Chapter Text
As far as Michael knew there was no Bayern without Jamal Musiala. From the moment he arrived, scratch that, before he arrived, Jamal was already creating a space for him.
“We used to play together in Chelsea Academy, it was nice. He’s super talented! I’m happy that he’s joining Bayern.” Michael had replayed that interview over and over. He had no doubts in his football skills but it wasn’t just talent that allowed you to fit in. It was a whole culture he was stepping in that he wasn’t sure if he’d fit into.
It was Jamal that constantly helped him fit. Maybe it was the shared history or the closeness in age but Jamal included him in everything. Team meals, hangouts, even when it came to content he never minded partnering up with Michael.
Football was all Michael ever wanted to do but he was learning it was never that simple. Clubs had images and the bigger the club the more that was expected. It was required to talk to the media and there was nothing he despised more. He would rather run and pay fines than to answer silly questions about a match he just played. But Jamal didn't mind. If anything he was like a media darling and even guided Michael through it. It was like he was his support animal, well friend.
Their connection continued on the pitch. If he had been impressed with Jamal before, it was nothing compared to now. It didn't matter how many defenders surrounded him, he was like water with the ball. Michael could watch him weave in and out of defenders all day with how fluid his movements were. It was like he had a special connection with the ball that not even Michael was sure he understood. He could make it do what he wanted but Jamal controlled it as if it was an extension of himself. It made them great.
No matter the timing, the angle, Michael could almost guarantee Jamal would be there waiting to receive it. It was something he came to trust more than anything. They felt unstoppable on the pitch, until they weren’t.
Injuries were nothing new to either of them. A competitive club season as a starter was enough to wear any muscles down. He had dealt with his fair share of injuries at Crystal Palace, so seeing Jamal deal with them, he didn’t think much of it. Neither did the rest of the team. He was always overextending himself on the pitch, and injuries unfortunately came with that territory.
However, no one saw the collision coming. It was an intense quarter final and Jamal had just came back from injury. As always, he was like lightning on the field. He always got the ball where he needed tomand moved it effortlessly across the pitch. It was probably that inseparability that caused the collision. It took him a second to even realize what happened, PSG players were there before he was. Michael was almost frozen as he got close to the scene.
He had never seen Jamal in pain like that. As much as his heart wanted to comfort him, tell him it was going to be okay, his brain wouldn’t let him move. He wasn’t even sure his mouth could form words, his whole system in a state of shock. It was no surprise that they lost after that. They had lost their wonder kid, and Michael was more than shaken up to say the least. His teammates were thankfully giving updates about Jamal, and Michael listened to every word. This wasn’t a tear or a sprain, this was serious. He fiddled with his sleeves on the ride back, trying to hide his nervousness. If this was how he felt, he could only imagine Jamal. Seeing him crawled up in pain, shattered an illusion that Michael didn’t even know he had. He couldn’t think of a time he didn’t see Jamal with a smile on his face. Even if he was confused, the boy would think for a moment and it was like the smile was just his default. Michael didn’t know if he could go see him and realize Jamal was just as human as the rest of them. It didn’t fit into this hero narrative he had painted.
It took a few days before Michael heard from Jamal. Yes, he had been too cowardly to even reach out. They got team updates and Michael accepted that that was enough. He didn’t visit Jamal, nor did he text to check in. He didn’t even know what to say. He wasn’t Jamal’s closest friend on the team, that was Phonzy. As far as he knew, he was just a quiet teammate that Jamal rolled out a welcome package for. There was no need for him to see him, or get any updates besides the ones provided to the team.
The first text Jamal sent was simple.
J: How are you handling that cup loss?
Was that really what he wanted to talk about? A loss that had came after he had been carried off the field. It had been one of the last things on Michael’s mind. Yes, it sucked but loss was natural, especially to a powerhouse team like PSG.
M: I’m fine.
He answered back quickly, already hating himself for how short and to the point the message was. As cool as the image he gave off was, he was anything but. He was just much better at hiding it.
J: It’s okay if you cried. I know I did.
Michael couldn’t help but laugh at that. Jamal was always open and honest. He didn’t hide behind the smoke and mirrors everyone else did. It was why he was so intrigued by him.
M: Are you okay?
Michael let himself ask but he almost regretted it as soon as he sent it. There was no way Jamal was okay. They had already heard the prognosis. He would require surgery and be out for months. That kind of news would have broken Michael.
J: I didn’t think you’d care.
M: Why wouldn’t I?
J: You haven’t visited.
Michael could own up to that. He hadn’t because he was scared. He didn’t want to see Jamal looking defeated, looking helpless. It was selfish yes, but he also thought that maybe it was for the best for Jamal too. It couldn’t be any easy having people look at you with sad eyes and pity.
M: That doesn’t mean I don’t care. You’re still my teammate.
J: Just a teammate?
Michael scratched his head at that.
J: I thought we were friends.
M: We are.
J: Then come see me.
M: Okay.
That was all he needed to know. His fear hadn’t quite gone away but hearing Jamal said he wanted to see him was enough. It was the least he could do actually.
That was how Michael ended up outside Jamal’s place. He knocked, before stuffing his hands in his pockets. Jamal opened the door slowly, but still with a smile on his face. He was in a brace of course, but still seemed to move around okay.
“You shouldn’t be moving around.” Michael’s voice was sharp but there was no malice in it. If anything, he was happy to see Jamal up, it replaced that image of him on the ground finally.
“Yeah I know, but I can’t be totally useless.” Michael helped Jamal over to his sofa, bearing the brunt of his weight.
“It’s not being useless, it’s resting. You don’t have anyone to stay with you? Family? Girlfriend?” He said slumping next to Jamal.
“Nosy are we?”
“I’m asking a reasonable question, you can’t do this alone.” He was understandably concerned. The break was bad despite the smile on his face, and Michael could only imagine the recovery period after. It was going to take months, maybe even a year to get him back to walking, running, not even mentioning, back to playing.
“I’m not, I have family I just hate to bother.”
“It’s not a bother if people care about you. You just have to call and I know they will come running.”
“Does that include you?” Michael didn’t know if he was hallucinating or if Jamal was getting more playful as time went on. Maybe it was some pain medicine that they had him on because as friendly as he was, his attention never felt so targeted.
“Yes, it includes me. You helped a lot when I first got here. It’s the least I can do.” And he meant that. Jamal had literally made it feel like home since he got here and it had less to do with how they played on the field and more with all the little things he did off. It was why seeing him so banged up like this hurt. Michael would never wish injury on anyone but did it have to happen to the most kind and selfless teammate he had?
“Good, I’ll be counting on you.” Jamal gave him a soft smile and for a moment they just stared at each other. He wasn’t sure what that gaze meant but he also knew he couldn’t look away. Honestly, he wasn’t sure anyone could turn from Jamal’s chocolate doe eyes. He was the closest Michael had ever seen to a man being cute and adorable while also being 6’ft.
“Yeah, but only while you’re injured.They’ve already given me a cool rep and I can’t have you ruining it.” He said to play off that feeling, bringing back some normalcy into the room.
“Let’s play some fc, get this off your mind. At least for a little bit.” They played well into the night. Michael was competitive at everything, and Jamal didn’t quite like to lose either. He also took advantage of trying to sabotage Michael, reaching over to mess with his controller.
“Yo, stop cheating.” He said with a laugh as he tried to turn away from Jamal. He could easily move further away so the injured guy couldn’t follow but then he’d have to be apart from him.
“I’m not cheating, I’m just making sure you not using hacks or anything.” Jamal said still trying to mess Michael up with a laugh. Michael did end up turning a little which caused Jamal to lean over more, shifting his weight.
Jamal let out a curse which instantly stopped Michael in his tracks.
“Jam, you good? What happened? You need something?” He couldn’t help himself from freaking out but Jamal waved him off. Michael watched him take a few breaths before readjusting himself better on the couch.
“I just moved a little more than I needed to, I’m fine.”
“You sure? How’s the pain?”
“It’s fine-, just a little irritated.”
“Don’t lie to me Jam, this is serious. I can get you what you need while I’m here.”
“I like when you call me Jam.” This caused Michael to roll his eyes. He stood up from the couch, feeling Jamal’s eyes follow him up.
“Where’s your pain meds? When’s the last time you took them?”
“Relax Nurse Joy.. they’re in the bedroom, it’s probably time for them anyway.” Michael retrieved a few bottles from the bedroom with a water bottle, not bothering to look around. His mind was preoccupied with Jamal’s comfort anyway.
“How long has it been since you took the last ones? Don’t tell me you trying to tough it out.” He handed over the bottles to Jamal, sitting the water bottle next to him on the couch.
“Guilty.” He took a moment to take his pain medicine, before leaning back into the couch. There was a change in the moment as his body relaxed and his face no longer had that smile he always wore.
“Thanks Mikey.” The nickname flustered Michael but he didn’t oppose it. It was whatever helped Jamal not fight this process.
“How are you really feeling? And dont give me that bullshit you've been telling everyone. If we're friends , then tell me the truth.”
“You've been no bullshit since you got here.” Jamal opened his eyes to watch Michael.
“If I'm honest, I'm terrified.”
Michael sat down but still didn't say anything.
“I’ve had tons of injuries but I’ve never felt pain like that before. The doctors are giving me timelines and telling me it’s going to be okay, but then I see them whisper something as they look at my x-rays like they’re trying to hide the truth. Everybody wants me to be positive, to believe in coming out on the other side but I’m scared to death.” Jamal admitted. Michael had listened to every word, as the smile slipped off of Jamal’s face. It was probably the most honest, the most vulnerable he had ever seen him and to Michael, it made him beautiful. It was like he was getting access to something he could never have before and it made him want to treasure it.
“And just surviving is one thing, walking, running, playing. What if I’m not the same me anymore? What if I don’t come back that same wonder kid everyone’s always expecting? This football world waits for no one despite what they say.” Michael could see the nerves in him as he twiddled with his fingers. That was a lot that Jamal was carrying on his shoulders.
“I don’t have the answers nobody does, but you have people to support you through this. You have Coach, Phonzy, your family.”
“And what about you?” Michael didn't know why he insisted on including him in this inner circle when Michael had just entered his life months ago. He was trying hard to keep a regular distance between them but Jamal seemed so intent on closing it.
“If that's what you want, then yeah you'll have me.”
“Good, cause I'll be bothering you more.”
Jamal meant that. He bossed Michael around his place, making him prep popcorn and setting the living room up for a movie night. He helped drape the blanket over Jamal who insisted on sharing.
“You're always cold Mikey. Just use the damn blanket.” After that he didn't fight it much anymore. They were watching Interstellar which was clearly a favorite of Jamal's. Every once in a while he would catch him mouthing along the words and reacting before certain scenes even played out.
It was kind of cute to watch. Michael found himself watching more of him than the movie so much so that Jamal pointed it out.
“You're so distracting with your movements.” He blamed it on that though it really didn't bother him at all.
“Fine I'll relax but only if you watch the movie.” Jamal relaxed back into the sofa cushions and was true to his word. He watched the movie with interest and so Michael focused on it too.
It was only during the credits that he had noticed Jamal had dazed off. Most likely that medicine kicked in as he seemed at peace. Throughout the night, he could catch slight faces of discomfort though Jamal was always quick to cover up with a smile. Michael wish he knew that he didn’t have to fake it, not in front of him.
He leaned over to turn the movie off, and back at Jamal. He seemed peaceful, but the way he laid would wake him up with a sore neck to add to his leg.
Michael gently reached over to shake him awake, it took a few minutes as those eyes fluttered open still sleepily.
“Mikey.”
“You fell asleep, and you need to get to bed.” Michael had already prepared himself to help Jamal get ready. He assisted Jamal to the bed, setting up his medicine and water next to him. He also plugged his phone into the bedside charger.
“Thank you Nurse Joy.”
Michael rolled his eyes, “is there anything else you need before I leave?”
“Any way I can make you stay?” Jamal had that sleepy grin on his face. The first time over to his place and he already wanted to have a sleepover. He wasn’t sure if Jamal was always this friendly or if Michael was some kind of special exception.
“Nurse Joy is clocking out, but I’ll text in the morning, see if you need anything.”
“Thanks Mikey.” Michael nodded before leaving the apartment. An odd feeling sat in his chest. He was sure it was just the combination of seeing Jamal after the collision and his friend showing this vulnerable side he had never seen before. It definitely made him feel special but it also worried him. Jamal would truly need a support team to get through this and if he wanted Michael there, then he would be.