Archive of Our Own

Perhaps the only thing that could understand Kageyama was the ocean. Or so his grandfather had told him when Kageyama sulkily admitted to failing to make any friends on his first day at Kitagawa Daiichi Junior High.

He had laughed gruffly, catching the volleyball they’d been playing with to comfort Kageyama’s pouting. “Well, at least you still have the volleyball club to try meet more people. Put yourself out there more, kid! You’ll end up all lonely otherwise, and in volleyball especially you need to connect with your team.”

Kageyama had huffed at Kazuyo pridefully. “I don’t need to make friends with my team, I’m already great at playing on my own,” he defended.

Kazuyo gave Kageyama a wistful look, his hazy brown eyes displaying an emotion so raw he couldn’t decipher. It reminded him of when Kazuyo reminisced his old volleyball matches or told Kageyama tales about his pro-player experiences.

“You’re just like the ocean, aren’t you?”

Kageyama waited for him to evaluate, watching quietly as Kazuyo’s gaze shifted to something beyond him.

“You can’t see it from where we live, but one day if I take you to a beach perhaps, you’ll understand. The ocean's powerful, Tobio, it holds such raw strength and resilience that sometimes it can be scary to approach. And yet I like to think it’s lonely. So vast and empty, trying to pull back sand like comfort with its wave, and yet still as separated as ever. It might be a stretch, but it reminds me of you.”

At that age, Kageyama was too young to understand his grandfather's poetic metaphor and too distracted with wanting to continue peppering a volleyball with him to think too deeply about it. He stayed quiet as his grandfather’s aging face scrunched up as he chuckled once more. It was a warm and familial sound, soft despite its loudness, and it made Kageyama wonder how he could feel lonely if he had his grandfather and volleyball with him.

Clearly understanding that Kageyama had lost interest in the conversation, Kazuyo tossed him the volleyball to dig again, a warmth ever present in his eyes.

“Just remember this, Tobio. You may have to wait a while for someone better than you to play with, but while you continue playing volleyball in that time, make sure you don’t become too lonely in this sport.”

Loneliness was a foreign concept to him at the time, but despite it, Kageyama nodded, squinting at the sun in the sky as he lifted his arms for a set, wondering if the blue of the sky was like that of the ocean.

His grandfather smiled, sighed.

“The joy of a team is like no other.”

1.

At first, Kageyama thought Oikawa was who his grandfather told him about, someone better than him which would push him to his limits. Someone who could be a light or spark which would continue to fuel his passion for volleyball. Kitagawa Daiichi Junior High might’ve been a new beginning and school, but the volleyball club already felt like a second home (as anything related to volleyball did).

While the coaches praised him for his performance during try-outs, he was still made to sit out of the first practise match and instead watch his senior, Oikawa, as a learning experience. Kageyama count help but grin, hands warm and ready to play as well.

He was known off court just as much as on, known for his silky hair, soft face and eyes which the girls all swooned over. But all Kageyama knew of his was down to his legacy as a setter.

Oikawa’s sets were incredible to him. While perhaps not as precise as his own, they were still perfect in form and effort. In fact, if he had to admit it, Oikawa was the one which pushed him to want to be a setter, the way he controlled the game and attackers was clear even to a first-year like him. He truly was an exceptional player, proven by his teammates’ smiles which widened as they contacted the sets, patting Oikawa on the back gleefully and all cheering in joy after each point won.

The comradeship was almost infectious, an atmosphere of light-heartedness and belonging. Kageyama felt his grin widen into a broader smile, the energy within him peaking as well as he stared at the court, his home, hoping he’d get a chance to play too. He wondered if this was the team joy his grandfather told him about, if this was the connection and thrill of the sport he’d desired.

Then, Kageyama caught Oikawa’s gaze, and the third-years eye's hardened, smile straining and harsh. Kageyama felt his own smile weaken.

The poorly hidden irritation in Oikawa's brief stare weighed on Kageyama for the rest of the game and he found it difficult to focus again. Perhaps Oikawa was simply having a rough day though, if so, Kageyama respected the fact he still seemed to play to the best of his ability.

Even so, as their team won the match and all came together in a huddle, Kageyama couldn't bring himself to smile again.

Behind him, the coach chuckled to their manager, “Ah, nothing beats the team spirit of victory.”

Kageyama wondered what ‘team spirit’ really meant.

*

After playing himself as setter for the first time in Kitagawa Daiichi’s team (albeit after Oikawa seemed to be off his game, a strange occurrence Kageyama found), Kageyama could say he began to realise what his grandfather and their coach was talking about. As everyone congratulated him for his pinpoint sets, he couldn't stop that warm sensation in his chest, one different to when he was usually called out for his genius talent.

But that wasn’t what was on the front of Kageyama's mind right now, instead he was seeking out Oikawa to ask him about his jump serve. Kazuyo often mentioned how the best part about a team was the chance to learn from each other, and Kageyama decided now he’d felt the ‘team spirit’ it was as good as any other chance to ask. He found Oikawa in the usual volleyball after-hours practise court, practising exactly what Kageyama planned to question him on.

“Oikawa-san,” Kageyama began. Oikawa seemed to freeze before turning to face him with a strange look on his face. “Could you please teach me how to jump serve like you do?”

Kageyama gave what he hoped was a friendly smile, despite the fact his smile was often described as the opposite. He held out his hands which held a volleyball, offering it, giddy with the excitement of learning a new skill from someone so talented.

Instead of Oikawa taking the ball, agreeing, or even replying, he brought his arm back ready to strike. Kageyama felt his hands jerk back in shock and his stomach plummet.

Iwaizumi barged past Kageyama to intercept Oikawa before the slap could touch him.

While he didn’t think his expression changed much on the outside, he still felt weak in the knees, and it was like his head was underwater as the two argued. It wasn’t long before Oikawa stormed off, that irked expression which seemed reserved only for Kageyama out once more and he was left inside the gym with Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi rested a hand on his shoulder, jolting Kageyama out of his frozen state. “Sorry Kageyama. Crappy-kawa's been under a lot of pressure recently, you’re very talented and even though it’s a great thing, he can’t help but see it as another threat.”

Kageyama swallowed, gaze averting down at Iwaizumi’s frown.

“I think sometimes you remind him of Ushijima, if you know who he is of course.”

Kageyama swallowed again, his mouth dry. Of course he knew, it was a player from a different team. Not this one. Not one Oikawa would ever consider part of his own team.

“Does Oikawa-san,” Kageyama hesitated, “hate me?”

Iwaizumi’s expression fell and he brought his hand up to pat Kageyama lightly on the shoulder. Kageyama forced himself not to imagine it was Oikawa’s hand ready and poised to strike. “No, Kageyama, no. Oikawa’s just... jealous. And jealously can mess up a lot of people. He doesn’t hate you, he’s just stupid enough to let the fact he’s not perfect on his own get to him. He needs to learn there's not just him on the court.”

“Right,” Kageyama whispered, his frown beginning to make his face sore.

Iwaizumi sighed and rubbed his eyes, “I better go find him. See you tomorrow, Kageyama, don’t mind what happened today alright?”

When he left, it was just Kageyama in the silent and vast gym. Silence similar to what you’d find if you were to go to a beach in the middle of the night where it’d be dark and desolate, except for the sounds of the waves like the rhythm of Kageyama's breaths in the gym.

*

The next week Oikawa acted as if nothing was amiss, taunting and as cocky as ever and still refusing to teach Kageyama how to serve. Even though he was back practising with his Junior High School team, Kageyama couldn’t help but constantly feel alone on the court.

He never told his grandfather, but Kageyama continued to fail to connect with anyone on the team. Not like how Oikawa and Iwaizumi connected when they played, not even as a setter who could be connected to his teammates beyond providing them what they needed and leaving it as that.

Kageyama hoped next year he wouldn't continue to feel lonely.

2.

King of the Court. A title which weighed heavily on him. A cloak creating an unseen tension on Kageyama's shoulders and a crown forced upon his head leaving him isolated as if a king with no subjects.

The new nickname never weighed as heavily as his grandfather’s passing. That day came and went in a blur of numbness. It started with a text from Miwa followed by an anguish, everlasting, that left Kageyama's fingers numb and his heart tight like at any moment it would explode with an empty anger.

With his sister away at university, and his parents constantly preoccupied with their work, distancing themselves further after Kazuyo's death as if having time apart could heal rather than do anything but hurt, Kageyama felt more alone than he thought he could’ve.

Somehow, Kageyama had never envisioned a life of volleyball without Kazuyo. He’d been such a pivotal figure in his life and fuelled his passion so much that without him, volleyball lacked the depth it once had. Kageyama continued to play, of course, it was a part of him like eating or sleeping was, but he slowly lost his grip on all those poetic thoughts about the sport his grandfather loved to ramble on about.

Like teams. Connection.

He knew he was brash. He lashed out easily and got exasperated at the smallest of mistakes. But that was only due to his desire to win. He needed them to; he needed to keep getting better at volleyball so he could cling to the legacy his grandfather left behind. He only pushed the team so hard so that they’d improve. And if that led to them pushing him away, then he’d endure it.

Even so, there was still something like a sombre and deep pit within him about being rejected by the team. Especially regarding Kunimi and Kindaichi. Perhaps what Kageyama could've considered as friendship with them wasn’t how they assessed him. As their final year together approached, their interactions together diminished. It became something of a cold memory to Kageyama, late nights chatting as they walked home or got snacks from nearby shops became silent and dismal treks to his house no longer with any company.

Perhaps the worst of it during this time was the grief. Grief was a strange thing. Kageyama found it was fickle, something tied onto his leg and dragging him down into invisible waters of an ocean, leaving him cold and despondent inside. Other days it was less prominent, but a notion at the back of his mind and chest all the same.

Volleyball felt a lot like grief itself many days.

Volleyball had always been the talk of a grandfather, the warmth of an evening sun or the affability of teammates. None of that was there anymore. Only the cool bitter chill at Kageyama’s house and the hushed criticism or scorn from teammates which greeted him each morning.

The silence from his grandfather. The silence in his house. The silence from everyone.

And yet Kageyama kept playing, even if his loneliness was a storm trapping him in his own misery. And yet he continued to push away each time he attempted to reach out. And yet his grief evolved into that form of anger and shouts. And yet... and yet.

He persisted on his own.

King of the Court.

Kageyama hadn’t cried when his grandfather passed away, instead he kept that lump in his throat where it was and stared at the incense with eyes burning, blaming the smoke.

In the back of his mind he could hear his grandfather’s voice, the messages left behind which he’d never retrieve.

The joy of a team is like no other.

He hadn’t even cried tears of betrayal from Oikawa he should've foreseen as his sensei tried to slap him.

When Kageyama first heard Kindaichi spit out his new ‘King of the Court’ nickname after Kageyama snapped at his for not giving his all in a practise match, he didn’t react. He didn’t know which teammate continued the conversation whispering, “He’ll never have any friends if he keeps this attitude up,” but he continued to act unbothered.

At home on his bed and looking up at his blank ceiling, the house as empty as ever, he played Kazuyo’s words over in his head like a broken record. The joy of a team is like no other. The joy of a team is like no other.

Joy. Teams. What strange concepts, just like grief.

Kageyama cried into his pillow that night.

*

“Why can’t you simply be nicer, Kageyama?” Kunimi once asked him in the changing rooms. Their teammates glanced at him warily, only for a second, before ignoring them once more as if engaging any more than they needed to with Kageyama was like risking blowing a fuse on a bomb.

Kageyama continued with his cool-down stretches but the inside of his chest gave a shudder.

“In what way?” He asked cautiously.

Kunimi was sat cross legged, arm rested on one knee with his cheek resting on his fist. “Your words are so cruel sometimes. We understand you may be leagues ahead of us in skill, but that doesn’t give you the excuse to treat us like peasants.”

There were quiet snickers and Kageyama swore he heard sometime mutter King of the Court. He stopped his stretches. Always that nickname, haunting him.

“It’s not my fault none of you listen and don’t improve,” he snapped, bristling at everyone's judgement.

Kunimi gave a sigh, the kind of sound you’d hear from parents reprehending naughty children, and he fell silent once more.

The conversation was finished as Kunumi went back to talking with Kindaichi. Yet Kageyama’s mask of anger on the outside didn't stop that wave of loneliness as they stopped talking with him.

He heard snippets of conversation about an outing the team would have tonight, a dinner perhaps. Kageyama was never invited so he didn’t waste time wondering about it.

He told himself it was them. They were the ones who wouldn't take volleyball seriously enough and couldn't understand that Kageyama needed to push himself because there wasn't anyone left to push him themselves.

*

The first time Hinata Shoyo introduced himself to Kageyama, he wondered if the boy was lonely as well.

He’d been enamoured by the short ginger-haired player, the desperation and clumsy effort leaving a lasting impression despite the laughable defeat his team suffered.

The first time he met him was after scaring off those second-years and instantly getting told by the other that their team was going to win it all. At the time Kageyama didn’t feel amused, but attentive, curious as to where that determination with such conviction in the shorter boy’s brown eyes came from. Even when the start of the match quickly revealed their team's huge rift in skill, something about that boy made Kageyama continue to treat him as he would any other high-levelled opponent.

They won and even so, Kageyama found the team spirit for their victory absent.

Hinata had begun crying as he caught up with Kageyama outside – emotions so easily displayed in the open which was something Kageyama could never do – and shouted, “I will be the one that defeats you!”

In that moment Kageyama reflected on the obvious fact Hinata’s teammates hadn't had much experience at all within the game of volleyball and wondered if Hinata might've been lonely being leagues better than them all even if it was just as the basics. Like Kageyama. Perhaps Hinata practised alone more than not. Perhaps he’d stared at ceilings too, wondering why he held such love for a sport when he couldn't even manage to hold love for any person.

But then Kageyama heard Hinata's two friends reach him, fretting and apologising, and Kageyama remembered in the game the warm smiles Hinata gave to the first years and the connection they managed to have despite the fact they were like all the wrong jigsaw puzzles trying to be placed together during that game.

Somehow their team fit together better than Kageyama felt Kitagawa Daiichi ever could.

Funnily enough, Kageyama felt like he’d lost the game in that regard.

As he lay on his bed, aimlessly setting to himself as he did every night, Kageyama briefly pondered what it would be like to be on a team with Hinata. Someone who was so optimistic and adamant, who held such a bold presence. Someone kind.

Stupid, Kageyama scorned himself, and the thought went as abruptly as it came.

*

No one was there. No one was there to get his set. It was a rejection from his teammates, one he should've seen coming and he shouldn't be so torn up over.

The coach called him to the bench and Kageyama walked numbly, hands shaking slightly and eyes flickering to each teammate, desperate for any sort of eye contact. None came.

That sound being underwater in his ears was back, making it difficult to discern what the coach was telling him. Kageyama wondered whether this was how Oikawa had felt when Kageyama took his place on court and he’d had to sit down. If the thought of the ocean crossed his mind and if loneliness crept up his spine.

No one was there, no one came, and Kageyama didn't know if anyone would anymore.

He visited his grandfather's gravesite again that evening. Miwa had tagged along, back from university for a couple of weeks but busy enough studying that the house didn't seem much busier regardless. Kageyama was silent as Miwa approached and placed flowers, mumbling her greetings and regrets. Only once she left did Kageyama begin to talk.

“I miss you,” he started with, as he often did. “I still think over what you said. I still think most of its silly, but maybe if I visit the ocean one day I might understand what you mean better about how it’s like me. Miwa once told me my eyes were as blue as the ocean.” Kageyama could hear a car alarm somewhere in the background. “I’m sorry we’ll never be able to see the ocean together like you wanted. I’m sorry I failed to connect with my team.”

Miwa called for him, saying she was ready to drive them home. Kageyama opened his mouth, like he had more to say, but shut it when no words came out. He respectfully bowed and left the gravesite, the echoes of a volleyball landing on the court in the background of his mind along with the waves.

3.

Karasuno was so much and too much all together. Hinata Shoyo becoming his teammate was the first huge shock, but the whole team itself awed Kageyama just as much.

For the first time in a long time, Kageyama could feel the joy of team spirit his grandfather mentioned. Practise felt less like a necessity and more like an actual fun activity, something Kageyama looked forward to and didn’t have to supress his dread for.

Karasuno itself just felt so... together. Together in the way Tanaka kept the energy up, Narita reprimanding him with Ennoshita and Kinoshita encouraging them both. How Sawamura kept order and supported everyone with such sodality, Sugawara supporting just as much from the sidelines in much softer (or mischievous) ways. How Tsukishima teased with YamaguchiYama right behind him, something so infuriating but someone which still left Kageyama feeling included. The team was connected, within volleyball and outside of it.

Hinata himself caused such a plethora of emotions. The exasperation from petty arguments and ironic rivalry to Kageyama often staring at him, lost in thoughts where he mused on their similarities and Hinata's ability to push Kageyama within volleyball regardless of their skill difference.

He’d gotten his hopes up before, but maybe this time Hinata really was the person Kageyama’s grandfather had told him about.

The utter trust Hinata placed in Kageyama often left him at a loss. Hinata bickered loudly at him one moment then smiled so brightly the next that Kageyama couldn’t help but feel deep down, so certainly, so warmly, that they would be invincible.

Later on, Nishinoya and Azumane would join, as would their new coach, Ukai. Nishinoya and Azumane were polar opposites and Kageyama often found it rather uncanny how outgoing Nishinoya was despite his height compared to the timidity of Azumane who even Kageyama had done a double take when first seeing – his upperclassman simply had the unfortunate fate of looking rather scary. The two often kept things interesting and Nishinoya and Tanaka were surely a force to be reckoned with, like a storm and its calm afterwards.

Ukai was the name that drew Kageyama towards Karasuno in the first place (Kageyama deliberately stopped his train of thoughts when it came too close to wondering the what if of if he’d never heard of the famous coach and never even considered joining Karasuno’s team). Ukai was rough on the outside, through personality and coaching, rough but not cruel.

While Kageyama would never admit it, Ukai reminded him of his grandfather. Kazuyo might’ve seemed intimidating to some, but just like Ukai he had a soft spot for all things volleyball – including the team. Kageyama hoped he’d stay even though he said he’d only support them until the Nekoma practise match.

These were people who accepted him for who he was, who congratulated his sets, who let Kageyama slip that King’s cloak off just long enough to finally be himself.

(Once in Japanese literature class, they’d been studying a poem which had the theme of the ocean. Kageyama hadn’t though too deeply into it as his school skills had never been superior, not beyond the faint memory of how his grandfather enjoyed the ocean and metaphors around it. But as the teacher mentioned how oceans often represented new beginnings, he couldn't help but compare it to how he felt within the Karasuno team.)

Even with this change, often Kageyama felt brittle.

Sometimes it felt like any moment he might break due to his prior loneliness and grief still gripping tight onto his life. Suddenly he’d been thrust into a crowd, a flock of crows, and was left to navigate his way into being part of a team. A concept that perhaps should've felt like second nature, but to him felt so foreign. To accept compliments and not view criticism as simply a way to rile him up, to socialise and try not to drive anyone away. To simply be with people within the sport, not soley experience the sport itself.

For a while it worked. Kageyama practise alongside a team he truly could call his team. Slowly that loneliness sunk away, it still left the tips of Kageyama's fingers cold occasionally, but it receded all the same. In its place Kageyama was left feeling... content.

*

The next time it changed, it began with Hinata, as many things did. The two of them had arrived early at school as usual, dedicating the time to practise before the practise match against Nekoma everyone was eager for. Hinata seemed especially hyper, chatting more than usual. Kageyama listened of course, he found he never could lose interest in Hinata that easily. He felt less lonely with him.

“I wonder if we would’ve lost against Aoba Johsai had Oikawa shown up earlier,” Hinata said offhandedly, tying one end of the volleyball net while Kageyama did the other.

Kageyama didn’t react outwardly, but the topic made him wary all the same. Their practise match against Aoba Johsai might’ve ended in a victory, but seeing his past teammates and the tense reunition had still been unpleasant. The interaction with Kindaichi left him hollow, even if Kageyama shrugged it off in favour of focusing during the match.

“Most likely,” he replied. “Oikawa-san’s setter skills are outmatched, alongside his serves.”

Hinata sent a pout his way. “You need to have more faith is us, Baka-yama!

Kageyama rolled his eyes. “I’m just telling the truth, idiot.”

“But still!” Hinata finished his side of the net and walked over to Kageyama. “The Great King might be super cool but you’re just as good of a setter!” Kageyama blinked and faced Hinata, earnest brown eyes greeting him. Hinata may often be a pain in the butt for him, but compliments like these reminded him of their connection, ever since their quick attack. “But why can’t you serve like he can? I thought you were meant to be a genius at everything!” Hinata added on grabbing a ball with a cheeky grin.

Kageyama took it back. They may be ‘formable allies’, but Hinata was still infuriating.

“I’ll learn it soon! Weren’t you just talking about having faith in each other?” Kageyama ignored the thought of Oikawa’s refusal to teach him his serve in favour of answering back.

The two bickered a while longer as they got out the volleyball basket, and with Hinata continuing to tease him (like he had any room to talk! Hinata couldn’t even receive the ball properly, let alone serve consistently!) Kageyama's hands twitched to spike a volleyball at him, so he’d shut up.

“Ah! I’m not going to have to walk in here each morning to you two fighting, am I?” Sugawara sighed, entering the gym.

The two stopped to greet their senpai. “Suga-san! Are you here to help us practise again?” Hinata asked, rolling his arms in anticipation.

Sugawara nodded, clapping his hands together and smiling brightly. “I sure am! After all, a match with Nekoma always seemed like it'd never happen until Takeda-sensei managed to set it up.”

Kageyama nodded, his mouth almost twitching into a smile. Something about Sugawara always helped him feel at ease. He’d been the reason him and Hinata had even attempted to work alongside each other after all.

“Just give me a minute to put my school bags away,” Sugawara said as he headed towards the changing rooms.

Hinata was silent as Sugawara left, prompting Kageyama to glance at him. He was looking thoughtfully at where Suga disappeared a moment ago.

“What is it?” Kageyama asked.

It shook Hinata out of his trance and he shrugged, spinning the volleyball in his hands. “Nothing, nothing. I’m just wondering if Suga-san will get a chance to play tomorrow.”

“Huh?”

“He’s a setter too, duh, Kageyama! He’d probably get all bored and lonely if he just had to sit on the bench and watch you!”

Kageyama bristled, “I know that, dumbass!” Hinata ignored him, running towards Suga as he returned, most likely wanting to ask him about setting for him or receive practise.

Kageyama stayed still for a while longer, stomach clenching at the thought of Suga growing to dislike him for taking his spot on the court as Oikawa had. As Kageyama did with most of his thoughts, he pushed it aside when Hinata impatiently called for him to set as well.

Was making someone else feel lonely, much better than feeling lonely yourself? Kageyama wondered. The thought echoed in his mind all throughout the day until practise that afternoon. Hinata hadn’t meant anything by it, but the statement was a reminder of the cruelty his previous teammates had only ever seen in him.

Looking at Sugawara more closely during their practise, Kageyama noticed that when Ukai had picked Kageyama to be their main setter for the drill Suga’s expression changed very little, but his shoulders hunched slightly. It left Kageyama feeling bitter and his fingers once more feeling like they’d been freezing in water.

Suga hadn't seemed to have any concerns with Kageyama needing to be their starting setting when playing against Aoba Johsai. And then Ukai had picked Kageyama as their starting setter again for the Nekoma match after some debate. Suga had accepted it, going as far as convincing Ukai all with that sad acceptance on his face even with his declaration that he wouldn't go down with a fight for his position.

Daichi stopped him before Kageyama could leave school after their evening practise (after scolding Hinata who still hadn’t packed away his volleyball kit despite Ukai’s insistence to no extra practise).

“Kageyama-kun, is everything alright?”

Kageyama started at the question. He didn't think he'd ever been asked it before, at least not after when his grandfather noticed whenever Kageyama had had a bad day at school.

“Um, yes Captain, why?” He belatedly responded, resuming packing his clothes away.

Daichi frowned. “You played as well as ever, but it’s not like you to be so quiet. Not that I’m saying arguing with Tsukishima and Hinata is a good thing, but today you seemed too distracted to even do that.”

Something about someone noticing all that made Kageyama feel strange.

“Kageyama-kun?” Daichi asked again as Kageyama remained silent.

Kageyama hesitated, fiddling with the bag on his shoulder. “Do you think Suga-san’s upset with me?”

(Does Oikawa-san hate me?)

Daichi gave him a surprised look. “I don’t see why he would be. Did something happen between the two of you?”

Something about the genuine concern in Daichi’s eyes made Kageyama open his mouth again. “I just wonder whether... he hates me for taking his main position.”

He jolted as Daichi set a firm had on his shoulder, patting it. By now the rest of the team had left, only leaving them two in the changing rooms. Daichi’s worry had changed to realisation.

“I’ve known Suga since my first year,” Daichi began, “and he is many things, but he’d never hate you for something like this. I can’t speak for him that he isn’t jealous, but I can assure you he appreciates you and your talent all the same.”

A tight coil in his stomach Kageyama hadn’t noticed was there seemed to relax. He let out a soft breath, nodding slowly.

“Thank you Daichi-san.”

Daichi patted his shoulder again, leaving it tingling but warm when the contact left. “Anytime, what are teams for? Although, I recommend speaking to Suga about this. We don’t want any tension before our big match with Nekoma now, do we?”

Leaving the club room and turning the light off, Kageyama bowed slightly to Daichi and said his goodbyes, walking quickly in attempt to catch up with Sugawara before their paths home diverged.

He was panting slightly after catching up to his upper-classman, but his chase caught Suga’s attention and he stopped walking.

“Kageyama? Do you need something?”

Kageyama felt all the nerves that had left him after Daichi talked to him make a return. The sun was only just dipping into dusk, casting a soft and orange hue across the town, but even with its remnants of warmth Kageyama shivered.

He opened his mouth then closed it. Then he bowed deeply, closing his eyes to avoid seeing Suga’s reaction.

Looking up again, Suga was frowning at him in confusion. Although, he stayed silent waiting for Kageyama to explain.

“I’d like to formally say thank you for allowing me to stay setter for our next game!” Kageyama said rapidly.

He could hear his soft breathing in the silence of the dusk, eyes averting Suga’s and instead focusing on the beautiful evening sun again. He was startled as be heard a chuckle.

Suga’s quiet laughs echoed loudly around them, before he quickly stifled them as not to disturb the peaceful atmosphere. This time it was Kageyamas turn to wait for an explanation.

“You don’t need to thank me for that,” Suga said. “You don’t need to feel guilty either. You're an incredible setter and have already improved Karasuno so much. Even if I might not to get to play as much as you do, don’t think I won’t continue to help you grow, or that I’ll just let you take my place on court without working hard myself.”

“Oh,” Kageyama could only reply. For a strange reason, his throat felt tight.

Sugawara was still smiling at him. Smiling with such kindness. Kindness Kageyama had never learnt to show himself.

“We’re a team, Kageyama, us and everyone else in the club. Teams don’t leave each other out, even if someone’s not on the court.”

Kageyama swallowed, unsure what it was he was feeling, whether relief or shame or joy. Just like Daichi had said, what were teams for if not support?

“Right, thank you.” Kageyama's voice cracked involuntarily. He stared at the sun as its colours had shifted into a more pinkish glow, blinking more than usual and avoiding Suga’s kind gaze.

Sugawara stepped closer and it drew Kageyama's eyes back towards him. “Can I hug you?”

The question surprised Kageyama who gaped at him and nodded unconsciously.

With a content hum Suga did as he requested. Kageyama felt warm arms wrap around him, and it caused his throat to tighten further. He stayed stiff, unsure if he should hug back. When had the last time, he’d received a hug been? High-fives, pats on his back from Karasuno and brawls with Hinata was the closest Kageyama got to close contact, and even that felt foreign to him still. Let alone hugs. Japanese culture mean that hugging was even rarer, and Kageyama didn't feel like he knew Suga well enough to have ever even considered asking for one himself.

It was quick, and Suga pulled back soon. It was more of a light pat on the back than a proper hug, but Kageyama continued to feel the warmth of Suga's arms linger.

Suga allowed Kageyama his personal space once more. “You looked like you needed one,” was the only explanation he provided. “Continue to set well Kageyama, you don't need to worry about me.”

The hug had felt like it kept Kageyama apart. It held his lonely pieces together to create someone who was worthy of team and the joy that came with it.

“Thank you,” Kageyama reiterated.

Perhaps Karasuno allowed Kageyama to feel a little less lonely and to stop drifting in an ocean of that isolation. The team had been everything he’d hoped for. However, as the sun continued to provide light for the cold blue of the sky, Kageyama couldn't say he felt completely content.

Especially when Suga’s expression, while hidden, was still crestfallen. Something he’d always cherished, a position and a place on the team of a sport he loved had still been taken from his after all and words of reassurance could only do so much. Jealously might not be anger or hate, but a substitute for those was something it still was.

(Oikawa and Sugawara weren't in such different places after all. Even if they themselves were far from similar.)

No, Kageyama finally decided, shivering again at the breeze. Shoving his loneliness onto someone else – even if it was unavoidable – didn’t help his own.

4.

Karasuno’s initial loss against Aoba Josai in the third round of the Interhigh Preliminaries had left Kageyama frozen. In the moment when the referee blew the whistle, he’d felt struck by shock and devastation with weak knees. The ball’s noise as it hit the ground was an echo of a ball landing from a setter’s toss.

Next to Kageyama, Hinata’s expression was that of determination more so than loss. Despite losing, despite the team holding back tears around him, Hinata was already thinking about the next game, his next chance. He was so stupidly naive in that way. So stupid but so incredible.

If Kageyama was any less prideful about losing, he might argue that the game had been a victory in its own right. Despite the pang of fear at Sugawara getting substituted in for him, he’d learnt to communicate better and to understand his team. Unfortunately, the bitter sting of loss underneath any victory facade made it difficult to see the loss as anything other than what it truly was on the surface.

Kageyama had lost before. It was inevitable in sport, an occurrence even the best Olympians had faced and cried over. In volleyball especially when a game could be determined with just one point – one mistake or fluke of luck – loss wasn't something you could avoid forever.

Of course, such beliefs didn't make the sting of it any better. And it didn't help much that Kageyama’s last major tournament loss was that in middle school with members of the Aoba Josai team that had just won. And to undergo this upset, in private, he found himself having excused himself to the bathroom where he stared at his reflection willing the obvious disdain on his face to fade.

That was interrupted as a familiar (but not so welcomed) team member walked up beside him.

“Tsukishima,” Kageyama grunted.

Tskuishima gave his signature sneer. “Didn’t think I'd find Your Highness pouting at his reflection as well. I already confronted Yamaguchi, I hope you don't need a hug for your misery.”

Kageyama allowed himself to feel brief concern for Yamaguchi but otherwise ignored Tsukishima and rinsed his face in the sink again. Him and Tsukishima might’ve managed to sync and play well together in today's match, but that didn't fix months of bad blood. Not to mention he’d rather not be teased with those nicknames.

Tsukishima fiddled with his glasses. “Sulk away then. Ukai-san sent me to tell you that the team’s packing up their kit, so whenever you're ready you need to head back to the coach. I’m pretty sure Ukai’s going to pay a meal for us all.”

Kageyama stared at the water flowing into the sink and absently nodded. His head was busy with the sounds of the tap, and the echo of the volleyball’s deflection from a block. The water stopped and he looked up to see Tsukishima was the one who’d turned it off.

“Come on, Kageyama, no need to get so worked up over the match. This is just a club.”

Kageyama jerked his head up and took a step towards the other, scowling. “Not everyone's so emotionless to a painful loss like you are!” He bit back.

“I never claimed not to be annoyed at the loss,” Tsukishima said, “just thought I’d let you know that there's no need for you to isolate yourself from the rest of us over such a small thing.”

Kageyama couldn't stop his hand clenching as he thought to himself, how could volleyball ever just be a ‘small thing’ when it was everything he worked and lived for and everything he had lost.. However, looking up at Tsukishima, he loosened his hands as he saw no true intention of malice. In fact, ironically, this might be Tsukishima's way of comfort.

Comfort within comfortless words, but an attempt regardless.

The two were silent for a while before Tsukishima spoke up again. “You’ve never been like that in a game before. Of course, you’re always brash and irritating,” Kageyama's eye twitched, Tsukishima was as observant as ever, “but this time you weren't as focused. You kept looking over to the other team as if you were trapped in a bad memory.”

“It’s none of your business.”

“It was pathetic,” Tsukishima added on, perhaps realising he hadn't thrown enough insults beforehand. “And completely unnecessary. You can keep being the King, but you should start realising that this time your subjects might actually be happy to work under you.” There was something of a strange hint of acknowledgement in Tsukishima's eyes. “Whatever. As I said, we’ll all be waiting outside.”

While the other left, Kageyama stood for a little longer staring at himself once more in the mirror. He looked tired, for obvious reasons. But his frown was also less dominant, his face was softened into what he'd looked like when he was younger and still enjoyed the thrill and teammates of volleyball before the whole incident with Kitagawa Daiichi. His eyes were also as sharp blue as always.

Perhaps Tshukkishima was correct. Perhaps this match’s result was a small thing compared to the understanding that he could stay as himself and still be accepted within Karasuno. He smiled a small smile as he went to open the door to leave.

The smile was wiped as he crashed into, yet another, familiar face.

“Tobio-chan~ fancy seeing you here.”

“Oikawa-san.”

There were a few tense moments of silence. Oikawa looked just as exhausted as Kageyama felt, but there was an underlying smugness stronger than usual.

“Congratulations on your win,” Kageyama said with a small bow of his head. He fought to keep his expression still as Oikawa patted him on the shoulder like they were good friends.

“No need for that! After all I was just fulfilling my promise that I’d crush you next time we played against each other.” Oikawa grinned, something so obviously fake that even Kageyama, as dense as he was, could tell.

Kageyama shuffled his feet awkwardly. “You were an incredible setter as always. I hope to learn more from you.”

Oikawa peered at Kageyama and he wondered whether his upperclassman had noticed his red-rimmed eyes.

“You know,” Oikawa began, “I always knew you would become a better setter than I was. Ever since you first played instead of me rather than alongside me.” Ignoring Kageyama's surprise, he continued. “Everyone knew you were a genius. I could train as much as you had, I could practice until my hands were numb and my neck was sore from looking up to set a set that you found second nature.”

“I couldn't beat you today.”

“No.” Oikawa run a hand through his hair and his words sounded strained, “but it sure was close. How annoying.”

Kageyama looked at Oikawa and he saw a player he’d always admired. He saw a player that had motivated him and had irritated him. Someone who had left him heartbroken, determined to do better, who’d left him and left him lonely. Not quite just an enemy and not at all a friend.

He also saw a young boy desperate to please and improve and someone who’d trained as much as Kageyama because they both knew what this game meant to them. Kageyama couldn’t say he even began to understand the person Oikawa was, probably only Iwaizumi could. However, he could at least understand that both their passion shone bright.

Kageyama’s pondering was disrupted by an upbeat tune. Oikawa brought his phone out and rolled his eyes at whoever the contact was, quickly answering the call. Even if Kageyama couldn’t hear what was said, the muffled yelling sounded an awful lot like Iwaizumi.

“Yes, yes, Iwa-chan~” More shouts. “Alright! I’ll come soon, make sure to tell those lovely ladies I’ll be right there. Find me a pen for signatures, would you?” Oikawa hung up with a snicker presumably before Iwaizumi gave him a piece of his mind.

“I’m afraid I must cut this conversation short. But one last thing. I had a little thought during our match, alongside all my determination to beat you of course.”

“Of course,” Kageyama mumbled while he shuffled out the way some more to let Oikawa walk by into the bathroom.

“I realised that you’re not exactly a lonely king anymore, are you? Somehow that mismatched team of yours has helped you to learn how to trust and to be honest, I don’t think there’s anything scarier than that.”

Once again, that brittle feeling was back. The sensation that Tobio was close to falling apart, held together now by a fragile hope. He gulped as that hope of a team cherishing him warmed his cheeks.

Oikawa may be an arrogant person, but Kageyama couldn't stop considering him a mentor however much the other didn't want to be considered such. After all, he still managed to teach him new things.

Oikawa made a face at whatever smile Kageyama had made as he moved to shove past him.

“I dread to see what you’ll evolve into and become. But after my team wins the Interhigh Preliminaries and whenever we next face each other again, you’ll still lose.” Oikawa stuck his tongue out mockingly. “Bye, Tobio-chan!”

“Goodbye Oikawa-san,” Kageyama replied politely, oddly appreciative. He tried to stop his face from sneering back as if to accept the challenge.

Oikawa let his gaze linger once more and Kageyama had the foolish thought to ask whether his own serve in the game had been good. Maybe another time.

Quickly grabbing his sport bag, checking he had his indoor shoes and kneepads in it, Kageyama began to head outside where he was the sure the rest of his team were waiting. Unfortunately, he was delayed once more (this was becoming stupid, he wasn’t Hinata with his bathroom encounters) by the two people he had really hoped he wouldn't have to interact with. It seemed Kunimi and Kindaichi shared the sentiment by the way they stilled. He wanted to groan at another encounter but felt that would be read in the wrong way.

Kunimi had smiled during the match. Kageyama had never seen him smile. Kinidaichi had given his all to every set Oikawa provided him. Kageyama had once been rejected with sets ignored.

“Congratulations,” he said, echoing from when he’d just spoken with Oikawa.

Kunimi’s drooped eyes stayed expressionless even as he raised his chin. “You’ve changed,” he said candidly.

Kageyama nodded, the distant memory of anger and loneliness always lingering at the back of his mind. He opened his mouth to speak before closing it again, unsure of what he would've responded with.

Kinidaichi looked far more troubled, his arms gripping onto each other while he stared at the ground. “I–” he cut himself off.

Perhaps sorry was what Kageyama wanted to say.

“Was it us?” Kinidaichi finally got out. Kageyama’s mouth felt dry.

No. It was me. It was my grief and my loneliness I inflicted onto you as hate and fury. Still, the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. They might never be able to. Kageyama knew it was the truth but an arrogant part of him still refuse to acknowledge it. They’d played a part too after all, always judged and never once offered to listen.

Whether Kinidaichi saw Kageyama’s answer on his face, saw his unspoken apology yet didn't want it, Kageyama couldn't be sure of. Either way, Kunimi didn't spare Kageyama another thought as he gentle tugged Kinidaichi away.

It wasn’t enough to be a conversation, but it certainly was progress compared to any previous arguments.

Kageyama felt further brittle hope that maybe sometime the three of them would work it out and heal from their past. Entertain the idea of becoming friends. But now the wounds were still too fresh and the memories too strong.

Finally making it to the coach where everyone was waiting, far less chatty or optimistic than usual but still talking and bickering, Kageyama let himself breathe.

“Kageyama-kun!” Hinata yelled, rushing towards him and almost crashing had it not been for Kageyama stumbling back. He was soon followed by Noya who slapped him on the back. It felt weaker than usual.

“Took you long enough! C’mon, quick before Ukai takes away his offer of food.”

Kageyama nodded, apologising to Daichi, Ukai and Tanaka for his lateness before slipping into the bus with Hinata joining next to him. It was odd, how silent Hinata was. How silent everyone was.

Despite everyone’s apparent normality, anyone could tell they were all devastated. Many had clearly cried, some still trying to hold tears back and others staring blankly outside the window. Even Ukai’s confirmation of a free meal didn’t draw out the enjoyment it would’ve any other time.

*

Dinner was busy, it should've been comforting but as Kageyama began to feel warm and relaxed, as he reflected on all the team’s effort and practise coming so quickly to an end he began to sniffle. It would’ve been embarrassing had it not been contagious.

Distantly he could hear Ukai saying something, but by then all he was focused on was his wet eyes, his sobs and the food shoved into his mouth. It was consoling and what Kageyama didn’t realise he needed.

His tears were salty.

He wasn't alone, the restaurant was filled with cries and the loud clatter of plates. Hinata made a choked noise and even Kageyama didn't have to energy to tease him. Tsukishima glanced at him before huffing and looking away. And looking around Kageyama saw a team mourning together, a team which he knew had accepted him. A team holding joy, suffering a loss.

But even so, loss was lonely. And loss created doubt.

And while Karasuno was everything Kageyama could’ve hoped for, what his grandfather had wanted him to find, the fact that his first team had collapsed around him still left him fearful it could happen again.

5.

While their team hadn't collapsed nor given up after their loss (instead going to the Tokyo training camp to improve), following the fight with Hinata it sure felt like the world around Kageyama had fallen instead.

Kageyama’s hands hurt, his face injuries hurt and most of all his chest was painfully tight while his eyes stung. He’d hoped walking home with bandages scratching at his skin would allow his emotions to calm and ease the indignation. But it did nothing of the sort as he dragged his feet, staring fixedly at his shoes rather than the soft shine of the moon.

Stupid Hinata. Stupid, dumbass Hinata with his fiery energy and hopeless optimism. Why couldn't he understand the risks of evolving their quick attack! They’d lost so miserably before to Aoba Josai and yet he was willing to throw away a shot at Nationals simply because Kageyama’s toss wasn't adequate enough on its own to satisfy his endless hunger to improve.

Kageyama kicked a stone pettily.

He’d once thought Hinata was the one person that understood him, who could understand how he felt. When Kageyma had first played against Hinata, back in middle school, he’d seen a mirror of himself – in love with the sport so much so that he was isolated amongst peers who couldn't grasp his violent need to be the best. He’d had a fleeting thought which still stuck with him about what it may be like to play alongside another force like him. And since connecting with Hinata within Karasuno, he’d been the first person Kageyama could say was a friend and not just a teammate. An infuriating friend but one, nonetheless.

And as their distinctive friendship grew along with their quick attack, Kageyama came to the realisation that while Karauno was his team, Hinata was the main joy for him in it. The player that checked all the boxes his grandfather told him about, someone who despite not better than him would push him to be better. Push them both.

I want to be able to fight on my own!

And how infuriating it was that Hinata’s selfish attitude would tear the team apart! A team Hinata didn't understand the value behind.

Kageyama reached his house, hands cold as they hunted through his bag for the key. His fingers brushed against his number nine jersey and he stiffened. His throat tightened as he stumbled into his house after unlocking it. His hitched breaths echoed in the silent and empty house.

He knew he was being selfish himself. He knew his cloak and crown had slipped back on during their fight. Of course, Hinata valued Karasuno, Kageyama knew himself how alone Hinata had been before – no proper team or chance to improve. Maybe that was why Kageyama had been so eager to start a fight. Hinata was acting just like he once had in that moment, disregarding teamwork to be willing to only improve himself while asking for the unreasonable. And Kageyama had lashed out at himself as much as Hinata.

Hinata was wrong in the sense he shouldn't be risking so much. But even Kageyama knew that he was right for wanting to improve.

Kageyama undressed to shower, the warm water stinging his eyes as he stared mindlessly up. No one would be able to tell he was crying at that moment. Does he not trust my sets? Does he not trust me? he wondered, standing alone as water trailed down his body, only snapping out of his misery once his fingers grew crinkly and the water’s warmth began to dim.

Eating one of the leftovers in his fridge (one his parents must’ve left in the morning for him before leaving for their late-night work) Kageyama briefly chased the joy of the dinner with Karasuno. The comfort and consolation it offered. It was late nights alone like these where Kageyama missed his grandfather more than anything.

Kageyama phoned Miwa, but there was no reply. He knew that meant she was out partying or had forgotten to charge her phone again while working a later shift.

He lay in bed, this night not motivated enough to practise setting to himself, listening to the rain that fell and trickled down his window. His injuries still throbbed and his head still wouldn’t stop thinking about Hinata.

Hinata, who burned like the sun, who radiated onto everyone he knew. Who often burned too much and left Kageyama singed, falling into the ocean of his mind much like Icarus.

Icarus was an anthology Kageyama had never much cared for beyond History lessons, but it was one he knew his grandfather would’ve loved and one fitting for their recent fight.

If Hinata was the sun, perhaps he was the moon and that left volleyball as their eclipse.

Kageyama had now experienced the joy of a team, the joy of connection. And he’d let himself enjoy such of a specific player, so much so he hadn't even been ready for when such collapsed in the face of an inevitable argument. Hinata made Kageyama feel something beyond joy, an indescribable burn in his chest not dissimilar to that when playing good volleyball but much different to the gentle warm whenever he’d played with his grandfather. It was stronger, brighter.

Kageyama tried to fall asleep, but every time he shut his eyes, he couldn't stop thinking about orange flames, rain, oceans and the number ten.

*

Their tensions bled into the next practise matches; it felt like a stalemate in which neither Kageyama or Hinata wanted to admit peace or war. Their attacks suffered, Kageyama's sets quickened and Hinata’s smiles reduced. Other teams cast them unsure looks and even Bokuto ramped up his attempts to cheer up Hinata.

He'd had Suga, Daichi and even Ukai talk to him but not one of them managed to quite understand the semantics of their argument nor how to help them. Neither had the rest of the team whenever someone attempted.

In fact, it was only on a cloudy afternoon after a day of losses in which someone manged to ease the weight on Kageyam’s shoulders. And it was none other than Yachi.

Kageyama felt much guilt for what they’d put Yachi through; he’d bought some milk cartons for her in an attempt at an apology, but it didn't stop her upset looks whenever him and Hinata avoided each other. He was accompanying her to the sleeping quarters when he caught a glimpse of Hinata through a door and hastily walked quicker.

Yachi caught onto where he’d looked and gave a weak smile. “I think both you and Hinata aren’t very happy with what happened.”

“Of course not. He was being an idiot and won’t admit it,” Kageyama muttered.

“Ah, no!” Yachi waved her arms in a panic, “That’s not exactly what I meant! I mean that both of you avoiding each other is hurting you both more than you care to accept.”

Kageyama frowned and Yachi nervously rubbed the back of her head. Looking into her brown eyes, Kageyama couldn't help but see Hinata’s, it made him frown harder.

“Not that you should’ve fought... but now that some tension has been released you should really work towards fixing whatever that fight was about!”

“What our fight was about?” Kageyama questioned.

Yachi nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! Maybe you should figure out what each of you really wants first, then work towards that together instead of ignoring the situation that caused the argument in the first place.”

What they each wanted? Kageyama knew what Hinata wanted! Except... he hadn't waited for Hinata to explain further, only focused on his own selfish wants at security within his team.

The hallways quieted and Yachi had reached her room, only a couple doors away from Kageyama and the other's. She held her hand up as a goodbye wave.

“I think you and Hinata need each other more than you realise.” She suddenly blushed. “Of course you don’t need to take my advice! Oh no, I didn't mean to sound like you had to! I'm just saying what I think and don’t know that much about volleyball still–”

Kageyama cut off her rambling. “Thank you, Yachi.”

She smiled at him and he smiled back gently. She truly was their saviour, not just in studies. “No worries, Kageyama-kun! I’d hate to see you and Hinata both stay all gloomy!”

(Throughout that night, Kageyama wondered about Yachi’s words and decided he did want to do something to talk with Hinata again. He missed him, missed his smile and flushed checks after a successful spike. He missed how warm and happy Hinata made him feel.

After meeting with Oikawa on sort of a whim, determined to change something, Kageyama thought he understood what Yachi meant better.)

*

However, as Karasuno continued training during the camp in Tokyo, Kageyama realised that connecting once more with Hinata would be harder than they’d hoped.

Even so, Hinata’s greed for more tosses and bickering with Kageyama finally eased the loneliness that had begun to crawl upon Kageyama once more. He knew he wasn't a solitary dictator anymore, having opened his eyes to the fact Hinata was the one in charge of their attacks. And this time their team’s losses in practise matches didn’t leave grief but a stronger desire to do better next time.

“Glad to see you and Hinata haven’t thrown hands at each other again!” Tanaka had chuckled after Kageyama yelled at Hinata for hitting a serve into the net (twice in two rotations) but held himself back from physically punching him. “I don’t think I understand you two enough to know why.”

Kageyama didn't even partially understand Hinata either, though that might be why he found him so intriguing.

Then the practise match against Nekoma happened and Kageyama subconsciously tossed Hinata one of his old tosses. Kageyama himself hadn't even noticed until Hinata ran up to him, furious. (Never able to escape his old self, one part of him thought.)

Kageyama didn't know where his fascination with Hinata begun. But moments like these where Hinata saw past his facade of an unchangeable king was part of why. Nothing would beat that adrenaline Kageyama felt when Hinata smiled, but Hinata’s look of frustration alongside firm belief that him and Kageyama could make this spike work came close.

So, Kageyama practised. While the gym was solitary and dark after training hours, it didn’t feel too suffocating. And it’d been so long since Kageyama had had to practise a skill until perfection that even within the frustrating moments, there was excitement. The excitement that made volleyball so lovable for him. Process and results were all just volleyball.

He tried to perform the toss needed for Hinata and realised that this was what Oikawa had been trying to tell him. Not how to improve himself only, but to improve to push his team members to perform the best they can. And he’d been preventing Hinata from such.

The ball’s thud as it missed the plastic bottle was accompanied by footsteps on the wooden floor. Kageyama paused to see who’d entered and blinked in surprise as it was Kenma’s dyed hair and sharp, amber eyes he saw.

“Kozume? Did you need anything?” He asked, curious as so why the setter was unusually out after training hours.

Kenma’s eyes flickered to the volleyball which had stopped rolling, they were tired yet as focused and cat-like as ever. He shuffled quietly to the corner to pick up a red track jacket.

“Sorry. I left this here and Kuroo wouldn't collect it for me... he said if I wanted to play video games instead of sleeping, I might as well pick it up before it gets lost,” he said.

Kenma’s eyes moved onto the plastic bottles before he yawned and his attention diverted again.

“I see,” Kageyama said, unsure whether to continue the conversation or let Kenma leave.

Kenma bundled the track jacket into his arms. “Shoyo isn’t practising with you?”

“Oh. No. We’re training individually. It’s to improve our spike.”

Kenma hummed in understanding. “You two have been different compared to the last official match I saw you play in. Did you have an argument?”

“Something like that,” Kageyama sighed, trying not to think back to the hurt he’d felt in its aftermath and trying not to seem petty about it.

Kema fiddled with his hair like he was bored yet kept his attention solely fixed on Kageyama. “You two rely on each other rather a lot, don’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Shoyo makes volleyball interesting for me, but for you he makes it worth something.”

For the first time since talking, Kenma’s expression changed to that of a soft smile and Kageyama wondered once more what his and Hinata’s relationship was. Rivalry wasn’t the correct word to describe it, and friends felt almost too unspecific. While Kageyama rarely became jealous, he often found his lack of understanding of where the two stood made him uneasy. Although, he held no vendetta against Kenma of course.

Kenma, however, was correct. In the time Kageyama had known Hinata, he’d shaped volleyball into something incredible. Perhaps the same could be said for the effect on Kenma.

“He’s the first partner I’ve properly had,” Kageyama admitted. He glanced outside at the dim lights and the moon concealed by clouds.

“I want Shoyo to stay interesting,” Kenma said, the lilt in his speech slightly intimidating. “And if you’re an important item to his inventory which’ll help him stay so, I hope it all works out.” The soft smile was back again.

Kageyama nodded, slightly lost with the terminology, but acknowledging Kenma’s support.

Their moment was interrupted by a loud figure, easily identifiable of that of Kuroo, crashing through the doors making both him and Kenma jump (like cats, Kuroo would later chortle).

“Kenma! I thought you’d been kidnapped or gotten distracted playing more games you were taking so long! You do still need your sleep.”

Kenma frowned and walked towards his teammate. “Hello Kuro... I was just about to head back.”

Kuroo tutted before noticing Kageyama and grinning largely. “Kageyama!” Kageyama opened his mouth to greet him, but Kuroo cut him off. “You’re not trying to steal our setter’s secrets, are you? You sneaky crow!”

“What? No!” Kageyama defended, “I’ve already tried that...” He muttered discretely.

The gym was no longer quiet as Kuroo laughed and Kenma sighed in exasperation. They exchanged a few more pleasantries before the two finally said their goodbyes and Kenma tagged behind Kuroo, casting Kageyama another glance.

Kuroo and Kenma were partners too, ironically so different but in sync. Kenma must realise the importance of someone to play volleyball with whenever, someone who understood you and the game like no one else.

Kageyama had been so lonely, the reason heavily due to never having such a partner. No one to partner up with or chat to or sit on the bus with. And when Hinata came along, Kageyama was scared of losing what he’d finally gained when he became a friend alongside a teammate. The sun he was afraid of losing to his own darkness.

Their eclipse of volleyball.

Someone better will come and find you. And someone did.

*

Him and Hinata achieved the spike. The training camp ended with a BBQ (in which Kageyama almost choked a few too many times, saved by Akaashi) and it ended with the sun still luminating the sky.

Later that night Hinata approached him, offering a meat bun. “Yamayama-kun should be smiling after how fun playing everyone was! Not sulking asway!” He’d said as Kageyama stared at the food in confusion when moments ago, he'd been lost in his own head. His cheeks warmed slightly.

He took it and smiled. “Tossing to you isn’t a mistake,” Kageyama admitted.

Hinata’s smile perked up. “Then keep tossing to me and we’ll win every match! After all, I’m the one who scores all the points!”

Kageyama pushed Hinata’s shoulders huffing, “Oi! I’m the reason you can score in the first place!”

“Nu-uh! The spikers get most of the final and winning touches.” Hinata began to argue with him, pushing his shoulders back resulting in Kageyama holding onto his head his other hand letting the meat bun wobble dangerously.

There was a gentle warmth in the messy atmosphere between the two of them. Their fighting this time was only banter and wouldn't resolve in avoidance. The specific words of an apology hadn’t been spoken and yet they weren't needed to understand each other.

I’m sorry.

It’s okay. I forgive you, don’t leave me again.

We’ll stay invincible.

Kageyama didn’t know why there was still that ache of loneliness within him, one no number of wins or laughs with teammates or warm meals could fix. But loneliness that for now, he could live with and didn’t have to understand.

+1.

“A beach trip?”

The mention of a volleyball club trip down to the beach was first brought to Kageyama’s attention from Hinata. Kageyama had been filing his nails in the corner of the gym when Hinata came bouncing towards him more energetic than usual.

“Yes! Apparently Coach Ukai and Tanaka-sensei have both managed to arrange it with our school, Nekoma was kind enough to lend their bus and all we need to do is get our parents to sign the acceptance papers. Natsu’s super jealous.”

Kageyama paused his filing. While a beach trip seemed fun in hindsight (all things considered as he’d never actually been to a beach let alone seen the ocean in person) his parents’ approval might be a hassle and he wondered how useful such a trip would actually be to their volleyball training. He wasn’t much for arbitrary outings in school anyway.

Clearly seeing the disdain on his face, Hinata elaborated. “It’s meant to be a nice trip to spend time with the third years before they leave next year! And apparently beach volleyball is a great way to help a range of volleyball skills. Besides, any volleyball is still fun volleyball!”

“Beach is an entirely different sport to indoor volleyball,” Kageyama pointed out.

“Don’t try to sound smart Kageyama! You don’t know anything about beach volleyball either!”

“Clearly I know more than you!” Kageyama said smugly.

Hinata stuck his tongue out at him like a child, his comeback interrupted by Daichi’s yell of, “Back to practise everyone! Water break’s over!”

Kageyama stored his file back in his bag shooting a triumphant look to his partner. Hinata clearly wanted to continue their discussion but even he was smart enough to listen to Daichi the first time.

“Just think about it,” Hinata said, “It’ll be more fun than you think, I’m sure.”

They went to join the others and began attacking drills, Ukai wanting them to focus on ways to score points other than simply spiking and it was amusing to see Hinata fumble to do a tip or deliberately aim somewhere.

Throughout the practice everyone chatted about the upcoming trip and how excited they were. It made Kageyama feel slightly self-conscious about his doubt. There was no particular reason for it other than simple uncertainty. He’d never done something like this, let alone driven for hours to a beach.

There might've also been guilt. Guilt at doing a beach trip without his grandfather, despite Kazuyo’s promise they’d go together one day. He’d be breaking that promise.

You’re just like the ocean, aren't you?

Kageyama’s next set was slightly off.

“Sorry,” he said to Ennoshita who waved it off. He saw Hinata’s frown from the corner of his eye. Hinata always saw when he fumbled.

The rest of training came and went without any more errors as he shut his thoughts out and refocused on the familiarity of volleyball. As it ended, Ukai gathered them all around with Takeda who must’ve walked in sometimes towards the end of training.

Hinata sat himself down next to Kageyama, letting their knees hit against each other. “It’s going to be about the trip,” he gushed excitedly.

It indeed was about the beach trip.

Ukai began by writing down on his whiteboard a date (two weeks from the current date but on the Saturday) and underneath adding Shobutahama.

“Where’s that?” Hinata whispered.

“Dunno,” Kageyama shrugged back.

Ukai cleared his throat to get everyone’s attention. “I’m sure most of you know of this already, but yes we’re planning on heading to Shichigahama to go to Shobutahama Beach, considering it’s only a one hour twenty drive from here.”

Most of the others started in excitement but soon quietened as Takeda stepped forward.

“Now we had to get this approved by the school and sport club committee, and so there are a couple conditions. You do need parental permission, and please remember that this’ll be a good volleyball learning opportunity most of all.”

Nodding, Ukai took over. “Exactly as Takeda-sensei said. We’ll train there for a few hours which’ll be good conditioning as the sand will help your jump and stability. Then the rest is for you to enjoy before we have to head back in the evening.”

The two finished up with some formalities, mainly what’s expected of the club, what to bring and exact dates and times of leaving as well as telling them to thank Nekoma next time they meet for lending their coach for the journey.

Everyone packed up in a flurry of anticipation, all while Kageyama still grappled with the confusing doubt he felt. This was a great opportunity and even more so a great chance to bond with each other and have fun, he knew that.

“You might want to stop glaring at the wall before anyone asks,” Yamaguchi said, jolting him out of what he hadn’t realised he’d been doing.

“My bad, I hadn’t noticed.”

Yamaguchi chuckled but it wasn’t malicious, at least not when Tsukishima wasn’t around. “No worries. But is everything alright? I thought you out of everyone would be more than happy at a chance to train. If I’m being honest, I’m a bit nervous, I’ve never been to the beach.” Yamaguchi rubbed his cheek. “It’s silly I know.”

Right. If anyone could understand his nerves it would be Yamaguchi. Maybe Kageyama should’ve talked about his worries, but he felt that if he did his throat might tighten and his mouth get dry. He didn’t need to worry Yamaguchi more.

Instead, he shrugged his shoulders. “Me neither, but I agree, training there will be useful.”

Yamaguchi smiled but still seemed concerned. He might’ve asked again had Hinata not come in at that moment, dragging Kageyama for them to practise a bit longer.

It was nothing, Kageyama emphasised to himself. He’d manage to get his parents signatures once they were home (even if he had to stay up slightly later than usual), hand in his slip and enjoy the trip like everyone else.

It was nothing, he thought as Hinata run into his jump approach and jumped high to spike his set. The ball missed its mark.

*

“A permission slip?”

Kageyama nodded at his mother, stifling a yawn. As he’d expected his parents arrived late at the house, and he wanted to go to sleep. But there was no guarantee they’d be here when he woke up and he should get their signatures sooner rather than later.

“It’s not often your school offers trips,” his father pointed out, “and this is for volleyball you said?”

“Yes, it’s for training and team bonding.”

His mother hummed curiously and signed it, his father soon following. Some weight was released from Kageyama’s chest. He knew they’d be happy to sign it, but even so...

He was rather distant from his parents.

His mother ruffled his hair, an action that held nostalgia from when he was a child. “I hope you enjoy it, dear. I see you’re still as passionate for volleyball as ever.”

“And I’m glad you’ve seen to have made good friends in that club.” His father smiled, he had the same black hair and eyes as Kageyama and looked a lot like Kazuyo.

Karasuno was good for him, Kageyama agreed while he yawned once more and headed off to sleep with his parents' goodnights trailing behind him.

“Kazuyo always liked beaches, didn’t he, love?” He heard his mother say.

Kageyama paused for a split second. Then he continued walking trying to zone out his father’s response.

“He did, didn’t he.”

*

Even with the signatures, Kageyama hadn’t returned the slip to Takeda. He’d been too hesitant to do so.

It caught up to him the few days before the trip when the teacher approached him when spotted in the corridor as they were released for lunch.

“Ah, Kageyama, I needed to talk to you quickly! Don’t worry, I’ll try not to waste too much of your time.”

Kageyama dutifully followed him to an empty classroom, sending a signal to Hinata to say he’d find him later. Hinata’s bright brown eyes trailed after him, somehow comforting.

Takeda smiled, a kind thing but always with a hint of nerves in it. “I just wanted to remind you that you need to hand in your permission slip by tomorrow to be able to attend the volleyball trip. Ukai-kun has been rather stressed about it.”

Kageyama shifted the weight between his legs.

“That doesn’t mean you should stress about it too! But make sure to get it done.”

“I have the slip,” Kageyama admitted. He dug into his pocket and pulled out the (now slightly crinkled) paper and guiltily handed it to Takeda, like a child being told to give back a stolen toy.

Takeda was surprised as he took the paper and his glasses slipped down his nose slightly.

“Sorry it’s late,” Kageyama added. “I just... put it off.”

Perhaps it was the intuition of a teacher, or the experience of an adult, maybe even just Takeda himself. But Takeda seemed to look right into Kageyama’s mind, seemed to get a glimpse of his doubt and isolation from his peers’ excitement.

“You’re not too keen on going to the beach?”

Kageyama worded his answer carefully. “I was still planning to go, it’s just a touchy place. Everyone else seems so fine with it but I... I’m different.”

Different in skill. In emotions. Too difficult to get along with, too easy to get annoyed at. Different in his smile and talent and family.

Kageyama felt silly. These thoughts were stupid.

“You know what I think, Kageyama?” Takeda asked. His smile had become softer and the sun from outside shone on his back.

Kageyama couldn’t help but let his self-deprecating thoughts go as he replied that he didn’t.

“I think having a team like Karasuno is a real gift for you. After all, you don’t need to tell me all your troubles, but I believe you can trust your team or members of it enough to tell them some day. After all, I’ve seen you grown and evolve more than you might think. You smile more, improve those around you and not just yourself too. You’re happy with them and while that may not be the case all the time, it’s certainly nice to be able to say it happens.”

Kageyama listened intensively. He was probably staring wide-eyed but couldn’t find it in himself to stop.

Takeda’s bronze eyes crinkled at the corners, and he pocketed Kageyama’s permission slip.

“I think that’s the beautiful thing about sport. It isn’t always about the huge victories of winning a game or learning a new skill, but rather the little joys of being around people who, at the end of the day, make you happy.”

Little joys. Kageyama had never thought of volleyball in such a way.

“As for the beach trip... Enjoy it for what it is rather than whatever it reminds you of. You aren’t oceans away from your team but instead share the same shore.”

A realization came to Kageyama in that moment. It wasn’t sharp, but rather a soft understanding which must’ve been brewing over time and only now being brought to light. That despite feeling accepted into Karasuno he never really considered how he hadn’t accepted them.

Maybe he had been too scared to do so.

Takeda blinked suddenly and quickly went to adjust his glasses. “Ah sorry! I went off on another poetic ramble, didn’t I?”

The beautiful thing about sport. Little joys. Share the same shore. There really were pieces of his grandfather’s words everywhere.

Kageyama went to reassure Takeda. “No, it’s fine. Thank you. That helped, sensei.”

“Oh, well I’m glad! I won’t keep you any longer, and I’ll pass this onto Ukai, alright? Enjoy the rest of your day.”

Kageyama walked out almost in a daze. He felt odd but in no negative way. He had a strange urge to smile at the thought of the trip now.

Perhaps he unconsciously was by the strange look Hinata gave him as he found the shorter.

“Why are you looking so creepy, Scary-yama?”

Kageyama’s daze snapped into familiar adrenaline with Hinata’s genuine (aggravating) question.

“Shut up, boke! I am not!”

*

The coach ride had been off to a rocky start.

It took the first half an hour for everyone to calm down and Kageyama to get comfortable where he sat. They’d all put their backpacks under their seats, and his legs were already beginning to cramp at the lack of space.

Hinata was sat next to him, by the window, and was jittery in his seat clearly restless already with sitting still. They’d chatted initially, mainly about volleyball tactics or matches and had only recently fallen into a comfortable silence.

Thankfully the weather was sunny and humid, such that it would be warm enough to swim in the ocean. He knew Kiyoko had packed sunscreen; she must’ve known most would forget so themselves (much like Kageyama himself).

“UNO!” Kageyama jumped at Nishinoya’s yell.

Him and Tanaka must be playing cards. (Hinata suggested they play cards themselves, but the idea was quickly discarded as they realised it’d most likely end in another argument as to what their scores would be).

“Keep it down!” Ukai barked, supported by Daichi’s glare backwords from the front. It fell apart at Suga’s snickers and question if Nishinoya was cheating since he ‘usually never won at card games’.

It escalated into a debate from Tanaka about the unfair luck in Uno even if it was the best game to play when bored. Which then led to another debate in the bus as to what everyone's favourite games were.

“I quite like Shogi,” Asahi contributed to which a few agreed.

“What about Mahjong?” Which was less popular.

Hinata piped up himself that he loved Snakes and Ladders with Nastu.

“What about you, Kageyama?” Suga asked.

Kageyama thought for a moment. The best game?

“Volleyball,” he said confidently.

He was confused by the laughter that followed but regardless felt more part of the team alongside it with the comments of ‘that’s our Kageyama for you.’

*

Finally, they could see the coastline which spurred another round of shouts and excitement soon hushed by Ukai once more.

Everyone quickly acknowledged Takeda’s reminder to stick together to not get lost, seemingly targeted towards him and Hinata (it had only been once they’d run off by accident during a race mind them!). Then they exited the coach holding bags full of towels, lunch, snacks, water, sunglasses, hats and of course volleyballs.

The salty and slightly fishy smell hit Kageyama first. Soon after was the view of which he couldn’t help but stop walking to, leaving Hinata almost crashing into the back of him.

The ocean stretched out across the edge of Shichigahama as far as the eye could see. It was a deeper blue than he’d thought, at least in the distance, and the waves lapped gently at the sand, attempting to drag it back futilely. The sand of which was a bright gold within the sun, warm under the flip-flops Kageyama wore where it slipped through onto his feet.

The sky was light blue with only a few clouds scattered around, the sun bright and already causing a humidity that clung to Kageyama’s skin.

While it was relatively busy for a Saturday, it wasn’t completely crowded by families or friends on a day out. Kageyama took another deep breath of the air, slightly mesmerised by the new view.

“Isn't it cool? You’ve never been to the beach either have you, Kageyama?” Hinata said beside him.

“It is pretty cool,” he agreed. “Come on.”

They quickly caught up the others, the sand still foreign between his feet. He glanced up again at the ocean.

It did match his eye colour.

Eventually they found a good spot to lay a base, and everyone set down their towels and bags alongside some umbrellas that were brought for shade. Nearby some of the second-years set up a temporary net, it was feeble but would work for its purpose.

Kageyama slipped his flip-flops off, startling at the burning heat of the sand on his bare feet and quickly shuffling to cool it. He huffed at how unbothered Hinata was by it, already running to grab a ball. It was somehow endearing.

Everyone finished unpacking and began to get ready to train including himself who dug out the sunglasses from his bag. He was glad they covered his eyes when they widened as Hinata tugged his shirt off, following in Tanaka’s footsteps.

“Kageyama! Put sunscreen on my back for me please!” Hinata said, smile innocent. His hair seemed to glow orange in the sun and complemented the ocean’s blue well.

Kageyama did apply Hinata’s sunscreen, ignoring the tingles in his chest as he did. He kept his shirt on, deciding to take it off later instead.

The training started off easy enough after everyone had warmed up, simple four-aside (each member occasionally switching out for each other). Jumping in the sand was hard and he could see the others’ frustration as their approaches weren’t up to par as when on a hard court. Kageyama tried to lower his sets to help, but finding a good footing in the sand to set decently was surprisingly difficult as well.

As he struggled to understand the wind and its apparent ability to change the ball’s direction last second, and as he got used to carefully watching when the sun blinded his view of the ball, Ukai changed to drill into two-aside with losers of the rally swapping out with another pair.

While there had been a couple stray balls and heavy apologies to the families they nearly hit, it all went smoothly and Kageyama found it easy to eventually slip into a rhythm of play on such terrain and more wild play. A few nearby spectators even cheered on a couple of their games, the simple act of it rather pleasant.

After some time of sweating backs and sand sticking to said sweat, a water break was eventually called.

“The sand makes it so hard!” Hinata grumbled in-between gulps of water. “My jumps aren’t as high.”

Kageyama finished swallowing before replying. “It’s tough but I’m sure tomorrow we’ll find our footing improves indoor. Not to mention beach volleyball lets you play every position when there’s just two of you.”

Hinata was silent for a moment and Kageyama briefly wondered what thought had crossed his mind this time.

“Playing with only another person is a perfect way to learn everything quickly,” Hinata said wishfully.

“What, you’re going to become a professional beach player now?”

“Maybe I am! And if I do, I’m sure I’ll catch up and surpass you in no time!”

That rare but nice feeling was being cast over Kageyama again. The temptation to smile and laugh yet maybe cry too.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Daichi ready to stop their commencing bicker and elbowed Hinata to warm him. Hinata jumped like a mouse before shuffling behind Kageyama.

Yachi giggled at their antics when she came by to offer some strawberries, they both took some gratefully. Her and Kiyoko were sitting under one of the umbrellas taking notes and relaxing, Yachi had on a round summer hat with her swim costume already on while Kiyoko wore her bikini top but still had a long skirt on. He wondered if they’d join them later in the water.

“Ukai-san is calling everyone over. I think you have one more drill to do before we’re all free to do whatever,” she said.

Munching on another strawberry and enjoying its sweet, cool taste under such warm weather, Kageyama and the rest of Karasuno headed over.

He listened attentively as he always did when it came to volleyball, but found his attention kept momentarily drifting back to the ocean.

The endless nature of it and the way its waves lulled in Kageyama’s ears. The water was clear and he was hot enough by now to be very tempted to jump in soon.

The final part of training was a mix of simple ball control drills, matchplay and ended with a fun, brief session of attack practice. It eventually turned into ‘who could come up with the most unique way to win a point’ courtesy of Hinata and Suga which everyone was more than happy with.

It was unusual for Ukai to allow them this freedom but even he must’ve been inspired by the joyful atmosphere of the beach.

Eventually the sun had dipped lower in the sky, and the training session was called to an end. Everyone collapsed onto their towels in exhaustion but still in good spirits. Kageyama attempted to brush the sand sticking to him in all sorts of places off but to no avail.

Ukai clapped his hands, a pleased grin on his face. “Good work, everyone. We have to leave by eight so that leaves you with a good couple of hours to do whatever the hell you’d like.”

Many cheered at that and in no time a few people began rushing to the ocean or stretching out to sunbathe on their towels. Kageyama stood up and waited awkwardly, not sure what to do.

Thankfully Yamaguchi soon suggested they play some cards before swimming and managed to get the first years (even Tsukishima), Suga and Asahi to join in.

“Do you have any threes?”

Kageyama frowned as he handed over his cards. Tsukishima sniggered, covering his mouth with his hand of cards.

“It seems like the King really is only good at volleyball. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone this bad at simple Go Fish.”

Kageyama didn’t even realise he didn’t react to the nickname as he smugly asked for Tsukishima’s eights his next go, the ones he knew Tsukishima had. Hinata laughed at the other’s expense adding to Kageyama’s inner victory.

The game continued with Asahi winning and Kageyama failing miserably but still content.

It might’ve been his imagination, but Suga smiled warmly at him, in a way that said; we’re happy you’re here with us.

“Kageyama! Kageyama!” Hinata was tugging at his arm. Like usual.

“What?”

“Let’s go swimming! Come on, Suga, Asahi. Yamaguchi, you should come too. Tskuishima can stay and be his grouchy self here.”

Yamaguchi seemed to be trying very hard not to laugh, he leant over and whispered in Kageyama’s ear. “Tsukishima gets burnt easily so he prefers to stay in the shade.”

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki!”

Soon enough, Kageyama and Hinata were racing towards to water, sand splaying everywhere and Hinata almost crashing into a younger kid. Hinata was laughing, maybe he was too.

As he collided into the water, he shivered from the shock of the temperature. It startled him, much colder than he’d expected and his face scrunched up at the salty taste in his mouth from the water that splashed into it.

“It’s cold,” he said.

“It’ll warm up,” Hinata replied. His mouth crinkled with a smile, splashing some more water at Kageyama.

His curls had fallen from the water’s weight and before Kageyama could do something stupid like brush them, the two were called over by the others to join in some water volleyball. Someone had brought their own beach volleyball with them, to not risk damaging the indoor ones with dampness and they all formed a circle, passing it rather messily to each other with the water restricting their movement.

It was far from professional playing, but fun all the same.

And, oh, Kageyama realised. Realised as he stumbled trying to spike a ball and tripped to land face-first into the waves. Lifting his head spluttering salt as Hinata chortled and everyone else laughed too as if it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen. Oh.

Kageyama realised that this was fun. Simply being with the team, together, laughing in the evening sun with sand and salt covered bodies was so much fun.

He grinned, full teeth, feeling a laugh bubble out of himself too.

This wasn’t a tournament won, nor any other huge victory. But...

He felt so, so light. So accepted and under no weight of pressure. And he laughed as the team laughed, smiled even when his cheeks hurt and played volleyball in presence of a team full of joy. These little joys emphasised his love for the game and these friends he’d made stopped his loneliness with its painful grips.

To love this sport, to love these people. It really was this easy. So easy, to just let them in.

*

“Your name means flying fish, doesn't it, Kageyama?” Yachi asked. The question had been prompted after Nishinoya claimed he’d caught a fish that looked like it was flying underwater.

He nodded, licking his ice cream they’d just bought. It was vanilla flavour. The sun having dipped much lower and the ocean having grown much colder, everyone had retreated from the water and were now sitting and admiring the view before they had to leave.

“It suits you,” Daichi pointed out. “Or maybe it's just the setting of the beach.”

“A fish, flying to escape the sea onto a volleyball court,” someone joked. Everyone giggled.

“Leaving his fellow fish to join a murder of crows,” someone else added. Kageyama huffed alongside the others, relatively amused.

Now that the beach had emptied out a lot more, the wave’s noise was much more prominent. Tanaka had tried to play some music on a speaker he’d snuck along but the idea soon fell apart after some onlookers gave them dirty stares and the lifeguard began paying a bit too much attention to them. Ukai had confiscated the speaker.

Hinata sighed loudly. “Ah, I don’t want to go, today was so much fun.”

“Aren't you tired yet?” Narita mused.

Privately, Kageyama agreed with Hinata. The other must’ve seen it on his face as he faced him. “C'mon, let's walk by the tide before we go!”

Kageyama followed Hinata, ignoring the chuckles at their antics behind them.

He crinkled his toes and felt the wet sand underneath them. By now a beautiful sunset had begun and it casted hues of pink and orange onto the previously pure blue on the ocean. In the distance were still some boats and birds flew occasionally in the air.

“Wow.”

Kageyama blinked out of his stupor. “What is it?”

Hinata had been staring at him in something akin to awe. “It’s nothing, just, I’ve never seen you smile like that before.”

He looked over Hinata. “Like what, huh?”

Squeaking, Hinata shook his head rapidly. “I didn't mean it like that, I swear! But I’ve never seen you smile so softly, it’s always sharp edges or creepy smirks.”

Kageyama hadn't even realised he’d been smiling, too caught up in the view. The waves weren't as harsh as before, instead they lulled gently at his feet making them tingle slightly. He was smiling a lot recently. How strange.

There was a shout in the distance telling everyone to pack away.

Ice cream still in his hand, hair still damp and clothes salty, Kageyama simply existed with Hinata in that moment. There was something so special about going from having no one, to a whole team, to having one special someone.

Hinata’s face wasn’t particularly visible in the dark, but Kageyama could tell his eyes would be wide and gleaming, his clothes and hair messy, and his mouth (smeared with chocolate ice cream) tugged up in an everlasting smile.

They’d been enemies, managed to become rivals, then somehow this. And while it was little more than friends now, perhaps someday in the future they’d have more time to grow and be brave enough to name whatever love had begun to bloom between them.

Maybe Kageyama was like the ocean, lonely, violent with sharp blue eyes. Although, he certainly wouldn't say he felt any of that now. And even if he was, looking out at the ocean now, even it had its peaceful moments.

He turned to look at Karasuno, and wondered whether the joy of a team wasn't too dissimilar to that of a family.

“Hey, Tobio?”

Kageyama yawned from where he was resting on his grandfather’s back as he was carried home. He was clinging onto the last of his consciousness and must’ve mumbled something in reply, but his eyes felt heavy and he warmly huddled into his grandfather to protect himself from the chilly breeze.

The moon shone brightly from what he could see in the cracks of his eyelids.

“I’m not always going to be around y’know? I’m an old man now, not the young player I once was.”

Kageyama yawned sleepily, his grandfather’s voice hardly reaching him as it faded. His brain was already approaching slumber and readying for dreams of pork curry with eggs and volleyball

His grandfather sighed. A sound that rattled his body and caused Kageyama to shuffle in complaint from where he lay.

“When I was your age, I was pretty lonely. Hard to believe, eh? But one day, one of the teams I joined left a big impact on me. Sport is one of the things that make humans, human. But a team sport? That’s something that easily makes humans smile as much as it can cry.”

Kageyama began to snore and Kazuyo chuckled. “Ah, look at me talking to myself like an old geezer. Good night, Tobio.”

The moon disappeared from Kageyama’s view as his eyes slipped closed.

He wondered what tomorrow would bring.

An ocean, so empty,

So blue,

That when the sun asked

If it ever got lonely,

The ocean looked up

And replied,

No– for I have you.