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Kuda is frustrated with many things in his life, his parents, their legacy, school, and the heavy burden it comes with being it's leader— but lately, Kuda has found something else that's been bothering him; Pa.
Don't get him wrong— Pa is one of his closest allies, but that was also the basis of where his frustrations come from. Despite being one of the only few people that Pa talks to without it being a screaming order or a sentence thick with malicious intent, Kuda can't seem to read what Pa is thinking behind those calculating eyes and silent gaze.
Kuda took pride in how he had control over almost everybody over Kudrat, yet that almost could only be credited to Pa for being the only person he couldn't break. Kuda needed him to break, he needed to unravel Pa of his conceitedness. Kuda would kill to hold Pa by the tip of his fingers, and peel him layer by layer– revealing every single thought.
He will do anything in his power, anything to strip down Pa— no, Ghafar, of his silent arrogance. Fortunately, Tengku Uda never carries out any of his conniving actions without a plan, and this new goal of his wasn't an exception.
See, Kuda had been silently watching Pa's smallest reactions throughout the past month— searching, scouring, for a single sign that Pa was still human behind those thick rimmed glasses. And fortunately, his investigations were fruitful. He thinks of a time when he reached checkmate with Pa.
"Bila lagi kau nak gerak ni?"
Kuda exhaled a heavy sigh as he scanned his eyes across the room behind Pa, mindlesly tapping his fingers against the cheek that he rested on his arm. It felt like it's been an eternity since it was Pa's turn to move his chess pieces.
"Kau gopoh sangat, Kuda." Pa's voice was smooth, thick like honey. "Main catur ni— kena gunakan masa sepenuhnya untuk pastikan kita tak buat kesilapan yang bodoh. Sebab tu kau selalu kalah." Ouch.
"Ikut kau la, Pa." He replied lazily. He never really understood why Pa liked chess so much anyways.
Kuda could fight, Kuda could win hearts, he could rally up young men— he was a revolutionist for gods sake. Yet despite that, he was no mastermind like Pa. He couldn't even begin to take a step in a direction when it comes to the long train of thoughts Pa would string inside his head. To be a little frank, Kuda was quite jealous of how terrifyingly intelligent Pa could be; there were times he had to take advantage of Pa's physical weakness to remind him whenever the gap of power and control started to narrow between the two of them.
He wasn't some idiot though, that would be overexaggerating things. He was an observer in his own way, and at that current moment Kuda had noticed something grave, something so important that it had changed the trajectory of his relationship with Pa onwards– Kuda could finally make the power dynamic between the two unbalanced again.
While occupied with thoughts of how to attack Kuda at their ongoing chess match, Kuda had realized Pa had left an opening in his defense far more vulnerable than Kuda's own. Pa had rested his hand on the desk right next to the board, palm facing up. It was wide open, begging for attention. It bugged Kuda, he couldn't take his eyes off of it.
Pa's hands– something most people don't really think about when it comes to impressions. They would always be tucked into his pockets, or holding a cigarette when he needed a quick rush, or on his chin when he had to think really hard about something. Inadvertently, they are an extension of his mind, something most people don't usually suspect; a dark horse.
To see it splayed out like that for Kuda to access felt uncanny. But there was a deeper part of him that felt a rush to conquer.
Well, they don't call Kuda an opportunist for nothing right?
Kuda lightly pressed a finger onto Pa's palm, slow and hard, experimental; he had to test the waters first. He remembers of a saying his mother taught him, 'air yang tenang jangan disangka tiada buaya.' Huh, how fitting for an allusive person like Pa.
"Kau bertuah aku jugak yang layan kau main benda ni. Kalau tak, mainlah kau sorang-sorang dengan dinding." Kuda added flare to his cadence, to tease Pa further.
Pa immediately sucked in a sharp breath, pullling his hand away in a clench like he had just been branded with hot iron.
"Apa kau buat ni?" His voice shook, he sounded scared. Scared! When was the last time he saw Pa actually scared? "Kau tak pandai berstrategi jadi kau sanggup main kotor pulak?" Pa tried to play his reaction off as disgust but Kuda knew him enough to know it was anything but it.
This was perfect.
"Dah? Kau yang lama sangat termenung." He resumed to his original position, his chin on his hand— nice and cool.
Kuda felt Pa's burning gaze on him, the tension around them thick enough to be cut with a knife.
"I concede. Aku tarik diri, ada kerja lain aku kena buat. Thank you for the match." He tipped his own king and stood up abruptly as a declaration of defeat. Always with his eloquent english, a silent show of intellectual domination to the people around him.
Kuda watched in feigned confusion as Pa abruptly left the Council's common room in a manner of poor sportsmanship. Weird, Pa didn't even shook his hand. Kuda's eyes followed Pa's form out the door, he watched as he noticed Pa clenching and unclenching his fist repeatedly as he stormed out. The same hand Kuda had left his mark.
He smiled to himself, he had just found Pa's weakspot. On the board, a lone knight stands on Pa's side next to his fallen king. Checkmate.
Which brings him to where he was now, sitting beside Pa at their study desk, both completing an essay due tomorrow.
Kuda was focused for a while until he could literally hear teeth grinding coming from the boy next to him. He turned to see Pa's face– furrowed brows and clenched jaw, one of the only few expressions he wears that shows he was agitated. His eyes followed the outline of Pa's side profile, his low set brows, his nose, his lips–
"Aku tak setuju langsung dengan Penyata Razak tu."
Pa suddenly broke the silence between the two with a seemingly random topic. But with the way he was chewing the insides of his mouth, you would know he's definitely been letting that topic marinate for a while in his labyrinth of a mind.
"Kenapa kau tetiba sangat ni?" Kuda asked back.
"Aku cuma…" Pa brought a hand up to his mouth to think of the right words "–risau apa yang kita dah aturkan dekat sini kena kacau. Lumrah masyarakat ni tak boleh diubah– akan ada yang memerintah dan ada yang diperintah, kalau bercampur aduk mulalah segala masalah akan naik."
Kuda kept his eyes on Pa's face. Pa, always worrying about the uncontrollable, always thingking about things that can only begin to form in other people's heads in weeks time. Oh, how badly Kuda wishes to dissect that brain of his– to get lost in the whirlwinds of his thoughts and ideas.
"Tak payahla nak takut sangat, aku kan dah naik jadi ketua pelajar. Biar aku je yang luruskan dia orang nanti. Kudrat ni, darah daging aku. Kudrat tak boleh bernafas tanpa aku."
Pa kept a stern gaze on Kuda, his lips pressed thin almost into a frown. Only now Kuda realized how close their faces were.
It's funny that they always end up in this position, having each others faces just inches away. Yet this time, there was a sort of nervousness that started to nestle in Kuda's gut.
Kuda's line of sight shifted to the side trying to find solace in something else that wasn't Pa's eyes, then– there it was again, that open palm on the desk.
How interesting.
A Damiano Defense, Kuda could almost hear Pa saying it in his head. As Pa would've taught him to sacrifice his knight to take control of the board– Kuda decides in that split moment to sacrifice his own pride and take Pa's hand.
The corners of Kuda's mouth lifted upwards in a grin as their hands met. The boy beside him sucked in a sharp breath, and looked towards Kuda with wide eyes. Pa opened his mouth to say something–
"Shh, relax…" Kuda echoed what Pa would always say to him.
The rush that Kuda got from unraveling Pa like this made him want it more. Nobody will see Pa like this, nobody but Kuda; because only Kuda knows the ins and out of Pa, only Kuda knows how to pacify this threat. From a conniving mastermind to a panting mess all from a touch of the hand, Pa's mental fortress had been ambushed.
Lithe fingers began to knead into the tense hand, massaging the meaty lump of skin at the base of the thumb, pushing out imaginary tension. He tried to ignore the way Pa released a small sound as he threw his head back.
"Uda–"
"Tangan kau sensitif, betul? Aku dah lama perasan."
Kuda saw his own hands holding Pa's, it made him feel a certain way he couldn't really find the words for. He saw the scar on his palm from his coronation a few years ago, but he decides that holding Pa's hand is a bigger opportunity than holding the tengkolok he was crowned with. In fact, he would argue the former made him feel way more powerful.
Pa couldn't continue with his train of thought anymore, his worries punctuated by Kuda's brave actions. For once, his mind felt empty– no, floaty. The only thing Pa could compute was Kuda's hand on his, and the way Kuda's hands made him feel. Not the threat of commoners messing with his arrangement, nor the threat of getting caught for being a silent threat to the Council.
"Kadang-kadang, aku geram dengan kau; aku geram sebab aku tak dapat baca apa yang kau selalu fikirkan. Seolah-olahnya kau fikir dalam bahasa yang tak ada siapa boleh faham."
For once, Kuda didn't receive a witty reply. Pa's weapon before this was his tongue and mind, and at this point he was disarmed of both. Now in this empty room with only the two of them, Kuda didn't feel his title as the head of the school threatened anymore.
"Eh? Kali ni kau tak ada nak cakap pandai pulak ke?"
Kuda was getting drunk off of power just from something as measly as giving a hand massage, but when it came to Pa– you'd always have to be unconventional anyways. He thought of a time when he'd beaten Pa for going behind his back with his own bare knuckles, yet nothing would compare to this.
"Aku– menyerah…diri." Pa gritted out between gasps.
Kuda continued to wring out the tension in Pa's hand, reveling in every single noise and shiver that escaped Pa; it sticked to his teeth like molasses, never being able to be rid until it turns into a cavity– a cavity aching with how Pa made him feel.
"Tapi sekarang kau dah taksub dengan perasaan ni kan?" Pa croaked out.
"Hah?" Kuda pressed a little bit harder out of annoyance, earning a groan in response.
"Kau dah taksub dengan aku." Even while his mind was actively turning into putty, he made a good point.
"Aku, akan menghantui kau." Pa whispered to Kuda's ear to bring it home.
By that point, Kuda had Pa's hand in a death grip. He could just never win, could he? Even when he thought he had trapped Pa's king piece, he failed to realize that Pa was never on the board with him to begin with.
It was Pa's hands that moved every piece on the board, including him.