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Miyano’s behavior for the past couple of weeks had been quite suspicious according to Sasaki, first he wouldn’t let his boyfriend touch his waist, and would completely avoid staying alone with him, he got more anxious than usual, and also, he wore a bunch of baggy clothes despite how hot the weather had been.
Now Sasaki wasn’t one to not trust his boyfriend, but this odd behavior had started the day after he celebrated his 20th birthday with his friends, and unlike his celebration with him in which he made him three different cocktails he prepared precisely for the occasion; his friends simply got him blackout drunk and called Sasaki to pick him up.
As they sat down in Sasaki’s bedroom studying together, with the door completely opened, because apparently now Miyano always wanted to keep the door open whether they were at his or Sasaki’s house, he couldn’t help but look at him and wonder what had happened that day.
Some of his most intrusive thoughts told him that maybe Miyano didn’t want him anymore, at least not physically, his boyfriend went from trying to jump him any chance they got, to completely avoid going further than kissing. Another thought he had was that maybe he didn’t want him completely, and he wanted to break up with him; this thought hurt more, so much more, because Sasaki could stand never being intimate with his boyfriend ever again, but not living this life without him.
The most rational part of his brain however (and Hirano on a call where he complained about not wanting to know about his friends’ sex life), told him he had to talk to him, they would solve absolutely nothing unless they talked, and maybe, just maybe he could convince Miyano he’d want him even if he stopped wanting to be intimate, he’d take whatever his boyfriend was willing to give him and won’t complain.
“Shumei?” asked Miyano pulling him out of his thoughts, “Is everything ok? You have been staring at me for a while now.”
“Mmh? Yeah, everything’s ok Kazu, don’t worry” answered the copper-haired with a smile.
Fear 1 – Sasaki 0
“Ok, let me know if there’s something going on, ok?” he said as he went back to his laptop.
After another half an hour of studying, Satoko came to the room, “Miyano, Shu, I’m going to the grocery store, do you two want anything?”
Miyano suddenly got anxious again, “oh no, don’t trouble yourself, Shumei and I could go for you, right Shumei?”
There it was, again, Miyano didn’t want to stay alone with him, Sasaki was about to (reluctantly) agree with him, until Satoko answered first, “it’s ok Miyano, I also wanted to pass by my boyfriend’s house because I left something at his place last time, and I want to spend a little time with him before doing the groceries.”
“Oh” said Miyano dejectedly, not knowing how much this hurt the guy beside him, “it’s… it’s ok then, I don’t need anything.”
Sasaki tried to fake a smile at this, “I’m good sis, I still have those treats I baked two days ago, I’ll share some with Miya too.”
With this she left the two alone, something that hadn’t happened in a good while.
Sasaki waited until he heard the door close signaling his sister had already left, and noticed Miyano went back to his computer, and refused to look at him, so he saved the document he was working on and closed his computer, fear be damned and he spoke, “you don’t want to be alone with me.”
Miyano stopped typing immediately and with a fake smile he said, still looking at the computer, “I just don’t want to distract you, you’re in your last year of college Shu, I know how demanding it is.”
“Don’t lie to me Yoshikazu” said Sasaki in an upset tone of voice, “we don’t lie to each other, and right now you can’t even look at me.”
The raven-haired lowered his face and said, “I… I don’t… I…”
The silence felt like a bucket of cold water to Sasaki, nothing he could come up with justified this behavior, and feeling the tears build up in his eyes, he said, “Do you not want me anymore? Is that it?”
Suddenly Miyano felt a chill run down his spine, and he felt himself go pale as he raised his head so fast it almost gave him whiplash, “What?! Shumei, what are you...?” then he noticed what he hadn’t noticed for days out of fear of looking at Sasaki’s face, the bags under his eyes, the tired face, and now the tears in his eyes, suddenly he realized he’d messed up, his hand immediately went to his mouth in shock and said, “omg, you actually do believe that, Shu, no, omg, no, no, no, I do want you Sasaki Shumei” then he hugged Sasaki tight, which prompted the other to cry more openly.
“Whatever I did to you Yoshikazu, please let me fix it” said Sasaki between sobs.
This completely shattered Miyano’s heart, he’d messed up so badly, and for such a stupid reason too, so he kissed his head and said, “Shumei, you did nothing wrong, you’re the most perfect boyfriend anyone could ask for, and I feel so incredibly lucky every time I remember you fell for me and not someone else.”
Sasaki sniffled and asked, “Then why are you pulling away from me?”
Suddenly the fudanshi’s face got completely red, and he groaned a bit before he answered, “because I did something stupid, and I was embarrassed you’d find out.”
Sasaki looked at him with puffy eyes urging him to continue.
So, Miyano reluctantly pulled away from the hug, and said, “ok, so first of all, I was completely drunk, and it was Tashiro’s stupid idea.”
After another pause Sasaki insisted, “please just… tell me what it is?” Miyano looked away for a second and covered his face with his hand, but Sasaki was having none of that, he pulled the hand away and said, “no, look at me and tell me please, before I go crazy.”
And so, with what, Miyano stood up to close (and lock) the door, and he took a deep breath before he pulled his shirt over his head, which at first shocked Sasaki, and then he saw it, above Miyano’s hip, it was…
“A tattoo?” asked Sasaki confused, “You got a tattoo?”
Miyano shook his head a bit from side to side and said, “I wish that was the most embarrassing part”, then he lowered his pant a bit so Sasaki could see it properly.
Suddenly Sasaki got completely flustered and asked, “is that… my… name? With a little… peach next to it?”
Miyano wanted to hide his face in embarrassment, but he knew he couldn’t, so he started rambling instead, “I told you I was completely drunk, at one point Kuresawa mentioned how no one loved their partner more than him, and drunk me disagreed with him, and we started having a debate over who knew their partner better, and then when we were walking the streets between one bar and the other, Tashiro got this dumb idea after seeing a tattoo parlor, saying that someone who truly loved their partner wouldn’t be afraid to have that forever written on them, and Kuresawa said that a tattoo was a dumb idea, but I said I could do it because I loved you more than he loved his girlfriend and so I went ahead and did it, and then the tattoo person told me to add something else so that the person I did this for could kiss it there, and I added the peach, and once I sobered up, I realized what I did, and it was so embarrassing, and also, so painful, it finished healing like 5 days ago, but the process was so uncomfortable, and then I wanted to hide it, but I also knew realistically I couldn’t hide it forever from you, but I still didn’t know how to tell you I did this without sounding like a psychopath that went ahead and got his boyfriend’s name tattooed on him, I was so scared I was going to freak you out, and please tell me this doesn’t freak you out, and if you hate it, I can remove it with laser once I start working because it’s so expensive, and I’m sorry I did this, I really wasn’t thinking and…”
“Yoshikazu” interrupted Sasaki who was still a bit shocked, but decided he needed to stop the rambling now, and once Miyano quieted down, he looked at him and smiled at him softly, then he lowered himself to place a kiss on the little peach surprising his boyfriend, “the tattoo artist was right, that was nice to do” then he chuckled, “what am I gonna do with you Yoshikazu?”
“Stay with me I hope” said Miyano chuckling a little nervously.
Sasaki simply kissed him, “guess I’ll have to stay with you forever now, so that you never have to pay for that laser removal.”
Miyano pouted, “were you not planning to originally?”
“Nah, you’re stuck with me Yoshikazu” said Sasaki as he held his boyfriend in his arms, “because your name has been tattooed on my heart ever since my second year of high school.”
Miyano nuzzled himself in Sasaki’s chest, “it’s not the same.”
Sasaki then smiled mischievously at him, “do you want me to get your name tattooed on me?”
Miyano pondered for a second and grumbled, “I mean, not necessarily my name, but a tattoo on you would look really attractive”
“Mmmh, ok” said Sasaki as he fell on his bed still holding Miyano, “but you’re going to choose it for me.”
“M… me? Why?” asked Miyano scandalized.
Sasaki gave him a soft kiss and said, “yours makes me so happy to see, I want you to feel happy to see mine.”
Miyano hid himself in Sasaki’s chest again, “You’re so unfair Shumei” then he lifted up his face again and said, “ok, I’ll think about it and let you know.”
Then with a flirty tone, he grabbed Miyano’s hand and placed it under his shirt on his hip and said, “should I do it here too?” then he dragged the hand towards his back, “or somewhere you’ll see when you make me yours?”
Realizing what he was implying, and suddenly aware of the fact that he was shirtless, Miyano got completely red and separated from his boyfriend for a second, before he remembered how much he’d been pulling away the last couple of weeks, and also how much he had to hold back, so he went back, this time going on top of his boyfriend and kissed him passionately before he showed him how much he liked the idea, three times.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” asked Miyano to his boyfriend for the nth time, as they were waiting for the artist to finish the stencil that he would put on Sasaki.
Sasaki simply kissed his cheek again to reassure him, “I would have wanted for the elements to be those of Yoshikazu, but a temple and a field are easier than finding something to symbolize beautiful or reason, don’t you think?”
“I get that” said Miyano, “but it doesn’t have to be a representation of my name, I just said the thing about the elements as a fun fact.”
Sasaki chuckled, “I love to have something that reminds me of you Kazu, besides I added that lion image you liked.”
This only made Miyano blush hard.
Then the artist came out again, “it’s ready, now please remind where do you want it?”
Sasaki smiled proudly and answered, “on my back please”.