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Ted is a grown man and he knows, logically, that fumbling a stupid party game on the podcast- the comedy podcast at that- isn't serious. It's not serious in the slightest.
Emotionally, however, it's not as simple to discern. It's not like he isn't aware he's overreacting- but rather that being aware of it changes nothing. If anything it just makes it more embarrassing to be so worked up. This is meant to be funny, it's content, Tucker and Schlatt are almost definitely playing up their digs at him for the entertainment factor. He knows that.
But something in the back of Ted's mind persistently latches onto it. Pretty early on he's a little frustrated. The game in of itself isn't really his thing but he's a performer, he can pretend to enjoy it for the camera's sake.
It’s bearable until Tucker chuckles at Schlatt's hint.
“It'll give it away immediately.” He says, completely deadpan. Only it doesn't- and that's fine until Tucker's little quip that follows.
“You really think Ted's that quick?” And sure- he didn't outright say it, but if Ted's not quick, he's slow, and if he's slow he's
“You got really close there.” Schlatt teases, snapping him out of his own head for a second. And in hindsight, he did, which kind of makes it worse. He can handle Schlatt for the most part, he knows his humour can get mean- but it's just how it is and always has been.
Ted likes that, he likes Schlatt. He just doesn't like whatever him and Tucker are doing right now.
“I probably would have gotten it if you weren't yelling the whole time, dude.” Ted replies, praying he doesn't sound petulant.
“I was throwing you off!” Okay, well at least he admitted it. It's more reassuring than it should be.
Because it's not like Ted doesn’t understand the rules, it's just that knowing them doesn't help him process what he's hearing any more easily. But whatever, if Schlatt thinks talking over him the whole time is funny, then there's nothing stopping him from retaliating.
Only it doesn't work at all. Schlatt figures out the answer in seconds. And of course he does because Schlatt is so damn smart, in so many ways. The frustration from earlier slowly but surely creeps back in.
Tucker makes yet another remark “Woah- Schlatt's really good at this!” He's not being that earnest about it- Ted knows what Tucker sounds like when he's sincerely impressed and that's not it, but it still feels like an unspoken Look Ted, you're not good enough.
It's only made worse when he continues.”I'll give you an easy one- because you need it.”
And it's like being 13 again, failing classes, being pulled aside for extra help, the same humiliation making his chest feel tight, and body jittery. So he admits it, hoping he'll feel less exposed taking it into his own hands. “Yeah, I really do.” self depreciation is at least something he can control.
Because he's not failing classes he's a grown man. On a comedy podcast. And he manages to get the answer pretty quickly this time. It feels so much better than is rational.
And the teasing is whatever, it's whatever.
“This is a hundred percent fair.” Schlatt says after screaming over his turn and refusing to give him hints. Sure.
“I'm just literate.” Schlatt says after getting the next one, barely trying. Ted doesn’t care. Really, he doesn’t.
And then during Ted's turn again, Schlatt is laughing and laughing and laughing at him. “You sound so dumb right now, dude.”
As if he doesn’t know that already.
Ted can admit, in a mature, in-touch-with-his feelings-way, that it really does feel bad at this point. And the fact it even feels bad feels worse. It's so stupid to be upset over this. It's stupid and he's stupid.
“Just relax, Ted.” And he really wants to snap back, trying so hard to play it off as joke. It's not exactly different from what they're doing. Because surely they know what they're doing.
When he gets another correct he feels a little pride bloom in his chest, it's a small victory but it makes him feel better just enough to argue back. “I got it, you can't say I'm stupid.” he's pushing a little, because they haven't, or at least not yet.
“Not in time” Tucker replies, and it makes that tiny success feel worthless. He doesn’t even deny that he thinks Ted is dumb. And it's not the same as saying it out loud, but it's as good as.
Ted knows it's not reasonable to expect Tucker or Schlatt to read his mind and know he's not really in on the bit. He knows especially that reading tone and expressions over a discord call isn't quite the same as in person. They probably don't know how he's feeling right now, if they did they would stop. Surely.
Besides, it's a stupid game.
But as if he'd tempted fate - it escalates past that all too quickly. The next jab Tucker makes comes so naturally that Ted can't help but worry about where this even came from. How long have they thought about him this way and just not told him?
“Anytime Ted shows up to something where Schlatt and I were already there, he makes it significantly worse-” and his tone isn't serious but Ted still can't really believe he said it at all. What's the joke here? He doesn’t know why the thought of Tucker and Schlatt being a thing and excluding him hurts as much as it does- and yet.
“What?” He hates how affected he sounds. He subconsciously starts biting his nails before he remembers he's on camera and instead starts picking at them under his desk. Restless, and overwhelmed, and feeling his face get redder with a mixture of embarrassment and frustration.
“Whether it be the discord call, or the hotel-”
“He does, he does.” Schlatt agrees. “I'll say it.” It's like rubbing salt in the wound.
Ted has known Tucker so long it doesn't feel like any sense of real betrayal, they've probably said worse about each other and gotten over it. Ups and downs happen.
But Schlatt is a whole other can of worms, and the fact that said can of worms is going along with this bit makes this the worst to deal with, so far, anyway.
They just keep talking over him- even as he says in a voice smaller than he intended. Smaller than he ever sounds, really “This doesn't-” he hesitates, they don’t even react. “This doesn't make me feel very good.”
It's a childish, pathetic thing to say. Even the wording is stupid, he feels like a kid struggling to use the ‘big words’ he needs for his ‘big feelings’. A stupid kid. He doesn’t know if he's relieved or more upset when they completely ignore him once again.
Schlatt gets the next one before Ted even sounds it out in his mind, and he can't help but feel genuine dread pool in his gut knowing his turn is next.
“I'll do one more.”
Schlatt's burst of laughter is so loud it genuinely startles him. “You're down 7-3 and you're saying ‘I'll do one more.”
“Ted is itching to get out of this recording.”
So they know. And they don't care. Or they're getting genuine enjoyment making him feel like this. There's a relentless buzz under his skin that makes him want to cry, or hit something, or himself maybe and with every jab it gets dialed up until he finally snaps. “Well no shit.”
If he were a more sensible, rational, normal person he'd bite his tongue but he'd been trying so hard this whole time- he really had. “You guys think I'm a fucking retard.”
And the silence that follows- the only break so far in this damn recording- is absolutely deafening.
“Ted, what the fuck.”
He doesn’t know which of his friends says it, he just knows he's ruined the episode singlehandedly by throwing a tantrum over a party game. For fuck's sake- he just said that on camera. What the hell is wrong with him.
His heart pounds in his ears, blood running cold, fingers going numb. He knows a panic attack coming when he feels it but this can't be happening right now it just can't-
“Ted-” that's Schlatt, he knows it's Schlatt because his tone sounds eerily flat in a way Tucker has never been able to achieve. It snaps some sense into him, just enough that something in Ted realises he needs to fix this and he needs to fix it now. “That's not-”
“Sorry. Sorry- I didn't mean that. We can edit that out right.” he keeps his voice level. Swallowing dryly to shove down the awful lump in his throat. “Got worked up, that's my bad.”
“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” Tucker mumbles, the lighthearted tone from before is gone. His expression is like stone, it's such a stark contrast from his bright smile before. “Sorry, man.”
The momentum halts completely. Any fun his friends were having ceases all because he couldn't handle a few jokes here and there. Ted feels sick to his stomach. “Uhm.” His mouth feels dry and his eyes feel wet. He focuses so much on blinking it away he nearly forgets to keep talking “We're at an hour right?”
He hates how he says it. His voice comes out all weird, like he's trying too hard to sound like himself.
Neither Schlatt nor Tucker respond immediately, simply checking the time before seeming to take the hint that the episode is over. “Yeah. Just about.”
So Schlatt handles the outro for the most part, Ted plays his role of the sore loser, and then, blessedly, it's over. He doesn’t think he's ever left a call so fast before.
And once it's just him, he has to reckon with it all.
He's not going to cry- he's not. But he thinks he might throw up, or pick his lips until they bleed, or lie in his bed under the covers and pretend to be dead for a while.
Instead what ends up happening is he sits at his desk, spacing out until the stupid discord ringtone snaps him back for a moment.
It's Schlatt.
Ted thinks about picking up, then he thinks about declining, then by the time he's managed to get his hand to respond to his brain, the ringing ends. Call unanswered.
“Ted im sorry”
“Seriously”
“We were kidding”
Right.
Tucker will probably apologise later, and with less urgency, because they know each other, and their friendship has been through a lot worse- but Ted knows Schlatt too- and he knows how Schlatt gets. He plays everything up and then as soon as he realises he misread the situation panics. Sometimes it's sickeningly endearing and other times, leaves Ted conflicted.
But that's not really what this is right? It's not like Ted was in on the joke at all. And some small part of him really hoped that Schlatt would know better than to talk to him like that. To like Ted enough, and care enough to stop before it got bad.
“We don't think you're stupid”
“maybe sometimes”
“But srsly just sometimes”
Once again typical of Schlatt, a glimpse of sincerity and then the walls go back up. Ted stares at the screen until his eyes sting.
“It's fine man”
“Sorry I kinda fucked up the recording”
“rlly?”
“You seemed pretty upset”
“Yeah srsly dw”
“Ok”
Schlatt's typing indicator pops up and disappears on and off for a few moments before no new messages follow, and Ted guesses that's the end of that. He doesn’t know if it makes him immature or petty to be so dry about it but he doesn't really know what to say either.
Either it wasn't purposeful and he overreacted like crazy or it was purposeful and that would mean Tucker and Schlatt, both people he really cares about- wanted to make him feel bad.
In the moment he doesn’t consider the middle ground of their intentions not matching the outcome.
He considers getting high, watching a movie, taking his mind off it. It's resolved at least. For now, anyway. When Schlatt and Ted first met there was a similar kind of lingering insecurity. Schlatt was so smart, and easygoing, and stonefaced yet charismatic- not loud, or obnoxious, or not quite reading the room right like Ted so often was. Schlatt made jabs at him back then too, but meaner, less restrained, when all Ted wanted was for Schlatt to like him.
And he doesn't quite know why he still feels that way sometimes.
In the end he chalks it up to still feeling bad about the recording, just the recording.