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Doyoung never knows how he should act around Taeil. It’s always different whenever he’s around the older. Simply the air that his hyung exudes shows just how deep Taeil is with his words. It doesn’t work with his own set rules -- to never let his heart be exposed too deeply. They can be two feet apart, and Doyoung will feel his walls crumbling. It’s as though the older vocalist is the water that can seep through the smallest of cracks in a barrier, destroying the entire dam as soon as the weakness is exposed.
It bothers Doyoung; it bothers him a lot. Especially because sometimes, he doesn’t realize that his self-imposed protection was put down. Especially because Taeil does absolutely nothing, yet Doyoung feels a sense of serenity, peace, around the other.
It’s worse recently because this shy hyung has gotten more courage. Taeil now approaches the younger to discuss more music - love songs specifically. Doyoung doesn’t like it; he hates the feelings of insecurities that invades his heart during these moments. But still, he loves it because Taeil is sort of like home; Taeil is a sort of refuge in their harsh and unfair environment.
Taeil has noticed how Doyoung talks less whenever he’s around. At first, it makes him feel lonely because he thinks that the younger doesn’t like him. However, with their years as SM Rookies together, Taeil notices small differences in Doyoung. He sees that while he’s surrounded by people, there’s a certain stress in his eyes. It’s as though he’s forcing himself to talk. When he first saw this, he thought, Maybe he’s tired today. But as time passed, Taeil sees that the younger feels more pressure. So he tries to give small encouraging smiles (which probably don’t work). When they’re alone, Taeil calls out, “Doyoung-ah, how have you been? Are you okay?”
There’s genuine worry in the older’s eyes; Doyoung can see it. He replies with a light smile, “I’m fine, hyung. Why?” In his heart, he wonders, Have I been lacking in trying to conceal how I feel?
“If you don’t want to speak, just excuse yourself. Don’t push yourself,” Taeil answers softly. He doesn’t want to push away the other and simply advises with few words.
Doyoung blinks away threatening tears because it’s the first time anyone, anyone, has told him to relax. To do what he wants when he’s around other people. For him, his family has always been about reputation and a public image. A perfect family. A perfect brother. A perfect son. He’s never been able to fully express his views. So maybe that’s when Doyoung falls for another man.
For Taeil, he’s always been looking out for his dongsaengs, but two that catch his eyes are Jaehyun and Doyoung. Especially Doyoung because he only reveals his “bright and happy” side. It worries Taeil, but he only watches from the side, giving little pieces of advice because he realizes that the younger wants attention, but not the obvious and explicit kind of attention. Taeil sees that Doyoung wants to have his emotions under a lock and key.
But as he watches the other vocalist, the older notices small habits that Doyoung has. It’s cute, Taeil thinks. The way he has to move his hand while talking, the way he looks up when he’s not sure what to say, the way he laughs loudly even when a bad joke is made. It’s all very endearing to Taeil.
It’s a few months before their debut as NCT U, and Doyoung is nervous for more reasons than one. He finally decided to confess his feelings for his hyung because after this, who knows when the next time they’ll have peace and quiet.
Taeil watches with soft eyes before asking, “Doyoung-ah, are you nervous?”
And much to Doyoung’s chagrin, he blurts out carelessly, “Hyung, I love you.”
Both are shocked by his words. Doyoung slams his mouth shut, blocking his mouth with his hands while Taeil just stares back in surprise. The older replies, “I love you too.”
“No, I mean, I’m in love with you,” Doyoung clarifies, clearing his throat and gaining courage.
Taeil blushes softly and returns a shy smile, “I feel the same to you.”
Doyoung waits for a moment, expecting for a punchline, “Please tell me you aren’t joking.”
“Am I that kind of person, Doyoung?”
Doyoung grins, “No, no, you’re not.”
“So are we boyfriends now?” Taeil wonders aloud. He takes hold of the younger’s hand, entwining their fingers.
“Do you want us to be?” Doyoung counters.
Taeil chuckles, “Yes.”
“Then I’d love for us to start dating,” Doyoung states while placing their foreheads against each other.
Awkward. They know they’re awkward with each other. Doyoung being friendly but not close with many, and Taeil being shy yet ridiculously close to few. They’re opposites, but somehow, they get together.
Somehow, they’ve grown to love and care for one another; each one respecting and supporting the other. Small glances they share while still keeping their distance. They don’t wildly share their love with one another with any displays of affection because the way their eyes deeply express their emotions is enough. Brushing their hands maybe once a week, stealing small pecks once or twice a month - they do all that when no one is looking.
And while to some, these gestures may seem pointless, to Taeil and Doyoung, to these two vocalists, these tiny actions are things they cherish. These tiny actions make their relationship feel more special because it’s light and slow. It’s what they like and what they’re comfortable with