden blanket.
A dream was already starting to take hold of the underside of his eyelids when a knock on the door interrupted his peace.
Seriously? Alhaitham couldn't have picked a worse time.
"Yes?" he called out.
Unceremoniously, Alhaitham opened the door. Kaveh squinted his eyes at the light coming in from the corridor.
"Are you going out with anyone and haven't mentioned it to me?" Alhaitham asked.
Okay, that certainly woke Kaveh — and his heart — up. He frowned at Alhaitham with a blush. "No? What? Why?"
He hadn't 'gone out' with anyone in… literal years, now that he thought about it. No one who flirted with him had teal-and-amber irises whose hues inadvertently found their way into his watercolours, and no one could provide him with the sort of intimate and witty debate he wanted out of a date. Trying would have been a completely pointless endeavour.
"It's my thirtieth birthday," Alhaitham replied, even though that made no sense as a reply.
"Oh." Kaveh hadn't forgotten, he just hadn't expected that the fact would have to be recognised at midnight sharp. "Uh, happy birthday. I was going to give you your present in the morning."
Alhaitham didn't care much for birthdays, usually just nodding when Kaveh gave him his annual congratulations and thanking him somewhat politely upon receiving a gift. Right now, his feet were covered by fluffy aranara slippers Kaveh had gotten him a few years ago.
When a second or two passed in silence, Kaveh's mind returned to fussing over the initial question. Alhaitham had never shown particular and impromptu interest in his romantic life like that, and he tended to respect Kaveh's privacy and sleeping hours unless there was something time-sensitive to be dealt with.
His sleepiness had completely dissipated now that his heart rate was a little elevated.
Casually, easily, with no explanation at all, Alhaitham set a pair of thin golden rings over Kaveh's blanket. They were identical in design, covered in tiny glittering stones making up the image of a vine.
"My parents' wedding rings. I thought you would enjoy the sentimental aspect of wearing these."
Kaveh frowned further at Alhaitham's bizarre thought process which he found himself, for once, fully unable to follow.
"In case you've forgotten," Alhaitham added, handing him a carefully folded piece of paper.
If, upon reaching age thirty (30), we are both still single, we will marry each other.
Signed:
Alhaitham
Kaveh
He blinked at his own handwriting as the seemingly unrelated pieces of information slid into place. Alhaitham was… proposing.
Alhaitham was proposing?
"You… Are you…" Kaveh spluttered, sitting up at once but ensuring the beautiful jewellery didn't fall off towards the floor. "Are you pranking me again?"
Alhaitham crossed his arms. "No."
Kaveh's mind was muddled with utter confusion and an embarrassing growing hope. He looked down at the rings, positioning them so that they would catch the light from the corridor, and the 'sentimentality' Alhaitham had predicted made his heart swell with warmth all at once.
Except that, unlike most proposals, this was no joyous moment centered on the declaration of boundless devotion, but rather a nonsensical interpretation of a silly joke from their Akademiya days. What would Alhaitham gain from actually seeing the idea of marriage through?
"What, are you eyeing the Akademiya's benefits for married employees?" he asked, a little too curtly as the gooey hope within him started to solidify into bitter frustration. "Do you want to file taxes together out of hope that I'll do the whole thing by myself and spare you the trouble?"
He didn't miss the way Alhaitham's jaw tightened slightly.
"My purposes aren't as utilitarian as you're making them out to be," Alhaitham replied, sitting on the edge of his bed. "Haven't you always wanted to get married?"
"Well, yes, but…"
But to someone who loves and wants me.
This offer in Alhaitham's murmured voice was almost cruel in its cadence, pronounced in the same tone as come live with me and earnest thanks should be given thrice. It was a daydream; like a mirage caused by the interaction of Alhaitham's fickle conjured mirrors accidentally playing with the light Kaveh let stream in through open windows in this home they shared. Looking down at the heirlooms that had just been undeservingly gifted to his desperately-wanting hands, he imagined what it would be like to genuinely be Alhaitham's family and know that this life they had together was a longlasting cumulation of fondness and understanding rather than mutual convenience.
Or, convenience on his side and perhaps pity on Alhaitham's. It felt a little pathetic to think on these matters.
Marriage. Marriage, of all things. That sort of precious intimacy with Alhaitham was a feverish idealisation he only allowed himself to consider when he felt weakest, letting his inner incoherence come out of his ribcage made of fragile glass and take up his mind, too. If allowed, Kaveh would closely follow Alhaitham's entire life with wonder in his artist's eyes, whispering genuine sweetness in his ears and immortalising every aspect of his beauty on a personal sketchbook. He would put on hold his projects of palaces and monuments so that he could design a blueprint for a shared room.
In reality, however, where dreams were just enigmatic blessings from the Dendro Archon, that image was the antithesis of their relationship. The two of them were just endlessly engaged in this masked waltz of bickering and hiding their intentions under elaborate arguments. The more understandings he gained of Alhaitham, the more questions he had.
"I mean, why?" he asked quietly. "What are your purposes? I don't assume you want to spend the rest of your life with me in your house."
Alhaitham turned towards him. "Why do you assume that?"
Kaveh glanced around his room, made up of nude walls because he had reasoned that painting Alhaitham's property would have been a step too far.
At his lack of response, Alhaitham parted his lips again. "If I wanted you to move out, you would have already. If you wanted to move out, you would have already. We've been living together for five years. You've long paid off your debt."
Kaveh gripped the wedding rings in the palm of his hand which was growing warm with sweat. There was no explanaining his reasons without mentioning, I'm in love with you.
"Therefore, since we intend on continuing to live together, you think marriage is the next logical step," Kaveh said slowly.
Alhaitham raised his chin slightly. "To me, yes."
Kaveh swallowed. "You want a platonic marriage."
Alhaitham didn't reply for a few too many seconds. "I want whatever you want."
Under all his apprehension and reason, Kaveh wanted to curve his lips with a genuine smile and reveal all the yearning he kept hidden under muttered words, replying, yes, yes, yes, I want to marry you. He couldn't, however, let Alhaitham realise how much Kaveh adored him — excessively, inconveniently, unrequited. If Alhaitham looked at him with undisguised pity for once in his life, and rejected Kaveh with his calm words, Kaveh wouldn't be surprised, but it would break his heart all the same.
After over a decade, Alhaitham was that love he was simply incapable of letting go of, no matter how desperately he had wanted to get rid of all of this pining. He knew that everyone in his life eventually slipped out of it like quicksand, but he would have made a deal with the divine if it meant he could just keep Alhaitham.
"I don't understand," Kaveh whispered at last, returning the rings to Alhaitham's unwanting hands.
Now that he was leaning forwards, he could see that Alhaitham's fingers were gripping each other harshly enough to pale his skin, and that his ears were tinted pink — or perhaps that was a trick of light. He had never seen Alhaitham look nervous.
"You know I'm a romantic," Kaveh continued, glancing away to hide his own unease. "I don't want to marry a friend. I want to marry a lover. I want… the whole deal you read in your Inazuman novels. I want to feel wanted."
"As if you were not wanted already," Alhaitham replied hoarsely.
Archons, Alhaitham liked to play with his heartstrings as if they were a curious musical instrument and not fragile tissue of an organ long used to breaking.
Kaveh inhaled deeeply to offset the possibility of tears. "You know what I meant."
"I can…" Alhaitham, perhaps for the first time in his life, seemed unsure of what to say. He closed his eyes before forcing himself to look directly at Kaveh. "I can try to be what you want."
All logic whirred to a stop inside Kaveh's head. And then, breathless, he replied, "Don't say things you don't mean."
"You know I never do."
Yes, Alhaitham was nervous. It was evident in how his pupils were scurrying around much more often than usual and in how he was measuring his words; it was clear in how he had spoken softly this entire time without taunting ot teasing Kaveh at any point.
Eyes widening in awe, Kaveh slowly oustretched his arm, tentatively, hesitantly, until his palm was mere millimetres from Alhaitham's face. He timidly rested his warm cheek on Kaveh's hand, looking up with vulnerable eyes, and Kaveh felt every conviction within him fall apart like a collapsed foundation.
"What are you really saying?" Kaveh asked in a hopeful whisper.
"Is it really not clear?" Alhaitham retorted, pursing his lips. "I choose to live with you. I spend all possible time with you. I go after you, every time. I let you know me much more deeply than anyone else. I just offered you a wedding ring. I waited with— irrational exasperation for the clcok to strike midnight, then came in here to ask for…"
Kaveh felt his hands start to tremble. This was, then, the moment he had fantasised about so many times, had longed for with all his dwindling energy. This was the night he would invite Alhaitham to sleep by his side and share with him a room — a life, just like they already shared a home.
"I would like to… get married…" Kaveh had still not remembered to breathe. Was the illusion still going to break? Was he somehow misunderstanding it all? "But only if you're— in love with me."
"What does the Light of Kshahrewar think?" Alhaitham asked in an instant, covering Kavh's hand with his own and leaning closer with slightly glassy eyes. "Does it look like I'm in love with you? Does it look like I've loved you since we were young? Does it look like you're the only one I've ever wanted?"
Kaveh's breath hitched in search of a response, but there was no possible string of words that could have expressed the absurd affection bursting up his throat. He let the love out by lunging forwards in a passionate start of a kiss that turned timidly reverent in the last second, when all the courage dissipated from his mouth at the reminder that he was kissing Alhaitham. Alhaitham sighed in heavy relief against his lips.
Melting into a kiss that was more so a soft hug with pressed foreheads, Kaveh ran his fingers through Alhaitham's darling curls. Alhaitham wanted him back.
He was incredulous to an almost disbelieving extent. This was a dream. Except Alhaitham's hold on his skin was too tangible for it to be a dream, and his ragged breath over Kaveh's lips was too warm for it to not be real.
"So," Alhaitham murmured, bringing Kaveh's fingers up to gently kiss them. "Do you like the rings, or should we get new ones? Can we go to the courthouse tomorrow?"
"Just hold me," Kaveh murmured into the crook of his neck. "Don't ask me to think right now. I'm feeling too much."
Alhaitham cradled his head with slumping shoulders, inhaling deeply. "Okay."