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The porch light goes on automatically when someone opens the door. When Jimin's refuge is flooded with light, he says, "Tae, not now," but the voice that comes from behind him is Namjoon hyung's.
"Hey, it's just me," says Namjoon, and he comes to sit down next to Jimin. "I'll go in a minute."
"No, you can stay." Jimin sighs and leans back onto his elbows. When the porch light goes on, the moths flutter madly around it. Then the timer counts out and the light goes off again as long as no one moves around. And the moths disappear.
"Sorry about... what happened." Namjoon sighs and sits down next to Jimin. "Sorry."
"Tae should be sorry and he isn't. You don't need to be sorry." Jimin closes his eyes against the brightness of the light and all the moths, and waits for the light to click off. Once it's off, the darkness makes it feel like he could be anywhere with anyone doing anything.
Joke is on him, he's already right where he wants to be with the people he wants to be with mostly doing what he wants to do. He's just not happy about it right now.
"Tae knows better," says Namjoon quietly. "Jimin. He didn't mean it."
"He's right though," says Jimin just as quietly. There are no cameras here and neither of them are wearing mic packs but the habit of fifteen years is hard to break. "I should... put my money where my mouth is."
"I know this isn't going to matter to your decision, but we're all going to love you no matter what." There aren't any shadows because there isn't any light, but Namjoon's body is still a dark blur against the rest of the darkness. He's moving around, settling in, cracking his neck.
"There's not a no matter what here, really, Namjoon," says Jimin plainly. "We all already know what I am. It's the rest of the world that's going to be a problem, and if that doesn't matter to you... that doesn't matter, because it does matter to me. And to my family, who still have to have normal lives, and to our company, and --"
"No," Namjoon interrupts. "It matters to you. It doesn't matter to the company and your parents aren't -- they aren't like that, and you know it. You can't say that you're not making this decision because you're worried about all these other people. Literally everyone, everyone loves you, no one is expecting you to hide yourself forever."
"I read eighty percent of gay people never come out publically," Jimin tells him. He sits up again, using just his abs to pull himself up. He needs to do more core work for balancing.
"And you can be one of those people." Namjoon slowly puts his arm around Jimin's shoulders. "But you have to decide that. You want to come out? You don't want to come out? It's your choice. Don't sit here and tell me that you don't get to make a choice because of what we do, because of ARMY or Korea. No one's ever told us what to do before. Not like this."
"Shut up," grumbles Jimin, and leans into the warmth of Namjoon's body. Hot all up and down Jimin's side.
"I can't," says Joon and then laughs. "You've never known me to do that even once."
"Not even once," agrees Jimin, and leans harder against Joon. Joon tightens his arm around Jimin's shoulders. Jimin sighs and puts his head on Joon's shoulder. "What would you do?"
"Me? I..."
Jimin wonders for a moment if Namjoon is going to once again deny his queerness. Oh, there's nothing to tell. I'll come out as straight! Whatever. If he does that, Jimin might just scream and run into the night.
"I guess it's going to depend on the rest of you," he finally says. "I'm not the leader here, in this part. If you want to do it, Mimi, I'll do it with you. You won't be alone, if that's the part you're really worried about."
Mimi.
"Joonie," sighs Jimin and lets himself slump. Joon doesn't just take Jimin's weight when he does that -- Joon slumps back onto him.
"You're never going to be alone again," whispers Joon, which is very dramatic, Jimin thinks, but he doesn't laugh or tease because it feels so good to hear it.