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When Isak first saw Even, he knew that school would no longer be boring.
It had been a normal Tuesday morning.He was sat in lesson, ignoring every word that came out of Mrs No-Bra's mouth as she twittered on drowning the class with nonsense.
He was lost in his own thoughts.
Daydreaming.
Until his classroom door abruptly opened, instantly pulling him out of his trance. He glanced up to the door and there stood the most interesting guy he'd ever seen. The boy was fairly tall but was slightly slouched. He had bright blue eyes and soft blond hair. He had a denim jacket on and overall just seemed layedback. The boy peered around the room with a small grin on his lips. His eyes fell on Isak and his smile widened. Isak just stared back.
Maybe if this guy became his friend school wouldn't be so boring after all.
Mrs No-Bra turned to the new kid and greeted him with, to Isak, seemed like an uncomfortably fake smile.
"Hello, you must be the new student."
"Well, I'd like to hope I am," The boy replied snarky, but at the same time so charmingly.
If Isak had replied like this to the teacher, she probably would've sent him to see the headmaster. But with this new boy she just smiled, chuckled and waved it off.
"It's Even, right?" Ms. asked and the boy simply nodded.
Even.
What a nice name Isak thought as he tested it on his lips. He could already tell that he was going to do anything to become this guys friend.
Ms. instructed Even to go sit himself at a spare chair. There was only two in the class and one was next to Isak. As if by chance Even sat there. Isak smiled to himself before turning to the new boy to introduce himself. Masking his happiness.
"Hey, I'm Isak," He said, with a warm smile.
The taller boy observed him before grinning back.
"I can just feel it," Even suddenly proclaimed, "We're going to be the best of friends."
Isak beamed back with delight.
They'd spent all day hanging out and getting to know each other. Isak discovered that Even could charm his way into almost everybody's good books. That all the girls were instantly head over heels for him. That even some of the guys found him good looking. Yet of all the people in the school Even had decided to hang out with him. He wasn't anyone special. He wasn't too popular but he wasn't an outcast. He just preferred to be alone therefore he didn't have 'friends'.
But now he had Even.
When Isak got home, he was overwhelemed because of everything good that had happened to him today. He didn't know how or why, but he found himself writing a letter to Even.
Dear Even,
I've only just met you today but I feel we have such a strong genuine friendship already. From the moment you walked into the room, you made everything about Mrs No-Bra's (a lovely nickname I gave her) lesson better. I never expected for someone like you to sit next to someone like me or even talk to me. You just seem so cool and I suppose I'm not..
I've never really had a best friend. Or a close friend of any sorts... I like to be alone- no I don’t think it makes me cool, I just feel better alone. But now there's you and...
I'm really glad I met you and I hope we can, maybe, stick together for the long run in the foreseeable future.
From, Isak.
It wasn't unexpected to Isak, that other people would want to be friends with Even or vice versa. He just didn't expect the crowd around them to expand every day. It was like he was even more invisible than he once had been to everyone whilst Even was like a god to them. There was rarely any time when it was just them together. But the moments that there were he treasured.
Even was his only ever real friend.
"You always this popular?" Isak asked Even once, when they finally had a moment alone.
"Yeah, don't know why," he replied, drumming his fingers on the desk in front of him, "But none of them are true friends, not like you."
This made Isak's heart warm.
"I've never had a best friend," He admitted and Even glanced at him with a sympathetic look.
"Don't worry, Isak. I'm your best friend now" he responded with a warm smile.
Isak recooperated it.
Dear Even,
You said we'd become best friends and we did. Everyone else wants to be your friend, wants your attention and yet you only want to hang out with me. I honestly don't know why, I'm just boring Isak.
But thank you, well you're never going to see these, but figuratively thank you.
Thanks for coming to this school. Thanks for being my friend. Thanks from making my life better, overall.
From,Isak.
The first school year flew by. Isak and Even stuck by each others side the whole time. Causing trouble, mayhem. Being the ultimate cool kids of the school. A small squad began to follow them around and Isak classed them as 'friends' of sorts. But they're not as close to him as Even. Jonas just isn't as supportive as Even. Mahdi isn’t as funny as Even. Magnus is way more annoying than Even could ever be. But Isak's glad he has other friends. It's all thanks to Even, of course.
When the school year ended and the summer holidays drew in Isak went to a lakeside cabin with Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus. He wished Even could come but unfortunately him and his mum had planned to go to Denmark together.
He did mostly enjoy himself over the holidays with his new friends, but it wasn't the same without Even.
When the the holidays were over eventually over, Isak was glad , which was something he'd never thought in a million years he'd find himself saying. But it means he can see Even again.
It wasn't a surprise that on the first morning back, Even was at Isak's locker. Isak immediately dashed over to him and Even's lips parted into a large smile.
"Halla," Even greeted, which Isak repeated back.
Suddenly, Even wrapped his arms round the other boy and brought him into a bro-hug. At first Isak was taken off guard but soon enough he fell into the hug and relised how much he's missed his best friend. He smiled into Even's arm and wished that he'd never let go as Even's warmth radiated onto him. Even eventually pulled back.
"You've grown taller," Even stated
"Or maybe you've just shrunk?" Isak replied, with a smirk
Even rolled his eyes.
"You've began to style your hair," Isak added, as he watched Even put his hand in his hair which is now heavily styled upwards.
"Yeah, do you think it looks good?" Even asked, Isak noticed a slight flash of insecurity appear on his face.
"Looks fine, but you obviously did it to look cooler," Isak compliments," Which might or might not have worked.S'not up to me to decide."
Even rolled his eyes and again and let out a groan.
"Looks cooler than your hair," he retorted before ruffling up the curly mess that was Isak's hair.
Isak moved Even's hand off his head and they both began to laugh.
"It's good to see you, Isak," Even finally admits." I missed you."
"You too,Even."
Dear Even,
You told me that'd you'd missed me over the summer and I missed you too. I mean, don't get me wrong, hanging in the cabin with Jonas and everyone was great..but it was weird without you.
In fact it was terrible without you. Magnus was constantly talking and talking about Vilde. He seriously wouldn't shut up! Jonas also invited his weed guy without telling us. So, we ended up getting high a couple of times and I suppose that was pretty chill. Apart form the fact that his weed guy kept calling me gay. Which I am not!
I'm just glad to be back at school, never thought I'd say that! I'm glad to be back with you Even because you've messed me up. I'd never had a friend before and now I'm addicted to your company,to hanging out with you.
That's what friendship is suppose to be like right?
Inseparable.
From,Isak.
It turned out that as inseparable as they'd both like to be...they were going to have to be separated. Almost as soon as they stepped into Mrs No-Bra's class she was barking orders at them, basically telling them that they were no longer to be sat together.
Isak went and slumped down in his usual seat, as he watched Even go and sit at the back of the class. A rather enthusiastic girl, too enthusiastic, came over to Isak and sat next to him. In Even's old seat.
" Hi, I'm Emma!" She exclaimed enthusiastically and Isak immediately wanted to be anywhere but here.
This girl continued to babble on at him for the full length of the lesson. She told him things from when she was a child, to what her best friend had for lunch yesterday, to every small detail about her model ex-boyfriend.
He turned around in his seat to see if he could see Even, who was surprisingly staring at him.
Even raised his eyebrows at Isak.
Isak pointed at Emma and made a 'she's crazy' gesture to Even.
At this Even let out a small chuckle.
Isak pretended to be offended and pulled a stern face.
Even flashed puppy dog eyes at him which ultimately caused them both to burst into hysterics....and both be sent out of the class.
Dear Even,
Ms. tried to separate us today..she totally failed. We're in deep shit at school but who cares, she a bitch for trying to split us up!
I also think that the head master might hate us...just a bit...
It was hilarious when we were just stood outside and you roasted her. Her face went so red but I didn't really pay attention to that I was looking at you because your hair had fallen over you eyes and it was..
Anyways when we go back to that class tomorrow she'll probably try separate us even more. Hopefully I won't have to sit next Emma but I hope this doesn't break our friendship in anyway.
From,Isak
It wasn't until he'd known Even for just over a year and a half, that maybe their dynamic was shifting.
Fortunately Ms. hadn't caused the end to their amazing friendship and they were both still as thick as thieves. Isak would go round to Even's nearly every week and they'd always watch some weird wacky film or Even would just put Romeo and Juliet on. Isak swore that Even was obsessed with that film.
However one day, Even asked if he could go to Isak. Isak was Skeptical. Even did know about his whole family situation and problems, he was his best friends why wouldn't he tell him?
But he wasn't that keen on Even visiting his shared apartment. His 'roomies' were something else and he didn't want them to scare Even off. After a lot of nagging from Even, Isak fould himself agreeing.
He'd brought Even through the door and immediately Eskild was stood in the doorway to the lounge.Politely Even greeted Eskild and Isak felt like he was bough to throw up as Eskild was extensively checking Even out.
They walked into the room where Linn and Noora were playing a game of Fifa on the Xbox. Linn seemed to be much more into the game than Noora,who was too busy waiting to see if her boyfriend ,William, had replied to her messages.
Isak watched as Even walked over and joined the game. Taking Noora's console. Isak smiled before walking into the kitchen to fix up some drinks.
"So, he's your secret bestie you've been keeping from here," Eskild proclaimed as he entered the room.
Isak turned around and groaned.
"I didn't want you guys to scare him away," he simply claimed.
Eskild gazed back, shocked and confused.
"As if we would ever..."
Isak was use to Eskild being such a drama queen and all he could do was roll his eyes.
"Yeah, because you checking him out extensively isn't going to scare him away at all," he replied sarcastically.
Eskild instinctively acted oblivious.
"Just leave us alone, space please?" Isak pleaded.
Eskild questionly raised his eyebrows.
"No, not like that!" Isak exclaimed, "We’re not... I'm not..It's not like that!"
Eskild didn't pursue anymore questions and began to walk out of the kitchen.
"But you do have to admit he does look handsome," Eskild called back.
Isak was left stood in the kitchen, speechless.
Because he agreed.
Dear Even,
So today Eskild said something to me, well a lot of things really, that I've been trying to keep buried in my mind. Trying to keep hidden..but I know one day it'll all spill out, so why not start here.
I was thinking of telling you in really soon anyway, so why not write it down first so I know what I'll say.
I'm gay.
I don't know how you'll react to this, but I hope it's positively because the last person I told was my mum and look where I am now. I hope you can still love me and accept me and this doesn’t ruin our friendship. I mean I hope not because it's just my sexuailty, it doesn't change who I am as a person.
Who cares if someone prefers dicks to tits?
Or vice versa?
It doesn't define a person and it shouldn't be used to label them.
Okay I just needed to get that out, before I write out the next thing I need to say..well not say because I'm never going to say this to anyone.
Ever.
I like you.
I don't know how long I've liked you for. But I just know that I have these uncontrollable butterflies in my chest whenever you're around and that I can't help staring at your perfect face. Sometimes I have to stop myself from kissing you because well you're my best friend and I know a cool guy like you would never go out with a guy. Specifically a guy like me. We're best friends and that’s all because no matter how much I fall for you- you'll never like me like that..
From, Isak.
Isak hoped that spilling all his feelings in a letter would make everything seem better. Make these feelings going away...but they didn’t.
He just wanted to be with Even every single moment of the day. He wanted to admire his ocean blue eyes, which seem to smile and light up the room everytime Even smiles. His hair which seems so soft, so perfect that he just wants to run his fingers through it. Every time he flirts with Even, he feels Even may just be flirting back. But he's probably overreacting and it's just Even's banter. Everything about Even makes him fall more and more everyday. These feelings just won't go away.
One day, he had planned to tell Even that he was gay. Maybe even about his feelings, if things were going well. Yet for some strange reason the world seemed to hate him.
Dear Even,
I was going to come out to you today, I was going to tell you everything.
But first you had to tell me that you'd gotten a girlfriend.
Well congratulations to you and Sonja.
I'm so happy for you!
I'm not even being sarcastic if that's what you think, if Sonja makes you happy then I'm happy. As long as we can hopefully still hang out and be friends.
From, Isak.
Ps. I asked Emma on a date, to the same place you and Sonja are going so I can you know..check up on you :)
When Isak arrived at the diner, he found Emma sat in the same booth as Even and Sonja. He hadn't planned this. He even felt bad for Emma due to how uncomfortable she looked, as Sonja and Even extensively made out. Isak had only just arrived and he felt as though he was going to throw up. When Emma saw Isak her face brightened up and before he'd even sat down she grabbed his face and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.
During the date, Sonja and Emma constantly gossiped. Isak listened to part of their conversation but he zoned out because all they were doing was calling all the girls in their class sluts. Even was sat across from him and Isak tried his best to avoid eye contact with him. But it was kind of hard as Even's knee was rested against his. Isak didn't know if Even was purposeful doing this, wishful thinking. Or Even hadn't realised. Hesitantly he peered up and noticed Even smirking back at him. He wondered if it meant anything at all. He doubted it when Even and Sonja were back to making out a few minutes later. He felt that Emma was also hoping that could happen with them later.
He left the Diner before the could happen.
Dear Even,
That double date was honestly the worst thing I've ever done.
Was I trying to torture myself?
You and Sonja were just so lovey dovey, I couldn't stand it.
Sorry I left because of that.
I also broke up with Emma, we weren't really dating anyway.
I hope that even though you have a new girlfriend you still remember to occasionally hang out with your best friend.
From Isak.
Isak was right, in the fact that Even spent way more time with Sonja than he did him. Everywhere he'd go, he'd see Even with Sonja. Hanging with her friends, chatting or making out. He felt like he was being punished.
However one day, Even invited Isak over. They watched films like the old days and by the time the last one has ended, Even had insisted it was too late for Isak to go home. So he stayed over. They always use to have sleepovers before Sonja came along but now it was different. Isak was laying right next the guy that he was falling for and he had to fight every urge in his body from telling him or making a move.
"What would you do if one day we just, suddenly stopped being best friends?" Even randomly asked Isak.
"I'd probably die," Isak replied, over exaggerating a little bit.
"Aww, Isak!" Even chuckled, his voice seemed deeper than usual," What did I do to deserve such a good friend?"
Isak smiled to himself.
"It's true though, I don't know what I'd do without you in my life, Even."
This time everything he said was perfectly true.
"Me neither," Even told him and then he said something that left Isak speechless.
"Night Isak, Love you."
Isak sat up abruptly and peered at his best friend. He didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say.
It was late and maybe Even had just accidentally said it,but it didn't stop a thousand thoughts and ideas whirring round Isak's mind.
Dear Even,
You said you loved me today.
True or not,
I love you too.
Love, Isak.
It was because of that one moment, Isak fucked up. He'd got his hopes too high. His mind boggled up. He didn't mean to cause any problems. He didn't mean to pretend to be Even and send Sonja a break-up text, it just happenedOf course, when everyone found out it was him they were furious. Sonja. Emma. Sonja's friends. Even his friends were annoyed at what he has done.
And Even. But he seemed more sad that Isak had betrayed him,than annoyed.
They had an argument later that day, Even making it pretty clear they were no longer friends. He didn't give time for Isak to explain. Their friendship was just over.
Dear Even,
I fucked up really badly and I'm sorry.
I don't know why I did it, maybe jealousy just took over..but I'm sorry.
Truly I am.
Remember when we said Mrs No-Bra failed to split us up?
Well she did...
If she hadn't sat you next to Sonja maybe you don't wouldn't have fallen so madly deeply in love.
Maybe I wouldn't come out to you.
Maybe we could've fallen in love.
I wonder what could've happened if we never had became friends and it's hard to think about.
What if I hadn't have come to school that day?
What if I hadn't have said hi?
What if you didn't sit next to me?
What if you didn't even come to this school?
There's so many possibilities in so many parallel universes but I'm glad I exist in this one. Where we had the best friendship ever.
I'm going to have to move on, you already have. But it'll take time...
We may not be friends anymore but that doesn't mean we'll forget the memories we made together.
Love, Isak.
One day he contemplates sending the letters, but later he decided against it.
Isak continued to write the letters. It kept him sane. It made him feel better, like him and Even were still friends.
Dear Even,
I'll find my way back to you!
That was one of your favourite songs. It was stupid, to be honest but maybe it could be true for us?
Just maybe?
From, Isak.
Dear Even,
Oh, Even. Even. Where art thou, Even?
That's from Romeo and Juliet, but you knew that because it's your favourite film.
I put an Isak spin on it.
I always said I hated that film but I didn't.
I secretly enjoyed it and part of the reason behind that was because it's your favourite film.
Isak.
He continued to write many letters over the next six months, but sooner or later he knew he had to move on.
Dear Even,
It's been a long time..long time..since we spoke.
I've just realised that I'm alone again, like before I met you. Being alone is cool I suppose. You don't need friends to get through life. But I feel empty without you.
Without seeing you.
Without talking to you everyday.
I miss you, Even.
And I know that I messed up so badly, I know that I ruined everything.
I'm sorry.
I suppose that's why I never had friends before, because I knew I'd fuck everything up.
So that's that. This is my last letter. I need to move on. I need to say bye. You moved on, so now it's my turn. I know deep down I'll always love you, heart and soul. We're just not meant to be -in any universe.
Goodbye, Even.
Then he stuffs all the letters in a box and places them on a high shelf in his room.
Out of sight. Out of mind.
After writing the last letter, he finds himself able to,sort of, move on. He hangs out more with Jonas and his squad. They're all pretty cool now that he doesn't have to compare them to Even. They smoke week every Friday and everything is so chilled and relaxed.
When the news later began to spread that Sonja and Even had broken up, Isak doesn't know if he should feel happy or not. Even still hates him and Sonja and Even were good together, weren't they.
Besides he's moved on. He's grown. He doesn't need Even in his life anymore.
Until about a week later when he bumped into Even on the way home and everything floods back to him.
"Hey," he awkwardly greeted. Even replied with the same.
There was a silence for a long time and the atmosphere was very tense.
"Sorry about you and Sonja," Isak finally said, not looking up at Even.
"Don't worry about it, we were doomed from the start," Even replied, but his voice was dry and he sounded still a bit upset about the whole situation.
"It's probably, partly my fault, the whole text situation..." Isak trailed off, he didn't want to relive any of that.
Even was quick to speak again.
"What no! It's nothing to do with that! We just had a lot of problems and our relationship just felt so unhealthy. It just wasn't right." Even reassured.
Isak glimpsed up at him. His mouth making a small 'oh' shape.
"So, you forgive me?" He uttered, barely audible.
He didn't know what kind of reply to expect from Even. For all he knew, he believed he deserved a smack to the face, another rejection. What he didn't expect was for Even to pull him into a tight embrace. His arms wrapped round Isak's body, engulfing him.
" Of course, I do," Even whispered into Isak's hair.
And they stayed there for a long time.
Dear Even,
We're friends again now.
I mean, it's great! I'm over the moon...
But I'm still not over you and now it's going to be ten times harder to not say anything or kiss you when you make me laugh because you're single.
Oh, I don't want to mess anything up again!
From,Isak.
He thinks he's cool as he makes this letter into a paper airplane and throws it into the box on the shelf.
The last day of the school year arrived.
The last day of school forever.
Since the first day Even had walked into the class he was fixated on him and now through all the ups and downs over the three years, they were still friends.
When the day ended, there was a huge party being hosted at Isak's friend Eva's Boise and everyone was attending.
When Isak arrived the music was over powering and everyone was pretty much wasted. Apart from Even, who immediately approached Isak when he entered the room.
"Halla," he beamed.
"Halla," Isak replied, smiling.
He ran his hand through his hair nervously.
"Can you believe it's all over?" Even asked, " School is out forever and as much as I hated it , I have to thank it for helping us meet."
Isak just nodded, fixated on Even like he was from the first time he'd seen him. Even had changed so much but inside he was still the same. The same guy he had fallen for.
"What you staring at?" Even enquired and Isak was brought out of his trance.
"You," he accidentally blurted, immediately putting his hand over his mouth afterwards and cursing inside.
Even chuckled.
"Like you were the first day I saw you.."
Even had noticed and now Isak's face began to turn a dark red.
"Why would I be staring at you, there's nothing special," he nervously defended himself.
"Obviously," Even teased back.
"You could go ask your mirror, I'm sure it'd tell you I'm right," Isak joked back.
"But If I did that I'd have to leave you.." Even fake pouted.
"Oh no! How can I survive ten seconds without Even!" Isak mocked and a large smile spread across both his and Even's face.
"Okay, I shall go ask it...but first..."
Suddenly Even was kissing Isak. He was actually kissing him. Right on the lips. His arms were round his neck and he was passionately kissing him in the middle of the party room. Isak's heart stopped. For a minute he didn't know what to do. Even. His best friend was kissing him.Something he'd forever dreamed about, thought about but he'd never thought it'd come true.
Kiss him back.
And so he did. With all he could, all his repressed bottled up emotions, he kissed Even back. He'd been waiting years, through all their highs. All their lows. He'd never gotten over Even.
When they both pulled back for air. Isak let out a shaky breath and that's when the doubt set in.
What if Even hadn't mean it?
What if it was only a heat of the moment thing?
What if it as a joke?
What if Even was actually really drunk?
So many terrible possibilities span around in Isak's head. Ones that he didn't want to be there. But he started to believe. That's when he did the single handily most stupid thing ever.
He walked away.
He left the party and he ran home.
There he sits on his bed and relives every moment of tonight before breaking into a small sob. He'd just messed up, really badly.
Why would Even kiss him and purposely ruin everything?
Everything that they'd just built up again. Even had meant it when he'd kissed him and now Isak had just messed it all up again. Even had probably planned the perfect place and time, Isak knew how romantic Even could be. Now Even probably hated him again. Isak didn't blame him.
He hates himself too.
He walked over to a shelf and brought down the large box, containing all the letters. He began to read them all. Before deciding to write one, last letter.
Dear Even,
You kissed me. You actually kissed me. And then I like ,the stupid idiot I am ,ran away. I may say this a lot, but that was the worst thing I've ever done in my life.
I'm sorry that I've messed everything up again I really am. You probably feel like I don't like you or you feel like a fool but please don't. Just hate me , not yourself.
I don't know why I ran because I enjoyed that kiss so much. You may think you ruined our friendship but you didn't, I ruined it when I didn't tell you that I liked you for 3 years.
But I like you, Even. I truly do.
You have this amazing blond hair that is always styled so perfectly, except from when a small curl falls down and rests on your head, that's cute. Your eyes are as beautiful as the ocean, I always stare into them and explore them. Your smile just lights up the whole room. You're so cool that for the longest time I wished I could be just like you, anything but myself. I looked up to you and then I feel for you, so madly, so deeply that I didn't know what to do.
That's why I ran today, it wasn't that I didn't want to kiss you-quite the opposite. It's because I don't know what to do with all these feelings I have for you.
They scare me.
They scare me because of how much I love you.
The fact that I never wanted to get close to people, that I just wanted to be alone and then you came along and managed to change me.
Please don't hate me for this Even. Please don't let our friendship end again.
Love, Isak.
And then he definitively does the most stupid thing he has ever done.
The thing they he had said over a thousand times, he would never do.
He sends them all.
Even was stood at the door to his apartment the next day, holding the larger box of letters. He'd read them all and Isak could tell. Fearing the worst,he took a deep breath.
" I think these are yours..." Even explained in a small voice, holding out the box to Isak.
Isak carefully took it off of him and placed it on the floor. Even seemed slightly out of breath and practically drenched due to the heavy rain outside.
"You want to come in?" Isak nervously asked, bowing his head down.
Even stepped forward but left the door open and didn't come in far.
Isak could tell he was going to end their friendship here,now.
He'd ultimately fucked up.
"If you could just let me explain," Isak managed to say before glancing up at Even.
Even cut off what he had to say, he wanted to ask something else.
"The letters, everything you wrote... Is it all true?"
Isak could hear Even's voice break, he was nervous.
"Yeah." Isak simply stated, " It's all true.'
Isak feels a wave of relief as he noted the corners of Even's mount turn upwards into a small smile. They both took a deep breathe and Isak felt like he was back at the party again.Even's eyes flicker from Isak's eyes to his lips and in return Isak licks his own lips.
Isak feels brave and confident.
With pride in his step, he lunges forward and places a small kiss on Even's lips, in hope that Even wants more.
He does.
Even wraps his arms around Isak's body whilst Isak runs his finger through Even's hair. And they're kissing each other like they're lives depend on it. Without a care in a world. That they don't even realise that that they've stepped outside into the rain.
They don't care.
All they care about is that they have each other.
And as the rain pours down on them drenching them, the sun glows alongside it causing a rainbow to appear over head. They giggle in between kisses as Isak caresses Even's cheek.
They're happy again.
Isak pulls back which causes Even to flirtatiously raise his eyebrows.
They're letting just standing, soaked, in the street, both just gazing into each other's eyes.
Dear Even,
We have each other now and, hopefully, forever and that's all that matters.
Love, Isak x