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It was meant to be a simple, two-minute task: step into Gojo Satoru's personal quarters, navigate the horrifying mountain of empty candy wrappers, unwashed blindfolds, and half-finished manga volumes, open the top drawer of the mahogany desk, and retrieve the signed mission authorization document that Principal Yaga had been demanding since yesterday morning.
Megumi was fifteen, perpetually exhausted, and deeply regretful that he had ever agreed to act as Gojo's de facto administrative assistant. He shoved open the final cupboard near the bookshelf, expecting to see more stacks of tax documents Gojo had ignored, but his hand bumped against a velvet object hidden behind a row of sugary energy drinks.
Curious only because it wasn't trash, Megumi pulled out a dust-covered, rich red velvet box. He flipped the latch. Inside, resting against black silk, was a thick, stunningly crafted platinum ring. It caught the dim light of the room with an understated, heavy elegance, featuring an intricate, ancient crest carved into its surface. A symbol Megumi had never seen before and, frankly, did not care enough to analyze.
He assumed it was just another expensive, meaningless trinket Gojo had bought on a whim during an overseas trip and subsequently forgot about. He picked it up. The metal felt heavy, cool, and surprisingly comfortable. Absentmindedly sliding it onto his left hand, he realized it fit his ring finger with absolute perfection, as if it had been custom-sized.
Without giving it a second thought, and completely forgetting that wearing a band on the left ring finger carried any societal or traditional weight, Megumi closed the empty velvet box, tossed it back into the cupboard, found the mission paper under a discarded bag of chips, and walked out.
He wore the ring all day. He wore it while drinking tea in the breakroom, he wore it while sparring with Maki on the training grounds, and he wore it while filling out incident reports in the main office. Because Megumi naturally kept his hands shoved in his pockets most of the time, nobody noticed.
Until 5:00 PM in the central courtyard.
Principal Yaga called Megumi over to hand him a stack of revised budget forms. Megumi reached out with his left hand, taking the clipboard, the platinum ring gleaming brightly in the afternoon orange sunlight directly under Yaga's nose.
Yaga's eyes locked onto the ring.
He froze. His brain, which had spent decades dealing with Gojo's endless idiocy, completely short-circuited. He recognized the crest instantly. It was the ancient, sacred heirloom of the Gojo clan. The Hiden no Yubiwa. The singular, priceless platinum band reserved strictly for the designated life partner and spouse of the Gojo clan head. It was a ring steeped in centuries of conservative Jujutsu tradition, carrying immense political, legal, and marital weight across the entire sorcery world.
And there it was, resting casually on the left ring finger of Gojo's fifteen-year-old, minor, legally adopted ward.
Yaga's face turned an alarming shade of purple. His chest heaved, his heart hammered against his ribs so violently he nearly dropped his own clipboard, and a cold, panicked sweat broke out across his forehead.
In Yaga's mind, there were only two possibilities, and both were catastrophic. Either Gojo had secretly, illegally, and absurdly bound his adolescent ward to the Gojo clan through some insane traditional loophole without telling anyone, or Gojo had handed the most sacred marital relic of his lineage to a teenager as a joke.
Assuming that Gojo, as the boy's primary guardian, must have taught Megumi the grave significance of the clan's heirlooms, Yaga concluded that Gojo was actively orchestrating some unhinged, society-shattering scandal.
Without saying a single word to Megumi, who simply blinked in mild confusion and walked away with the budget forms, Yaga turned on his heel and marched toward the faculty building like a runaway freight train.
The staff room was unusually quiet.
Nanami was sitting at his desk, meticulously organizing mission logs with a cup of black coffee, enjoying the rare serenity. Shoko was lounging on the sofa near the window, blowing a lazy stream of cigarette smoke toward the ceiling. Gojo himself was spinning around in an executive office chair, eating a pink frosted doughnut and swinging his legs like a child.
The peace shattered when the heavy wooden doors of the staff room were slammed open with such violent force that the hinges groaned.
Yaga stormed in, his face contorted in sheer, unadulterated fury. Before anyone could ask what was wrong, Yaga lunged across the room, grabbed Gojo by the collar of his high-necked black jacket with both hands, and yanked the six-foot-four sorcerer straight out of his spinning chair, slamming him against the chalkboard wall.
Coffee spilled across Nanami's pristine desk. Shoko froze mid-inhalation, her cigarette hovering an inch from her lips. Gojo, still holding his half-eaten doughnut, blinked behind his dark blindfold, looking entirely bewildered.
"Yaga?!" Gojo squeaked, his legs dangling slightly off the floor. "Woah, woah! Did the budget for the cursed puppets get denied again? I told you I didn't steal your fabric—"
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, SATORU?!" Yaga roared, his voice shaking the light fixtures overhead, his knuckles white as he gripped Gojo's collar. "HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST WHAT LITTLE REASON YOU HAD LEFT?! ARE YOU INSANE?!"
"I am so confused!" Gojo laughed nervously, waving his hands defensively, dropping a piece of frosting onto Yaga's sleeve. "What did I do?! I haven't exploded anything since Tuesday! Nanami, help me! He's going to crush my larynx!"
Nanami adjusted his glasses, taking a slow, deliberate sip of his ruined coffee, his face a mask of profound exhaustion. "Principal, as much as I support physical discipline for Satoru, please state the offense so I know whether to call an ambulance or a coroner."
"HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID!" Yaga shouted, turning his furious gaze back to Gojo, shaking him hard enough to make Gojo's head snap back and forth. "THE RING, SATORU! THE PLATINUM CREST RING! WHY DOES MEGUMI HAVE IT?!"
Gojo's blindfold shifted slightly as he frowned. "The... the what? Megumi has a ring? Good for him, he's finally getting some sense of style—"
"DO NOT PLAY DUMB WITH ME!" Yaga bellowed, his blood pressure reaching dangerous, medical-emergency levels. "MEGUMI IS FIFTEEN YEARS OLD! HE IS YOUR LEGAL WARD! WHY IS HE WEARING THE SACRED SPOUSAL BAND OF THE GOJO CLAN HEAD ON HIS LEFT RING FINGER IN BROAD DAYLIGHT?!"
The room went so quiet you could hear the ash fall from Shoko's cigarette.
Shoko instantly choked on her smoke, coughing violently as she sat bolt upright on the sofa. Nanami froze mid-reach for his pen, his eyes slowly widening behind his dotted lenses until he looked like he had just witnessed a murder.
"He's... wearing... what?" Nanami whispered, his voice dangerously low, dropping his pen onto the paper.
"HE IS WEARING THE GOJO MATRIMONIAL HEIRLOOM!" Yaga yelled, pointing a trembling finger toward the courtyard. "I JUST SAW HIM IN THE QUADRANGLE! HE IS CASUALLY CARRYING BUDGET PAPERS WHILE WEARING THE SYMBOL OF LEGAL AND TRADITIONAL BETROTHAL TO THE HEAD OF THE GOJO FAMILY!"
Gojo stood there, suspended against the wall by Yaga's grip, his brain slowly processing the words. "Wait... the red velvet box in my desk...? I thought that was a fancy random ring my clan elders sent me ten years ago..."
"YOU THOUGHT IT WAS A RANDOM RING ?!" Yaga shrieked, his voice cracking into a high pitch no one had ever heard before. "YOU LEFT A CENTURIES-OLD CLAN MATRIMONIAL RING IN AN UNLOCKED DRAWER AND LET YOUR FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD ADOPTED SON PUT IT ON HIS ENGAGEMENT FINGER?!"
"I DIDN'T GIVE IT TO HIM!" Gojo yelled back, finally dropping his playful tone as pure panic began to set in. "I didn't even know he took it! He was just supposed to get a mission paper! Why would he put it on his left hand?! Why would he put it on at all?!"
"BECAUSE YOU NEVER TAUGHT HIM!" Yaga screamed, pulling Gojo down until they were nose-to-nose. "You neglected his traditional education so thoroughly that the boy has no idea what clan crests mean! He probably thinks it's a piece of costume jewelry! Do you have any idea what happens if the higher-ups or the Zen'in clan see him wearing that today?! They will think you are attempting a political consolidation of the Ten Shadows through an illegal clan marriage!"
Nanami slowly stood up from his chair, his hands trembling with a mixture of rage, secondhand embarrassment, and existential dread. He pinched the bridge of his nose, leaning heavily against his desk. "Satoru... please tell me... please tell me you did not accidentally create an international Jujutsu scandal involving child guardianship laws and ancient marital contract loopholes."
"I DIDN'T!" Gojo panicked, squirming out of Yaga's grip and dropping to his feet, his blindfold completely askew. "I swear I didn't! Megumi just takes things! He's a thief! He's a teenage kleptomaniac!"
"WE ARE GOING TO FIND HIM RIGHT NOW," Yaga barked, grabbing Gojo by the shoulder and shoving him toward the door. "AND YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE THAT RING OFF HIS HAND BEFORE A CONSERVATIVE CLAN ELDER DROPS DEAD OF A STROKE!"
Just then, the door creaked open again.
Megumi stepped into the staff room, holding his clipboard. "Gojo, I found the mission authorization document, but you forgot to sign the bottom—"
Megumi stopped mid-sentence.
The entire staff room was a scene of utter chaos.
Principal Yaga was physically holding Gojo by his collar.
Nanami was standing rigid, looking like he was about to commit murder and then flee the country.
Shoko was holding a phone, ready to call emergency services.
And Gojo was sweating bullets, dangling against the wall like a sad coat.
All four adults slowly turned their heads to look at Megumi.
Their eyes immediately dropped to Megumi's left hand.
There, gleaming brightly under the fluorescent lights, was the platinum Gojo family ring, wrapped comfortably around Megumi's left ring finger.
Megumi looked at his hand. He looked at Yaga. He looked at Gojo.
"Why is everyone looking at me?" Megumi asked flatly.
"MEGUMI!" Gojo wailed, reaching out a desperate hand toward him. "TELL THEM! TELL THEM I DIDN'T MARRY YOU! TELL THEM I'M NOT A CREEP!"
Megumi blinked, utterly bewildered. "...What?"
Megumi stared at Yaga. Then he looked at Nanami, who gave him a grave expression. Then he looked at Shoko, who raised her thumbs in solidarity.
Then Megumi looked down at the ring on his finger.
"...Marry Gojo?" Megumi repeated, his voice dangerously low.
"The Gojo Clan Head's Spouse Ring, which you are currently wearing on your engagement finger," Nanami explained grimly. "It signifies an official, legal, and spiritual binding of marriage to the head of the Gojo clan. Satoru should have explained this to you before putting it on your finger."
Megumi froze.
The pieces fell into place with the speed of a falling guillotine.
He looked at the ring. He looked at the crest he hadn't cared to identify. He remembered finding it in Gojo's drawer while looking for the document. He remembered casually putting it on his ring finger because it fit.
Megumi's face turned from pale white, to bright red, to a shade of pure, apocalyptic, murder-black.
Slowly, agonizingly slowly, Megumi yanked the ring off his finger as if it were made of radioactive sewage. He held the tiny platinum band in his palm, staring at it with such sheer, unadulterated disgust that the metal almost melted.
Gojo scrambled up from the floor, holding his hands out frantically. "Megumi! You found it in my drawer, right?! You just put it on randomly, right?! Tell them! They think I'm a monster!"
Megumi didn't say a word.
He took three steps forward, reared his arm back, and threw the three-hundred-year-old priceless Gojo heirloom directly at Gojo's face with the force of a fastball.
CLACK!
The ring bounced hard off Gojo's forehead and clattered onto the linoleum floor.
"YOU DISGUSTING, USELESS, BLINDFOLDED IDIOT!" Megumi screamed, his voice echoing down the entire corridor. "YOU LEFT A CLAN MARRIAGE RING IN A DRAWER WITH YOUR SOCKS?!"
"IT WAS IN A BOX!" Gojo yelled, rubbing his forehead. "WHY DID YOU PUT IT ON YOUR RING FINGER?!"
"BECAUSE IT FIT!" Megumi roared back, his hands shaking in absolute, traumatized rage. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME WHAT IT WAS?! WHY DON'T YOU TEACH ME ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR STUPID CLAN?!"
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT MY CLAN!" Gojo whimpered, cowering behind Nanami.
Yaga slowly closed his eyes, taking a long, deep, agonizing breath as the horror faded, replaced entirely by profound exhaustion. He looked at Gojo, then at Megumi, then rubbed his temples.
"So..." Yaga sighed softly. "You just... put it on?"
"I THOUGHT IT WAS AN OLD TRINKET!" Megumi yelled, stomping his foot on the floor. "I AM GOING TO WASH MY HAND WITH BLEACH! I AM SCRUBBING MY SKIN OFF!"
Nanami slowly sheathed his blade, pinched the bridge of his nose, and let out a long, defeated sigh. "Satoru... you are, without a doubt, the most incompetent guardian in human history."
"AGREED!" Megumi shouted, turning on his heel and storming out of the staff room. "I'M GOING TO THE DORMS! DO NOT COME NEAR ME, GOJO! IF YOU COME WITHIN TEN FEET OF ME, I AM CALLING THE POLICE!"
"MEGUMI, WAIT!" Gojo called out, chasing after him down the hall. "IT'S NOT MY FAULT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO COMMITTED ACCIDENTAL INCEST-ADJACENT MARRIAGE! MEGUMI COME BACK!"
Shoko picked up the ring from the floor, tossed it up in the air, caught it, and put it in her pocket. "I'm keeping this. I'll pawn it for wine money."
Megumi didn't stop running until he reached his dorm room. He slammed the door shut, locked it, and leaned against it, breathing hard.
His left hand was still tingling. He could still feel the cold weight of the platinum band against his skin. He could still hear the words echoing in his head.
Marital ring. Spouse. Betrothal. Marriage.
He looked down at his left ring finger. There was a faint red mark where the ring had been. A mark that would fade. But the memory of what he had accidentally done would haunt him forever.
He walked to the bathroom, turned on the sink, and scrubbed his hands until they were raw.
He was going to need therapy. A lot of therapy.
And maybe a new guardian too.