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Sayaka loved him, because if she didn’t love him, then what had she given up everything for? She had suffered and died so that he could play again. If she didn’t love him, that would be sad. Because she did, it was tragic.
It was hard, though, to see it like that now. She was dead and gone; Kyosuke and Hitomi were alive and gloriously carefree. Sayaka didn’t begrudge them their happiness, their shy little romance—it was no use to begrudge anything anymore.
She was just happy to hear the music.
Hitomi was peeking out from behind the velvet curtain. Every so often Kyosuke’s eyes would flicker just a little to the left. They would be happy together, Sayaka knew.
She felt very light, not as though she’d be blown away by a breeze but as though there was nothing left to blow away. She felt tired. Peaceful, comparatively.
There was nothing to do for the rest of eternity but wait—for what, Sayaka didn’t know. She was no god.
But the music made it easier.
***
Hitomi remembered the last time she had seen Sayaka alive.
She’d told her, in very fair, blunt terms, that she had one day to make a move. It was easier to set an ultimatum than to deal with the messiness of competition. She hadn’t been unkind. They hadn’t quarreled. There was no reason to feel guilty.
But when they found Sayaka’s body all Hitomi felt it anyway. Her parents had raised her to be a lady, and part of being a lady was always blaming yourself. Sayaka had been her best friend—even if things had been strange lately—even if she and Madoka seemed to live in their own world—and Hitomi grieved.
She’d never heard Kyosuke play before. She’d only heard Sayaka’s bug-eyed descriptions. The first time, it hurt. Guilt crumpled her stomach the whole time, despite the inarguable beauty of the music. It got easier, later. She could see why Sayaka had loved him for his music—and gradually, she began to understand him. And Sayaka. No wonder this had been such a mess.
Some nights, Hitomi half-expected Sayaka to be sitting in the audience, eyes shining. Some nights, she half-thought she saw her.
She loved Kyosuke, but Hitomi couldn’t help but wonder if she would always be waiting for Sayaka. Even just for an explanation that half-made sense.
She’d be waiting for a long time.