Chapter Text
I don't think Adrian likes me.
Rocky's finally gotten back into the rhythm of Eridian days. For convenience, the biodome's day cycle is 25.5 hours instead of 24. Rocky spends three of every five Eridian days in the dome with his new articulated suit (one day for hanging out and two for watching me sleep), and he shows up on the other side of the barrier in my classroom whenever he needs to sleep. Sometimes, it's during class, and my kids are effusively honoured to watch him. Sometimes, Adrian is there, but they hardly talk to me.
"Is it normal for more than one person to watch someone sleep?" I ask one day.
"Yes." I wish I knew more adult Eridians. I mostly know kids, and though I've had brief interactions with all of their parents, it isn't enough to know if Adrian's curtness is typical or not. Maybe Rocky is just unusually talkative because of all the time he spent in quite solitude or because so much talking was required to get us understanding each other.
"Is it abnormal for just one person to do it?" So much of what I learned about Eridian culture was centered around what an Eridian does when they are in an isolated society of two.
"No."
"Right." If you didn't know any better, you'd think too much noise could wake Rocky up. Adrian is always so quiet and always seems so offended that I'm speaking, but then, I'm trying to read their body language with what I know of Rocky's. Maybe Rocky is unusually expressive. Maybe everyone else I've spoken to is overly excited because they're meeting an alien or overly grateful because they're meeting a 'savior'. Maybe Adrian, being so close with the other savior and hearing plenty about me before I even woke up from the induced coma I spent the last few months of the trip in, is simply the only Eridian I've met who isn't starstruck. I want to talk, though! I want to know Rocky's mate.
He always used to daydream about me becoming part of his family, getting to know Adrian, maybe one day meeting their children. He used to weep softly and confess that he felt less healthy than when he set out on the mission, and he worried children were no longer in their future, and he worried that if they were, it would take many tries, and I would be gone before I could meet them. I'd whisper empty promises that no matter what, I'd hang on long enough to meet Rocky's kids. He'd make promises back that the babies would love me, that he'd name one after me, that he wouldn't even need to clear it with Adrian because they would come up with the idea on their own before he could even mention it.
That Adrian would love me too, that they'd be foolish not to.
Adrian doesn't love me; that's for sure. It's fine, of course. I didn't really expect a stranger to feel the way Rocky does about me, especially not right away. I just wish they liked me.
"Can I ask you something? Rocky's been kinda cagey about it."
Adrian is silent for a long moment. "You already asked, question? Is difficult to catch your unmarked questions."
"Oh! No, I didn't ask yet. Sorry. Rocky says he can tell when I'm asking a question because of the tone difference and the word order, so I usually only do the tapping thing for my kids."
Adrian makes a faint sound of disgust, which shocks me. "The students you teach are not your children."
"Uh, s- sorry. It's just always how I've— my class, I mean. The kids in my class. I'm not trying to be rude."
"Then you should mark your questions. My Rocky may be able to discern the nuances of your droning tones, but not everyone will want to bother."
"Of course. I'll do that. Thank you, honestly. I feel like no one tells me when I'm being rude." I laugh nervously. "Like, Rocky didn't even tell me about the 'it' thing until—"
"Your question, Grace. The one you are asking to get around my mate's boundary, if I understand correctly."
I falter. Jeez, am I overstepping that much? "Well, you don't have to answer if it's too personal." I pick at the fraying threads on my cardigan and clear my throat. "Are you and him trying for kids, question?"
"No."
My eyes slowly widen, and my breath catches in my throat. "Wh- why not, question?"
Instead of answering, Adrian says, "Is a comfort to know there is at least one private thing Rocky is capable of keeping private."
"Right," I mutter. "Too personal. Got it. Sorry."
"Why Grace cry, question?"
I jolt and look over my shoulder at Rocky. "Ah, I'm sorry." I wipe my eyes and look back at my glass. The nutrient shake has been mixed for a while, probably. I take the spoon out, tap it on the edge of the glass, and set it in the sink to be washed later. "I'm fine. Just thinking. Didn't even realize I was crying."
"What thinking, question?"
I sigh as I settle at the kitchen table. Rocky moves closer, leaning just slightly against my leg. "You remember how we used to talk about… your kids?"
"Rocky always remember."
"Adrian told me you…"
"Oh. Mm."
"Sorry. I know you probably didn't say anything for a reason, but all they said is you're not trying."
"Done trying," Rocky corrects. "Did try. Rocky eggs bad now."
I don't touch my dinner. I can't stomach it, not with fresh tears brimming in my eyes. "Is it from being in space so long?"
"Yes. And radiation, doctor think." Rocky taps on the floor. "Apology."
"You're apologizing to me? What? Why?"
"Grace want meet Rocky children. Now, no children. Grace sad."
"It was always gonna be sad, bud. Either you didn't have kids before I was gone, or you did, and I'd be gone before they grew up."
"Better this way, maybe. Is maybe… maybe cruel to let children love Grace and have to grieve. Like losing parent young."
"Maybe," I sniffle. "Do Eridians adopt?"
"Sometimes. No one choose Rocky as replacement in last wishes, so no. Would never hope for that anyway."
"Sure. Kinda grim to stake your future plans on someone losing their parents."
"Yes. Apology no tell Grace. Thought… too sad. Talk no change things."
"That's okay. You don't have to tell me everything."
"Should have. Always feel better when talk to Grace."
I give Rocky a watery smile. "Yea? You feel better?"
Rocky makes a low, haunting whistle that we translated years ago as the Eridian version of crying. "Sad, sad, sad. Feel better later."
"English word is catharsis," I tell him.
"Eridian word… mm… I tell later. Big word."
I'm not sure what he means by that, but now isn't the time. I just nod, wipe my eyes again, and try to start in on my vitamin shake without gagging. The team is really trying their best, but the shakes still taste like that fluoride stuff they put in your mouth at the end of dental appointments if instead of bubblegum, it was milk flavored (and there's citric acid in it, so tangy milk).
I drink, and Rocky cries. He's quiet when we head to bed, and he's still quiet in the morning when he leaves.
We're rewatching Tokyo Drift when Rocky suddenly stands and stumbles off of the couch. "Pause! Pause!" I lean forward and tap the space bar on the laptop.
"What's up? You okay?"
"Adrian here!" Rocky announces excitedly, rushing toward the front door. I stand to follow him and hear three polite taps, a quiet knock I would've missed from the living room if Rocky weren't here. Rocky steps to the side to let me open the door.
"Hey, Adrian."
"Hi, hi, hi!" Rocky rushes out and runs a circle around Adrian. I laugh.
"He sure is glad to see you."
"Calm down, Rocky," Adrian sighs. "You're ready to go, question?"
Rocky slows to a stop, taking a step back toward me to stand in the doorway. "Question?"
"The thrum, Rocky. You can't keep putting this off."
"Oh… um… Grace sleep in about 11,232 seconds, so…"
I pat the top of Rocky's carapace. "You gotta go somewhere?"
"No! Watch Grace sleep. Always watch Grace sleep."
"Rocky." Adrian sounds exasperated. "It's been years. You've hardly been in any thrums since you got back."
Rocky stomps emphatically. "Rocky thrum with Adrian."
"That's hardly— spirit, hold my strength. Why are you talking like that?"
"Rocky talk fine."
"You're always talking like that around Grace. You sound like a child, Rocky."
"Hey," I interject. "There's nothing wrong with how Rocky talks."
"As if you would know."
"No mean to Grace!" Rocky snaps, raising his voice.
"Whoa." I pat him again. "You don't yell at your mate, Rock." He makes an apologetic noise but doesn't respond beyond that.
"We need to go," Adrian says firmly. "You have had enough fits. If you don't stop missing engineering thrums, they're going to revoke your title."
"Let them! No one call me engineer now anyway. Always savior, savior, savior."
"Because people are grateful. You're going to pay back their thanks by hiding away and not contributing, question?"
"I no pay enough, question? I ask for thank, question?"
"You're being childish," Adrian hisses.
"Don't talk to him like that." I cross my arms and walk around Rocky to stand between him and Adrian. "You don't come over to my house and talk to my best friend like that."
"Stay out of this, Grace. He is my mate, and you hardly have any concept of what a thrum is. It breaks us to be apart from the collective; you understand, question?"
"Is too late," Rocky fires back. "Rocky broken already. Every thrum feel it. Adrian feel it."
"And you're going to get better by spending all your time with an animal who can't thrum at all, question?"
Rocky pushes through my legs, almost knocking me over. He places a hand on Adrian's carapace. "How dare, question? Rocky would have die without Grace. I did die again and again and again, die, die, die in Rocky hearts every day before Grace come save me."
"You're not making any sense. I know you can speak normally. Stop this."
"Guys—"
"Go home," Rocky says coldly. "No going. Tell engineer thrum or don't. Rocky no care. Get out."
"You are ruining our lives," Adrian growls.
"My life right there." Rocky points at me. "You supposed to love Grace. You only person on Erid who no love Grace."
"Rocky, they don't have to—"
"You can be quiet, question?" Adrian asks in a tone I try not to interpret as snotty.
"You're having this spat on my doorstep, Adrian."
"And Rocky said get out," Rocky adds. "Rocky mean it. Will call dome security if—"
"Rock, that is not—!"
"I'm going." Adrian pushes Rocky's limb away and takes a few steps back from him. "I'll find someone else to watch my next sleep cycle. Obviously, you have that covered. Radio me when you remember how to put a sentence together, Savior Rocky." They keep walking, and Rocky goes around me to storm inside. I watch with my mouth hanging open until Adrian is mostly out of sight then close the door.
I find Rocky back in the living room, limbs tucked under him on the section of the couch reinforced to accommodate the weight of an Eridian. I sit down next to him, aiming for a cautious slowness but failing as my knees give out. Controlled falling has become a crucial skill in double gravity; I drop onto the cushion with a soft grunt. "Rocky?"
Rocky whistles quietly. "Apology."
"Are you guys okay?"
"I… Adrian…" Rocky huffs and lets out a sharper whistle in an even lower note. A sob, maybe. "I don't know," he whines. "Is like- like Adrian see Rocky happy and get angry. So what if Rocky no want engineer thrum, question? So what if Rocky no want healing thrum, question? Make Rocky feel broken and sad, take Rocky from Grace! Bad, bad, bad."
"What's a healing thrum?"
"Thrum to heal big hurt in mind. But no work, so doctor say I need longer one, so long I have to miss you sleep. Bad."
"Well, I'm sure I could go without for a night." The thought is so immediately distressing that my heart starts to race, and I know Rocky can hear it. Rats. "Or I could find someone else. Someone from the team could probably do it, right?" Watching the human sleep must count as biodome-related work.
"Rocky watch! Rocky always watch Grace; Grace always watch Rocky."
"I don't want to keep you from something you need to heal."
"Need Grace. Only need Grace."
"I don't know, buddy. I'd trust your doctor." I set a hand on Rocky for only a second before he's clambering off the couch to stomp around the room.
"Rocky hate doctor. Say bad things about you."
"Me? Why?"
"Say- say—" Rocky growls and hits the leg of the coffee table. "Doctor say what Adrian say. Rocky no make sense. Talk like baby. Say 'calm down,' over and over. How Rocky calm when doctor call Grace selfish, question?"
"I'm sure they didn't mean anything bad. You didn't— you haven't stopped going to the doctor, have you?"
Rocky suddenly stops his furious pacing.
"Mm… maybe."
"That's not good, Rocky." Rocky just shuffles two limbs on the floor. "What if I went with you? Met your doctor, talked it out, so you wouldn't have to worry about defending me?"
"Grace… go doctor with Rocky, question?"
"If you want me to. Anything for you, Rock."
Rocky whistles and comes back toward the couch, pushing between my legs and rubbing the upper edge of his carapace against my knee. "Thank."
I run my hand over his suit. "Of course. It's gonna be all right."
I'm finishing up dishes, and the phone on the wall rings. I smile and dry off my hands. They didn't have to build my radio into a landline hooked on the wall between my kitchen and living room, but Rocky and I thought it was a fun idea, and using it comes with a pleasant hit of nostalgia. I pad over to it and pick up the reciever. Usually, a call means Rocky's going to be a little late, so I'm surprised to hear Adrian's voice instead.
"You can't go to Rocky's doctor's appointments, Grace. Rocky is a grown adult."
"You know, you're supposed to start phone calls with a 'hello'. Maybe a 'how do you do'."
"Hello. What you are thinking playing along with this, question? You want Rocky dependent on you forever, question? You want Rocky to be incapable of self-care in fifty years, question?"
"Whoa. That is a huge jump. He just— he stopped going because of me, okay? I have to fix it."
"First, you dictate Rocky's sleeping arrangements. Next, you take Rocky to the doctor. Next, you're tearing up Rocky's food and watching Rocky eat!"
"Holy mother of slippery slope fallacy."
"Do not swear at me, Grace."
"I'm not— look. I appreciate that you're worried about him. I'm worried about him, but unless I missed something real important about Eridian mate relationships, him being a grown adult means you're not in control of what he does either. If he wants me there, that's his decision to make, not yours. I think this'll help him."
"You know nothing of how an Eridian brain handles trauma."
"I know Rocky."
"For a mere one hundred sixty-two years. I have been Rocky's mate for over five sexturies."
"Let me ask you something, Adrian. Have you offered to go to the doctor with him, question?" I tap twice on the reciever.
"Of course not."
"Maybe he just doesn't want to be alone. Maybe he wants someone there to support him because it's stressful for him. Maybe if you didn't hiss at him because he's too happy to see you, he'd have felt comfortable asking you to do it."
"That was about Rocky's career, not Rocky's mood."
"Does he know that, question? Did you ask, question?"
"That is enough. You have no place giving your opinion on our relationship."
"Fine. Until Rocky says he doesn't want me to go, I'm going. With all due respect, if you knew what he needed to start getting better, he'd be getting better. Goodbye." I hang up.
I don't think I like Adrian.