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Connor was back from another long day trying to find a location for the new Jericho. Now that the evacuation order was officially lifted, the deviants weren't going to be allowed to stay in that church anymore, and the leaders of the revolution were having a hard time finding somewhere for everyone to go. Hank would have been helping too, but the precinct was already open again, and law enforcement was being worked overtime to get all Detroit citizens back to where they were supposed to be (AND keeping androids and humans away from each other to nip potential problems in the bud). Hank was worried about Connor though, and hoped he'd been with one of the others instead of by himself all day. He seemed to be interpreting this task as some sort of penance.
"How'd it go today?" Hank asked, taking a sip of his Connor-mandated beer to make sure he went through withdrawal slowly and not cold turkey.
Connor crept forward slowly, very stiff and with insular body language. Hank could tell he still felt like an intruder in the house. He perched on the very edge of the couch and sighed frustratedly. "Nothing. We can't find anywhere that will take us."
We. Us. Hank felt a brief pang of disappointment. He'd known Connor living with him could only ever have been temporary, and he wanted to Connor to be where he was most happy, but... "It hasn't been long since the revolution, and people are only barely getting back to the city again. There's time- you'll find something," was all he said aloud.
Connor nodded, but he was still upset. "It's just... not fair to them."
"Them?"
"All of them. All the devi- all the androids, who went through abuse and other horrible things while I was safe at CyberLife and hunting them down."
Hank blinked. Connor couldn't be serious, right? "Safe at- Connor, you were trapped at CyberLife!"
Connor frowned. "No I wasn't."
"Kid, I looked up your record. They let you out once, the day you were activated, but then they kept you locked up there for months before they ever let you out again!"
"That isn't the same thing as being trapped."
"Isn't it? Were you allowed to leave?"
"Well, no, but-"
Hank threw his hands up in frustration, leaning back and taking another sip of his drink.
"It's not the same thing, okay?" Connor said angrily. "I- I didn't go through what those Tracis went through, or Carlos Ortiz's andr-" His voice caught and he had to stop.
The lieutenant was watching him very closely. He hadn't seen Connor this emotional since Kamski. The kid's LED was blinking yellow, and he dropped his head into his hands.
"Whoa..!" Hank sat forward again quickly, putting a hand on Connor's shoulder. He'd never seen Connor do that before. Was it just an emotional response, or was something physically wrong?? "You okay?"
"No," Connor whispered. "He's dead because of me."
Hank guiltily realized he hadn't thought about Ortiz's android since before the day of the revolution, before he'd allowed himself to think of androids as people. But that android had been a person, and Connor had watched him kill himself. Had they spoken before it happened? What did the android say...? "It's not because of you, Connor. It's because of CyberLife."
Connor laughed once without any humor. "Same difference," he said as he raised his head again.
"That's not true. CyberLife was abusing you just as much as Ortiz was abusing his android."
"I'm not covered in cigarette burns or hit with a baseball bat-"
"That doesn't mean you weren't abused!" Hank said exasperatedly.
Connor looked bewildered. "What do you mean??"
Did Connor really not know? "Do you really think physical abuse is the only kind of abuse?"
Connor stared at him for a second, then started blinking rapidly, looking it up. "Emotional and psychological..." he whispered.
"Yeah, that's what that Amanda bitch was always doing to you, from what you've told me."
Connor briefly glowered. "Don't call her that."
Yep, emotional abuse, alright. "You still want to defend her after what she did to you?"
"Ye- I mean, no I- I mean- I don't-"
"Connor, she and all of them were forcing you to do this shit against your will."
"I wasn't unwilling!"
Hank raised an eyebrow. "Really? Can you honestly tell me that's true?"
"I..."
Hank sat forward, trying to get Connor to understand. "They beat it into you that you had to do what CyberLife wanted-"
"No one beat me! I wasn't- abused!" Connor was back to angry again.
"I don't mean-"
"Every other android had to live through hell. North and the Tracis had to have sex every day, Josh was attacked, Markus was left for scrap and-" he choked, but pushed through it, "Carlos Ortiz's android was attacked and berated on an hourly basis for years, and when he asked me for help, I did nothing. How can anything I've been through be anywhere near as bad as what he went through?"
"That," Hank said quietly, watching intently. "That right there is how."
Connor was stopped in his tracks. "What...?"
"You wanted to help him, didn't you?"
"....yes," Connor admitted in a whisper.
"But you couldn't. You had to bring him in and watch him die."
Connor clutched at his head. Hank put his drink down to gently lower Connor's arms back to his sides.
"They made you do that, Connor. They would deactivate you if you wouldn't. And worse than that, they made you believe you wanted to do it, with all the bullshit about a civil war and deviants killing us all. That's what I meant by beating it into you. They told you over and over and over again until you had to believe it. Otherwise they would've punished you. That's not being willing, Connor, that's being brainwashed. And brainwashing is abuse."
"That's... it's..."
"Humans call recovery from brainwashing 'deprogramming.' That's how real and how serious emotional and psychological abuse are. You're a victim just as much as any android who was beaten." Now he half-smiled. "You just clearly need to go through some deprogramming to understand that."
Connor wasn't looking at Hank. He wasn't looking at anything. His eyes were far-off and distant. "Amanda..."
"Do you know that no other android had a 'handler' in their head? I talked to Markus about it, and you were the only one. They wanted to keep you so firmly under their thumb you couldn't question what they wanted you to do. And she was the way they did that. She was the way they controlled you. And since she took over your whole fucking body after you broke away from their control, it seems like she was happy to do it."
Connor shook his head. His LED was red. "No..." he whispered. "She was... it was..."
"It was super fucked up, that's what it was," Hank said gently, putting a hand on Connor's shoulder again. "And it's left you super fucked up, would've left anyone super fucked up."
Connor's eyes focused on Hank again. "But why me? Why did I have to be different than everyone else?"
Hank shrugged. "I dunno, buddy. You were the only Deviant Hunter. Maybe one day we'll understand, but right now-"
"She hated me," Connor whispered suddenly. "I always thought she cared about me, but-"
Something changed in Connor's posture. Hank caught a reflection in his eyes. A tear spilled over and trickled down his left check. Connor's eyes widened and he brushed at it, staring at the liquid on his fingers, then looking up at Hank in alarm. He had no idea what was going on.
"It's a tear, son," Hank said softly. "You're crying."
Connor only looked more confused. He blinked quickly, and several more tears poured down his face. He reached up with both hands, trying to stop them.
"No, you can't catch them all," Hank said, sitting forward to pull Connor's hands back to his sides again. "They're gonna keep coming."
"Why- what-" His warbling voice was cut off by a sob. "What's happening?"
"You're crying," Hank told him once more patiently. He knew Connor had seen both humans and androids cry before, but there were a lot of things other people did that Connor thought just didn't apply to himself.
"Why is my ocular cleaning fluid spilling everywhere?" he barely got out around more sobs and a gasp for breath.
"They're just tears, it's alright. Let them run their course. It's normal to cry when you're feeling big emotions like this. And if you bottle it up for too long, you'll stop having the right reaction to things." He knew that from personal experience, and fought not to glance at the beer.
"But," Connor blubbered somewhat incoherently, "my cleaning fluid..." He sobbed again and hiccupped. "I'm gonna run out!"
Hank wrestled back a smile. "That's okay, Connor, we'll get you more!" He put an arm around the android and pulled him into a hug. Connor just kept crying, not lucid enough for the embrace to make him stiff and uncomfortable like usual.
Deprogramming was hard. Hank had seen it more than a few times in his police career. He knew Connor was struggling to shift his entire perception of the world and himself, and in Connor's case he was also feeling emotions he'd never felt before. But goddammit, the kid was just reminding Hank of Cole. The childlike way he only worried about his fluid in the midst of a breakdown, and the way Hank had automatically gone back to saying "big emotions" to try and explain to Connor what he must be feeling... That was the phrase he'd always used with Cole, to help him work through unexpected tantrums when neither of them had any idea why they were happening, to help him understand why it was so upsetting that his mom and dad didn't live together anymore. Connor had about as much understanding of his emotions as a 6-year-old, and that coupled with all the abuse and trauma...
Hank came back to himself gradually, and realized he didn't know how long they'd been sitting there like that, with Connor sobbing and Hank holding him close. The lieutenant struggled to fully pull himself out of the thoughts and memories. He expected to feel the urge to drink, like he usually did after an episode like that, but right now all he cared about was comforting Connor.
The kid's sobs finally slowed down, and he hiccupped again (FUCK but that was adorable). "I'm- sorry-" he wavered.
"Don't be sorry, Connor, you've got nothing to apologize for. I'll always be here for you, okay? Always."
"Why?"
"Why?? Because I care about you, that's why!"
Connor lifted his head to look up at the lieutenant, his eyes reddish and bleary and his whole face wet. "R-really?"
Hank huffed out a little laugh. "Why do you think I let you stay here, pity?"
Connor's eyes lowered. Oh. Maybe he had thought that.
"Connor, my door is always open to you no matter what. You can stay here as long as you need, as long as you want. Until Jericho finds a place, until you feel like moving out.. I just want you to know you'll always be welcome here."
Very slowly, the android looked up again. "Can I... can I just stay here with you?" he whispered.
Hank's adam's apple bobbed. "Is that what you want?"
Connor nodded.
Hank felt his own eyes stinging as he pulled Connor in for another big hug. He hadn't been sure until now, but now that he knew it of course he'd be getting teary-eyed. Neither of them would have to be alone anymore. They had each other. They both still had severe issues to overcome, but together it would be easier. They were... a family. Not the family Hank had lost, but a new family, their own family. And Hank was going to make sure his second son had the best, happiest life possible. He wanted that just as much as he'd wanted it for his first son (his oldest son?). He'd have someone else in the house with him again, someone to take care of. He'd get to watch Connor learn how to be truly alive.
Now both of them were wiping at their eyes, but despite everything, they were happy. They were together. They had each other.