Work Text:
It started, as most disasters do, with a completely innocent moment that was misinterpreted by six people who should have known better.
The afternoon sun was warm, the training grounds were quiet, and Gojo Satoru was in an unusually good mood. He had just finished a meeting with the higher-ups where he had successfully annoyed every single elder in attendance, and he was riding that high as he walked across the courtyard.
Megumi was sitting on a bench near the vending machines, reading a book, his expression the usual mix of boredom and mild irritation. His uniform was slightly rumpled from training, his hair was even messier than usual, and there was a small bandage on his cheek from where Maki had accidentally clipped him during sparring.
Gojo spotted him from across the courtyard and grinned. He changed direction immediately, making a beeline for his favorite student.
"Megumi-chan!" he sang, throwing his arms wide. "There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!"
Megumi didn't look up from his book. "I've been here for two hours."
"Exactly! Two hours of me not being able to find you! Do you know how worried I was?"
"You weren't worried. You were in a meeting."
"Details, details."
Gojo dropped onto the bench beside Megumi, his long legs stretching out in front of him. He leaned over, peering at the book in Megumi's hands.
"Whatcha reading?"
"A book."
"Wow, really? I couldn't tell."
Megumi sighed, but there was no real frustration in it. This was their routine. Gojo annoyed him, Megumi pretended to be annoyed, and they both secretly enjoyed the interaction.
Gojo noticed the bandage on Megumi's cheek and frowned.
"What happened there?"
"Maki."
"She hit you?"
"Accidentally."
"Want me to hit her back?"
"No."
"I could. Just a little. For fun."
"Gojo, no."
Gojo pouted, but he didn't push it. Instead, he reached out and gently tilted Megumi's chin, examining the bandage with a critical eye.
"That's going to scar if you don't take care of it properly."
"It's a scratch. It won't scar."
"You don't know that. Some people scar easily."
"I don't scar easily."
"How do you know? You've never had a scratch before?"
"I've had plenty of scratches."
"Name one."
Megumi opened his mouth, then closed it. Gojo grinned triumphantly.
"Ha! You can't!"
"This is a stupid conversation."
"You started it."
"I didn't start anything. You're the one who—"
"Hold still."
Gojo reached into his pocket and pulled out a small tube of ointment. He squeezed a tiny amount onto his finger and gently dabbed it onto Megumi's cheek, his touch surprisingly careful.
Megumi's breath caught, just for a second. Then he rolled his eyes.
"You carry ointment in your pocket?"
"I carry lots of things in my pocket. I'm prepared for all situations."
"You're prepared for scratches?"
"I'm prepared for you."
Megumi's face went red. He looked away, trying to hide it.
"Shut up."
"Make me."
"Gojo."
"Megumi."
They sat there for a moment, Gojo still holding Megumi's chin, Megumi still blushing furiously, neither of them speaking.
And that was when Yuta Okkotsu walked by.
Yuta had been on his way to the training grounds when he spotted them. He stopped dead, his eyes widening as he took in the scene before him.
Gojo, leaning in close. Megumi, blushing and looking away. Gojo's hand on Megumi's chin. The intimate proximity. The soft expression on Gojo's face.
Yuta's brain short-circuited.
He turned around and walked away as quickly as his legs would carry him, his soul leaving his body with every step.
The second witness was Nobara Kugisaki.
She had been heading toward the vending machines to buy a drink when she rounded the corner and saw them.
Gojo was still sitting on the bench, but now he was leaning back with his arm draped over the back of the seat, his body angled toward Megumi. Megumi was still reading his book, but he had shifted closer, their shoulders almost touching.
Gojo said something that made Megumi snort. Megumi said something back that made Gojo laugh. They were both smiling, relaxed, comfortable in a way that Nobara had never seen either of them be with anyone else.
Nobara froze.
She watched as Gojo reached over and casually tucked a strand of hair behind Megumi's ear. She watched as Megumi didn't even flinch, just leaned slightly into the touch. She watched as Gojo's hand lingered, his fingers brushing against Megumi's cheek.
Nobara turned around and speed-walked in the opposite direction, her eyes wide, her mouth opening and closing like a fish.
The third witness was Maki Zen'in.
She was walking back from the training grounds, her naginata slung over her shoulder, when she spotted them from across the courtyard.
Gojo and Megumi were still on the bench. But now Gojo had his head resting on Megumi's shoulder, his eyes closed, looking for all the world like he was taking a nap. Megumi was still reading, but his free hand had come up to rest on Gojo's head, his fingers absently threading through the white hair.
Maki stopped dead.
She stared for a full ten seconds. Then she turned around, walked back to the training grounds, and sat down heavily on the ground.
"I need a minute," she said to no one in particular.
The fourth witness was Panda.
He had been looking for Yuji when he wandered into the courtyard. He found the scene instead.
Gojo was now lying across the bench with his head in Megumi's lap. Megumi was still reading, one hand holding the book, the other resting on Gojo's chest. Gojo was looking up at him with an expression that could only be described as besotted.
Panda's cursed corpse brain struggled to process what he was seeing.
"Uh," he said aloud.
Gojo and Megumi looked up.
"Oh, hey, Panda," Gojo said cheerfully. "What's up?"
Panda stared at them. At Gojo's head in Megumi's lap. At Megumi's hand on Gojo's chest. At the way they were looking at each other.
"Nothing," Panda said. "Nothing at all. I'm going to go now. Far away. Very far away."
He turned and waddled off as fast as his legs could carry him.
The fifth witness was Inumaki Toge.
He had been on his way to the library when he passed by the courtyard. He didn't stop. He didn't stare. He just kept walking, his phone in his hand, his eyes fixed straight ahead.
But he saw.
He saw Gojo sitting up, leaning close to Megumi, saying something that made Megumi laugh. He saw Megumi push Gojo's shoulder playfully, and Gojo catch his hand, holding it for just a moment too long.
Inumaki's pace quickened. His face remained expressionless, but inside, his soul was screaming.
"Takana," he muttered to himself. "Takana, takana, takana."
The sixth and final witness was Yuji Itadori.
Yuji had been looking for Megumi for the past twenty minutes. He needed help with a homework assignment, and Megumi was the only person he knew who actually understood math.
He found Megumi in the courtyard, sitting on the bench. But he wasn't alone.
Gojo was there too. Of course he was. And they were standing now, facing each other, talking in low voices.
Yuji was about to call out when he saw it.
Gojo reached out and took Megumi's hands in his own. He said something soft, something Yuji couldn't hear. Megumi looked down, his ears turning red. Gojo squeezed his hands gently, and Megumi looked up, a small smile on his face.
And then Gojo leaned in.
He didn't kiss Megumi. He just pressed his forehead against Megumi's, closing his eyes, staying there for a long moment.
Yuji's brain exploded.
He turned around and ran. He ran all the way to the principal's office, burst through the door, and collapsed onto the floor.
"Principal Yaga!" he gasped. "I need to report something! It's an emergency!"
Yaga looked up from his paperwork, his expression tired.
"What is it, Itadori?"
"It's Gojo-sensei and Fushiguro! They're... they're..."
"They're what?"
Yuji took a deep breath.
"I think they're dating!"
The staff room was silent.
Yaga sat at the head of the table, his face a mask of barely controlled fury. Nanami was beside him, his expression unreadable. Shoko was leaning against the wall, a cigarette dangling from her lips, her eyes gleaming with amusement.
And in the center of the room stood Gojo Satoru and Fushiguro Megumi.
Gojo looked confused. Megumi looked like he wanted to die.
"I'm sorry," Gojo said, his voice light. "Could you repeat that? I think I misheard."
"You heard me," Yaga said, his voice dangerously low. "Itadori reported that you and Fushiguro are in a romantic relationship."
Gojo blinked. Then he laughed.
"That's hilarious. That's the funniest thing I've ever heard. Megumi, did you hear that? They think we're dating!"
Megumi didn't respond. He was staring at the floor, his face bright red.
"Gojo," Yaga said, his voice sharp. "This is not a joke. Fushiguro is fifteen years old. You are his legal guardian. If this is true—"
"It's not true!" Gojo said, his laughter dying. "It's not true at all! I don't know what Yuji saw, but he misunderstood!"
"What exactly did he see?"
Gojo paused.
"I don't know. I don't know what he saw. I was just... I was just talking to Megumi."
"Talking to him," Yaga repeated flatly.
"Yes."
"And that involved holding his hands and pressing your forehead against his?"
Gojo's face went pale.
"That's... that's not..."
"So you deny it?"
"Of course I deny it! There's nothing to deny! I'm not dating Megumi!"
"Then what were you doing?"
"I was... I was just..."
Gojo trailed off, suddenly realizing he didn't have a good explanation.
Megumi finally spoke, his voice quiet and strained.
"It was a moment," he said. "Gojo was just being Gojo. He's always like that. He's touchy. It doesn't mean anything."
Yaga stared at him.
"He's touchy."
"Yes."
"With everyone?"
"Yes."
"So he holds everyone's hands and presses his forehead against theirs?"
Megumi opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.
"...He's very affectionate."
"That's not an answer."
"It's the truth!"
"The truth is that I have six witnesses who all reported seeing you two in compromising positions!" Yaga slammed his hand on the table. "Six! Itadori, Kugisaki, Zen'in, Panda, Inumaki, and Okkotsu! They all saw something!"
Gojo and Megumi exchanged a look.
"Okay," Gojo said, holding up his hands. "Okay, let's just calm down. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for all of this."
"Is there?" Yaga asked.
"Yes."
"Then explain."
Gojo opened his mouth. Nothing came out.
Megumi sighed.
"This is your fault," he muttered.
Gojo turned to him, offended. "My fault? How is this my fault?"
"You're the one who's always touching me."
"I'm affectionate!"
"You're inappropriate!"
"I'm not inappropriate! I'm loving!"
"You literally had your head in my lap!"
"I was tired!"
"You could have slept on the couch!"
"The couch is uncomfortable!"
"The couch is fine!"
"The couch is terrible! It has a spring that digs into my back!"
"Then sit in a chair!"
"Chairs are boring!"
"Then stand!"
"I don't want to stand!"
"Then sit on the floor!"
"I don't want to sit on the floor!"
"Then I don't care! Just stop touching me!"
"I can't help it! You're comfortable!"
Megumi's face went red. "I'm comfortable?"
"Yes! You're very comfortable! You're like a human pillow!"
"I'm not a pillow!"
"You're soft!"
"I'm not soft!"
"You are!"
"I'm not!"
"You are!"
"Gojo!"
"Megumi!"
"THAT'S ENOUGH!"
Yaga's voice echoed through the room. Gojo and Megumi fell silent, both of them breathing hard, both of them glaring at each other.
Yaga pinched the bridge of his nose.
"So," he said, his voice deadly calm. "Let me get this straight. You are not dating. But you hold hands. You press your foreheads together. You rest your head in each other's laps. You play with each other's hair. You touch each other constantly. And you deny that there's anything romantic going on."
"Yes," Gojo said.
"That's correct," Megumi said.
Yaga stared at them.
"I don't believe you."
"WHAT?"
"I don't believe you. I think you're lying. I think you're in a relationship and you're trying to hide it."
"We're not!"
"Then explain the evidence."
"What evidence?"
Yaga pulled out a piece of paper.
"This is a list of everything my witnesses reported. Let me read it to you."
He cleared his throat.
"Exhibit A: Gojo was seen gently applying ointment to Megumi's face while holding his chin. Witness: Okkotsu."
"That was a scratch!" Gojo protested. "I was helping him!"
"Exhibit B: Gojo was seen tucking Megumi's hair behind his ear and lingering on his cheek. Witness: Kugisaki."
"I was fixing his hair! It was messy!"
"Exhibit C: Gojo was seen resting his head on Megumi's shoulder and Megumi was seen playing with Gojo's hair. Witness: Zen'in."
"I was tired! He was comfortable!"
"Exhibit D: Gojo was seen lying in Megumi's lap with Megumi's hand on his chest. Witness: Panda."
"He was asleep! I was resting!"
"Exhibit E: Gojo was seen holding Megumi's hand and laughing with him. Witness: Inumaki."
"We were joking around! Friends do that!"
"Exhibit F: Gojo was seen holding both of Megumi's hands, pressing his forehead against Megumi's, and staying like that for an extended period of time. Witness: Itadori."
"That was..."
Gojo trailed off.
"Yes?" Yaga prompted.
"That was nothing."
"It didn't look like nothing."
"It was nothing!"
"It looked like a romantic moment."
"It wasn't!"
"Then what was it?"
Gojo opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.
"I don't know," he admitted. "It just... happened."
"It just happened."
"Yes."
"That's not an explanation."
"I know."
Yaga turned to Megumi.
"Fushiguro. Do you have anything to say?"
Megumi was silent for a long moment. Then he spoke, his voice quiet.
"I don't know why everyone thinks we're dating," he said. "We're not. Gojo is just... he's just like that. He's always been like that. He's touchy and affectionate and he doesn't understand personal space. But it doesn't mean anything. It's just how he is."
Yaga studied him.
"You're not dating."
"No."
"You're sure."
"Yes."
"Then why do you let him touch you like that?"
Megumi paused.
"What?"
"Why do you let him hold your hands? Why do you let him play with your hair? Why do you let him rest his head in your lap? Why do you let him press his forehead against yours?"
Megumi opened his mouth. Closed it.
"I..."
"Because you could stop him. You could push him away. You could tell him to back off. But you don't. Why?"
Megumi was silent.
Gojo was silent too, watching Megumi with an expression that was impossible to read.
"I don't know," Megumi finally said. "I just... I don't mind it."
"You don't mind it."
"No."
"So you're not dating, but you enjoy his physical affection, and you don't want him to stop."
Megumi's face went red.
"That's not... that's not what I said..."
"It's what you implied."
"I didn't imply anything!"
"You implied a lot."
"Gojo, help me!"
Gojo held up his hands.
"I'm staying out of this."
"You're the reason we're in this!"
"I'm not the reason! You're the one who let me touch you!"
"You're the one who started touching me!"
"I was being affectionate!"
"You were being inappropriate!"
"We've been over this!"
"WE'RE GOING IN CIRCLES!"
Yaga slammed his hand on the table again.
"ENOUGH!"
They fell silent.
Yaga took a deep breath.
"Here's what's going to happen," he said. "I'm going to conduct a full investigation. I'm going to interview every witness. I'm going to review every piece of evidence. And if I find that you two are in a romantic relationship, there will be consequences. Serious consequences."
"We're not in a relationship!" Gojo protested.
"Then you have nothing to worry about."
"This is ridiculous!"
"This is protocol."
"I'm his guardian!"
"Which makes it worse."
Gojo sputtered.
Megumi buried his face in his hands.
Yaga stood up.
"You're both dismissed. But this isn't over. I'll be watching you."
The walk back to the dorms was silent.
Gojo and Megumi walked side by side, neither of them speaking. The tension between them was palpable.
Finally, Megumi broke the silence.
"This is your fault."
Gojo turned to him. "My fault?"
"Yes. Your fault. You're the one who can't keep his hands to himself."
"I'm affectionate!"
"You're inappropriate!"
"I'm not inappropriate! I'm loving!"
"You're suffocating!"
"I'm not suffocating! I'm caring!"
"You're overbearing!"
"I'm not overbearing! I'm protective!"
"You're annoying!"
"I'm not annoying! I'm fun!"
"You're not fun!"
"I'm very fun!"
"You're not!"
"I am!"
"You're not!"
"I am!"
"GOJO!"
"MEGUMI!"
They stopped, both of them breathing hard, both of them glaring at each other.
A beat of silence.
Then, very quietly, Megumi said, "Why do you touch me so much?"
Gojo blinked.
"What?"
"Why do you always touch me? Hold my hand? Play with my hair? Rest your head on my shoulder? Why?"
Gojo was silent for a long moment.
"I don't know," he admitted. "I just... I like being close to you."
Megumi's face went red.
"That's... that's not an answer."
"It's the truth."
"It's not a good truth."
"It's the only truth I have."
Megumi looked away.
"You're impossible."
"I know."
"I hate you."
"You don't."
"I do."
"You don't."
"I do."
"You don't."
"Gojo."
"Megumi."
They stood there, neither of them speaking, neither of them moving.
And then, very quietly, Megumi said, "I don't hate you."
Gojo smiled.
"I know."
"Shut up."
"Make me."
Megumi rolled his eyes, but there was no real frustration in it.
They continued walking, side by side, their shoulders brushing.
Neither of them pulled away.
Somewhere behind them, Yaga watched from the window of his office, his expression a mixture of exhaustion and resignation.
"They're not dating," he muttered to himself. "They're not dating, but they might as well be."
He turned away, rubbing his temples.
"I need a drink."