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How far could the love of a son for his mother go?

Pi-o had learnt that his love for his mother went so far that he was willing to endure Jeongyo’s hatred, his harsh words, deliberated, so similar yet more poisonous that those his grandpa used to tell him not so long ago.

So far to be ready to break the tendons of both his hands, to make his nails bleed, to cry tears of pain and shame every single morning and every single night.

So far to accept to be the target of all the insults and the cruelty of the one he used to consider his alpha.

So far to be used and manipulated by said alpha, to carry his pup, to carry the burden of shame ‘till the end of days.

How far could his mother’s love go ?

Far enough to order Choi Jeongyo’s kidnapping. Far enough to keep the secret for nine years.

Far enough to watch his son taking the bullet for her and suffering by the hand of Jeongyo.

Far enough to tell him one last thing before setting him free to live his life without her.

“Check the drawer of my closet. You’ll find a wooden box. I’m sorry my love.”

…

ONE MONTH LATER…

Pi-o wished he could tell that many things had changed after his mother’s arrest, but it wasn’t exactly like that.

His career as a pianist was a disaster before her arrest, the articles about his possible involvement in his mother’s crimes and the whole scandal only finished what had already started.

His grandpa tried to support him, in his own way, but Pi-o was the one supporting him and taking care of him, providing his grandpa with everything he needed. Food, meds, company, music. Everything.

That morning, they were having breakfast together when Pi-o noticed that his grandpa appeared pensive.

“Is everything already grandpa ?”

It was still weird for him sharing normal conversation with the man. Pi-o had got so used to his cold and harsh attitude that his grandpa’s new attitude toward him still caught him out of surprise.

“Your mother. I visited her yesterday. She asked me about you.”

Pi-o didn’t say anything. His mother was a sour topic of conversation, even between them.

He could understand why grandpa couldn’t abandon her, but he ?

“How was she ?”

“She’s adapting, but she said that she doesn’t want you to visit her.”

“She’d know that I would visit her every day. She said that she wanted me to live my own life, but I’m worried for her.”

“You’re a good son, Pi-o”

“Yet, sometimes I feel like I haven’t done enough.”

“Choi Jeongyo is asking about you as well.”

Pi-o almost lost his grip on the cup of tea he was holding.

He hadn’t seen Jeongyo since the day of his mother’s trial and the last time they actually spoke it was when Jeongyo finally learnt the truth of what happened nine years ago and went to Pi-o’s house for an explanation.

“Why ? Why did you confess ? Why did you make me believe you were behind my abduction ? Why did you make me hate you ? Why did you make me hurt you ?” asked Jeongyo grabbing the omega by the shoulders and shaking him.

Jeongyo appeared devasted, his eyes were lucid, his pheromones were bitter, suffocating, fully expressing the pain of the alpha. Yet Pi-o remained in silence, turning his eyes away, trying to detach himself from the situation, unable to handle the alpha’s pain knowing that he was the cause.

“Why ? Look at me and tell me why ?!”

Pi-o squinted his eyes, repressing that memory in a deep angle of his mind.

“How… How is he ?”

“He’s trying to heal, but…”

“But ?”

“His music if filled with sadness, heartbreak, loneliness. Always beautiful, always emotional, but heartbreaking.”

“He will get over all this situation eventually. He just needs time to heal. His heart has been filled with hatred, bitterness and thirst for revenge for five years. He’ strong but still human.”

“Are you sure it’s just this ?”

“What else could it be ?”

“He doesn’t say directly, but I can tell he’s waiting for you to play piano again.”

Another painful memory intrude his mind. He and Jeongyo’s confrontation and the latter’s cruel words toward Pi-o.

“But you know, I’m a little disappointed in you, Kang Pi-o. I was curious to see if you could surpass your limits. I was hoping you would, but this proves that you’re a pathetic loser, who should’ve never pursued music in the first place. Jealous bastards like you destroy real geniuses.

Jeongyo knew exactly what to say to hit Pi-o where it would have hurt the most, to make him feel small, useless, uncapable, shallow, devoid of any talent. A loser, that was how he had called Pi-o.

Pi-o knew that Jeongyo wanted to punish him deliberately because he considered Pi-o guilty, but those words hurt too much.

One thing was hearing for years his grandpa undermine him and belittle him and another was to be the target of his alpha’s anger and be humiliated.

Not to mention that he still remembered Jeongyo’s face near to him, his scent of black chocolate and coffee, so intense to suffocate him, each time the alpha yelled at him, slamming his hand on the musical score, looking at him like he was nothing more than a false note in an otherwise perfect melody. A screech for his sophisticated ear that he needed to erase.

Pi-o couldn’t handle to be alone with Jeongyo, not when his hands were still shaking at the mere thought of remaining alone with him.

“I can’t.”

“Why ?”

“You’ve always said that my music lack an emotional impact. Well, at the moment I’m so confused about my own feelings about mom, Jeongyo and myself to have the energies to interpret other’s. Plus, today is the day.”

“So are you still thinking to do it ?”

Two days after his mother’s arrest, Pi-o followed her instructions and found the box inside her closet. He opened it and found several pictures of her period in America. Two pictures in particular caught his interest. There was his mother and another man of her same age.

An handsome man, Asian for sure, that resembled Pi-o a lot.

“What the…”

His mother had always refused to tell him anything about his father, not matter how many times he pushed for an answer. He could push and push, but she remained silent, telling him that his father’s name didn’t matter, that he could grow up without a father figure, that she was all he needed. And he believed her, or chose to believe her at some point, so he stopped asking and yet…

He turned the picture and saw a name written on it “Oh Jeong-ho. So my father is Korean and maybe… maybe I can finally find it.”

Pi-o shared the revelation with his grandpa immediately after and then he made a research about Oh Jeon-ho on internet.

Oh Jeon-ho was an estimated lawyer that had lived in America for 20 years, got married with an America woman who was killed by a notorious criminal. After making justice for his wife, Oh Jeon-ho returned to Korea and opened his own firm there. The couple had no kids.

The first thing that both Pi-o and his grandpa thought when they saw one of the most recent picture of Oh Jeon-ho was that his gaze seemed cold and emotionless. He looked straight at the camera, with pride and confidence, yet his eyes seemed detached, completely indifferent to everything around him.

Pi-o felt intimidated, but he wanted to know if that man was his father.

Would have changed something in his life ? Probably not. Pi-o was so used to rejection that he would never take for granted that Jeon-ho accepted him as a son and that together they would be an happy family.

At the age of 27, Pi-o surely didn’t feel the need of a father figure as he used to when he was younger. He had survived for almost thirty years and, after what happened with his mother, he didn’t know if he could be a son anymore.

Nevertheless a part of him had always wanted to fill the void left by an unknown face and an unknown name, to fill a part of his story, to have answer for a that question he stopped to ask years ago.

“I need to know.”

Apparently Oh Jeon-ho was looking for a new assistant and Pi-o sent his CV on the spur of the moment and, much to his surprised considering the scandal he had been involved not so long ago, was asked to show up for an interview.

“I don’t like that man.”

“You don’t even know him.”

“His eyes are empty and cold.”

“His late wife was killed, it’s not like he has so many reasons to be cheerful and happy.”

“I still think that this is a terrible idea and that you’ll end up hurt.”

“Well, apparently I never learn my lesson.”

“I’m serious. You are innocent and you can still restore your reputation. If the world see you playing with Jeongyo, sooner or later your innocence won’t be questioned anymore.”

“I don’t care about what other people think of me, plus Jeongyo has an amazing pianist already. He won’t need me.”

“Pi-o.”

“I need to prepare myself for the interview.” He said standing up and putting and end on that uncomfortable discussion.

His grandpa didn’t know about what happened between him and Jeongyo. His grandpa adored Jeongyo and his genius and Pi-o didn’t have the heart to his grand that he was afraid of the alpha.

That the main issue between them had nothing to do with art or music. It wasn’t the art the greedy beast that caused his downfall, or his lack of natural talent, or the difficulty’s level of ‘Nemesis’, it was Jeongyo’s cold attitude and cruel words.

Jeongyio had composed ‘Nemesis’, a song full of hatred, resentment and anger and not only that, he also used it as an instrument to hurt Pi-o.

Before that, every time he thought about Jeongyo, Pi-o used to hear Danse Macabre in the background. After that all he heard was ‘Nemesis’ and it hurt every single time to know that he was the target of that hatred.

How could his grandpa or even Jeongyo expect Pi-o to play that damn song again ?

Lee Min-Sung could have the honor for all he cared.

“I really want to perform with Kang Pi-o.”

Lies. All he wanted was to test the waters, to see if Pi-o could be easy to manipulate, if he still had the same insecurities of when he was an adolescent and when Jeongyo had his confirm, he didn’t hesitate to use each one of them against Pi-o.

“But you know, I’m a little disappointed in you, Kang Pi-o. I was curious to see if you could surpass your limits. I was hoping you would, but this proves that you’re a pathetic loser, who should’ve never pursued music in the first place. Jealous bastards like you destroy real geniuses.

Pi-o needed time to heal on his own. Jeongyo had never physically hurt him, but there were times where Pi-o would have preferred to be hit rather than hear those poisonous words.

Sometimes, when he played piano in the loneliness of his house, he could still hear him, yelling and screaming at him, his scent becoming sour, his eyes looking at him like with hatred and disappointment, very much different from the younger version of his alpha. The one he fell in love. The one whose memories was no longer enough to consulate him during his darkest moments.

Pi-o couldn’t play piano again, or else the first thing he would have heard were Jeongyo’s poisonous words and, now that the alpha was also the director, Pi-o knew not to have any chance to avoid working with him. So it was better to take a pause.

It was better for everyone in the end.

His mother’s imprisonment had brought shame on her whole family and Pi-o knew that, even if she took all the blame, there were people who were still convinced on his involvement.

In the end, if he started playing, Jeongyo’s talent would have been obscured by the amount of shit and shame thrown on Pi-o and the omega didn’t want that.

Jeongyo had already lost too much. That was his moment to shine and Pi-o wasn’t going to get in his way ever again.

He took it as a sign to dedicate himself to his family, to his grandpa’s health and to his mission to find his father.

Not matter how many years had passed without a father, a part of him still wanted to put a name and face on that childish fantasy that was supposed to fill an empty space in his life.

Maybe, just maybe, if he had a father, his grandpa would have been less severe, his mother would have put less pressure on him and maybe many things would have been different.

It was too late of course, but Pi-o wanted to do it for himself. No more lies, no more secrets.

So he picked a suit, combed his hair, prepared a speech and then he went to Mr. Seo’s firm.

Useless to say that there were other people, mostly younger than him that were there for the interview and that seemed rather surprised to see him, a criminal’ son, there and not for a legal advice but for a job.

Well, Pi-o did what he did the best. Pretend not to see or hear and ignore everything around him.

When it was his turn, he entered inside Mr. Seo office, noticing immediately how cold the place was. The furniture was modern, mostly in black and white, elegant, essential and impersonal. There was no particular or personal object inside that room, nothing that could suggest anything personal about Mr. Seo, just like the man itself.

Mr. Seo was sitting behind his desk with the same confidence, imposing and commanding aura of a general, scrutinizing Pi-o every movement with his dark eyes.

Pi-o, who believed to be used to be around intimidating alphas, couldn’t help but feel intimidated, by an older version of himself nonetheless.

He wished he would be able to look so authoritative one day, it would keep people from commenting his life too much.

“Kang Pi-o right ?”

“Yes.”

“Take sit.”

“Thanks.”

“I won’t beat around the bush, I know everything about you, your mother and her crimes, so I’ll go straight to the point. Why a famous pianist would want to work as my assistant ?”

Pi-o found Mr. Seo practical and cold attitude rather comforting. He feared to be interrogated about his mother’s crime, but Mr. Seo went straight to the point.

If Mr. Seo was judging him or feeling any sort of disgust toward him, then he was concealing it rather well.

His voice, just like his eyes, lacked any sort of emotion. He was being composed, calm, collected, observing  and assessing Pi-o with his eyes as a scientist would have done with his guinea pig, looking for any sort of weakness or deception, trying to understand who was the person in front of him.

Pi-o, who had repressed his true feelings the same way for his whole life, could play the same game.

Like the light, all he needed was to switch the button and then nothing remained.

No the anxiety to know if he was going to be hired, no the impatient to know if that man was his father, nothing remained. Just him and what he had to do to get what he wanted.

“As you can guess, my career as pianist can be considered over and Choi Jeongyo, the victim of this whole story, is the current orchestra’s director. I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be there. I need a pause from piano and maybe a fresh start.”

Half lie, half truth, but both believable.

“And you think to find it here ?” asked Mr. Seo narrowing his eyes, clearly looking for a lie, a detail, something that he didn’t catch.

“To be fair, I need a job. I have bills to pay and, after having dedicating my whole life for piano, I don’t think I have the requirements for any other position at the moment.” He said sounding perfectly at ease.

In his opinion, trying to falsely claim merits and qualities was a waste of time and a certainty for a future disappointment.

Pi-o could have said something different and not sounding so desperate, but he understood that Mr. Seo was someone who yearned to be in control over everything, people included.

The man surely despised weakness, but he surely enjoyed to have the upper hand in a relationship and if Pi-o made him believe that being his assistant was the last resort, well it would have been like bringing a child to a candy shop.

Pi-o knew to have won when Mr. Seo upper lip’s moved, for few seconds. A small smirk, brief, but it was there.

“I imagined.” Said Mr. Seo opening a report with Pi-o ‘s application inside it “It’s written that you’re an omega. Any partner or pup ?”

“Neither of them.”

“Good, I demand the utmost dedication from my assistant. Do you understand that, if you get the position, you won’t be able to dedicate yourself to piano ?”

“I understand and accept it.” He stated with all the determination that he felt.

Maybe he was childishly clinging on the picture he found in his mother’s bedroom or one the incredible similarity between him and that man, but Pi-o was actually starting to believe that Mr. Seo could have been his father and he was determinate to know the whole truth.

“You don’t have any past experience as an assistant, I assume.”

“No.”

“Can you use a computer though ?”

“Yes, I can.”

“And I guess that you know how to use a phone, the rest will come by itself or otherwise you’ll be fired.”

“So, are you telling me th…”

“I want to see you in my office tomorrow morning at eight o’clock, sharp.” Said Mr. Seo closing the application.

“Oh, thank you sir.”

“Don’t thank me yet. It’s only a trial period. Now leave.”

Pi-o didn’t wait to hear it twice. He stood up, bowed and then left. He waited to be outside, to allow himself to smile, just a little.

But his gleefulness lasted few seconds.

“Well, well, I’d never expect to see you here.”

He would have recognized that scent everywhere. Sandalwood, mint, new paper…

“Oh Ji-young ?” he asked turning around.

Short brown hair, brown eyes, few centimeters shorter than Pi-o that didn’t make the other appear less imposing.

Glasses on his nose, elegant suit on it, hair perfectly combed.

He and Oh Ji-young had been classmates at the elementary schools and the latter was the first of their class. Smarter than anyone, brilliant for a kid of his age, able to silent an entire room with his presence alone and to win a verbal fight with just few quotes, so perceptive that he could always tell when someone lied to him, adults included.

Pi-o was one of the few Ji-young had some difficult to read back then.  

Pi-o had met him a couple of times around Seoul, but just for the time of some meaningless conversation. He surely didn’t expect to see him.

“You still remember me, I see.” Said the alpha sounding weirdly smug.

“It’s not like we haven’t bumped in each other since elementary school.”

“True. Are you here for legal advice for your mother?” asked Ji-young feigning mere curiosity.

Pi-o knew the alpha better than that though. When they attended elementary school, Ji-young was the only one in their class who, not only knew how to play chess, but already participated to some competition.

Ji-young possessed an analytical mind, a strategist, one that needed to know everything about the people he was dealing with and of course he wanted to know why Pi-o was there.

“Actually, starting tomorrow, I’m going to work here.” Pi-o answered.

“What ?” asked the alpha caught off guard.

“I’m Mr. Oh’s new assistant.”

“Is this a joke ? You ? An assistant ?” asked Ji-young clearly astonished.

“I need a change of air. See you tomorrow Ji-young.” Said Pi-o cutting of their conversation and walking away.

“See you tomorrow, little bird.”

The first days working for Mr. Seo weren’t easy. Whoever said that working as an assistant was a stupid job clearly had never spent an entire day doing hundreds different tasks at once, remembering thousands different names and faces and trying to organize the day of a lawyer who was full of appointments.

But if Pi-o could boast a quality about him, was that he was a schematic and well organized person and after few days he managed to perfectly integrate himself in that new environment, but unfortunately he still didn’t have the opportunity to get something with Mr. Seo’s DNA to request the test, plus he was so busy that sometimes, even when his shift was over, he found his phone full of Mr. Seo’s message that he finished to work at home too.

Nor that he didn’t mind. On the contrary he needed to keep himself occupied and out of his house.

Since Jeongyo was the new director, more often than not, he went to Pi-o’s house to discuss with his grandpa about orchestra, music, concertos and things like that.

It happened one time that, during of his rare free moments, Pi-o was playing piano and he didn’t realize that Jeongyo was standing in front of him, hearing him play.

Jeongyo politely complimented Pi-o’s talent but the latter could only heard his past cruel comments and ended up leaving his house with an excuse.

The more Pi-o tried to put a safe distance between him and Jeongyo, the more destiny wanted them to be close. Destiny and Pi-o’s omega which was still yearning for Jeongyo’s alpha, crying out for him, begging Pi-o to go to them and begging both Jeongyo and the alpha to take them back.

Pi-o wasn’t in better condition.

He missed Jeongyo terribly and it hurt to have him so close and yet being able to have him back, but unfortunately too much had happened between them.

Lot of misunderstanding, miscommunication, pain, sufferance, lies and many more things Pi-o didn’t have the energy to deal with at the moment.

“I’ll show you what hell looks like.”

Jeongyo was wrong about that.

In their relationship not even Hell had a clear definition. Hell wasn’t just mean words, insults, shouts, or an entire music filled with hatred dedicated to him.

Pi-o wouldn’t have known what was the worst kind of hell. Not knowing whether his alpha was alive or not, having the confirmation of his dead, having him back but with the knowledge that the other hated him, or having him there, looking at Pi-o with hope, affection and sorrow all at once, so close yet so unreachable.

Pi-o loved Jeongyo, with all his heart, but he had to face the past years, he had to metabolize all his pain and sorrow or he would risk that his unresolved feelings would have ruined whatever was left of their past relationship.

Pi-o hated that he was hurting his omega as well by taking suppressants and inhibitors, but controlling his omega was one of the few forms of control he had left.

He wasn’t used to be at the bottom of the food chain at work and sometimes it was hard at him not to snap at Mr. Seo’s cold and dismissive attitude, but Pi-o told himself that it was only momentary. Once he got what he wanted, that part of his life would be over as well.

So he did everything by the book, accomplished every single task and, once his trial period was over, Mr. Seo started to invite him home to work, giving him his code and allowing Pi-o to retrieve things from his house.

It was during one of those times that Pi-o took advantage of the situation to take what he needed.

During those day, Mr. Seo was very busy handling the trail of the homicide of an important politician,

Ji Si-wan, whose wife was accused of while the role of his daughter, Ji He-ra still remained to be clarified.

On one side, Pi-o was relief for that story because it had obscured all the mess caused by his mother, but on the other hand he couldn’t help see himself in He-ra, who had provided a false alibi to her mother for the night of her father’s murder.

Exactly like it happened to him, the whole world was judging, insulting and blaming her, not considering that she wasn’t trying to protect a random murderer, but her mother who probably had lied to her or maybe blackmailed her to lie for her, just like his mother did.

Mr. Seo, like the rest of the world, was convinced that she had helped her mother to kill her father and he was determinate during the trial.

Pi-o sometimes wondered why Mr. Seo had become a lawyer. He didn’t seem so much interested in getting justice and learning the truth and, if that was the reason, sometimes it didn’t seem that way.

When Mr. Seo spoke about his clients it didn’t seem that he was talking about people but puzzles which pieces he needed to put together, only to scatter them and assemble them again according to his wish.

One thing was sure, Mr. Seo was a lonely man, who completely locked his heart to life in general, detached from his human parts, not more able to feel or express anything but anger at the most and apathy in general. Even his house was empty.

There was nothing personal, his furniture was all modern and black, there were no colors, no pictures of his late wife, nothing. Just nothing, or so Pi-o thought.

Because during one of those days spent at his house, he discovered that he and Mr. Seo had something in common. They both had a passion related to art.

Pi-o found out when he went to the man house and found him sitting at the center of the living room with a canvas in front of him, a paintbrush in his hand and a painting palette in the other.

“Do you paint Mr. Seo ?” he asked getting closer to Mr. Seo.

“Not how much as I used to, but I do it when I need to liberate my mind.”

“Your technique is impressive.”

Pi-o wasn’t expert but it was undeniable that Mr. Seo’s painting was flawless for how much realistic it look.

The painting depicted a statue of Dike and at her two sides two version of Seul, was calm, serene, clean and pacific, painted with light and delicate colors, on the other there was a chaotic, dirtier version of Seul, with fires, smoke, dilapidated buildings, painted with much darker colors.

What caught Pi-o’s attention was that in the portrait people were missing and that everything, from Dike to Seul, was painted with extreme precision, every line was perfectly straight, everything perfectly detailed and proportional.

That painting sure had a meaning and it was easy to figure it out and yet all Pi-o could think of it was that it was flawless and painted with great technique, but also empty and cold. Nothing stood up, everything was exactly where it supposed to be.

As if the painter was more interested in showing off, trying to cover any mistake and making the painting look as much perfect as possible rather than actually wanting to express something to his public.

That wasn’t the work of someone who wanted to express themselves, that was the work of someone who wanted erase any flaw on reality, not matter at which version of it he was looking at.

Mr. Seo was showing his yearning to make everything look flawless, because his world was anything like that.

Mr. Seo was also showing that he was so detached from his emotional side, so afraid to express his emotions to the point of not even being able to show them in his painting.

And Pi-o could understand that, better than anyone. For a moment, in front of his eyes, he no longer saw Mr. Seo, but he saw himself, playing at the piano, trying to make his music sounding perfect, careful to play any note at the correct timing, wanting it to be flawless, so concentrated to pursue an ideal of perfection not to leave any space for his emotions in his music.

In the end, his music was so much perfect not to be able to express anything. It was a mere emulation, an empty shell, devoid of any color. Boring, repetitive, analytical, cold, emotionless.

“I know.” Said the man with a smug.

“Have you ever thought about pursuing a career as a painter ?”

“When I was younger, but my father told me that I couldn’t have made money by selling paintings, which he was right and my art teacher used to criticize my paintings, so I ended up becoming a lawyer instead.”

“Criticized for what ?” Pi-o asked even if he already had an idea.

“Don’t tell me you can’t see. Music and art are not so much different. Look at it, tell me what you don’t see.”

Pi-o smiled with bitterness.

“Yourself. This painting lacks of emotion. It’s perfect and detailed, but all the details distract a superficial eye from noticing that this painting doesn’t have a soul. Whoever just takes a look at it remains impressed but nothing more.”

“Exactly.”

“But… why ?”

Pi-o had struggled a lot to make his music more emotional, to manage to transmit something to say to his public. He tried and tried, until he crumbled underneath the weight of all the pain he had been repressing since Jeongyo’s disappearance.

It had hurt.

But Mr. Seo seemed different. For him, his inability to express something seemed more like a virtue than a flaw.

“I used to consider it as a flaw, but growing up I realized that exposing myself would have been more of an inconvenience than anything else. My paintings lack a soul, it’s true and yet I prefer it this way. I don’t get emotional either when I see a painting full of flaws, I always end up noticing them and not seeing the full picture. I firmly believe that either you do something perfectly and flawless or don’t do it all.”

“I was criticized for the same reason. I was told my technique with the piano was superb but it lacked any emotion.” Said Pi-o, not even saying why he said something like that.

“Was it true ?”

“Yes.” He admitted.

Mr. Seo, snorted.

“When an artist doesn’t feel comfortable to express their real emotions, than their teacher should ask themselves why. Reading the articles about you, I think that more than lacking emotions, you simply have grown up in an environment that obliged you to repress so much your emotions not to be able to express them even through your music.”

“How… how can you say it ?” asked Pi-o stunned.

“I recognize the look. Your music didn’t lack emotions because you didn’t have any, but because you didn’t feel legitimate to feel them, right ?”

Pi-o thought about his childhood, about all the times he heard his mother begging grandpa to recognize Pi-o, to acknowledge him as part of the family, to show him any sort of affection, to help him with piano. He remembered when his grandpa yelling at his mother for having ended up pregnant of an unknown man. He remembered him sitting in his bedroom with his earphones and the music with high volume not to hear grandpa’s cruel words toward him.

He remembered to have learnt, over the years, to make himself as much smallest as possible not to disturb his grandpa. He remembered each time he had swallowed his pleads, repressed his tears, pinched on his arms and remained silent, perfectly calm and collected even if all he wanted was to scream and yell.

He remembered his mother’s disappointment when he presented as an omega and not an alpha. He remembered when she gave him his first inhibitors to conceal his secondary gender.

He remembered that, at some point, he believed that the only way to be loved was to be perfect and he wanted to be perfect.

His emotions, his sadness, his anger, his frustration, his disappointment, his sorrow, his hatred for his own family, weren’t appealing emotions, weren’t perfect and, considering they were all he felt, he had to repress them, or he would have failed.

He had become apathetic, cold, analytical, able to detach himself from everyone around him, too afraid to show his true self, or else the world would have learnt that he was not so perfect as he wanted everyone to believe.

“This is…”

“You don’t have to agree with me, but I believe I’m right. Tell me, after your friend’s disappearance, everyone believed you were the culprit and you ended up believing as well, to the point of feeling guilty for even missing him or longing for him. Am I right ?”

“How ?”

“That’s what I heard after I listened you playing. During these nine years, has anyone of them bothered to ask you, even once, how did you feel ? Or were they simply worried about their natural talented genius ?”

“It’s…”

“And after your mother’s trial, did they asked ? Did you feel so guilty for her crimes not to feel allowed to express your sadness and pain ? Did anyone notice ?”

Pi-o thought about his loneliness nights, about what he had lost, about the rumors spreading behind his back and the fact that back then everyone, but Jae-in, believed him guilty, of killing his alpha nonetheless.

“No.” he admitted.

“Then why should you give your soul to people who will remain deaf to your pain anyway ? Believe me, it’s not worthy. Artists created masterpieces, they put all themselves into them and for what ? To have their works replicated by people who don’t even bother to understand what they wanted to express ? Billions of love letters in forms of poetries, songs and paintings only to be reduced in mere duplicated by people who probably has never experienced that kind of love anyway.”

“That’s true unfortunately.”

“If it was to protected yourself, then you made the right choice.”

“I wouldn’t say that I protected myself well.”

“You’re young, you can still learn to do better. If we don’t feel safe, then our inner world has to be protected. Not everyone should be allowed to see what’s inside our heart and soul, not even if we’re artists. We have to decide what to show and what not and if we choose to show nothing, then let it be that.”

“I guess so, but how did you… how could you…”

“Have you finished all your tasks ?” asked Mr. Seo changing the topic of conversation abruptly.

Pi-o got the message. That conversation was getting too much sentimental.

“I have.”

“You know preparing meals for me is not included in your tasks.”

“You should eat healthier.”

For a man so meticulous, Mr. Seo ate worse than adolescent.

“Are you reproaching me ?”

“Am I crossing the line ?” asked Pi-o smirking.

“Definitively.”

“You’re still going to eat it though.”

“Have you made enough for both of us ?” asked Mr. Seo starting to put away everything.

“I think so.”

“Then you eat with me. I need you to make some research for me about Ji He-ra. You kids are quicker than us at making research on social. I want to know what kind of person she is.

“Of course. Ehm.. May I use the bathroom before to set the table ?”

“Sure.”

It was then, that Pi-o managed to take a couple of hair from Mr. Seo’s comb, careful not to get caught. Once he hide everything inside his bag, he sat the table and prepared dishes for both him and Mr. Seo.

“Can I ask you a question ?”

“If you must.”

“Why did you become a lawyer ?”

“Because I wanted to make justice for people. My father’s brother was killed and the culprit got away with his crime because he was rich. My wife got killed and her murderer almost got away with his crime because he had acquaintances that helped him to get the dirt under the carpet. It’s not fair. People have to assume responsibilities for their crimes. Not matter if they are women or men, how much young they are.”

“You’re really convinced that Ji He-ra is guilty ?”

“She lied for her mother, this act alone is a crime because she obstacle justice.”

“She was just a girl and lied for her mother.”

“Careful there, you’re getting emotional. I’d think you did the same with your mother.”

“What would you do in that case ?”

“I’d make everything possible to put you in jail.”

“I’d expect that.” Said Pi-o with sadness.

At least Mr. Seo didn’t have filters and had the guts to tell him that directly and not behind his back. His answer made Pi-o said though, because if there was the remote possibility that Mr. Seo would have ever wanted to be his father, then their relationship would have already started with a disappointment, because just like He-ra, he lied to cover his mother’s crimes.

He may had not ordered Jeongyo’s abduction but he was equally guilty for not having done the right thing when he had to.

Once again, he felt deeply ashamed of himself, so much that when he left the apartment, he threw up, feeling utterly disgusted with himself and convinced more than ever that the best thing he could do to Jeongyio was to stay out of his life.

“You expect me to forgive you with that kind of complacent attitude ?”

His mind left him with no rest and not even fate.

He had promised that he would have stayed away from Jeongyo yet one day he decided to pay a visit to his grandpa and he ended up in front of the door of the same studio where he used to exercise with Jeongyo.

Compelled by piano and feeling the need to play, he entered inside the room and sat at the piano, opening the musical score and starting to play.

The musical was beautiful and emotional, as anything produced by Jeongyo, yet that time there was something weird.

While Nemesis was directed and intense declaration of all the pain, the hatred and the sorrow Jeongyo had felt, that piece Pi-o was currently playing was delicate, like a whisper, a silent prayer, a lullaby.

“Pi-o”

Pi-o jumped, feeling his heartbeat accelerate and his face getting warmer and probably redder.

It was unfair that Jeongyo could take his breath away so easily, make his hands sweat, erase any other thought in his mind, because all Pi-o could think was the Jeongyio was beautiful and that he loved him, truly love him.

Days, weeks and years could pass and yet Pi-o would love him and only him.

Useless to say that, while he wished to disappear, his omega was excited to see the alpha, urging Pi-o to get closer, considering that Jeongyo was so handsome to make his legs shaking.

Pi-o hated that the alpha still had that effect on him, especially because he was sure to be the only one and that his love was totally unrequited after everything happened.

Jeongyo was looking at him with surprise, but also with affection, but that meant nothing, but it was always better than hatred.

“Jeongyo, I’m… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have to…” he said playing with his fingers nervously.

“No, no, no, it’s okay. It was beautiful. You were playing beautifully.” Said Jeongyo smiling shily.

“The composition is impressive. I’m a little rusty though.” Said Pi-o looking at everywhere but Jeongyo.

“Not a chance.”

“Well, it’s unfinished.” said Pi-o closing the musical score.

“What do you think ?” asked Jeongyo looking at him with hope and insecurity.

What he was insecure about, for Pi-o was a mistery.

“I told you, it’s impressive, delicate but…”

“But ?”

“It sounded like  you’re testing the water. As if you want to say something to someone but you’re too scared, so you’re testing water. Then the music becomes more intense, but…”

“But ?”

“I don’t know. It’s not like you to be afraid to say something aloud. Or maybe it’s simply because it’s a work in progress. I’m sorry for disturbing you.” Said Pi-o walking toward the door, impatient to put a distance between him and the alpha.

Bad idea, he started smelling his pheromones which only made Pi-o’ situation worse.

“I told you it’s okay.”

“You’re looking great. I’m glad.” Said Pi-o stopping in front of the door.

He really meant it. Jeongyo looked handsome, but also calm. There was no more that veil of sorrow, anger and pain that used to characterized him when he had come back in Seoul. There was a newfound light around him, yet a veil of melancholy still remained.

“You too.”

“I’m glad you’re still composing. I didn’t expect to you see you here though. I thought you would have been abroad for a concert. I vaguely remember grandpa talking about it…”

“Yes. I should have been in Prague, but there’ so much here to do that I chose not to.”

“Oh.”

“What about you ? I hope not to be indelicate but when are you planning to…”

“I don’t plan to play piano again.” Said Pi-o cutting the other off.

“Oh.”

To say that Jeongyo’s appeared deeply disappointed was an euphemism and Pi-o wished he could have used a kinder tone of voice, but the answer stayed the same.

He wasn’t ready to play in front of Jeongyo, under his guidance, his scrutiny, smelling his pheromones, in that exact same room when…

“I’m going to make you feel every bit of pain, rage and betrayal that I went through.”

“Plus I have a job now that keeps me very busy. I’m here only because it’s my free day and want to visit grandpa.” He said forcing a smile.

“What kind of job if I may ask ?”

“I’m working as an assistant for a lawyer.”

“Really ? That’s  unexpected.”

Pi-o could clear hear the Jeongyo’s didn’t approve his choice and probably considered it a waste, but the alpha was a gentleman and kept it to himself.

“I know but I needed to change of scenery.”

“Was it because of me ?” asked Jeongyo with a whisper.

Probably that room invoked to him the same memories that invoked to Pi-o. Horrible memories, for both of them.

“No.”

“Be honest.” Demanded the alpha.

“I am. Working there, meeting new people made me realize how much I have lost through the years. I fully dedicated myself to piano, every second of every day and I deprived myself of many things. I realized that I had never had a best friend, never slept over someone’s house, never given myself the possibility to find out whether I would have liked doing something else, instead of doing something that I happened to be able to do well. I’m sorry.”

Pi-o hated that Jeongyo managed to make him spill his feelings with the minimal efforts. It was the first time Pi-o expressed what he had been feeling to someone and that someone had to be Jeongyo, the one who had used his vulnerabilities against him once.

Mr. Seo was wrong. Pi-o was a lost cause.

Yet, he sincerely wanted to apologize to Jeongyo. He would kept apologizing to him every day of his life.

“For what ?”

“If I had stopped pursuing this meaningless obsession, I would have stepped down before your abduction and by now you would have become a great pianist. I stole your life…”

“Pi-o, stopped…”

“I wish I could switch my hang with you.”

“I wish you can play my music, but if you need a change in your life then I’m happy for you..”

It wasn’t true. It was clear that Jeongyo wasn’t happy at his decision, but he was being supportive and Pi-o appreciated.

“Thank you.”

Jeongyo was about to say something else, when their conversation got interrupted by the arrival of two people-

“Oh, Kang Pi-o, I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

“Hello Mrs. Yoon, hello Mr. Lee.”

“Ehm, Mr. Lee was supposed to…”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m leaving. I came here for grandpa. Goodbye everyone.”

He couldn’t stand being in the same room with Lee. That poor omega didn’t do anything wrong, but to Pi-o’s omega and in his mind he was nothing but the motherfucker who took a place that was supposed to belong to him. Or at least that used to belong to him, since Pi-o felt not to have place to belong there anymore.

His situation at work wasn’t any better. He tried not to overstep, he tried not to meddle with Mr. Seo’s business but sometimes it was too hard for him.

“Have you finished all your tasks ?” asked Mr. Seo when Pi-o was about to  leave.

“Yes.”

“Good, tomorrow the trial is going to begin, I need everything ready.”

“Are you still convinced that Ji He-ra is guilty ?” he asked, mentally slapping himself for his silly question.

“Of course she is and considering that you’re not a lawyer, you should mind your business.”

“A daughter can’t easily turn their back on her mother.”

“She easily turned the back on her father though. Stop bothering me with this silly nonsense.”

“Of course sir.”

That man was too stubborn and his idea of justice was too narrow to accommodate the possibility that everyone could make mistake for the people they cared about.

Served it to Pi-o to keep his mouth shut.

It was not all Mr. Seo’s fault. He was in a sour mood. His grandpa had invited Jeongyo, Lee Min-sung and other musicians at his house that night and Pi-o wasn’t exactly exited at the idea to get back home that evening.

He was so desperate for it that he accepted Ji-young’s invitation for a drink.

Pi-o, who had the possibility to learn more about his former classmate, knew that Ji-young wasn’t just inviting him for a drink.

“Good evening, Ji-young” he said sitting in front of the alpha.

“Good evening, Kang Pi-o. I already ordered two drinks for us.”

“You don’t even know what I like.”

“I don’t need to. You’ll drink whatever I ordered because that’s what you do. You adapt to situations.” Replied Ji-young with his usual know-it-all attitude.

“Why did you invite me here ?” asked Pi-o feeling tempted to go away.

“Straight to the point, I see. Well, what’s all this ?” asked Ji-young with blank face.

“All what ?”

“This.” Replied the alpha shrugging “You working as an assistant for Mr. Seo”

“My career as pianist is over. Why are you asking stupid questions ?”

Their drinks arrived and Pi-o took the first sip, feeling the need to get drunk in order to handle that situation.

“But why as an assistant and why for Mr. Seo ?”

“It’s not for the pleasure of your company.”

If Pi-o was in a bad mood before, now Ji-young’s interrogation was getting on his nerves. If the alpha wanted to know something, then he’d better ask it directly before Pi-o stood up and left.

He didn’t own explanations to anyone, especially Ji-young.

Ji-young’s ability to conceal any emotion behind a blank expression made everything worse. Pi-o wished he could read the other’s mind, know what Ji-young was thinking in his inscrutable mind.

“Perish the thought. What’s your angle ?”

“Why am I supposed to have an angle ?”

“I know you too well. I remembered how you behaved when you cared for something with all yourself. You’re showing the same… devotion… you had for the piano.”

“I have bills that needed to be payed.”

“Okay, you want to do it the hard way. You know I’ll find out, sooner or later ?”

“You weren’t the first of your class for nothing, were you ?”

“Still am, the first I mean. I did my homework before to come here. I know everything about the scandal, about your mother and your little flirt with Choi Jeongyo. Are you trying to hide yourself ?” asked Ji-young with a little smirk.

“Of course not.”

Ji-young didn’t say anything new. Everyone knew about his mother and his crimes and, about his flirt with Jeongyo, someone had spread rumors but nothing was confirmed.

Yet Pi-o feared that Ji-young had learnt something else, something related to Pi-o true reasons to work for a law firm.

“You’re not the guy who settles for a job as an assistant.”

“Things have changed.”

Ji-young rolled his eyes and sighed, tired of Pi-o’s evasive attitude. He fixed his glassed then looked at Pi-o with a knowing smile, the one of someone who knew exactly what secret the other was trying to keep-

“I know you have requested a paternity test.” He said taking a sip of his drink.

Pi-o closed his eyes, frustrated. Once again, he was caught out of surprise.

Mr. Seo was wrong, he wasn’t young, he was stupid. He should have predicted that Ji-young would have tried to meddle with his business, especially if he could have taken advantage of the situation.

Ji-young was too ambitious not to play dirty if he had the opportunity and he was too detached and calculating to actually have a moral compass.

Profit before anything else, that was the alpha’s way to live.

“So ?”

“Now that you lost your mommy, do you hope to inherit something valuable ?”

Pi-o got his confirmation. For Ji-young it was always a matter of profit. He couldn’t see the world if not through the lens of money and power.

“If money was my angle, I would have told everything to Mr. Seo already, plus the paternity hasn’t been confirmed already but ,in that case, what would be the issue for you ?” asked Pi-o crossing his arms.

“I’ll go straight to the point. Mr. Seo has no legitimate heirs and, if I do everything by the book, I have good chance to inherit his business.”

“Oh, that’s it.”

What else did Pi-o expected from that greedy bastard ?

“That’s it. An heir would be an inconvenience for me.”

“Well, if he’s not my father, you won’t have to worry.”

“What if he is ?”

“I don’t know, but in case I decide to tell him, you will have to accept it.”

Ji-young snorted, as if Pi-o had just told him something funny.

“Your reputation won’t do any good, plus this is not your world. We’re not fighting over a concert here. People like me fight for two things essentially, money and power. How many possibilities a fish grown into an aquarium has to survive in the ocean ?”

Pi-o snorted. He finally found one thing that Ji-young had in common with all the alphas he had met in his life. They were all jerks that knew exactly which button to press to make him feel inadequate.

Comparing to Jeongyo’s life, Pio’s had been much easier. He never had to worry about money, food, clothes, bills, expenses.

Jeongyo used to call him a prince and somehow that made Pio growing up slower than someone who had experienced what the alpha had.

The same applied if he compared himself with Ji-young’ situation.

Nevertheless, he had his fair share of sufferance and misadventures and he had learnt something along the way, one thing was not to allow anyone to scare him anymore.

“Are you trying to scare me ?”

“You know what I want. You know I can be nice and not so nice.”

Pi-o smirked cruelly, wanting to put that alpha in his place.

Ji-young wasn’t Jeongyo and Pi-o had no intention of being bullied by another alpha without fighting back.

Enough with politeness, Pi-o was going to show his fangs.

“My dear, have you heard the rumors about me ?” he asked with malice.

“Of course.”

“Then you know that people say that I ordered the abduction of my alpha to win a competition and I can swear that, differently from you, I loved him, truly.”

“You wouldn’t have been able to do it.”

“If you remember how much piano meant to me, you wouldn’t swear on my innocence. During the competition, I had a wounded finger, I couldn’t give an emotional interpretation to piece of music and my rival was a natural talent. Do you…”

“What the fuck are you doing ?” hissed Ji-young.

“… do you really think that I wouldn’t have done it ?”

It was easy to install a doubt inside someone’s mind, especially when that person knew enough about the situation that all it took was to make them change their perception, falsified some information here and there and that was it.

Ji-young knew how much piano meant to Pi-o, he probably had realized how Pi-o loved Jeongyo too, but he also knew about his situation.

Rich or not, Pi-o was an omega, which meant that he had to do double the efforts to be considered at the same level of an alpha, plus Pi-o had the tendency to get emotional especially when he risked to fail, which meant that his implication in Jeongyo’s kidnapping was more than believable, at least for someone who wasn’t Ji-young and who knew the other side of him as well.

An omega willing to sacrifice their mate for accomplishment was a cruel one. Pi-o didn’t even need to be actually involved to make other people believe in that rumor. Too bad that Ji-young knew him too well and surely had seen  side of Pi-o that loved Jeongyo too much to actually hurt him.

“No, because I know you too well, but if I were another, I would be shivering for fear.” Said Ji-young almost amazed.

“Then it’s settled. This is exactly the kind of environment where I can survive. I didn’t have to kidnap my former boyfriend for real, if it’s enough to make people believe that I did it to make them fear me.”

“Do you care so much to work for Mr. Seo ?”

“He could be my father. My only family left. My grandpa is very sick, my mother is in jail and…”

His alpha was so close and yet out of his reach. Pi-o missed his alpha so much, yearned for him, fully aware that all he had to do was to call and Jeongyo would have come there, but he couldn’t.

Due to his sense of guilt, Jeongyo was ready to throw up his life once and again and give up on everything. Pi-o couldn’t allow it.

Before to be together, they needed to heal themselves first and Pi-o needed to learn how to stay close to Jeongyo without being afraid of his own feelings for him.

Pi-o did crazy things for Jeongyo’s love and that was what scared him the most. He, who had suppressed his emotions for his entire life, who believed that he could never love anyone, confessed a crime he didn’t commit and only to heal Jeongyo from his own hatred.

The love Pi-o felt for Jeongyo was consuming, passionate, intense, warm, limitless, destructive, it went beyond Pi-o’s control and that frighten him because he was used to control his emotions, not the contrary.

That why he was keeping his distance, that was why he found himself there, looking at Ji-young who was the exact opposite of Jeongyo…

“A family is not defined by blood.”

“I know.”

“You’ll ended up hurt.”

“I’d know how to heal my wounds.”

“I heard your music used to be criticized because it was all technique and zero emotions. I wondered if you actually liked me back in middle school.”

“What do you mean ?”

… Jeongyo was fire, he was sensible, emotional, intense, he put himself in everything he did. Ji-young was like Pi-o, cold, calculated, analytical, perfectionist, detached, control freak…

“Don’t fool yourself, ‘cause you’re not a fool. We’re more similar than I’d like to admit. I mean, it’s clear that you don’t like me and that you wouldn’t like me, not as a friend or as a boyfriend, but it’d be okay for me. No, I’d adore it. The minimum intensity’s level of your emotions is my comfort zone. You wouldn’t care if I don’t tell you silly things a boyfriend is supposed to say, or if I don’t give you chocolate for Saint Valentine. We would be perfect together because we functioned perfectly.” Said the alpha smirking.

“Is that so ?”

… Not loving someone would have made everything easier. Pi-o was convinced all his life that he would have ended up in a marriage of convenience anyway, with an alpha at his side that would have remembered him only for sex or pups. Pi-o was okay with that, because before Jeongyo, he believed he was heartless, but the truth was that his feelings could have been so intense that he needed to control them…

“Yes. You don’t care about me and you surely will never love me now yet I still adore it, because knowing that you don’t love me is comfortable. I don’t need to keep my guard up around you, because nothing you do will ever hurt me. I don’t care enough to for that. You can cheat on me, leave me, ignore me and I wouldn’t care.”

… Maybe that what he needed, to be heartless once again. Just for a night, just for a moment. He needed to believe that he could still be that version of himself that no one could ever hurt, that could not feel pain, that could keep everything under his control, that could decide who let in or push out however he wanted. He wanted that, yes. He wanted his power again.

“So you’re not proposing a relationship ?” asked Pi-o looking for a reassurance.

“Of course not.” Said Ji-young as if Pi-o said something funny “I don’t need a relationship and neither do you. What I need is a partnership. I will help you survive and keep your mouth shut and you, as a secretary,  will help me however I need.”

Ji-young finished his drink and then he smirked and Pi-o.

“Are you free this evening ?”

“Why ?”

“I want to have sex. Do you ?”

It caught Pi-o out of guard, not expecting Ji-young to be so direct, actually he didn’t expect such proposal at all.

The only person he’d ever had sex with was Jeongyo, but of course it wasn’t just sex. They made love.

During Pi-o’s first time, Jeongyo was very patient with him. Cherishing his body with kisses and caresses, paying attention to Pi-o’s every little reaction, being sure that the omega was feeling comfortable and asking him if he wanted them to stop, but Pi-o truly wanted to belong to Jeongyo and he trusted the alpha more than anyone and never regretted to have lost his virginity with him.

Since then, he felt no attraction for other alphas. His omega only wanted Jeongyo’s alpha. Pi-o wanted to belong to Jeongyo and no one else.

Yet, he was a coward.

Ji-young read him perfectly. Pi-o wanted to gain his control back and what better way to have the feeling of control if not having sex with someone he didn’t love ?

No feelings involved, no heart to break, nothing, just cold, emotionless sex between two people that did not care for each other.

“Do you want to have sex with me because you’re horny or because you’re afraid to have sex with an alpha ?” asked Ji-young while he was sucking the skin of Pi-o’s neck.

They were in Ji-young apartment, still half dressed, with Pi-o shirt still half buttoned and the alpha completely shirtless.

They were in the alpha’s bedroom, with Pi-o sitting on Ji-young, while the alpha’s was leaving marks on Pi-o neck and ask inappropriate questions.

“What ?”

“I noticed how jumpy you get when an alpha comes too close to you. So, what do you want to prove ? That you’re not afraid of an alpha ? That you can totally seduce and dominate an alpha in bed ? That you can have sex with an alpha that’s not your boyfriend ?”

Ji-young kissed Pi-o, or rather he grabbed him by the chin with one hand and devoured his mouth, sucking and biting his lips until they were swollen.

The kiss was not gentle, it was fierce, intense, possessive and took Pi-o’s breath away.

“You really do know how to seduce an omega with your talking.”

“Why ? I’m simply testing the water.” Said Ji-young while his hand was slowly lowering toward Pi-o’s trousers.

“Why ? It’s just sex.”

No, it wasn’t even that.

As soon as Ji-young’s hand got too close to his intimate part, Pi-o could feel his omega stirring and hissing, clearly unhappy to be too close to an alpha that wasn’t Jeongyo.

No, that touch wasn’t right, that kiss wasn’t right, nothing about that situation was right.

That wasn’t having control, that was just wrong.

“To quote Oscar Wild, everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. It’s clear that Jeongyo took your power away from you and somehow you want it back.”

“You’re not Jeongyo.” Hissed Pi-o getting rigid.

“No, that’s why you’re here with me and with him. You don’t love me, I don’t love you. It should be fair, but…”

“But ?”

Ji-young smiled again, victorious, as if he had predicted that scene, proving to both of them that he was more than able to see through Pi-o’s walls.

“Do you want to go all the way ?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

“No.” said Pi-o, feeling naked and exposed in front of an alpha that wasn’t Jeongyo.

An alpha that spent the whole night consoling him when Pi-o could no longer repress his tears. That offered Pi-o a glass of water and let the omega crying on his couch until it was time to accompany home.

Ji-young didn’t say anything. He remained silent, avoiding his usual snarky comments and avoid any sort of question, which Pi-o was grateful for.

When they arrived home, Pi-o thanked Ji-young for everything, but when he left the car, he noticed the object of all his dreams and desires in front of his house’s gates.

Jeongyo, who looked simply and utterly devastated to see Pi-o in the company of another man. His eyes were lucid, his hands were shaking, his body was rigid and his pheromones were bitter.

Pi-o opened his mouth to offer an explanation, but Jeongyo walked toward his car and drove away.

The omega wanted to follow him but, with his neck full of bitemarks and with the scent of another alpha on him, he knew that Jeongyo would never believe anything he said.

Nevertheless he felt guilty, because he had hurt his alpha once again with his behavior, feeling dirty and deeply ashamed.

It didn’t help that his grandpa invited once again everyone for a dinner a week after that episode.

“I invited Jeongyo over and he said yes.” Said his grandpa while Pi-o was about to leave for work.

“Good, I have a dinner planned with my colleagues as well, so I won’t disturb you.”

It was a lie, but Pi-o had no intention to have his mood ruined further than already was. Furthermore, he was sure that Jeongyo hated him again after what happened and Pi-o couldn’t be close to the alpha knowing that the other was suffering again because of him.

“I wasn’t implying that you have to leave. On the contrary, I’d like if you stay for once.”

“I’d make things less awkward for everyone if I leave, trust me.”

“Please, this old man miss you.”

Pi-o couldn’t deny his grandpa his request, so he stayed that night and endured an evening in the company of his only friend Jae-in, her mother, Yoon Sun-u, Do Hyeon-soon and of course Jeongyo, whom was sitting in front of Pi-o, barely able to conceal his disappointment and sadness, but the omega could also see affection and longing.

Jeongyo’s eyes were telling Pi-o that he missed him, that he wanted him but that he was hurt too and Pi-o felt shamed once again.

The first part of the dinner was easy. Grandpa, Yoon Sun-u and Do Hyeon-soon carried the conversation, discussing about the next concerto planned while Jeongyo limited himself to nodding and commenting briefly from time to time.

Jae-in, who was sitting next to Pi-o, asked him about his new job and Pi-o updated her about his life, telling her about Mr. Seo, Ji-young and the case they were working on, while Jeongyo listened carefully even if he pretended not to.

At some point, Jae-in asked Pi-o if he wanted to take a walk in the garden with her and he agreed, while the others remained inside.

“So, how are you doing ? Honest answers only.” Said Jae-in.

Pi-o smiled at her, realizing how much he had actually missed her and her friendship.

She was the only one that, even in his darkest moments, truly believed in him and in his innocence, standing up to him even when the whole world considered him a criminal.

She deserved his honesty, so he told her everything. About his mother, Mr. Seo, the possibility that his man could be his father, Ji-young, everything.

“Wow, I thought you were simply, you know, in need of a pause but… Pi-o, if that man is really your father…”

“I wouldn’t know what to do. I mean, it seemed important when I applied for the job, but I guess I was just following a childish reparation fantasy.”

“I’m sorry, Pi-o.”

“Don’t be. On the contrary, let me thank you. When things went bad, you had my back, you took care of me, you believed in my innocence till the end and, when all of this is over, I will find a way to properly thank you back.”

“If you decide to resume your career as pianist, then you will thank me by hiring me again as your manager.”

“Deal.”

“But seriously, how are you “?

“A little better. Some days are harder, but I wouldn’t how to explain. It’s difficult to describe how it feels when you think about your life and see nothing, no color, no future, no past, no present, nothing. You have no idea how many energies are required to find a reason to wake up, eat, do the simples task every day in order not to jump from a bridge just to put an end on your misery.”

“Pi-o…”

“But I’m feeling better now. Once my business with Mr. Seo will be over, I intend to find a therapist and try to focus on my own health. I don’t want to find myself standing on a bridge ever aga…”

They startled when they heard a sound behind them and noticed Jeongyo standing there, looking at Pi-o with worry, sadness and fear.

Pi-o, unable to stand the alpha’s gaze on him, stood up and walked away, but that time Jeongyo followed him outside the gates and took him by the wrist.

“Pi-o, we need to talk.”

“About what ? There’s nothing left to be discussed. You know the full truth, now you can move with your life.”

Pi-o was panicking, literally.

His heartbeat was accelerating, his hands, sweating, his whole body shaking, his omega was yearning, his emotions were all over the place and he was losing control of himself. He couldn’t, not after that Jeongyo had learnt about Pi-o’ suicidal tendencies.

Pi-o couldn’t handle a confrontation. That would have been the first time they properly talked about everything, but Pi-o wasn’t ready.

“What about your life ? Do you really think that I can ignore what I have just listened ?” asked Jeongyo raising his voice.

“That was in the past. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I feel better, I found another job, I don’t have time to play piano anymore, but it’s okay and I’d like to remember that you have tried to do something equally stupid.”

“Something I’m deeply ashamed for. I’m sorry for my behavior, for my actions and for having worried you. I realize that… we never openly… I never apologized…”

Pi-o hated that Jeongyo was the first to apologize when the alpha had nothing to be sorry for. Pi-o was being difficult and he was aware of it. He was the problem in the end, he was the one who always ended up hurting Jeongyo and yet all he wanted to do was to run away because it was too much.

The embarrassment of being caught talking about his depression, the need to protect Jeongyo from Pi-o’s destructive tendencies and his need of control, his love… it was just a little too much.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I became my mother’s accomplice when I decided to cover her crime, you had all the rights to hate me after all.”

“She was your mother. A child could never stop loving his mother or father. Not matter how much they suck at being a parent, a child will always do everything for them. I should have known better than anymore.”

“Well, thank you for your forgiveness then. I forgive you too, now I have to go.”

Jeongyo was taking his breath away and Pi-o needed to put some distance, he needed to breath, he needed to think clearly.

“Pi-o.”

“What ?”

“Don’t be like that.”

“Like what ?”

“Cold and emotionless. We’re not discussing the weather here, I’m seriously trying to apologize to you.”

Jeongyo was telling Pi-o that he was ready to actually discuss their past, but Pi-o wasn’t on the same page, he was still too afraid and ashamed for that.

“And I said that I accept your apologies, what else do you want ?” asked Pi-o too harshly.

“I… I get it. You feel the need to keep your guard up around me. I can understand it…”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about…”

Jeongyo did, they both knew. Jeongyo had learnt how to read Pi-o like an open book.

Pi-o was his muse, Jeongyo had spent years of his life admiring and observing Pi-o both from afar and close and once Pi-o let the alpha in, Jeongyo made a home inside the omega’s heart.

Hatred and resentment may had clouded Jeongyo’s judgment but not anymore. As soon as the darkness faded away, Jeongyo remembered who his omega was, how to understand what he felt, sometimes even better than Pi-o himself.

“You’re repressing your emotions, concealing them, like you used to when you were afraid of failure. You don’t want to be vulnerable with me, I get it…”

“You know nothing.” Said Pi-o getting on defense.

“I’m sorry. You have finally got comfortable with your emotions and I ruined everything.”

“Don’t be. Emotions aren’t my forte. Living like a ghost, with a grandfather that used to ignore me, made me feel the need to repress everything, every noise, or movement or emotions that could have disturbed him. I even repressed my thoughts around him because I fear he could have read my mind. I repressed my true voice for so long that in the end I no longer knew what to say. My music doesn’t lack emotions because I don’t have ones, but because I don’t feel legitimate to have them. That’s the problem. That environment siphoned me, leaving me empty.”

“What are you saying ?”

“During your disappearance, I remained alone. I was suffering for you and no one reached out to me. I won the competition, I got rid of my biggest rival so I was treated like I didn’t even have the right to suffer for you. People didn’t even think that I could have actually felt sad for you, because they were too busy blaming me for your disappearance and even now I don’t know what should I be allowed to feel sad for. Am I allowed to feel sad ?”

“Of course you are.”

“No, I’m not. Because you’re the victim and my mother is the reason why you have lost so much and I’m equally guilty because I was supposed to denounce her. So no. What should I feel sad for ? I wasn’t living a life that wasn’t mean for me, so I’d rather feel ashamed than sad, right ?”

The truth was that Jeongyo would never have justice. He got the shorted end of the stick anyway. Justice would never give him back his ability to play piano, would never give him back nine years of life, would never give him back all the merits, the achievements and satisfactions he deserved to have.

Pi-o had no right to feel sorry, had no right to suffer and had no right to be Jeongyo’s alpha. That was why he maintained a certain distance.

That was the truth Pi-o was trying to deny, but in the end he didn’t deserve Jeongyo.

He always ended up hurting the other and Jeongyo didn’t deserve it. If the alpha didn’t want to accept that he deserved better than Pi-o, then the omega would have done the dirty work once again.  

“When you disappeared, I suffered the most. Not even piano, the one thing I had dedicated my whole life for, was enough to filled the emptiness I felt. Piano siphoned me. I siphoned myself, I was my own parasite, I consumed every little cell until it remained nothing. I have nothing else to give to anyone, not even me.”

“Are you saying that you don’t want to play anymore ? I thought this was just a pause.”

“Not anymore. I want to quit piano and everything it represents behind.”

It was true. He believed that working for Mr. Seo was just way to keep himself busy from not thinking about piano, but Pi-o actually meant it.

Music was like a parasite, it had syphoned Pi-o for years and nothing was left anymore to give.

He didn’t feel deserving of playing piano, specially Jeongyo’s music.

“You know I didn’t mean when I said you were a loser, right ? You know that you’re the only reason why I started playing again right ? You’re also the reason why I remembered everything, your music made me remember everything. Your music…”

“It’s not the only problem here.”

“It’s Nemesis ? I swear I won’t ask you to play it ever again.”

“Why not ? I understand it better somehow. Before all of this, it was originally a love letter to me. I wish I had realized it back then how much you loved me.”

“What else then ? It’s me ? You no longer want to work with me ?”

Jeongyo would never drop it, never stop to pursue Pi-o, for better or worse and that was the problem, that was what scared Pi-o.

How much intense, consuming and destructive their love was for each other.

Jeongyo loved Pi-o so much that, even before learning the truth, he practically admitted to love Pi-o since high school when he declared that Nemesis was meant for the omega since the beginning.

Jeongyo loved Pi-o so much, so devoted to his muse, that he would only suffer more and more along the way.

Their love was dangerous for them and if the alpha couldn’t see it, then the omega would cut their bond for both of them.

Pi-o was going to protect Jeongyo from everyone, including Pi-o, including Jeongyo himself.

No more loss, no more sacrifice, no more pain.

The both had paid more than required for a love that seemed doomed from the beginning.

“Why ? Do you still want to work with me ? Are you sure ?” asked Pi-o with spite.

“How can you ask it ?”

“A partnership is based on trust, Jeongyo, and it’s clear you don’t trust me.”

“What ?”

“You believed me to be ruthless and heartless just like everyone else. Do you deny it ?”

“I was idiot.”

“You are for believed that me, a seventeen old boy, your omega, with no means, would have planned your abduction. I mean, I was so focused on piano back then that I wouldn’t have even known where to begin to plan such thing and I believed my mother to be so religious that… Well…”

“Pi-o…”

“Not just you, but everyone. When I learnt about your dead, I spiraled. I could no longer play piano, I was drowning into an abyss of sorrow, mourn, desperation, emptiness and no one reached out to help me, except for Jae-in, but I felt so alone and I didn’t feel legitimate to mourn you. I wanted to apologize for my behavior. I should have treated you better back then.”

“You were under a lot of pressure.”

“It wasn’t a justification. I was jealous, I was petty and I should have given up on piano before it was too late. I’m sorry for hitting you that night and for not having thank you enough for all you did to me, but know that you made me happy. Truly.”

If that was the last time they were going to talk, at least Pi-o wanted to be sure that the alpha understood how much his omega loved him.

No more barriers, no more filters, no more half words, no more ambiguity, Pi-o wanted Jeongyo to know how he felt for him.

“You made me happy too.” Said Jeongy

His beautiful eyes were filled with sadness and melancholy and Pi-o wanted nothing more than comforting him and making him smile, but he couldn’t. 

“You were my first love, my first kiss, my first time. You also were…”

He paused. He started sobbing and crying, crumbling underneath the weight of his feelings and Jeongyo was crying too.

It was the first time, after everything, that Pi-o openly declared his love for him and both of them wished it had been in different circumstances, with  nine years younger versions of themselves, deeply in loved, serene, with an hopeful and positive vision of their life and many achievements to accomplish together, but maybe it was too late for them.

“I’m so glad to hear your music, there’s nothing that makes me more happy. I would have been happier if you were still able to play piano like you used to. I’m sorry for everything that was taken away from you and I wish, with all my heart, that you will smile and be carefree as you used to.”

“I love you, Pi-o.”

“I love you too and I will never regret that. Nevertheless if the  price to love is so high then I don’t want to love anymore… I don’t think I could ever love anyone but you at this point…”

“Pi-o…”

“And I don’t want to be loved either, this way I won’t have any expectation.”

“Pi-o, please…”

“I didn’t want to tell you this way, but…”

“What ?”

“After you fired me… when I learnt that another omega would have played for you… I risked to drop.”

“Pi-o.”

“I was scared, really scared to die and it’s a feeling I don’t want to feel anymore.”

“So what ? Are you going to live the rest of your life like a ghost again ? Pretending not to feel anything ? Repressing your emotions ?”

“I’m used to it. So much that it doesn’t hurt anymore. Loving you instead… I’m sorry… These nine years weren’t easy for you, but I have lost a lot as well. Among the things I lost, there’s also our child.”

“What are you saying ?”

Pi-o sobbed, uncertain about whether to keep talking or not, but Jeongyo deserved to know. Their pup deserved it.

No one but Pi-o knew about his pup, it was one of the many things he kept to himself. Not even his mother knew about it, but Jeongyo deserved to know and his pup deserved to be mourned by its sire.

“I found out after your disappearance. I didn’t know I was pregnant until it was too late. I didn’t even have the time to experience the joy of carrying your pup and I lost them exactly like I lost you. And again I couldn’t tell anyone. The day of my abortion, I called an ambulance, I went to the hospital and I begged the doctor not to tell anything to anyone. The doctor said to my mother that I simply risked to drop. So then I came back home and I wept. The next months, each time I looked at my belly, I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I was mourning, I had lost a child, I had lost my mate and yet I had to endure all of that alone. Nothing has changed since you appeared again. I couldn’t see any hope for me.”

“Pi-o.”

“I was so lost, so sad that I saw the emptiness and I almost killed myself. I didn’t tell anyone because no one would understand me. How can you explain to someone that you consider your life so meaningless not to see a future for yourself anymore ? To the point that I need to find anything to have a reason to wake up every morning ?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Our pup is in a better place, or at least that’s my hope and I’m sure your life wasn’t a walk in the park either from what you told me. I’m just happy that, in your misfortune, you have been found by someone who took good care of you.”

Pi-o dreamed about Jeongyo every night and his heart shatter when he imagined his alpha lonely, wounded and scared, with no memories, surrounded by stranger people.

He couldn’t imagine the fear, the confusion, the sense of loss, the anger and the despair Jeongyo endured and yet his alpha had managed to become so strong.

Pi-o wished he could be as strong as him, but he wasn’t. It wasn’t a matter of being number one or number two.

Pi-o would always be an obstacle on Jeongyo’s way for greatness, that was why he had to get away.

“How can you tell me this and expect me not to feel devasted ? You just tell me that we have lost our pup.”

“You’ll move on. You’re the strongest of both of us. You went through hell and survived, I succumbed to despair. You’re incredible, Jeongyo.”

“Pi-o…”

“I wish you luck for everything. You’re an amazing director, have an incredible talent, you’re a splendid person and I wish that, one day, you’ll be able to smile and be carefree as you used to be. Even if without me.”

“Pi-o.”

“I love you, Choi Jeongyo, truly love you.”

“I know. You were willing to go to jail for me in order to stop me from pursuing a meaningless revenge.”

“You have lost so much time already, I couldn’t have allowed you to waste more because of your revenge. Hatred is consuming, I know that. I felt that you were hurting, I know what it looks like to be prisoner of our feelings. I allowed my insecurity to ruin everything around me. I had to stop you. I couldn’t bear to see you like that. Believe me when I say that all I want for you is to be happy.”

“You’re asking me to be happy without you. One reason why I quitted my job here was because I couldn’t stay without you.”

Pi-o understood and just like he confessed his mother’s crime to save Jeongyo’s from his own hatred, he was giving Jeongyo his time to heal, an opportunity to really understand if Pi-o was what he still wanted after all that time, or just a sweet memory he was still clinging on.

They needed time to find their own melody, before to understand if they could still completed each other and Pi-o needed to learn how to be braver with his emotions, or else he would always hurt Jeongyo with his cold attitude.

“And that’s a problem don’t you think ? I don’t want you to keep doing this. You need time to learn how to live without me and I need time to understand what I want to do with my life from now on. Or else we will drag our insecurities, our sense of guilty and our past in our future and I don’t want that.”

“What about that friend of yours ?” asked Jeongyo rising his voice again and with a voice full of spite.

“He’s nothing. I don’t love him. I don’t even care for him. I don’t even know what I’m doing with him. He means nothing.”

“Didn’t seem nothing to me.” Hissed Jeongyo.

If the situation wasn’t so dramatic, Pi-o would have rolled his eyes for his alpha’s jealousy and possessive attitude, telling Jeongyo how sexy his jealousy was, but they were not flirting, they were not declaring each other’s love.

They were discussing their love, their pup, their relationship, their future. Everything.

“I’m not asking to wait for me forever. If you find someone else to cherish, then I’ll be happy for you, but know that I love you, only you, forever you.”

The most altruistic thing Pi-o could do to Jeongyo at the moment was to set him free of his past. If Jeongyo chose to love him, in spite of their past bond, in spite of their sacrifices, then Pi-o would have accepted. If not, he would have accepted too.

Nothing mattered more than Jeongyo’s happiness.

“Pi-o, I wish I could understand what’s passing through your mind… truly… because I don’t understand…”

“I love you. Know that.” He said walking toward his car and driving away.

Useless to say, that he called Ji-young and spent the entire night crying on his couch, again.

“I know you’re probably not in the mood, but… if I can offer a distraction from your sentimental problems, I have something to tell you about Mr. Seo.”

“What ? You willing to help me ?” asked Pi-o stunned.

“Well, if he legitimates you as his son, you’ll own me a favor.”

“With you it’s always a quid pro quo.”

“Of course.” Grinned Ji-young.

Ji-young told him that at first Mrs. Seo was declared dead for an accident, but Mr. Seo found out that the heir of powerful family was harassing her and killed her when she rejected him.

When Mr. Seo learnt the truth, he planned his revenge on everyone, destroying the life of all the people involved, ruining their career, their families’ reputation, dooming their children into a life of shame and when everything was over, Mr. Seo remained just an empty, emotionless, apathetic shell of the man he used to be. That was why he had come back to Korea.

Somehow, Mr. Seo was the man Jeongyo had risked to become and Pi-o was glad to have spared such cruel fate to his alpha.

Few days later, he finally received his paternity and the results were positive. Mr. Seo was his father and Pi-o felt relief somehow. He finally had a name and a face to put on an empty space.

He finally knew about his history, he finally could tell that he, as everyone else, had a sire.

The last greatest gift from his mother. The chance to put all the pieces of the puzzles together, before to leave his past behind.

Two days after receiving the results, Mr. Seo asked Pi-o to go to his office for a discussion.

“Did you want to meet me Mr. Seo ?”

“Sit down.” Ordered the alpha.

“Have I done something wrong ? If it’s the case…”

“What is this ?” asked the alpha showing Pi-o a copy of the paternity test.

Pi-o paled, uncertain about what to do or say.

“How did you get it ?”

“One of my employee requests a paternity test using my DNA and without me knowing about it ? I deal with the worst of worst every day, do you really think that I would have let my guard down with my employees ?”

“You trust no one.”

“Obviously.”

“When you hired, did you do it because you wanted to be sure that I was innocent ? Did you consider me guilty so you wanted to see if you could put me in jail, right ?”

Pi-o couldn’t imagine how a man unable to trust someone would have hired a suspected criminal as his assistant, but finally he had his answer.

Mr. Seo was a man where everything was white or black, where there was no forgiveness or redemption for those who made mistakes. Who did something wrong, deserved to pay. Who hurt others, both directly or indirectly, was equally guilty and to Mr. Seo, Pi-o was guilty.

Not a good way to start a relationship, but at least Mr. Seo had no filters and didn’t talk behind Pi-o’s back.

“Yes.” Confirmed the alpha with no mercy “Did you collaborate with your mother ?”

“Jeongyo was my alpha.” Replied Pi-o outraged.

“That means nothing.”

“I love him.”

“Paradoxically those we hurt the most are the people we love.”

“I didn’t collaborate with her.”

“But ? Because there’s a but, right ?”

“When she confessed, I wanted her to apologize and pay for her crimes. She threatened to kill herself with a pair of scissors, so I went to Jeongyo and took the blame for her crimes.”

“And then what happened ?”

“You seem weirdly curious about this story.”

“I just want to know how far you went.”

“In what sense ?”

“How far you went with your self-harm. What did Choi do to you ? Or did you think I didn’t notice how jumpy you are around alphas ?”

“Do-Hyunk…”

That opportunistic snake. Pi-o should have kept his guard high around him.

“Don’t get angry with him. I hired him for a reason.”

“Then there’s nothing to talk about. You know everything. I’m not exactly innocent, but I’m not guilty either.”

“You shouldn’t have protected your mother.”

“It’s easy judging someone when you’re not in their shoes. People from all around the world are judging me but I wonder what they would have done if they had seen their mother threatening to kill herself with a pair of scissors. I wanted to see if they had had the courage to see her die.”

“You’re a good son, but a coward nonetheless.” Said the alpha with condescension.

“And you confuse revenge with justice, so don’t think you’re better than me.” Replied Pi-o with spite.

“How dare you “?

“For what happened to your wife. I did my homework. I know you didn’t believe that your wife died for an accident. I know that you had spent three years to take your revenge on all the people you deemed responsible. Her actual killer, the lawyer that defended him, the corrupted judge, his allied. You brought destruction, pain and dead upon them and for what ?”

“You know nothing kid.”

“I know that vengeance is corrosive, it poisons the heart and mind, pushes people to do horrible things, to become the worst version of themselves and, in the end, it leaves an emptiness behind that can’t easily be filled again.”

“You’re overstepping.” Hissed Mr. Seo, but Pi-o wasn’t scared.

“I don’t think so and even if I am, I don’t care. You let the past cloud your judgment, that’s why you refused to take in consideration that Ji He-ra could be innocent.”

“Leave, now.”

“I’m leaving and, since this is going to be my last day here and that you won’t like to see me again, that you can find some peace and find a way to fill the emptiness inside.”

“You don’t know what I need.”

“Jeongyo. He has planned his revenge against me for five years before to put his plan in motion. He wasn’t my friend, he was my alpha and he believed I was the one who ordered his abduction. His hatred blinded him, because of it he had hurt both of us. So, I’m talking for experience and just as I wished him the best, I wish the same for you. Hatred requires courage and pain to be felt and I could see how much Jeongyo was suffering because of it.”

“Careful, kid. You’re getting emotional here.”

“I am happy to have met you. I wish you luck.”

Without waiting for permission, Pi-o stood up and walked toward the door, but Mr. Seo stopped him.

“Don’t you want to even ask ?”

“About what ?”

“Don’t you want to ask me if I want to be your father ?”

Pi-o smiled, expecting that question and knowing exactly what to say.

“No and not because I’m afraid of rejection. I’ve been rejected by many people for a long time, I’m used to it but thanks to it I learnt that I can survive without anyone. When my alpha disappeared, I survived, barely, but I survived. I reached the bottom and now I’m slowly resurfacing, so no. I don’t want to ask you if you want to be my father. I know you’re my father and that’s all I needed. If you ever want to know me, you’ll know where to find me. If you don’t, then it’s okay nonetheless.”

“You’re stronger than I thought you were.”

“Thank you.”

When he left Mr. Seo’s office, he met the king of snakes and Pi-o wished he could slap Ji-young’ smirk with a good slap, but that was his last day there and he wanted to end things calmly.

“I guess we won’t see each other around here anymore.” Said Ji-young watching Pi-o collecting his things.

“You should know since you’re his little spy.”

“Don’t take it personal, it’s just business for me.”

“Yeah. I knew you would have said something like this.” Said Pi-o rolling his eyes.

“I take it went wrong.”

Pi-o smirked, knowing that he’d be the one to surprise Ji-young that time.

“Better than I expected actually. He wasn’t angry, just guarded somehow. I guess he feared I was going to demand something from him.”

“His money ?”

“To be my father.” Said Pi-o slapping Ji-young on the shoulder “I think he was more afraid of this request.”

“So helping you was useless.” Sighed the alpha fixing his glassed.

“Well, I’m quitting, so you have high possibility to take the firm when Mr. Seo retires.”

“True. What are you going to do now ?”

“Find a new job ?”

“Are you going to start playing piano again ?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, whatever you decide to do, good luck.”

“Thanks. I wish you well, Ji-younh.”

“If Choi doesn’t pursue you, I’ll maybe think about it.”

“Stupid.”

 “Well, you know where to find me.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Since he no longer had to work, he came back home, feeling exhausted for the conversation had with Mr. Seo and wanting nothing more than to rest in his bedroom.

“Grandpa, I’m home.” He said entering inside the house.

“I wasn’t expecting you. You usually don’t come back home this early.” Said his grandpa hugging him.

“I got fired grandpa.”

“Why ?”

“Mr. Seo knows the truth.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.”

“How did it go ?”

“Well, he’s my father but he wasn’t exactly excited for the news.”

Well, Mr. Seo wasn’t not excited either, practically he was more disappointed that Pi-o wasn’t the criminal he wanted him to be.

“How are you feeling ?”

“I expected it. I left the door opened for him, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s not going reach out for me.”

“I’m sorry Pi-o.”

“It’s okay. I’ll survive.”

He would. He was used to rejection and he had spent his whole life without a father figure. Pi-o was too old to despair because his father didn’t want anything to do with him.

He didn’t need Mr. Seo’s love or approval to survive, he didn’t need anyone’s approval to be proud of himself.

He was done living for other’s attention or approval. From then on, his life belonged to him and him alone.

“Pi-o.”

“Yes ?”

“I know you said you’re not ready to start playing again, but I really think you should come to the concerto tonight.”

“I don’t think my presence will be appreciated and I don’t want Jeongyo’s performance to pass in the background because journalists will be too busy throwing more dirty at me.”

“Jeongyio will be very happy to see you in the audience.”

“Why are you insisting ?” asked Pi-o with suspicious.

It wasn’t like his grandpa to insist so much.

“Because I truly think that you should come tonight.”

“I don’t think he would want me there.”

Specially because last time they talked, Pi-o broke Jeongyo’s heart a little more. Much more actually.

“How couldn’t you have realized ?”

“Realize what ?”

“That you’re his only one muse. His music only sings about you, his feelings for you, both negative and positive, the intensity of his devotion for you and it’s sublime, in the sense that it makes you feel like you’re standing in front of nature and you can’t help to be admired but also feel lost in front of its strength. You can’t tell me you haven’t realized it.”

“I have. Nemesis was a letter to me, just like his latest composition. It sounded like an apology and a silent prayer to get back to him, delicate, gentle and I now that it was referred to be but…”

“But ?”

“The funny thing grandpa that it’s not the violence of Jeongyo’s feelings that scares me, what scared me was the knowledge that I can’t no longer keep him away. He makes me lost control over myself, my omega, my feelings. I let him in and I can’t push him out.”

He couldn’t control Jeongyo and consequentially he couldn’t control himself around him and that was scary.

Sometimes he thought about that version of himself before Jeongyo, that version that knew how to conceal all his insecurities, that had all the means to protect himself from other people’s nasty comments and malicious looks, so upset about everything he wasn’t and yet able to achieve what he wanted every single time without ever failing.

The one that couldn’t be either bend or broken, because no one but himself had the power to do it, but Pi-o had realizing, during his period as assistant of Mr. Seo, that he even if he missed those times, he didn’t want to be that person anymore, not if it meant not to ever know how it felt to be loved by Jeongyo.

“It’s frighten right ? To trust, to fall in love…”

“Yes.” Admitted Pi-o.

“It’s part of life Pi-o. You have to learn that you can’t control anything. Love is something that will always transcend any control.”

“I know.”

“Come with me tonight.”

Understanding that his grandpa wasn’t going to let it go that time, Pi-o accepted the offer.

“Fine. I need to keep myself occupied anyway and…”

“Yes ?”

“Do you think it would be nice to buy Jeongyo a bouquet ?”

“I think it’s an amazing idea.”

He bought a bouquet of forget-me-not, agapanthus and chrysanthemums, all flowers that symbolized a promise of eternal love, devotion, loyalty, fidelity and sincerity.

That evening he ignored every malicious look, every nasty comment whispered behind his back, there was no place for everyone but Jeongyo that night.

He sat next to his grandpa and Jae-in, impatient to see Jeongyo arrive.

When the alpha arrived, dressed up elegantly, walking confidently on the stage, Pi-o’s heartbeat accelerated so much that his chest hurt and the mere sight of his alpha took his breath away.

The world around him disappeared. To Pi-o nothing else existed, not his grandpa, not Jae-in, not the orchestra, not the public, not Lee, just Jeongyo and his music.

A music that talked about his muse, Pi-o. A music sweet, delicate, that told a story about longing, missing, yearning. A music that told the love of an alpha for his omega and his wish to have him back. A music that told the pain of an empty space in his life, a place what waited to be filled by only one person.

A music that told about a promise of eternal love, devotion, loyalty, fidelity and sincerity.

A music that told about Choi Jeongyo’s love for Kang Pi-o. A love began during his high schools. A loved that seemed doomed after years of miscommunication, pain and misunderstanding. A love that never died. A love that not even amnesia could ever erase, considering that Jeongyo started to remember when he heard Pi-o playing, recognizing the other part of his melody.

A love that would never die.

A love that could still bloomed into a beautiful melody.

A love still worthy to be fought for.

A love both Jeongyo and Pi-o wanted to experience with all themselves.

“Jeongyo…” whispered Pi-o, so moved that he was crying.

“It’s for you, Pi-o.” said his grandpa holding his hand.

“It’s beautiful…”

When the concerto was over, Pi-o’s grandpa and Jae-in went to congratulate with Jeongyo, while Pi-o asked him to talk to him at the end of the evening.

Jeongyo was surprised by Pi-o requested but happily accepted, fully showing his joy for having another opportunity to talk with Pi-o, so he invited the omega over his apartment.

Pi-o proposed to talk another time if the alpha was too tired after the concerto, but Jeongyo insisted that it wasn’t a problem and then he drove them back to his apartment.

Pi-o was glad that they could talk somewhere private, surely more private than the street where they talked last time.

Jeongyo offered Pi-o a glass of water and the omega finally gave him the bouquet.

“Yeah, ehm, these are for you.” Said Pi-o shily.

“They’re beautiful, thanks.” Said Jeongyo smiling for the nice gesture, then he put the flowers in a vase.

Once he was finished, he sat on the couch next to Pi-o.

Both of them were embarrassed. They spent five minutes playing with their fingers and avoiding to look at the other not to blush and blub like idiots.

Pi-o was about to talk, when Jeongyo, as always, had been the bravest of them.

“Did you like it ?” asked the alpha looking at Pi-o.

“I felt it.”

“Yeah ?”

“Yeah.”

That wasn’t a matter of liking or not. How could Pi-o not adoring Jeongyo’s love letter for him ?

But feeling was another matter entirely and Pi-o felt Jeongyo’s love in every note, leaving him overwhelmed.

“I would have played it better than Lee. How can he give justice to a love letter dedicated to me ?” he burbled.

A stupid thing to say, but old habits died hard and Pi-o was feeling to embarrassed at the moment, his emotions were all over the places, he had no longer control over his feelings and the fact that his hands were sweating and he was blushing like an idiot didn’t help him.

So he concealed what he would have wanted to say behind that snarky comment.

All he wanted to tell Jeongyo was that he felt it. The promise of an eternal love, his devotion, his affection, his sincerity, everything.

He felt every single thing.

“He can’t.” said Jeongyo smiling.

Pi-o was relief that Jeongyo knew him too much by that point to understand what Pi-o wanted to say without having to say it aloud.

“Only I can feel how much you loved me, but can you feel how much I love you ?”

“I can. I felt it when I heard you playing.”

“So you’re not going to doubt me anymore ?”

Pi-o needed to be sure that never again they would have allowed a misunderstanding to get in their way.

He needed to know that they were on the same page on that. That next time someone tried to get in between or when they had the suspect that the other did something they shouldn’t have, they would talk first before to point the finger.

An untold doubt could do more damage than a painful truth. They learnt it the hard way.

“Never again. I will never put your love for me in discussion ever again. My hatred and thirst for revenge clouded my judgment and when you publicly disconfirmed our bond during that interview, I was so hurt that for me it was a confirmation that you didn’t actually love me back then.”

“I wasn’t exactly very affectionate toward you back then. I should have treated you better, cherished you as you deserved, made clear that you were my alpha because you’re so amazing that every omega would want to be your mate.”

Pi-o wanted to apologize for his past behavior since he never had the chance.

Jeongyo had been nice with him since the beginning, but Pi-o was too blinded by his jealousy and his need for control to properly appreciate Jeongyo as the alpha deserved.

The only luck was that Jeongyo was determinate and stubborn enough to past through Pi-o cold and introvert attitude and saw how tender and compassionate the omega could be.

“Well, I want only one omega. Since I was a child it always the same. The only one that matches my melody, the only one in the world who can play my same song, but…”

“But ?”

“What about your…”

“My ?”

“Your colleague.”

“Oh, Ji-young.”

“Yeah, him.”

“I didn’t have sex with him. I tried but I couldn’t go all the way. He wasn’t you. I just… I was feeling deprived of any sort of control over my life and when I said that I didn’t want to love anyone anymore, I meant it. That’s why it was easier with Ji-young. With no feelings involved and the knowledge that it was just sex, I was sure that I wouldn’t have ended up with my heart broken. He didn’t love me, I didn’t love him. It was easier. You know I’m a coward.”

“Stop talking so bad about yourself. You didn’t have many reasons to open your heart to love.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted anyway. I have loved you for a decade, I still love you and at this point I’m sure I’ll love only you forever.”

Pi-o felt vulnerable and exposed, but for once he didn’t care.

He was observing his alpha’s reactions and expression and he could feel Jeongyo’s happiness for those words and Pi-o was going to repeat them forever to make him happy.

“I’m sorry for scaring you away. You’re not the only one who own you an apology, my behavior was unacceptable and I’m sorry for causing you bad memories.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I told you. I was scared but of you, but of my feelings. After having suppressed my feelings for so long, after having spent my whole life keeping everyone out, it scared me that you were the only one who could see me. It wasn’t your behavior that frighten me, but the knowledge that, not matter what, I loved you with such intensity that I would have let you in. The intensity and violence of my emotions, the lines I was willing to cross for you, the fact that I would love you forever were too much to handle at once. So I did what I know best, I ran away from my feelings because I was afraid. Unfortunately I realize that I can’t go back to what I used to be, I no longer want to hide, I no longer what to detached myself, but I want to live, taste any color and sensation and I want to be with you.”

“Good. Because the next time another alpha, beta or omega will approach you, I won’t stay put. I’ll fight everyone for your love if I have to. This time, no one, no bullet, wound, or misunderstanding will keep me from pursuing you, courting you and cherishing you till the end of my life.”

Pi-o considered Jeongyo handsome in any possible way, but when he got so jealous and possessive he became even more handsome. His eyes got darker, his voice deeper, his scent more intense and took Pi-o’s breath away, making him shivering but nor for fear.

“Are you really sure you want to be with me ? When I said you’re the strongest of us, I meant it. You’re amazing, you have been through hell and yet you managed not to just survive, but to create a new life for yourself. Look at what you have achieved. I’m not like you. I’m a coward, weak, when things got hard I crumbled. Are you sure you want to commit wit…”

Jeongyo gently grabbed Pi-o’s face with his hands and kissed him.

At first it was just a little peck on the lips, like the one he gave Pi-o when they were kids, but soon the kiss became more intense. Jeongyo licked Pi-o’s lips, asking for permission to deepen the kiss, a permission that Pi-o could never deny him.

So he opened his lips and allowed Jeongyo to kiss him passionately, to devour him, to dominate him, to take everything he wanted from Pi-o, to shower him with his pheromones, to mark him as his.

Once the kiss was over, Jeongyo and Pi-o were out of breath and were smiling, happy for that moment.

“Was my answer exhaustive ? If not I’m going to prove every day my love, until you start to look at yourself and see exactly what I see.”

“I guess so. I’m sorry for not telling you earlier about our pup.”

Pi-o didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere, but that was another topic of conversation that needed to be discussed properly.

Jeongyo deserved to know and ask everything he wanted in order to be able to mourn his pup properly.

“It’s like I put you in the position to do it. I treated you horribly, how could you have told me something like that ? I wish I had been there with you back then.”

“Me too. Sometimes I think about what would be like, you know ? Us, being parents.”

It was a childish fantasy, but Pi-o couldn’t imagine creating a family with anyone but Jeongyo. He didn’t want to carry anyone’s pups but Jeongyo, he wanted to bear his mark and spend the rest of his life with that blushing alpha that was clearly feeling embarrassed at the moment.

“Maybe not so soon. We need time for us, time to heal, you were right on this, but one day…”

“Do you want pups ? You don’t have to agree if you don’t want them.”

“Pi-o, how can I make you finally believe me when I say that I want to spend my life with you ? I want to cherish you, marry you and have pups with you. As many as you want. All of me if yours, forever. I lied too. When I said that my life was taken away from because I couldn’t play anymore. What hurt the most was the conviction of having lost you, that you never loved me, that I could never have a place in your heart. You, who had been my muse since the first time I heard you playing.”

“Then promise, no, swear to me, that you’ll never leave me and that if someone or something gets in between, swear that you’ll always find your back to me. You scared me when you quitted and disappear.”

“You wanted to quit first and I thought you resented me. In that case, it would have hurt too much staying here without being able to have you.”

“Promise to me that you won’t disappear again.”

Pi-o needed to hear it.

After his mother’s incarceration, Pi-o naively thought everything was over. He believed to have lost Jeongyo forever, that it was too late for them, that too much had happened for them to be together, but at least he knew that his alpha was safe and sound and that was all he needed, but when he received the about Jeongyo’s disappearance, Pi-o’s world shattered again.

He didn’t want to leave in fear that his alpha could disappear, he didn’t want to spend one more day without being sure that Jeongyo was safe and sound and that Pi-o could easily find him.

If they had to be together, then they had to face everything together. No more disappearances, no more lies, no more secrets.

“I swear. We have lost so much time already and I don’t intend to lose more. I want you, Pi-o. I want all of you. I got a taste when I kissed you nine years ago, you made me addicted to you, you possessed any thought of my mind, even my music doesn’t talk about me anymore, but you. Only you. Always you.”

“Then do something about. It’s not like you to be shy, right ?”

“Even if I was, surely not anymore. I’m greedy, possessive, determinate to get what I want, even if you keep running from me.”

“It’s the same, so don’t you dare ever again to substitute me with another omega as your soloist.”

“Seriously ? You were jealous of Lee ?”

“I little and maybe I have used Ji-young to get a little back at you.”

“It worked, I was utterly jealous.”

“For no reasons at all. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

No more words were needed, no more explanation or clarification was required. The past could be left behind. The present could be lived. The future could be built. Together, always together, only together.

Choi Jeongyo and Kang Pi-o.

Alpha and omega.

Two part of the same souls.

Two part of the same melody.

Two people whose life depended on the other.

Two people who, in spite of all the obstacles on the way, had found their back to each other and that evening, they finally became one again and made love to each other, healed each other wounds and swore again, and again, and again, eternal love for the other.

After that night, the two officially became a couple. Jeongyo asked to Mr. Kang his permission to officially court Pi-o and two weeks later they started living together.

Jeongyo still composed his music and Pi-o resumed his career as pianist, the only one who could give justice to Jeongyo’s music, the only one who could properly play his heart and interpret his emotions and feelings as they deserved.

Pi-o and Jeongyo were in a bliss, happy to be together, happy to be free to love each other and to regain the time lost.

In all of that, something else happened.

“What are these grandpa ?”

Even if he lived with Jeongyo, his residence was still registered at his old house and his grandpa one day asked him to come over to retrieve two packs for you.

Curious, Pi-o went accompanied by Jeongyo, curious to know what they were.

“Two packs for you.”

“For me ?”

He opened the first pack and he immediately recognized the first painting he saw at Mr. Seo’ house, the one with the two faces of Seoul and Dike’ statue at the center.

“What is this Pi-o?” asked Jeongyo curiously observing the painting.

“It’s Mr. Seo’s painting.”

“Your father ?” asked the alpha.

Pi-o nodded, bewildered that Mr. Seo had sent him that specific painting to him.

“Oh, it’s flawless. I’m not an expert but it’s very detailed, there’s no smear, no imperfection. It looks like a picture.” Commented Mr. Kang.

“It’s also cold and impersonal like a picture. This portrait is emotionless. I wonder why he has sent it to you.” Said Jeongyo.

 “Maybe it’s his way to clinch that there’s no place for emotions in his perfect world.” Said Pi-o putting that painting away. “Let’s open the other.”

If receiving the first painting left Pi-o bewildered, the second one left him speechless. It was a painting about him.

Pi- had been painted amazingly, while the background was full of flaws, imperfections and smudges, as if Mr. Seo wanted to say that in his eyes Pi-o was a light and a certain in a flawless world.

“Pi-o…” whispered Jeongyo.

“I… I didn’t expect it…” said Pi-o moved.

“It’s not technically perfect like the other but I can feel his care for you. I think it’s his way to tell him that…” said his grandpa.

“He cares…”

Pi-o looked at Jeongyo and smiled. He finally had everything he wanted.

His grandpa’s affection, his alpha’s love and maybe one day, his father would come for him.

At the moment, Pi-o didn’t need anything more. It was perfectly imperfect and Pi-o had learnt to love imperfections more than anything else.