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Barbados was beautiful. If Richard could stay, he would. No more cold, rainy England… just the sun, the water, and the beach. 24/7. That would be his ideal life. But alas, he wasn’t that lucky. In fact, they were leaving in a few days and Richard was sure that no one else wanted to leave. Not even the crew. But they must. For the show. He had to say though, it had been a successful shoot. He was enjoying himself, he enjoyed the guys’ company. But he adored James’ company and attention most of all. Yes, it could be said that Richard was a little bit attention seeking, but it was just who he was. And James had caught his eye. Throughout the past few days, he been showing off around James, flirting subtly with the other man in hopes that James might catch on and catch his drift. That possibly, something could form there, but Richard knew that the thought was a little too ambitious. Still, it couldn’t hurt to try.
So many times, Richard attempted to do crazy and brash things that would catch the other’s eyes. Richard craved to see that gentle and sweet gaze on him, with that charming smile and cheerful laugh… ugh it made him fall apart. Almost made him forget how he had vowed never to love again after the divorce… It had been a bad one. Not that they had fought, no. They adored each other, but it hurt them both to part, but it had to be done for their own personal reasons. It had come to a mutual conclusion, especially when Richard came out to his wife after years of denying it. After that, he felt as if his heart had been broken into pieces. He was crushed. He never thought that he could ever love again. But then came along James, who had been by his side for years now… and it was as if suddenly, the older man had opened his eyes to love. It sounded stupid and cliche, which Richard hated, but he was eager to gain the other’s attention.
On this particular day, the boys didn’t have much to do. So they were horsing around as usual. Jeremy and James were talking about water sports such as jetskiing and surfing and snorkeling, none of which Richard really appreciated. He wasn’t a fan of the water… too open and vast. Too easily could he be swallowed up by it and never seen again.
“I just want to get back on the jetski and follow that beautiful monster of a boat.” Jeremy whinged, laying back in a beach chair, digging his feet in the sand.
“You already did that. We all have to something fun now. I want to do surfing. That’ll be an adventure!” James tried to counter, pulling the brim of his hat over his face as to give it more shade. He had already turned pink the past few days. “Richard, what do you think?” He turned in his chair and looked at Richard, who had been on his phone, piddling around with a few apps.
“Huh, me? What is it?” He asked, looking up once James had called his name.
“Do you want to go jetskiing, which Jeremy already did, or would you like to go surfing with me? And Jeremy, if he decides to get off his lazy arse and stop complaining!” James looked over at Jeremy and glared before turning back to Richard.
Now this was a dilemma. Richard hated the water and surfing would end in him landing in the water with a giant, heavy board tied to his ankle. Not the type of situation he necessarily wanted to be in.
“Maybe. I dunno how I’m feeling right now.” He mumbled, staring back down at his phone in hopes that he may not have to go out in the ocean and risk his life just to have a little fun. When he looked back up at James shamefully, he realized how upset the other looked and instantly, he felt guilty.
“C’mon Richard, you can’t just give up now! We’ve been doing so much and you don’t want to go surfing?” James asked, pouting. He was obviously keen on getting out into the ocean and doing something and Richard really couldn’t just say no. Even with how much he despised the ocean… how awful it was.
“Fine… fine I’ll go.” Richard groaned and got up reluctantly, watching at James became extremely giddy and happy. At least it was making James smile, which in his mind, was what really mattered.
The two of them left Jeremy sitting and sunbathing while they headed over to the board rentals. Richard stepped up and asked for two boards, knowing that it would be in his good conscious to do that for James. He didn’t want the other paying for this and end up having an awful experience because Richard couldn’t fucking surf… And of course, James bickered about the whole thing, telling Richard he shouldn’t have done that and it wasn’t fair and that he would pay him back. Richard just offered a gentle smile and told James that he was to enjoy it because it wouldn’t happen again.
Once the two of them got all suited up, they made their way to the beach. Richard felt extremely nervous and insecure about the whole thing, but he tried to match James’ enthusiasm. Perhaps it would just make for a better time. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he was actually really good at surfing!
“Ready mate?” James asked, smiling--no, beaming over at Richard.
Richard couldn’t help but just melt as he stared over at the other, his heart pounding in his chest for two distinctive reasons. “Sure yeah. I’m ready.” He nodded and smiled back towards the other.
James took off immediately, rush to the waves and jumping right in. Richard stood there for a second, analyzing his possibilities. He wasn’t just going to ditch. He had to go out into that water and surf. Plus, it would make him look even better in James’ book. He’d be athletic, fearless… strong. He was going to have to do it if he were going to impress James. So, setting off, he walked towards the water until he was practically swimming, his short legs barely touching the ocean bed. That’s when he hoisted himself up onto the surfboard and straddled it, paddling out near James.
“Oi! You’re taking forever! Hurry up and get over here!” James cried, waving at Richard.
Richard paddled onward, moving his hands as fast as he could. “I’m coming, I’m coming!” He replied, nearly out of breath. Looking around him, Richard realized how truly vast the ocean was. Here they were, surrounded by millions of miles of open water. It was a beautiful bright blue and the sun was shining so brightly in the sky… it almost seemed as if nothing could go wrong there. Paddling the rest of the way there, he shot a smile at James and sighed. “One heck of a workout.” He laughed.
“I’d say. But it’s worth the view.” James sighed and smiled, leaning back slightly to let the sun soak down onto his face.
Richard just watched, enamored by how… handsome he was. How gorgeous he was. It was honestly just a beautiful sight, watching the man enjoy himself. It was actually enough to help Richard calm down and think about the situation. Smiling to himself, Richard sighed and cocked his head. He was gorgeous…
“Something you need mate?” James asked, shaking Richard from his daze.
“Wha-- huh? No. Not really. Why?” He asked, blinking his eyes a few times.
“You seemed a little zoned there. Just making sure everything’s okay.” James assured him. “ Didn’t want you getting hit by a wave.”
“Oh! Yeah no. I was just… thinking.” Richard smiled and nodded. It wasn’t entirely a lie.
“Well, I suppose we should get a move on. I can see some waves farther out.” James grinned as he spoke, waving Richard to follow him as he paddled out closer to the waves.
Richard followed in suit, his happiness still there, yet lingering as they got farther and farther away from shore. His heart was pounding and he began to second guess himself. Maybe he shouldn’t go. Maybe he should just turn around. But it was too late. James had already stopped and was watching him, waiting for him to join. So he just paddles faster and harder until he met James, panting even harder than the last time. The waters were a little rockier and a darker blue than where they had been earlier. It only made him wonder what lay beneath them… It sent shivers up his spine.
“Well! Wasn’t too bad. A few nice waves! We should be able to take one halfway there, paddle back out and take another one.” James explained, seeming so giddy about the whole prospect.
“Yeah. Sounds good. You’re the boss here.” Richard nodded and chuckled, albeit nervously.
“Great! I see one coming up right now.” James said, pointing just a few yards out at the looming curtain of waves that were slowly but surely making their way towards them.
It startled Richard, but he followed after James, watching the other hop up onto his board and ride the wave in. And while he did it, he looked so happy. It just caused Richard to smile. Following in his place, Richard swam up to the wave, attempted to jump onto the board. At first, he thought he wouldn’t make it. The board was wobbling and he couldn’t steady it. But as he saw that wave coming closer, he forced himself on and stood up, shaking a little, but a huge grin on his face. Balancing steadily, he mimicked what he had seen James do and rode it in halfway. It was amazing. The wind in his hair, that beautiful island breeze, the sun hot on his skin and water lapping at his ankles. He felt so free.
When he felt the wave growing smaller, he tried to ease himself onto the board and then back into the water. He could feel his body shaking with excitement. Adrenaline rushing through his veins. Glancing over, he saw James, who was staring at him with a grin.
“I did it James! I did it!” Richard cheered and pumped his fist, smiling and laughing.
“What? You didn’t think you could?” James replied, laughing at Richard’s reaction.
“I’ve never exactly been surfing, but hey, I managed to do it. First try!” He laughed. He was honestly shocked he had made it. How… how could he have done that? It was amazing.
“Impressive. Very impressive.” James commented.
Richard smiled and tried to hide the blush that was popping up on his cheeks. James found him impressive and that was honestly all he needed to hear from the other man.
“Want to go again?” James asked as he hoisted himself back up onto his board, turning it so that it faced outwards once more.
“Yeah! Yeah I’d be up for doing that again.” Richard nodded quickly and pushed himself back onto his board, following James as they both paddled out to sea together.
In all honesty, Richard had forgotten about his fears for a second. He was happy, giddy, and more than excited to be with James and making the other man smile. It was completely worth it. Coming out here, spending time with James… Richard honestly couldn’t remember the last time that he was so cheerful and happy. He’d been filled with such… upset and depression lately that this was just a weight off his shoulders. Part of him didn’t want to go back to England where it would be dark, cold, and wet. He wanted to stay on the beach forever. Living in paradise with the people he loved. It was only but a dream…
“Richard? Richard watch out. Hey! Watch out!”
Richard heard his name being yelled as he was forcibly removed from his daydream. Who was it? What was going on? Turning to face James, he saw that the other was no longer at his side. Instead, when Richard turned all the way around, he saw the other man on his board, waving wildly at the other. Frowning, he knew something felt off.
“What?! I can’t hear you!” Richard called back.
There was a faint response of James yelling again. Something along the lines of ‘watch out. Look behind you, pay attention you ignorant prick.’ So when Richard looked back towards the open water, he was met with a tall wave, towering over him, threatening to crush him and drag him out into the ocean. So quickly, Richard frantically tried to paddle away, his arms working as hard as they could. But they weren’t quick enough. The wave came crashing down on him, swallowing him up, along with his board. He was submerged. Yelling as hard as he could, all he got out were garbled shouts, the water choking him. He felt the wave rush forward, yanking him with it, and then retreating quickly away from the shoreline, dragging his surfboard at Richard with it.
Opening his eyes, all Richard saw was the blue-green water surrounding him, the string from his surfboard attached to him, and the shadow of it looming over him. He was terrified. Trying to swim back up to the top, he barely got a breath of air before another wave took him under. Thrashing and yelling, he tried to swim back up but to no avail. His oxygen was running low, he’d choked on so much saltwater, that he felt as if he might puke… He knew it was going to be over soon. He didn’t want it to happen like this. He fought as hard as he could, his vision growing dimmer with each thrash... his breathing becoming labored and slow… then… there was nothing.
“Is he alright?”
“I dunno. Ask the nurses. He swallowed a fuck ton of salt water.”
“He nearly drowned! He could have brain damaged. Don’t be so insensitive.”
“Oh he’ll be fine.”
“I hope so…”
“...want anything to drink? I’m going to get myself some coffee.”
“No. I’m fine.”
Richard could hear muddled voices talking over him. They were familiar… so familiar. And yet the answer was at the tip of his tongue. Everything was dark, he heard a rhythmic beeping, and there was a sterile smell in the air. Where was he? Last thing he remembered… he had been drowning. Slowly, he opened his eyes, looking around and taking everything in. He was laying in a hospital bed, an IV hooked to him along with multiple other wires and clips. Beside him was a small desk with what looked like this clothes on it. On his other side was a chair… a chair that sat James May, who looked utterly defeated. Head in his hands, elbows braced against his knees. It looked as if someone had just died. But… Richard wasn’t dead… right?
“Ja...James?” Richard coughed, still tasting seawater in his lungs. “James?”
The other looked up quickly, his eyes going wide as he realized that Richard was awake. “You’re… you’re bloody awake! And alive!” He exclaimed, looking relieved.
“I… I don’t understand.” Richard mumbled, letting his head fall back against the pillow of the hospital bed. “What happened. I can’t remember what happened.”
“You almost died! Drowned! The wave took you and I had to get the beach patrol or whatever it is. They had to fish you out. They said you weren’t going to make it to the hospital. You coughed up some water which was good, but mostly you were unconscious and I thought you were going to die and I...I watched you. I was in that boat! I was there…” James spoke quickly and with such emotion, it made Richard almost feel bad for drowning.
“I...I remember the drowning part. But I didn’t think I was going to make it either.” Richard mumbled, his eyes fluttering closed.
“Well. You did. The doctor said you were going to be okay. I didn’t believe him but now that you’re awake and talking…” James let out a sigh of relief.
“I didn’t know you’d be so worried.” Richard let out a short laugh as he spoke, which was followed by him coughing even more.
“Of course I’d be worried. I’m not completely heartless. I actually care about some people. And you’re one of them.” James huffed and shook his head, resting his hand on the guardrail of the hospital bed. “You had us all scared. But I was there. I was in the boat with you. I was watching you… I--I was holding you when I thought you were going to die.” James stuttered a bit, his face going pale just at the thought of it.
Frowning, Richard reached out slowly to gently grab the other’s hand, or as much of it as he could. “Don’t worry yourself over it. It’s over. I’m alive. I won’t ever do that again, but I’m alive.” He murmured.
James looked up and then glanced down at their hands before reaching over to fully grasp the other’s hand. “I shouldn’t have forced you. I really shouldn’t have.” He mumbled.
“James. No. Don’t blame yourself. I’m okay. Look at me. I’m great. Tip top shape.” He laughed and smiled. “Plus… I’d blame myself. If we’re being honest I was… well, I was trying to show off. Impress you.” Richard confessed, looking down at his lap.
There came an amused laugh from James before Richard decided to look up. The other man was smiling at him. And it was a genuine smile. Not one that was mocking him and laughing at him.
“Why’re you laughing?!” Richard asked, quickly becoming defensive.
“Because!” James chuckled. “I just think it’s funny. I had the feeling you were but… I wasn’t too sure.” He grinned and smiled at Richard.
“What? You… you knew?” Richard asked, befuddled.
“No no. I didn’t exactly know. I just had a hunch. You’ve been changing recently and I was genuinely intriuged by it. But now it just all makes sense.” James explained.
“What makes sense?”
“You have a little crush on me.”
Richard blushed and felt his heart race, which was clearly evident on the monitors. Fuck. “I… I mean… listen--”
“Richard. It’s okay. Relax. We’re on the same page.” James said softly, patting the other’s hand. “I’ve always had eyes for you. It wasn’t up until the divorce that I really noticed your change.”
As James spoke, Richard felt himself calm down again, but was still extremely pleased with the news he was hearing. Feelings were being reciprocated. Everything was starting to slowly fall into place.
“So… you feel the same way?” Richard asked.
“Yes. Of course I do. How could I not. I pined after you like an idiot for years and now I finally get to know the truth.” James laughed.
Richard smiled and nodded in response, finally relaxing into the bed. So things were going to be okay. It wasn’t going to be as awful as he thought going back home to England. He would have someone by his side. Taking care of him. Someone who cared for him…
“Thank you.” Richard murmured softly, eyes closing.
“For what?”
“Caring about me.”
Richard heard shuffling around as they spoke and he felt a soft kiss on his cheek, making him blush even hard.
“Of course I do you, you idiot. How could I not? Now. Get some rest. You’ll be needing it.” James cooed and kissed his forehead gently before sitting back down in the chair.
There they were, sitting next to each other, hand in hand, knowing, in their hearts that it was going to be okay.