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Dr Bruce Banner is a genius. Of course he is, he has seven PhD’s. He even created a serum that, while it didn't do its intended purpose of recreating the super soldier serum, it made him survive a lethal dose of gamma radiation. He is the world leading expert in gamma radiation, he should be proud. He is not proud, there is nothing to be proud of, he made himself a monster.
He never had the most easy going temperament, he gets angry, he gets emotional- he gets it from his father. Bruce would never be angry enough to hit a kid like his father did, but he does get angry. Now when he’s angry he kills, he destroys everything in his path, he turns into a giant monster that kills and destroys.
“Hulk Smash” sounds so childlike, a phrase to make him appealing for merch. He has seen little kids want to be the Hulk, they don’t understand the guilt associated with murder and destruction.
After yet another incident, yet another day of destruction and blood on his hands because he was too emotional to stop himself from turning, he curled in on his sweaty, naked body and finally set his mind in motion, gave himself a path to follow:
Bruce needs a cure.
He needs to find a way for the monster inside him to die. Bruce had lied to Tony, he felt bad about it, sure, but Tony would never have given him money otherwise. Bruce has very little money to his name, all the money he had ever earned through his academia and research went towards his student loans, he has always struggled to live. As an Avenger, he earned very little. Steve, Natasha and Clint were on SHIELD’s payroll, Tony was Tony and really didn't need any more money and Thor had no use for Asgardian money. This meant that Bruce really did rely on whatever little he could earn. He's worked a lot of manual labour or minimum wage jobs just to ensure he lives. So, regrettably, he was desperate for money. He told Tony he wanted money to start an outreach centre, a hospital in a remote area to try and give back where he had previously taken.
Tony believed him hook, line and sinker due to Bruce's previous work in India and gave him more than enough money. Bruce asked Tony to not tell anyone, Bruce ‘wasn't doing it for the publicity’ and again, Tony believed him, leaving Bruce to run off with the money he was given.
He did not build a hospital. He built a lab and locked himself in. The Tungsten doors and roof trapped him inside, no doors or windows for him to escape from, just ventilation in the roof and enough food and water to last him a year. He had a year to cure himself.
He didn’t want to accidentally create Hulk rats so he only tested everything he made on himself, like he used to do. He used to experiment on himself when trying to recreate the serum because he wanted it for himself. To be a supersoldier would mean Bruce would never be bullied again, by his father or anyone else. Also, he thought he’d be the best- brains and brawn. Now he experiments on himself to correct the mistakes he previously made.
For 4 months he researched, mixed and created serums intended on killing gamma radiation to around 0.1%, slightly above average of the normal human body but nowhere near enough to create Hulk. he created 9 potential cure, he aimed for ten but one was so unstable he could not logically use it as there was too great a risk of increasing the radiation rather than reducing it.
He injected each one into his skin one at a time and recorded himself doing so. Three out of the nine had absolutely no effect, however the other six did cause changes.
One made him violently vomit which was an awful experience, awful to clean up and awful to watch back on the recording. Other than that, there was no change to the gamma levels in his body.
Another one caused the device he used to record gamma radiation to fluctuate continuously. Bruce had to then spend time creating another device only for it to find no change to his radiation levels
Two caused a 0.23% and 0.049% increase in his gamma levels and deep inside him he felt a grumble from the other guy but nothing major. This did however add two more to the unsuccessful pile.
The next serum caused Hulk’s voice to get louder in his head, Bruce still does not understand the science behind this one, his radiation levels did not change and yet he could hear Hulk’s desperation to be let out, his desire to smash growing louder. This lasted for three hours and ended with Bruce curled up like a child, hands to his ears- a vain attempt to quiet the noise.
The final serum began to work. He watched as the device recorded a decrease in his radiation levels, 1%, 2% lower and steadily decreasing. Bruce didn't smile, not yet, but he did watch with hope. This hope was quickly dashed by the numbers increasing again, as it did he felt the serum drip out his mouth, his eye sockets, his ears and nose. Hulk rejected it. He forced the serum out Bruce’s body, desperate to survive.
Fuck.
Bruce wiped the serum from his orifices and sat back in defeat as the device beeped back to his usual radiation levels.
Bruce didn't move for a week. He slept on the floor with a thin blanket and pillow, wallowing in his failure. For a time he began to worry that he would be forced to accept that he was going to live with Hulk and then he realised- he had to kill Hulk.
As Hulk was stronger than him, it would kill Bruce too but he could live with that. He could die as long as Hulk did, and would save a lot of people. He knew he couldn't go the traditional route, things that kill a human don't affect Hulk, so he had to find something big enough to kill Hulk.
This was a large order, Hulk was impenetrable, he fell from great heights, was shot and had buildings fall on him, he ingested things a human couldn't survive. The Hulk might be immortal but Bruce has to try to kill him.
Lead. Concrete. Steel. Those are the three things that can counter gamma radiation. Bruce scrambled to his feet unsteadily, wolfing down some food as he had not eaten in around 48 hours before finally creating a plan.
He sat at his lab table and wrote, he did not stop writing, did not stop planning, did not stop hypothesising. He tried everything he could think of, every chemical every combination he was going to commit suicide.
He tried very simply by injecting lethal amounts of lead into his veins as his first attempt. After pulling the needle out, Bruce felt dizzy, sitting down as his muscles grew heavy, the lead filling his blood stream. His success was short lived however, the lead pushed itself out from beneath his nails, out the hole from the injection, out his nose and ears, crying tears of lead from eye sockets and dribbling silver from his mouth.
Unsuccessful.
“Why Banner try kill Hulk?” Hulk spoke from inside him, his veins turning green as his voice grew louder in his head, whining like a toddler.
“Because you're a monster” Bruce muttered, writing his findings down.
“Banner made me. Hulk no monster!!!” Hulk grew angrier, coming further to the forefront of Banner’s mind.
“You murder people! You smash when you shouldn’t” Bruce pulled at his curls like that could force Hulk into silence, instead it made him louder, his voice scream.
“I am you!!” Hulk growls and finally Bruce stops. He stops writing, stops breathing, just hearing those words over in his head. I am you. He is the Hulk and the Hulk is him. It's wrong, it's disgusting.
Bruce needs to die. Hulk needs to die.
Just as this realisation settles in his bones, the ground beneath him begins to shake, the air becomes alive with electricity as suddenly the roof cracks. Bruce panics, wondering how he missed an earthquake warning when suddenly the roof breaks and down falls…
Thor?
“Bruce-” Thor drops Mjölnir and runs to Bruce, his much larger hands catching Bruce’s arms, cradling him. “Why are you hiding?”
“Why are you here? How did you find me?” Bruce desperately searches Thor’s expression, searching those otherworldly blue eyes as he chokes out his questions.
“I’ve not stopped searching. Stark told me you were building a hospital and I wanted to see it, I came and you were hidden.”
“You wanted to see it?” Bruce asks incredulously.
“I wanted to see you, your achievements, Bruce.” Bruce had never heard the God sound so soft, so confused as he saw Bruce.
Bruce must have looked like a mess. He hasn't looked in a mirror but he can feel the sweat drip from his skin, his hands clammy and hair run through from tugging at it during his conversation with Hulk.
“Thor-” Bruce chokes out and against his better intentions, he hugs Thor, clings desperately to the other man as Thor wrapped his arms around him, whispering softly into his ear.
“I’ve got you, you’re okay, I’ll get you out of here.” his voice was soothing, like silk wrapping around Bruce’s fried brain but he knew the truth
Bruce immediately shook his head. “I can’t leave, I can’t” he mentally berated himself on the way his voice cracked.
Thor lifted Bruce’s head, his eyebrows furrowed in that adorable way as he searched Bruce’s face like he was a midgardian phrase he didn't quite understand. “Why not? Why are you buried in this steel prison?”
“I need to kill Hulk.”
“No!” Thor immediately growled before he calmed his voice, “That could kill you, the Hulk is a part of you, you- you can't die!”
“Thor, I’m a danger, as long as I’m alive everyone is in danger.” Bruce stuttered, finding his words to explain to Thor what the thought process was, how Bruce’s death would actually save him when suddenly Thor’s lips were in his, for the first time in years Hulk finally quiet as Bruce focused instead on the feeling of Thor’s slightly chapped, incredibly perfect lips on his. The gods hands had moved from his arms to cupping his jaw, holding Bruce to him as Bruce finally kissed back.
When Thor pulled apart, Bruce chased his lips only to pull back embarrassed. “But-” Bruce began but Thor put a stop to it by wiping his thumb across his lips.
“This time you're going to listen to me.” Bruce nodded, “Good. You don't need to die, not for me, not for Midgard, the Hulk, yes he is a part of you but you don't need to die to stop him, there are other ways, I can help you find other ways just please dont die on me. I can’t lose you Bruce, not before you gave me a chance in.” Thor whispered, desperately pleading.
“He’s a killer, I’m a killer.” Bruce tried to argue, but the longer he stared into Thor’s pleading eyes, the longer Thor held him, the less sure Bruce was.
“So am I. So is Tony, Natasha, Clint,”
“All of those people are suicidal themselves.” Bruce points out weakly.
“Does that mean they deserve to die?” THor points out, eyebrow raising causing Bruce to look ashamed before mumbling the negative, “Exactly, so why do you?” Thor continued.
“I’m a monster.”
“I’ve been called the same, I’m not of Earth I am a monster in the eyes of many, do I deserve to die?”
Bruce shook his head rigorously.
“Exactly. And nor do you. Now let's discuss this somewhere with chairs not made out of metal, somewhere with soft walls, okay?”
“But-”
Thor had a look of seriousness that was previously not utilised by the God. “I wasn't really asking. Now where is the door?”
Bruce hesitates then shakes his head, “There isn’t a door. My plan was to die so I saw no need for an exit.”
Thor did not comment, instead he housed Bruce up into his arms and picked up Mjölnir and before he could think about it, Bruce was in the air, alive, free from his self imposed quarantine of being a lab rat.